Zombies eat brains right? Human brains. So we should totally eat zombies. But they don’t really exist. So they should be eaten in cake form.
But if you want to have your cake and eat U2. Or it too. Or eat something a little more human themed and realistic.
Mmm. Cake. The making of is incredibly detailed – and pretty spectacular.
Here’s a sample.
This “Subservient Chicken” will do just about anything you ask it to. Provided you use words that can be generally applied and don’t want him to adhere strictly to a literal translation of your instructions.
It’s clever. And an ad for Burger King. Tell him to punch himself in the head. I did. And was pleasantly surprised.
Dear feed readers – do youseselves a favour ay and check out the all new design of the still amazing and cool http://nathanintownsville.com.
I don’t want to brag, I made it myself. By myself. Using a piece of nicely designed design software called artisteer and then doing some coding stuff myself. Oh, and if you happen to use artisteer without buying the real version it’s pretty easy to remove the “trial” watermark they put all over your site.
You’ll also notice that I’ve moved to a two column design and now my much more frequently posted “oddities” from around the interwebs will appear on the right hand side only. Keeping the more serious stuff on the left.
This is because my wife told me she was sick of trawling through the odd bits to get to the good bits. Other people no doubt only read me for the odd bits so hopefully I’m keeping you all satisfied.
I like good clocks and I can not lie… well I can actually lie, but I do like good clocks. They are both functional and aesthetically pleasing. I especially like clever clocks. Like these:
The Redundant Clock
It’s by Ji Lee who works as a designer for google. He famously designed this cool business card:
And this one… the one I like to call…
The Personal Doomsday Clock
The mechanism has been slowed down so that every number is a year.
The rule of the church
Empires built around the strength of a nation are only half the story when it comes to effective global powers. For an empire to stretch across borders it needs to appeal to the hearts, nay the souls, of the larger global population. For the best example of an ideology driven empire you need look no further than the papal rule during the Crusades. The Crusades, or the Holy Wars, involved armies from many nations, often nations who had unresolved conflicts with one another, uniting under the common banner of the church and marching on the infidels. Nothing has the power to encourage violent passion in a man like a good bout of religious fervour. The guarantee by the church that any sins a man committed while on the Crusade would be forgiven was just an added bonus.
For many years the nations, who could justifiably claim to be the world powers of the time, had their political agenda dictated by the church. The church even tried to dictate the personal lives of monarchs, King Henry the 8th being a prime example.
Religion is still a powerful tool for world domination today. Unity that stretches across national borders is perhaps the most effective way to establish an empire. However, since God is probably not in your pocket as you seek to become a global leader you may have to look past religion for something to forge this unity.
The Aeroplane Flies High
As far as military technology went there were very few developments until the early 1900s. Weaponry until that time had developed along a theme rather than anything new being created. Chariots became tanks, bows and arrows became guns and swords gradually became obsolete. In the early 1900s, I’m not sure exactly when, and this isn’t the sort of book that requires copious amounts of research, the aeroplane was developed. Smart people quickly saw its potential as a piece of weaponry. Dropping things on your enemy from a great height has been a military tactic for generations. Being able to actually fly above the heads of your enemies had, until that moment, been simply a pipe dream, akin to pigs flying, except that the pigs were humans.
The aeroplane is a modern day miracle. Keeping thousands of tones (well maybe not thousands) suspended in the air is a triumph of modern day physics (who would have thought that grade 12 math would serve a purpose after all). It didn’t take long for the purity of this new invention to be soiled by someone with a thirst for power. Without planes World War 2 could still be going today. What a horrible thought.
The technology doesn’t stop there, scientists and military minds are now working on the theme of sending things very high up in the air, and either keeping them there, or having them crash down on thousands of innocent civilians. That’s how wars are won. Never mind the “collateral damage”* just blow up as much of the other side’s stuff as possible. The United States, at the time of writing, are pursuing the ultimate in aerospace technology, the Star Wars program, spaceships that blow up other people’s missiles. To think that all this was born because two brothers were sick of walking around and wanted to fly instead.
__________________
* Since the second Gulf war, otherwise known as the “liberation of the people of Iraq” Collateral Damage has been the term employed by the media to describe unexpected civilian casualties. Liberation too has undergone a process of redefinition. Liberation now means to leave the civilians in a worse state than when you found them, sometimes dead. “Liberation” and “Collateral Damage” go hand in hand.
Mainstream media makes funny April Fools Day joke #678
It’s been too long since I last bagged out PETA. Far too long. They are stupid. Let that be on the record here. If in 15 years someone is vetting me for some high powered role and this disqualifies me… so be it. I’ll stand by this. PETA is stupid. People who protest about animal rights are generally stupid – there’s a generalisation for you… but they’re particularly stupid when they’re protesting about people shooting dogs. In video games. Where they’re also shooting ze Germans. And the dogs are nasty attack dogs. They’re not puppies.
PETA’s real beef should be with those who train vicious attack dogs, but then they don’t like beef either.
If PETA were normal humans they’d be much more worried about the fact that the game involves people being shot, but no, it’s all about dogs.
A PETA statement says:
“Not since we were pitted against Nazi attack dogs when we first escaped from Castle Wolfenstein 17 years ago have we seen such barbaric treatment of dogs in gameplay as we did in Call of Duty, World of War.”
This case was prosecuted by equally stupid students – who started a petition, because:
“Killing dogs as a form of entertainment … over and over again. That’s one of the objects of the game,” says Lucci, 19, a senior at NDA. “Parents need to know what they are buying their kids. Killing animals should not be a form of entertainment.”
“My little 12-pound Pomeranian, Winnie the Pooh, is sitting next to [Lucci’s brother as he plays the game], and I’m thinking, ‘This looks horrible!'” Lucci says.
Lucci then adds, “My brother is a sweetheart. He won’t be killing dogs after playing. But some people might.”
Those of you concerned about animal welfare in the gaming realm should apparently play Fable 2. It won PETA’s award for most animal friendly game release.
“In this virtual fight between good and evil, characters powered by tofu are just as powerful as their meat-eating counterparts—and are more fit and attractive to boot. Featuring a strong pro-vegetarian theme, eating a plant-based diet helps you rack up “purity” points, whereas eating meat makes your character fat and evil.”
“A fun and innovative game, it’s also an effective tool that teaches gamers the real-life benefits of a vegetarian diet.”
Here’s a video of Call of Duty’s dog killing exploits… warning contents may offend if you find the shooting of pixelated canines trying to rip the throat from your pixelated character offensive…
Tim asked if I’m planning to blog about April Fools news stories today. I was thinking about it. But hadn’t decided.
I was watching the Today Show this morning – and I never cease to be amazed by the number of people fulled by a pretty poor April Fools joke – just because it’s on TV.
The Today Show had school speed zones being manned by speedo and bikini clad “SPEEDOS” (an acronym they kept repeating) holding speed signs to remind drivers. Prompting much outrage.
Google’s joke is classier – the gBall would be a triumph of modern convergence technology…
The features:
Today I feel tough. And manly. And have no insecurities on the basis that I drive an Excel – not that I ever feel particularly insecure on those points… it is after all, a purple Excel.
But Excels are for tough people. Bikies even. When they’re not riding their Harleys and bashing each other to death in airports.
And Excels are bulletproof (almost) and will keep you alive in the face of gunfire. Apparently. So there.
Ok, so yesterday I said the whole “Our Daily Fred” was over for a while. I lied. I saw this today and couldn’t resist. The idea is that you’ll never go anywhere with that awkward bit of food stuck between your teeth again.
A short history of World Domination
Before setting out on your quest to take over the world, it’s important to understand the history of world domination. There are those from the dusty pages of history whose examples we should follow as we seek to bring the world under our control, and those whose mistakes we should learn from.
The Early Years
A long time ago, in a planet not very far away, a planet so like our own that if you were to assume that it was our own you would in fact be correct, there lived many ancient civilisations. Civilisations that even thousands of years ago were locked in heated conflict, fighting for control. Admittedly their views of control were quite different to ours and involved the eradication of all opposition, but at heart their goal was the same.
Early historical manuscripts deal mainly with the areas in and around what is now known as the Middle East. The super powers of the day, Egypt, Babylon, Israel and Assyria along with others who came and went, traded blows for many hundreds of years. It would appear that success in these times was, as is the case today, largely attributed to superior weaponry and manpower. However, in some cases, particularly in the case of Israel, it appeared that having a deity in your corner added some clout to the claims of human kings. Kings David and Solomon certainly would not have achieved the military successes attributed to them without the help of a higher power.
Many dynasties were also created on the back of a strong economy, it is important not to underestimate the value of material wealth in attempting to establish oneself as a superpower.
The reigns of early global authorities are also marked by a propensity to erect large statues in honour of either the ruler of the day or to mark the empire’s achievements. In fact the recognised “seven wonders of the ancient world” more often than not were built in recognition of a world power. It seems silly that so much manpower was wasted on the construction of these wonders. It’s similar to the high-powered company executive spending excessive amounts on a new vehicle that will simply gather dust in a corporate car park. Only the seven wonders do have some sort of lasting appeal whereas the executive will no doubt replace their car every few years. Wasting resources is not the best way to go about taking over the world. Many rulers found their rule rapidly concluding after their “wonder” had been completed. It’s probably a good idea to keep your rule as low key as possible until you are sure there is no opposition. Erecting 33m tall bronze statues like the Colossus of Rhodes is a sure-fire way to get noticed by other would be rulers.
It is worth noting, that arguably the greatest empire the world has ever seen, the great empire of Rome, erected very few large monuments that did not serve some greater purpose. It helped Rome’s cause that generally the purpose of their constructed monoliths like the Colosseum was to advance the empire’s power. The Colosseum in particular was a great method of controlling the Roman populace. Provide entertainment to the masses and they’ll love you for it. That could almost be a quote from a famous Roman ruler, however since it hasn’t been recorded in any of the annals of history you’ll just have to take my word for it.
The Roman Empire was not based on an entertained, happy, and supportive populace alone. Their rule was made possible by those two pillars of empire building – superior weaponry and well trained, numerous, armed forces. These coupled, or tripled, with a strong economy were enough to enable an enduring campaign of world conquest.
Throughout history empires have risen, and fallen, on the strength of their emperor, or ruler. While weapons may be important, an army without a leader is like, well, an unorganised, leaderless army. Lacking direction and resolve.
The diagram below expresses the importance of a leader in any world conquest.
