Your tone, basically. I don't think the Peter Garrett would take that letter particularly seriously. It has a lot of the payment-via-shark-picture vibe to it. Is it the kind of image you want someone like him to have of you if you were to write as a Christian minister in support of, say, religious education in schools, or something? It's not the issue that's the issue, but I just get the feeling your approach might be shooting yourself in the foot somewhat for the sake of a few giggles.

I am going to put together a proper submission.

I wonder if you aren't burning some important bridges?
As a future (I assume) church and community leader, I wonder if writing these kinds of letters might come back to bite you in the proverbial should you ever want to write to these politicians on serious issues?

Other than that, they're pretty funny!

Oh, I mean, well argued political science!