How zombies work

In the lat­est bit of cool, but mostly friv­o­lous, sci­ence — a Har­vard Psy­chi­a­trist has explained how zom­bies work. Now we’ve got math­e­mat­i­cal mod­el­ing of the zom­bie out­break and an under­stand­ing of their head­space.

The Frontal Lobe

This part of the brain is involved with “exec­u­tive func­tion­ing” — enabling us to think care­fully and solve prob­lems in an abstract way. Clearly, there’s not much going on there if you have the mis­for­tune of being afflicted with liv­ing dead­ness. But we do know that zom­bies can see us and sense us. Schloz­man con­cludes that zom­bies pos­sess just enough frontal lobe activ­ity to “lis­ten” to the thal­a­mus, through which sen­sory input is processed.

But the frontal lobe func­tion most rel­e­vant to under­stand­ing zom­bie behav­ior is the con­trol of “impulsivity”-the gen­eral term for when you do some­thing and, if you had two more sec­onds, you might not have done it. For instance, if in a fit of rage you have the sud­den urge to punch your boss in the face, the frontal lobe inter­venes and allows you to con­sider why that might be a bad idea.

The Oat­meal has a nice graph­i­cal warn­ing about the com­ing zom­bie apoc­a­lypse. It’ll be eye-opening. But it might con­tain some words you’ll find offen­sive — so be warned.

  1. 1

    True zom­bies are dead and have no beat­ing heart. How can mus­cles — much less the brain — func­tion at any level with­out the flow of blood? That’s why I was always more par­tial to the liv­ing “zom­bies” of 28 Days Later. They’re more real­is­tic, there­fore more frightening.

    Of course, in the case of horror-comedies like Zom­bieland, I’m will­ing to over­look such bla­tant dis­re­gard for med­ical science. :)


  2. 2

    By the way, be sure to pick up a copy of The Zom­bie Sur­vival Guide. You know, just in case.


  3. 3

    There’s only one way to know defin­i­tively how much frontal lobe activ­ity a zom­bie has — a frontal assess­ment bat­tery, which includes things such as ‘inter­pret a proverb’ — I imag­ine it would prob­a­bly would go some­thing like this:
    Me: Inter­pret this Mr Zom­bie: ‘a rolling stone gath­ers no moss’
    Zom­bie: BRAINS!

    Given that zom­bies appar­ently have very lit­tle fear or emo­tion (they just seem to plough on into very sticky sit­u­a­tions), I reckon there’s some seri­ous dam­age to their amyg­dala and lim­bic sys­tem too. But yes, I would have to agree with Lee — with no beat­ing heart, there’s some seri­ous tis­sue hypoxia going on — they’d lose con­scious­ness pretty quickly — and when you have the same GCS as my door knob there’s not much frontal lobe activ­ity going on. But, there’s obvi­ously other fac­tors when it comes to the liv­ing dead that come into play — maybe ‘Zom­bie med­i­cine’ could be a new spe­cialty… we should write to the AMA and see what they think…


  4. 4

    Did you go to the link Phoebe? The good doc­tor con­sid­ers the impact on four or five dif­fer­ent parts of the brain.

    Sucks if your proverb is rec­on­ciled with the answer “brains” and the zom­bie is passed as fit. That’s how out­breaks start…


  5. 5

    Lol that’s a pretty solid link … ‘maybe the liv­ing dead are con­sti­pated’ lol.


  6. 6

    Lol that’s a pretty solid link … ‘maybe the liv­ing dead are con­sti­pated’ lol.


  7. 7

    Con­sti­pated” is an under­state­ment. The lack of blood flow would seri­ously impair the entire diges­tive sys­tem. Assum­ing a zom­bie would even have the capa­bil­ity to attack and eat a per­son, the “food” would just sit there in the stom­ach with­out being bro­ken down. An adult zom­bie could prob­a­bly only con­sume most of one adult, maybe two small chil­dren. After that, the zom­bie would be too full to eat any more, and quite pos­si­bly too weighed down to pose much more of a threat. It would be the bulimic zom­bies you’d have to watch out for.


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