St. Eutychus

The power of social media

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 07:54:09 +0000

If you’ve ever wanted proof that the people of Facebook will get behind a good cause then look no further than this group – My sister said if I got 1,000,000 fans she would name her baby Megatron – it now has over 1.3 million fans. No word yet on whether the sister will come through on the deal. Here’s hoping.

Fantasy Finals

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 07:01:02 +0000

Ever wondered what fictional character would win in a fight?

From This is Indexed.

Chuck’ed up

Robyn — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 06:06:23 +0000

You might have read Nathan’s liveblogging of Invasion USA – the Chuck Norris classic. Here’s my take.

This masterpiece opens with a boat of Cuban asylum seekers/drug runners. They’re killed by some nasty boat police. The nasty policemen are wearing aviator sunglasses. It’s funny how aviators went from being an accessory for evil people to something cool people wear. My dad has a pair of aviator sunglasses. I think he found them. Or maybe they found him.

Enter Chuck. I wonder if that’s his intentional name or if it was an accident by his parents at birth. He’s riding a hovercraft. I kind of think that hovercrafts are cool, but a little impractical and don’t have total driving precision.

The movie was interrupted by sleep.

Now there’s a lady with an 80s perm hanging out of a car window. She’s wearing a pink vest and high-rise pink jeans. With fashion like that I think she deserves to die. A second lady obviously thinks her sense of fashion can be redeemed and rescues her. Chuck is driving the car. So far he’s driven a hovercraft and a car. My hero.

The movie was interrupted by sleep again.

Chuck is now driving a car and wearing black gloves.

The movie was interrupted by sleep.

I awoke to the sound of children calmly singing “Row, row, row your boat” on a bus. They’re all sitting nicely and seem well behaved. Only in the movies would something like this happen. Chuck is driving a car again. The car gets blown up.

Chuck managed to get out of the car somehow and is now walking through a show ground. Not sure if he really deserves to travel in a car anymore after what happened to the last one.

The movie was interrupted by a very important game of LineUp. I scored 4682.

Back to Chuckie. He’s now walking through an office carrying a very big gun. I think he’s looking for somebody. He’s about to walk through a door but there’s two baddies on the other side. He shot them both. He’s my hero.

He checks his gun and then throws it away. Too bad because now another guy with a big gun is chasing him. There’s more shooting. I’m quite sick of the shooting noise now. I’ve decided that the movie only contains four different types of gun noises. The big machine gun type, single shot ones, the two bangs from a big gun and general all out shooting by everyone. Aside from that there’s explosions but explosions all sound the same.

Back to the action. Chuckie and his friend are playing chasies in the office. There’s more shooting outside. That’s where all the action seems to be. Chuckie’s friend has found a rocket launcher. There are army tanks outside in the street. I think they’re declared the winners because they’re the biggest. Now the contest is between Chuckie and his friend. Chuckie sneaks up behind his friend and shoots him. His blood and guts fly out the window. Slight overkill if you ask me.

And that’s the end of the movie… all in all I think Chuck is a lot like the driver from “Driving Miss Daisy” who carries a big gun. Total hero.

Invasion USA: Part 4

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 05:54:21 +0000

The children sing “row, row, row, your boat…” the bus approaches a road work induced traffic jam. Someone in another car is arming a bomb. They mow down the lollipop man. And all the witches hats. They plant the bomb on the bus. It beeps. The timer says 182. Chuck is in the traffic jam. He takes the same route as the bad guys. Missing the lollipop men. The timer says 90. The timer says 75. The timer says 29. Chuck grabs it. No. He misses it. He grabs it. It’s beeping in his cab. He drives up beside the bad guy’s car. He says “did you lose this?” The car explodes.

Chuck is walking through an abandoned sideshow alley. We see a destroyed merry-go-round. He looks sad. The upturned carriages (it’s not a horse one) are a stark reminder of the trouble gripping the nation. The not very sneaky government offical comes up to Chuck for a dialogue. They argue. Chuck gives him a mission. He wants to refuse.

We’re now at a military base. The news anchor mentions martial law. Both Chuck and Blondie are in their hotel rooms watching space ships crash into buildings in some d-grade movie. Chuck wears jeans, army boots and a denim vest to bed. Special agents are running towards one of the rooms with the spaceships on television. We’re not sure which one. The spaceship crashes into the White House. It’s Chuck’s room. The police arrive. They tell Chuck that nobody is beyond the law.

Critics are on television denying that the coverage of terrorism is having an impact. Blondie watches the news – Chuck’s arrest for “vigilante behaviour” is in the bulletin.

There are lots of army men. It’s day time. Chuck is paraded – buttons open – through a mob of journalists. At least one calls out “would you like to make a statement” – I would have thought wearing an unbuttoned denim shirt to court was statement enough.

The pesky journalist is reading a pamphlet – dropped by helicopters – about a new curfew. She runs up to a cordon of soldiers – who block her path until she shows her press credentials. She’s in the court room. Chuck says “see you round” after they engage in some flirting. Churck addresses the media. He speaks directly to Blondie. “I’d like you to close your eyes, when they open, I’ll be there. And it will be time to die”. Blondie calls in all his troops for a final showdown with Chuck.

Incompetent security personnel are taken by surprise by a marauding army of Russians – who jump back into their fleet of armoured cars and trucks. The bad guys drive towards Chuck. They take pot shots at army men as they go. Blondie takes a helicopter. He arrives at his destination just before his infantry. They fire their weapons in random directions. Now some tanks are on the move. We can’t tell if they’re good guys or bad guys. Chuck appears next to Blondie’s (now vacant) helicopter. The pilot tries to take off but Chuck shoots the chopper with a rocket launcher.

The horde of bad guys enter an office building – they shoot lots of empty desks. They move up to the management level. There are nice paintings on the walls. The people driving the tanks were good guys. They set up outside. The bad guys shoot up the executive offices – incliuding a fish tank. They are looking for Chuck. There is no Chuck to be found. They realise it’s a trap and try to escape. They run outside and are confronted with lots of tanks and guns. Chuck is upstairs where Blondie tries to escape. One bad guy tries to shoot down an army helicopter and the assembled soldiers open fire. It’s hard to tell who’s winning.

Chuck is walking through the offices. He’s in middle management. He shoots one bad guy.

The tanks are crushing the armoured cars outside. Chuck kicks another bad guy in the head then shoots him – he was wearing a beret so he deserved it.

There is more fighting outside. Chuck shoots four more men in the office. Some hide in cubicles. Chuck goes to reload. He realises he’s out of ammo. He ditches his machine pistols (which are joined together by a leather holster) and picks up a much larger weapon from his fallen prey. He enters a very dark room. There’s a suit hanging on a coat rack. He keeps walking. There’s a closed door. He approaches. Quietly. He raises his gun and steps inside. It’s empty. He approaches another closed door. He has a knife in his belt. There are two men behind the door – their ears are pressed against the wood. Chuck steps back and uses the grenade launcher to blow two holes – one either side of the door. One of the bad guys stirs. Reaching towards his gun. Chuck drops his machine gun and the bad guy reaches for his pistol. Chuck throws the knife at him. And kills him. Now it’s just Chuck and Blondie. Chuck is unarmed. Chuck runs around the office calling Blondie’s name. The walls of the office look like those peg board things you put up in your tool shed to hang your tools from. Blondie enters a dark room. Chuck waits for a few moments. Then pounces. Like a panther. Blondie squares up like a boxer. Chuck kicks him in both knees and then the head. This isn’t one of those fights wear the bad guy gets to take a swing. Chuck kicks him in the head again – and then disappears. Blondie runs into the room with the two big holes. He picks up a rocket launcher. We see more gunfighting outside. The tide has turned in favour of the US army. The bad guys have brought their pistols to a tank fight.

Blondie is walking the hallways with his rocket launcher. Very slowly.

There’s a cease fire called outside. The evil army lay down their weapons. The army men cheer.

Blondie is still walking the corridor very slowly. Chuck appears behing him, out of focus at first, he has his own rocket launcher. He locks and loads it. He says “it’s time”… and we have a rocket launcer duel. Blondie grunts and swings his rocket launcher around to shoot Chuck – but he’s too slow. Blondie wears Chuck’s rocket and goes flying out the window.

Credits roll. The end. Stay tuned for Robyn’s review. Here’s the final scene.

And some sort of trailer.

Invasion USA: Part 3

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 05:36:57 +0000

Two very muscly men are polishing their car in a backstreet. One can’t touch his sides with his elbows. They are disturbed by a bunch of passers by. They look angry. The two car washing guys follow the bad guys into the high class establishment. The bad guy has a sore hand. Chuck pins his hand to a bedside table with a knife. Now he has two sore hands. The knife is serated. He pulls it out – now he has a saw hand.

Someone tries to intervene, Chuck says “if you come back in here I’m going to hit you with so many rights you beg for a left.” The tough car washers arrive. Chuck says “you’re beginning to irritate me. He pulls the pin from a grenade and puts it in the bad guy’s sore hand. He gives the man holding the grenade a warning to pass on to Blondie. As he escapes the man throws the grenade out the window – onto the car that was being polished below.

A child throws bubble gum onto a shopping centre display. He is chased by security. A bad guy carrying a beeping package disguised as Christmas presents walks into a department store. He leaves the bag and walks away – a helpful shopper picks up the bag. The bad man runs away as the helpful man tries to return it. The bad guy doesn’t want to die. Bad men carrying guns appear from nowhere. The bomb goes off. Chuck arrives, to much fanfare. Driving his truck through the shopping centre doors. There are six men with machine guns. His truck is bulletproof.

The writer of this show doesn’t like children. Every scene a child appears in is followed by an act of unrelenting and unmitigated chaos.

The bad guys knees aren’t Chuck proof. Chuck is carrying two machine pistols. The bomber is trying to hotwire a car that has been on display in the shopping centre. Grenades are hurled. Chuck plays chicken with the bad guy’s truck. He jumps on the back. The punch sound effects in this movie are just like the punch sound effects in a boxing game. Chuck hangs on to the truck until it drives through the shopping centre doors. The bad guys grab a hostage and carry her along – outside the truck. The pesky journalist appears on the scene and jumps into the convertible that Chuck steals. Chuck’s hair and beard blow in the breeze. He rams the truck – a Nissan – with his convertible. The truck passenger shoots. The journalist rescues the bad guy’s hostage. After a few attempts to grab on to her fail.

They drive past a baseball game shots are fired. The bad guys drop a grenade inside their car. Chuck runs them off the road. They explode, crashing into a row of parked cars as they do for maximum effect. The director isn’t a fan of subtlety.

Blondie really likes shooting people down the front of their trousers. Blondie is scared of Chuck. His loyal offsider (the guy who shot the couple on the beach) convinces him not to go after Chuck by himself.

The police inspect the damage at the shopping centre – they mention in passing that the pickup truck they had recovered from the shopping centre has been stolen from the depot. We cut to Chuck, driving said pick up truck. He wears black gloves. Chuck is waylaid by men wearing army clothes. They block the road at the exit and at the rear. Chuck shoots them all. Except one, well, he shoots him, but he leaves him allive. A fellow ranga. He gets information from the ranga. These rangas stick together.

It is night time. Choppers are flying around telling citizens to stay off the street. A family with a child are caught running around after curfew. They escape into a church.

Bad guys are hiding in trucks. The minister in the church starts his prayer with “protect our children”… the bad guys descend on the church. They rig the church with explosives. Blondie is told his team of crack assassins has been terminated by Chuck. The congregation sings an unrecognisable hymn. The bomb beeps, helpfully, so that we know it’s a bomb.

We hear the words to the hymn now – “In my hands, oh Christ I bring”… anybody recognise it?

The bad guys try to blow up the church. Chuck has their bomb. It’s no longer beeping. Chuck drops the bomb (in a suitcase) on them. He says “didn’t work huh? Now it will.” They blow up.

A butcher is out of meat. A rabble forms. The military arrive. They set up a perimeter around the rabble. They are about to mow down the innocents when Chuck appears. He takes them down. Mostly. The bald henchman grabs the pesky journalist – who happened to be at the butchers. The bad guy calls Chuck’s name. Chuck appears beside him and grabs his gun, he makes him shoot himself in the head, rescuing the journalist – who employs the “treat em mean, keep em keen” ploy and calls Chuck a creep.

A bus load of children are getting ready to flee to the country. Their parents wave goodbye. The children look sad. Clearly something bad is about to happen to the bus. This is the director’s theory regarding pathos.

Invasion USA: Part 2

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:54:11 +0000

Meanwhile, the bad guys are celebrating removing their one obstacle by heading to a beachside pub – it looks like the pub from that Keanu Reeves surfing movie I’ve never seen.

They plot the downfall of America. A young couple frolic at the beach – wearing tropically themed speedos. They have a little portable television. Some flares go off on the beach. The main bad guy’s loyal offsider approaches the couple as they canoodle on the beach. He looks sad. He walks up and shoots the couple And laughs at a joke about Liberace’s underwear on the television. Boats approach. The invasion has begun. Hundreds of henchmen wearing dark clothes and speaking in foreign languages run up the beach. Treading on the dead couple and their television. They are all carrying guns. Most of the guys are wearing muscle shirts. They pile into an armada of waiting trucks. The main bad guy – blondie – says that in 18 hours “America will be a different place”…

The not very sneaky government official (who earlier broke into Chuck’s house) spots Chuck at a hotdog stand. Chuck agrees to take the assignment on the proviso he works alone. The government official informs him that he is a deniable operator.

A pesky journalist and possible love interest hassles the police as they investigate the beach shooting. She calls Chuck “Cowboy”…

Two children squabble over who gets to put up the Christmas decorations. Blondie’s pickup pulls up. The little girl runs outside to put up the Christmas decoration. The Bad guys put on goggles. And then blow up the children’s house. And another house. And another house. And another house. And another house. And another house. The poor suburban street is obliterated. The houses in the street have clearly subscribed to K-Rudd’s pink bat scheme – they all burn far too easily. The street is appropriately called “First Avenue”…

The pesky journalist lady takes a photo of people dancing outside a Community Center. Two men talk about meeting women. We’re in Miami now. They approach the young ladies. A police car arrives on the scene. The Spanish Lothario approaches the police. They look more like the stripograms from Arrested Development. They pull out shotguns and start shooting the crowd. They stop shooting because one policeman says to the other “stop, he wants witnesses”… The real police arrive and a riot starts.

Chuck is driving the back streets. He passes a black Elvis impersonator and some angry street workers. Some bikies hit his car with chains. He keeps driving. Chuck Norris is not phased by bikies with chains.

He walks into a dingy bar filled with nefarious looking characters. A drunk guy stops Chuck, looking to make trouble. Chuck grabs his hand and breaks the bottle he is holding. Chuck sits at the bar. He speaks to his informant. He’s looking for Blondie. These two have history – in South America. The informant has seen some bad guys in another bar. He says “see you in Hell” to Chuck, Chuch says “send me a postcard”…

Invasion USA: Part One

Nathan Campbell — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 13:24:26 +0000

This movie is so good I’m going to have to watch it in a couple of sittings. Here is my summary of the first half hour or so – with a particular focus on scenes involving Chuck Norris.

Opening scene – a boatload of Cuban refugees are paddling towards American soil. Their engines aren’t working. They spot a boat with a USA flag. The boat pulls up. It looks like the Coast Guard. Oh No. The captain of the boat says “welcome to America”, the refugees cheer. The guys on the US boat seem too well armed to be the Coast Guard. They open fire on the little refugee boat. Killing all on board. They climb aboard the refugee boat and remove a false floor. It’s full of drugs. Cut scene to Chuck.

Chuck Norris is driving a swamp boat. Looking stern (facial expression, not to the front of the boat). Wearing denim.

Chuck Norris Fact #1: Chuck Norris always looks stern when driving a boat.
Chuck Norris Fact #2: Chuck Norris doesn’t look cool in denim, denim looks cool on Chuck Norris.
Time passes. The bad guys do something to set up some sort of narrative tension. Cut to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is in a swamp wrestling a crocodile.
Chuck Norris Fact #3: Chuck Norris was wrestling reptiles when Steve Irwin was a toddler.

The bad guy just shot another bad guy down the front of his trousers.

Chuck Norris is offered a dinner date with an elderly native American. He wants him to eat frogs, from a jar. Chuck Norris says “I’m sick of frogs”…
Chuck Norris Fact #4: Chuck Norris doesn’t like French people either.

A guy in a suit tries to enter Chuck Norris’ house in the dark without knocking. He disturbs an armadillo. Chuck disturbs him. Chuck says “I’m not interested” in the guy’s ear before he’s had a chance to offer him work. Chuck walks out of his own house leaving the guy there.

Chuck Norris Fact #5: Chuck Norris does not need a “do not disturb” sign – Chuck Norris is never disturbed.

The bad guy just tried to assassinate a senior government official with a rocket launcher. Chuck Norris caught him, pointing a pistol at his head. Chuck Norris said “it’s time to die” and then didn’t kill him. But kicked him in the head. The bad guy woke up. It was only a dream.

Chuck Norris Fact #6: Chuck Norris hurts bad guys in their dreams.

Chuck Norris is using a chainsaw. Four swamp boats worth of bad guys approach. There are three guys per boat. Their approach is obscured by the sound of the chainsaw. The armadillo is scared. Armadillos look a bit like their name. Like if I wrote the word “armadillo” and asked you to draw what came to mind you’d draw what they look like.

The bad guys are disturbed by the approach of Chuck’s old Native American friend. He shoots one with a shotgun. The Bad guys blow up Chuck’s shack with about eight rockets and a few shots from a grenade launcher. The armadillo survives. Hurt. So does Chuck. The bad guys leave on their swamp boats. Chuck carries his native American friend (John Eagle) into the charred remains of his swamp shack (which is the kind of beach shack you live in if you’re really tough). Chuck lights a lamp – a kerosene type hurricane lamp thing – and throws it into the shack – giving his Native American friend a fitting farewell. He rides off on his swamp boat. Arriving in town with vengeance on his mind.

Chuck Norris Fact #7: It takes more than 12 explosive rounds to kill Chuck Norris. But only one explosive round with Chuck Norris for him to kill you.

Chuck Norris Fact #8: Chuck Norris is culturally sensitive and knows the burial rites of obscure Native American tribes and is not afraid to use them given the correct context in which to do so.

The town square has a billboard advertising frogs legs. Chuck gets into his beaten up pickup truck and drives away. The billboard is next to a building called “Eagle John’s Restaurant”…

To be continued…

Liveblogging Chuck Norris’ classic: Invasion USA: Introduction

Nathan Campbell — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 13:09:54 +0000

I don’t think I’ve ever live blogged a movie before. Tim (as in Tim and Amy, as in the Adventures of Amy and Tim) watched this movie and offered it to the first person to claim it via his blog. That was me.

How can a movie with a poster that looks like this be anything but awesome.

A fiverr well spent

Nathan Campbell — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 01:04:47 +0000

Fiverr is a new website that lets you buy and sell services for $5. A lot of the services offered are pretty fun – and if you’ve got a mad skill that you can churn out pretty quickly those $5 payments probably add up pretty quickly. It’s powered using PayPal. In the interest of putting the service to the test I took up Brojimh’s offer to produce a sermon on the topic of my choosing for $5. And asked him for a sermon on Eutychus. It only took him a couple of hours to produce the work.

Here is the result. $5 well spent.

The Longest Sermon Ever Preached

Acts 20:7-12

(Acts 20:7) And upon the first day of the week, when the disciples came together to break bread, Paul preached unto them, ready to depart on the morrow; and continued his speech until midnight.

(8) And there were many lights in the upper chamber, where they were gathered together.

(9) And there sat in a window a certain young man named Eutychus, being fallen into a deep sleep: and as Paul was long preaching, he sunk down with sleep, and fell down from the third loft, and was taken up dead.

(10) And Paul went down, and fell on him, and embracing him said, Trouble not yourselves; for his life is in him.

(11) When he therefore was come up again, and had broken bread, and eaten, and talked a long while, even till break of day, so he departed.

(12) And they brought the young man alive, and were not a little comforted.

I. The Setting Of The Longest Sermon Ever Preached

A. It Was A Holy Night

(Acts 20:7) And upon the first day of the week, when the disciples came together to break bread, Paul preached unto them,

This occurred around the Jewish Festival of Unleavened Bread. Paul and Luke stayed in Philippi for the Feast then sailed to Troas for this event.

It was during a holy, religious time for the participants.

B. It Was A Huge Night

(8a) ready to depart on the morrow; and continued his speech until midnight.

It was a very big night for the audience. This was Paul, the Apostle, who’s reputation preceded him. It was huge! Then it became huge as in how long it lasted!

Paul had a lot to say and knew he was leaving the next day so took advantage of the time, plus when you have an apostle, someone of Paul’s caliber, you just let him preach as long as he wants to!

C. It Was A Hot Night

(8b) And there were many lights in the upper chamber, where they were gathered together.

There were many, many people there to hear Paul. In fact it is safe to assume it was probably over crowded as people piled in the small upper room.

Not only was the weather hot, even at night, but the body heat was tremendous. Add to that the heat from the candles and torches, and you can just imagine how hot it was!

II. The Effect Of The Longest Sermon Ever Preached

A. A Tired Slave

(9a) And there sat in a window a certain young man named Eutychus, being fallen into a deep sleep:

He is sitting here because it was the coolest place he could be. Trying to get cooled off, the young man sits inside the window frame hoping to take advantage of any breeze.

He was very sleepy. It is easy to understand why he was sitting in the window, it is also easy to understand why he is so tired. These people listening to Paul, looking for freedom were slaves. That means, as other slaves, they were up before sunrise and had toiled and worked hard all day.

No wonder he was so sleepy!

It’s also worthy to note here, to expound on their love for Paul and how he got away with preaching that long, no one even seemed to notice the young man falling asleep. Everyone was so riveted to Paul, so locked in to the Apostle

B. A Terminated Sleeper

(9b) and as Paul was long preaching, he sunk down with sleep, and fell down from the third loft, and was taken up dead.

We’ve all been there. In school, at work or even, (GASP) at church. That point where the eyelids become heavy as iron, the vision becomes blurry, the eyes begin to burn, the head begins to nod and the speaker’s monotone voice becomes a lullaby as it slowly slips away in the darkness of our closed eyes . . . and then . . . we jerk our head up and look around hoping no one saw us. Then we move around, change position and try to stay awake again.

This young man did as we all have done before and just fell asleep

Luke tell us that he was “taken up dead.” That phrase literally means that he was a corpse by the time anyone got to him. Many try to explain away the miracle and say that he was just unconscious, had a concussion or that Paul administered CPR and brought him back. But Luke makes it plain that he was dead as a doornail. Then, the next verse makes it plain that Paul held him, embraced him, not pound on his chest or breathe in his mouth.

C. A Truthful Scene

(10) And Paul went down, and fell on him, and embracing him said, Trouble not yourselves; for his life is in him.

Paul, obviously reacting to the noise and crowd interrupting his sermon, sees what is happening and runs down to the young man.

He begins to check him out, and, seeing he was dead (as Luke made it clear in the previous verse and really, who would know better than Dr. Luke?), embracef him and then felt God’s presence and realized that the young man would be brought back to life.

Probably in most settings, with most people saying what Paul said (Trouble not yourselves; for his life is in him.) would have caused the people to consider stoning him or at least putting him out. But this is Paul. . .they let him preach till at least midnight. . . who knows how long he would have gone on if this young man had not fallen.

Also, when Paul tells the crowd “Trouble not yourselves,” he is responding to the crowds reaction to the devastating event. The crowd became almost hysterical. Yelling and wailing, all things that Paul wanted to avoid happening so he tries to cut it off with words of encouragement to assure them that the reaction elicited was not needed. We know that because he uses the word “thorubeomai” (translated “Trouble not yourselves). That is the same Greek word he used in trying to calm and quiet down the mob in Thessolonica (Acts 17:5)

III. The Legacy Of The Longest Sermon Ever Preached

A. Eating With A Dead Man And A Preacher

(11a) When he therefore was come up again, and had broken bread, and eaten,

Paul understood the enormity of what had just happened, the psyche of the people and that his sermon was now over.

Instead of expounding on what happened or turning it into a lesson/sermon, he instead turned his attention to what was best for the crowd physically and emotionally. They need time to process this event. They also need rest and recuperation.

Luke lets us know that Paul changed his tone and verbiage to a more solemn tone. He uses the word “talk” translated from the Greek word “homileo” which means homily, which means solemn and serious.

This is the same word used to describe the conversation between the two disciples on the Emmaus Rd. after the death of Christ. In the 24^th chapter of Luke.

B. Enjoying A Dedicated Man And A Pastor

(11b) and talked a long while, even till break of day, so he departed.

Paul stayed as long as he could. I’m sure not only enjoying the company of Eutychus, but wanting to watch him as well. I can only imagine how I would react to someone brought back from the dead. I would have lots of questions and be in awe!

This young man, I’m sure quickly got saved, if he wasn’t already, and became instantly one of the most devoted Christians in the town.

C. Enduring A Dreadful Matter And A Phenomenon

(12) And they brought the young man alive, and were not a little comforted.

Everyone was comforted and exhorted by the young man’s amazing and instant recovery! Also, there is no telling how many people gave their lives to Christ because of this event.

Honest movie titles

Nathan Campbell — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:15:53 +0000

Movie nights would be easier to organise if the titles of movies were more indicative of the content. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas should have been called “tragedy as two little boys are killed by an unjust war” – apologies for the spoiler.

Here are some “honest movie titles“…

Brown gold

Nathan Campbell — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:11:37 +0000

Cars run on coffee now. It seems appropriate. Provided they use Robusta… biofuels have the annoying habit of robbing us of valuable sources of nourishment. But this is pretty cool. The developers of this technology have called their first cab off the rank the “carpuccino” which robbed bloggers everywhere of an obvious pun.

The car is about to undertake its maiden journey – anybody worried that this technology will take off can sit back and sip a latte – it doesn’t sound like your jalopy will be powered by your cup of Joe any time soon.

The team calculates the Carpuccino will do three miles per kilo of ground coffee – the equivalent of about 56 espressos per mile.

The journey will use about 70 kilos of ground coffee which, at supermarket prices of between £13 and £26 a kilo depending on brand and quality, will cost between £910 and £1,820, or between 25 and 50 times the £36 cost of petrol for the journey.

Creme eggs benedict

Nathan Campbell — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:55:21 +0000

Delicious. From This is why you’re fat.

Sliced doughnuts topped with brownie mix, melted Cadbury Creme Eggs and frosting, garnished with red sprinkles and served with fried pound cake chunks.

Vegan cheese

Nathan Campbell — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:50:22 +0000

I have a vegan friend. I keep asking if you can be a vegan and give up every meat except bacon. I also asked the other day if he would drink bottled and commercially sold breast milk produced by willing mothers. He wasn’t sure. So it was with interest that I read about this cheese that is proving popular in New York – and not just with vegans looking for a dairy fix.

Chef Daniel Angerer is letting diners at Klee Brasserie munch on cheese made from his wife’s breast milk.

“It tastes like cow’s-milk cheese, kind of sweet,” he told The Post.

The flavor depends on what the cheese is served with — Angerer recommends a Riesling — and “what the mother eats,” said Angerer, who once bested Bobby Flay on TV’s “Iron Chef.”

Unfortunately, at this point, the cheese can’t be produced without adding a bit of cow milk – but vegans everywhere are no doubt hoping that a workaround can be found…

A note on notes

Nathan Campbell — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:47:44 +0000

I had a Greek exam today. I didn’t know my οις from my ους. Whoops. The good news is that it’s only worth ten percent and that component was only worth one tenth of ten percent. I don’t think there’s any bad news.

For anybody out there who is remotely interested – I’ve set up a tumblog for my lecture notes. I’ve only put a couple of things up so far, but I’ll be putting them all online in the next day or so. It’s almost entirely unedited stream of consciousness type stuff – but it may be useful if you’re a QTC student or have an interest in first century Roman culture… There are no Hebrew notes – they are too hard to type.

Check it.

Asking the wrong questions about UFC

Nathan Campbell — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 05:19:52 +0000

Al posted a quote from Leunig yesterday that suggested a causal link between a recent UFC fight and increased knife crime in Melbourne – I’ll leave you to find your own problems or agreements with that argument.

The meta of that post has been pretty interesting, and I can’t help but think that we’re approaching this question in the wrong way.

Some pacifist brothers (Seumas has some good thoughts on the issue that are worth digesting) are convinced that violence is inexcusable in any circumstances and thus they are, as it were, conscientious objectors to UFC. Some of these opponents would suggest that the issue is so settled by scripture that this can’t be a question of conscience or liberty. I think the fact that so many people are divided by this issue suggests that it’s not so cut and dried in terms of “right” and “wrong”.

I can’t help but think we’re not being particularly Pauline in our approach to the issue – perhaps instead of asking if we should prohibit (through exhortation and whatever else) Christians from partaking either in the sport itself or in the appreciation thereof – we should be asking “how can we come to grips with UFC in a way that preaches the gospel of Christ”… that was Paul’s priority, and it was Jesus’ mission – more than coming and rejecting war and calling us to peaceful lives, he came and called on us to preach the coming of the kingdom of God.

Anybody who can’t see a nice easy straight line from Jesus the guy who submits to death so that we don’t have to, or Jesus the guy who enters the cage and takes our beating, is missing out on opportunities to connect the gospel message with fans of the world’s fastest growing sport. I’m not suggesting we take the Driscoll line that Jesus is a cage fighter… but some of the arguments against UFC are sillier than the arguments for it. I’ll leave you with some words from Romans 14 which I think are the most compelling scriptural words on the matter.

1 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2 One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

5 One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8 If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

Expanding (and relocating) the blogroll

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:30:22 +0000

So my loyal minions readers, I know some of you have been looking for the blogroll that used to rest snuggly in my sidebar. It’s gone from there. Very observant of you – though it turns out some of you have a routine of clicking from blog to blog that I have disturbed. I had put the list in the drop down menu (in that black bar up there ^)… but I don’t think anybody actually ever clicks that – in fact, quick survey:

Question 1. Do you use the menu bar up the top of the page?
a) I click that menu all the time. I love how it moves in and out – it’s like an accordion.
b) I once clicked it, thought it was nifty, but have never used it again
c) menu? what menu?

Question 2. Do you ever use the toolbar that floats on the bottom of the page (it’s white and called the “wibiya toolbar”)?
a) Sure do, I share your posts with all my friends and the whole world using the button it offers and love how I can subscribe to your feed and search your blog both at the top and bottom of the page.
b) It annoys me, floating there, looking at me…
c) Toolbar? Are you on drugs?

Anyway, I was trying to clean up my design the other day and decided to move the links from the menu bar that nobody ever clicks on to the footer that nobody ever scrolls to. But you should. It has pictures. And you can become a fan of St. Eutychus on Facebook (and then share funny things from the internet with your friends who will think you mildly annoying – though less annoying than intrusive spam and friend requests from people you don’t know). Anyway, the links are now there. Check them out. Ai.

Also, while I’m on the subject of links, I am adding some links to the blogroll there as we speak. Welcome to the following additions:

Al Bain – one of those Taswegians – Paradoxically Speaking is a good read with regular posts. Check it. Al was even kind enough to add me to his blogroll today.
Pete Whittle – tumblogs are beautiful. Pete’s is nice. He’s a fellow QTCer, he’s from Dalby, and he’s a muso.
Dave Bailey – told me today at college that he couldn’t figure me out, and told me the other day that my posts are too hard to sift through for the good stuff. Started a blog last week. We’ll see how he goes at filling it with content (his post on prayer in church (or a prayer in church) is a cracker).
JeffK is a QTC grad and a Pressy minister. I’ve met him a couple of times in the real world. He made me laugh.
PeterY has been blogging for a while, he’s also a muso, he’s from Lismore, in real life I had one of my favourite conversations of all time with him and Kutz on a mid year camp a few years back.
Gary has been commenting here lately – his comments are pretty on the ball (for a QTC grad and Pressy minister) and I’ve enjoyed having him around, and enjoyed his blog. Especially today’s post on how to conduct a funeral.
Stuart has also been commenting here for a while – and I particularly appreciated his comments on the church planting metaphor and country ministry stuff a few weeks ago.
Luke got here via Izaac’s blog I think – he doesn’t post that often, but his Google Reader shared items are worth following.

And, it’s quite remiss of me, but I haven’t previously had Mikey’s Boxed Sets or Christian Reflections on that blogroll (though I think they’re on the link page). That is now fixed.
Welcome to the blogroll boys – I don’t feel bad about the male domination of that list for two reasons:

a) I’m a male and more inclined to read stuff by males.
b) I have heaps of females on my blogroll already. Eight. That’s plenty.

True type fans

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:33:03 +0000

I’m as big on good fonts and typography as the next guy. Just not as big on a particular font as these next guys…

YouTube Tuesday: The fastest gun in the west

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:16:58 +0000

Impressive.

Twotris

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:10:20 +0000

Two player Tetris puts the power of the Tetris Gods in the hands of your “friend”. The friend picks the pieces. You place them.

Biting the bullet

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:07:51 +0000

This chocolate weaponry is enough to kill any diet.

Perfect for the American market.

Long overdue

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:05:57 +0000

A man in America recently returned a book almost 100 years after the due date. What book could possibly have been worth keeping out for that long you ask…

“Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country” by William H. Bartlett”

And what about the overdue fees on a book like this? Just $360, and they waived it.

Stanley Dudek returned the book, “Facts I Ought to Know about the Government of My Country” by William H. Bartlett, which was due on May 2, 1910. Dudek said he had found the book in his mother’s possessions after she died in 1998 and didn’t realize it was a library book until last year.

“I didn’t feel I should keep it any longer. It belongs to the people and city of New Bedford, the government. felt it was my duty to get it back to the library,” he said.

Fortunately for Dudek, the fine on the book — about $360, he said, or a penny for each day overdue, which was the charge way back when — was waived.

Six things that I’m loving about college

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:27:51 +0000

College life is pretty awesome. Other than the five things in that last post I’ve got no complaints. Here are my five favourite things about college at the moment.

Studying with Robyn – my wife is very organised. She keeps me on my toes and keeps telling me to pay attention and to do my homework (I think this is because she’s a teacher).
Conversations – the best part about college is that lunch time is full of interesting conversations. People do tend to spontaneously break out into conversations about baptism though. Which is odd.
Classes – I’m enjoying our classes – even the languages – but particularly Bruce Winter’s pet subject “The Cross and the Clash of Cultures” (I’ve been planning to turn my lecture notes into posts – I just haven’t done that yet) and Old Testament with Leigh Trevaskis (I think he has a google alert set up) and Keith Birchley. Greek is my favourite language. So far.
Church – I’m enjoying being “on staff” at a church and going along to team meetings. Preaching was fun too.
Reading – I haven’t really started turning my readings into writings yet as far as essays go – but I’ve enjoyed ploughing through textbooks and journal articles trying to come up with a workable essay thesis.
Morning Tea – the coffee is good. And supplied by me. At reasonable prices – if you’re interested in subscribing to my coffee roasting services let me know.

Five things that annoy me

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:08:44 +0000

In no particular order.

Interjections in lectures that are “questions” that end up being statements, that end up being reiterations of the thing we’ve just been covering. Though I suspect my constant stream of stupid comments, puns and dad jokes are just as annoying.
People who park in clearways. One day I will run into one of these cars to see who is at fault legally.
Comment moderation and word verification on blogs. I am statistically less likely to comment on your blog if I don’t see my comment straight away (so that I know it has worked) and if I don’t have to jump through stupid steps to get it there.
That the people who invented the Greek language didn’t just stick with one set of paradigms for nouns, one set for verbs and one set for adjectives.
Flies. I hate flies. I killed about 20 in our kitchen this afternoon. Luckily we have a resident frog who will eat the flies I offer on the little table I’ve set up for him in a fishtank on my desk.

The secret life of stuff

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:17:54 +0000

Bent Objects creator Terry Border has created a host of images you might have seen around the web or in your inbox presenting the secret life of everyday things.

Here’s an experienced grape.

This is not a parsnip – it’s a carrot zombie.

Check out some more at his blog.

I love this quote (from an interview with Neatorama) about what he’s trying to do with his art…

I’ll tell you a secret – a lot of times I’m not trying to be funny at all. I’m just creating the saddest situation I can think of while using a certain object. Sometimes, while I’m photographing a scene, I’m like “Oh man. I’ve gone too far here. People are gonna see how sick I am, and make me get psychological help.” Know what though? Those are always my most popular images. People see them as funny. There are a lot of sick people out there, just like me. Hello out there, all of you sickos!

Hitchens v Hitchens

Nathan Campbell — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:24:48 +0000

Christopher Hitchen’s believing brother has come out swinging at his brother’s militant anti-theism (though it seems not for the first time, he reports that childhood family disputes were all too common).

It’s a fascinating insight into a rather heated family dynamic – but Peter Hitchens makes some good points.

But since it is obvious much of what I say arises out of my attempt to debate religion with him, it would be absurd to pretend that much of what I say here is not intended to counter or undermine arguments he presented in his book, God Is Not Great, published in 2007.

I do not loathe atheists, as Christopher claims to loathe believers. I am not angered by their failure to see what appears obvious to me. I understand that they see differently. I do think that they have reasons for their belief, as I have reasons for mine, which are the real foundations of this argument.

It is my belief that passions as strong as his are more likely to be countered by the unexpected force of poetry, which can ambush the human heart at any time.

It is also my view that, as with all atheists, he is his own chief opponent. As long as he can convince himself, nobody else will persuade him. His arguments are to some extent internally coherent and are a sort of explanation – if not the best explanation – of the world and the universe.

He often assumes that moral truths are self-evident, attributing purpose to the universe and swerving dangerously round the problem of conscience – which surely cannot be conscience if he is right since the idea of conscience depends on it being implanted by God. If there is no God then your moral qualms might just as easily be the result of indigestion.

Yet Christopher is astonishingly unable to grasp that these assumptions are problems for his argument. This inability closes his mind to a great part of the debate, and so makes his atheist faith insuperable for as long as he himself chooses to accept it.

He also takes aim at some of his brother’s more ludicrous claims…

I am also baffled and frustrated by the strange insistence of my anti-theist brother that the cruelty of Communist anti-theist regimes does not reflect badly on his case and on his cause. It unquestionably does.

Soviet Communism is organically linked to atheism, materialist rationalism and most of the other causes the new atheists support. It used the same language, treasured the same hopes and appealed to the same constituency as atheism does today.

When its crimes were still unknown, or concealed, it attracted the support of the liberal intelligentsia who were then, and are even more now, opposed to religion.

But happily – the brothers have resolved to no longer debate in public (as they have done on a few occasions). And Peter Hitchens ends with this comment…

I am not hoping for a late conversion because he has won the battle against cigarettes. He has bricked himself up high in his atheist tower, with slits instead of windows from which to shoot arrows at the faithful, and would find it rather hard to climb down out of it.

I have, however, the more modest hope that he might one day arrive at some sort of acceptance that belief in God is not necessarily a character fault, and that religion does not poison everything.

Beyond that, I can only add that those who choose to argue in prose, even if it is very good prose, are unlikely to be receptive to a case which is most effectively couched in poetry.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1255983/How-I-God-peace-atheist-brother-PETER-HITCHENS-traces-journey-Christianity.html#ixzz0heKv2bMK

How to promote a movie – don’t be boring

Nathan Campbell — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:42:46 +0000

I could post stuff from Letters of Note forever. But then I’d never learn the Greek stuff I have to learn by Thursday. Here’s a great letter from a studio executive telling Director Errol Morris that his promotional interviews are terrible.

Some good tips can be extrapolated here for doing any sort of promotional work. I bolded the bit in the transcript that I think is the key for coming across well in interviews, and being effective.

Source

Transcript
MIRAMAX FILMS

August 23, 1988

Errol Morris
c/o The Mondrian Hotel
8440 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA

Dear Errol:

Heard your NPR interview and you were boring. You couldn’t have dragged me to see THE THIN BLUE LINE if my life depended on it.

It’s time you start being a performer and understand the media.

Let’s rehearse:

Q: What is this movie about?

A: It’s a mystery that traces an injustice. It’s scarier than NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. It’s like a trip to the Twilight Zone. People have compared it to IN COLD BLOOD with humor.

Speak in short one sentence answers and don’t go on with all the legalese. Talk about the movie as a movie and the effect it will have on the audience from an emotional point of view.

If you continue to be boring, I will hire an actor in New York to pretend that he’s Errol Morris. If you have any casting suggestions, I’d appreciate that.

Keep it short and keep selling it because that’s what’s going to work for you, your career and the film.

Congratulations on all your good reviews. Let’s make sure the movie is as successful.

Best Regards,

(Signed)

Harvey Weinstein

On preaching about Eutychus

Nathan Campbell — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 03:34:58 +0000

I preached for the first time as an employee of a church yesterday. It was so big a milestone that my gran and my mum and my wife came to watch. My wife would have been there anyway I guess.

We’re doing a series on Acts at church at the moment and when Andrew asked what I wanted to preach on I naturally said “Acts 20″. Because I wanted to talk about Eutychus. Acts 20 isn’t really about Eutychus, he’s a peripheral figure. And I actually ended up preaching a mammoth passage from Acts 18:18 to the end of Acts 20 – Paul’s whole mission to Ephesus.

I would much prefer preaching a mammoth passage to preaching a mouse sized passage – it’s far better to have to leave stuff out than it is to have to make stuff up.

Here’s what I said about Eutychus. For the record…

And in verse 7 we have possibly my favourite story in the Bible. If you’re going to go down in history for something it may as well be being bored to death by the world’s most famous evangelist. And Eutychus has that honour.

Because in chapter 20 of Acts Paul preaches what could still be a world record for the longest sermon. From dusk until dawn Paul is preaching his passion – the Ephesians might have been able to fervently chant for two hours [in Acts 19] – but chanting six words over and over again has nothing on being able to preach ALL NIGHT teaching.

Paul could have spent hours talking about tent making – and you can bet there would’ve been more fatalities – he could have spoken at length about his travels. If you’ve ever watched a friend’s holiday slide show you’d be aware just how excited some people can be about where they’ve been and what they’ve seen… but that’s not what Paul is excited about. He just wants to talk about Jesus.

Scots Presbyterian in Clayfield enjoys a visit from the boarders from the local Presbyterian Girls’ school about once in a blue moon – and yesterday happened to be it. So between the morning service and the night service I removed the flesh from the skeleton of my talk and reshaped it into something almost purely evangelistic. This is surprisingly easy to do when you’ve put some hours into exegeting the text and figuring out the ways to point people to the gospel – so Gary Millar’s advice was invaluable.

Eutychus played a more prominent role in this talk… just thinking about his story made me aim to not bore my audience of teenage girls. I was glad there were no open windows because I’m not sure how many of them would have tottered out.

My sermons still suffer from slightly trite application (as trite as urging people to live for, and preach, the gospel can be) and I’m always left wishing I’d dug the knife in a bit deeper to cut some real change into people… hopefully that’s something I can work on. Memorable application is important. I feel a tension between creating a memorable understanding of the text and a memorable application of the text – though I’m not actually sure the two should be separate.

One of the bits of preaching I find most memorable was a refrain from an NTE talk on Ezekiel from many years ago where I think Donny Kwan spoke and kept saying “God will be God, and you will know it” is the big idea of Ezekiel. A mantra like that is helpful – but it hasn’t really been profoundly life altering.

So, preachers who read this blog, how do I move my application from the general “live like Jesus” to the specific “live like Jesus by…”, any tips? My guess is that I need to understand the people I’m preaching to and what they’re struggling with so I can metaphorically push their buttons. But even that seems a bit apply by the numbers.

A summary of Gary Millar’s visit to Queensland Theological College

Nathan Campbell — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 03:18:27 +0000

Gary Millar came, he talked, he conquered. We all now want to be deep thinking Irish men who love preaching the gospel.

He is a man greatly gifted by God as both a thinker and a pastoral worker. He shared some insights into some of the trials he has faced in ministry that would send a mere mortal crazy. He has been around the block a few times and he is still faithfully toiling for the sake of the gospel – and still making sure that he preaches the good news of Christ crucified week in, week out, despite the opposition.

In the interest of providing a nice resource for posterity here is a summary of all the posts that I have read reviewing his time at QTC.

Night One – Song of Songs

QTC Day One – Preaching

QTC Day Two – Deuteronomy

QTC Day Three – Preaching again

A time, a place – Ben has a new space

Nathan Campbell — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 02:33:30 +0000

Ben “everybody’s favourite blogger” McLaughlin has a new blog. Not content with being awesome on Vanishing Point he’s now being awesome and posting pictures of his brilliant paintings (and he’s selling them). Here’s an example.
Grandad’s Chair (2006)

Grandad’s Chair (2006)
Oil on canvas
22 x 30cm
$200

If he starts selling his little sketchy cartoon-like things too I’m going to be pretty tempted to decorate my house with his art. Especially if he turns the logo he drew for me into a print.

Letters of note

Nathan Campbell — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 02:09:33 +0000

I think this is currently my favourite blog. A veritable treasure trove of missives significant and otherwise. I could spend all day reading through these letters because they satiate both my curiosity about people’s perspective on historical events and my voyeuristic deviance. The letter truly is a window to the author’s soul. Here are some of my favourites…

I think I have posted this Mark Twain one before – so I won’t redo it – but it is, without a doubt, the best complaint letter ever written…

A piece of 2×4 sent to Jimmy Carter by a builder.

Source

Transcript

Dear Jimmy

The general economy may be in a recession but housing is in a depression. Immediate action must be taken to assist our industry – it equals 5 Chrysler Corporations. Thousands of jobs and companies are being lost along with the tax dollars plus added costs i.e. unemployment compensation. Available and affordable funds must be made available now – a good start would be Brooke-Cranston. Where do you expect our children to live? This piece of 2×4 is not wasted if you get the message and then put in your wood burning stove.

L.W.McKENZIE SR. VT.

A letter sent by a disenfranchised Tasmanian pupil to his teacher.

Source

Transcript

Mr Broome

Dear Sir

I write this letter for the good of myself and other boys. Instead of you teachers making school a pleasure you make it a perfect misery to those who happen to be a little backward. Referring to myself, I can say that I never did like school but since I came to Rockdale I have just dreaded the thought of school. This, may I say, has all come from your sneering and poking fun at those who are not quite so well on as others. If a boy happens to have a few mistakes instead of you trying to help him in his difficulty you look over his slate, you either cane him, or spell out aloud his foolish mistakes before over 100 boys who are always ready to make fun. This is why there are so many boys who are always ready to play the truant. And therefore instead of me looking forward to school days I just long for the time when I shall receive a sitificut saying that I may leave school. And as manhood draws on I shall look back on my schooldays as a period of misery instead of a period of happiness.

A Margett

Scholar at (Inferior?) Rockdale Public School

Thomas Edison congratulating a fellow engineer on his ingenuity.

Source

Transcript

From the Laboratory of Thomas A. Edison

Orange, N.J., Nov. 27, 1926

Mr. W. L. R. Emmet
General Electric Co
1 River Road
Schenectady, N.Y.

My dear Mr. Emmet:-

I want to thank you for your letter of the 23rd, with its enclosure, and at the same time to extend my congratulations to you on the successful outcome of your ideas.

The worst is to come, for it takes about seven years to convert the average man to the acceptance of a solved problem.

With all good wishes to you, I remain

Yours very truly

Thos. A. Edison

TAE:O

And possibly my favourite of all – a conspiracy theorist warning J. Edgar Hoover about the perils of Elvis Presley. I’ll post the whole thing, even though it’s long. Because it is brilliant.

Source

Transcript

May 16, 1956

Mr. J Edgar Hoover
Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Washington 25, D. C.

Dear Mr. Hoover,

Elvis Presley press-agented as a singer and entertainer, played to two groups of teenagers numbering several thousand at the city auditorium here, Monday, May 14.

As newspaper man, parent, and former member of Army Intelligence Service, I feel an obligation to pass on to you my conviction that Presley is a definite danger to the security of the United States.

Although I could not attend myself, I sent two reporters to cover his second show at 9:30 p.m. besides, I secured the opinions of others of good judgment, who had seen the show or had heard direct reports of it. Among them are a radio station manager, a former motion picture exhibitor, an orchestra player, and a young woman employee of a radio station who witnessed the show to determine its value. All agree that it was the filthiest and most harmful production that ever came to La Crosse for exhibition to teenagers.

When Presley came on the stage, the youngsters almost mobbed him, as you can judge from the article and pictures enclosed from May 15 edition of the La Crosse TRIBUNE. The audience could not hear his “singing” for the screaming and carrying on of the teenagers.

But eyewitnesses have told me that Presley’s actions and motions were such as to rouse the sexual passions of teenaged youth. One eye-witness described his actions as “sexual self-gratification on the stage,” — another as “a striptease with clothes on.” Although police and auxiliaries were there, the show went on. Perhaps the hardened police did not get the import of his motions and gestures, like those of masturbation or riding a microphone. (The assistant district attorney and Captain William Boma also stopped in for a few minutes in response to complaints about the first show, but they found no reason to halt the show.)

After the show, more than 1,000 teenagers tried to gang into Presley‘s room at the auditorium, then at the Stoddard Hotel. All possible police on duty were necessary at the Hotel to keep watch on the teenagers milling about the hotel till after 3 a.m., the hotel manager informed me. Some kept milling about the city till about 5 a.m.

Indications of the harm Presley did just in La Crosse were the two high school girls (of whom I have direct personal knowledge) whose abdomen and thigh had Presley’s autograph. They admitted that they went to his room where this happened. It is known by psychologists, psychiatrists and priests that teenaged girls from the age of eleven, and boys in their adolescence are easily aroused to sexual indulgence and perversion by certain types of motions and hysteria, — the type that was exhibited at the Presley show.

There is also gossip of the Presley Fan Clubs that degenerate into sex orgies. The local radio station WKBH sponsors a club on the “Lindy Shannon Show.”

From eye-witness reports about Presley, I would judge that he may possibly be both a drug addict and sexual pervert. In any case I am sure he bears close watch, — especially in the face of growing juvenile crime nearly everywhere in the United States. He is surrounded by a group of high-pressure agents who seem to control him, the hotel manager reported.

I do not report idly to the FBI. My last official report to an FBI agent in New York before I entered the U.S. Army resulted in arrest of a saboteur (who committed suicide before his trial). I believe the Presley matter is as serious to U.S. security. I am convinced that juvenile crimes of lust and perversion will follow his show here in La Crosse.

I enclose article and pictures from May 15 edition of the La Crosse TRIBUNE. The article is an excellent example of the type of reporting that describes a burlesque show by writing about the drapes on the stage. But the pictures, to say the least are revealing. Note, too, that under the Presley article, the editor sanctimoniously published a very brief “filler” on the FBI’s concern for teenage crime. Only a moron could not see the connection between the Presley exhibit and the incidence of teenage disorders in La Crosse.

With many thanks, and with a prayer for God‘s special blessing on your excellent and difficult work for justice and decency.

Sincerely yours,

(Signed)

This is just an hors d’oeuvre there are more than 200 letters posted so far. Brilliant.

Understanding beer is elementary

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 13:00:04 +0000

This periodic table of beer is awesome and will help you decide what to drink.

From Flickr.

How to make Apple Pie from scratch

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 12:44:07 +0000

Here is Carl Sagan’s recipe for Apple Pie. Learn it, then call the guys running the Large Hadron Collider and make an order.

Man’s best friend becomes even more useful

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:46:22 +0000

If beer opening cuff links aren’t your thing how about getting a dog collar with a built in bottle opener… dog not included.

How to market a college

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:36:13 +0000

When you’re choosing an educational facility to further your career it’s not a question of how good the teaching is, how it might equip you for your future, but how good their stop motion viral ads are…

Ninja restaurant only gets good reviews

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:25:50 +0000

I’d go to a restaurant called Ninja. If I could find it. If you don’t like the food – they chop you in half*.

“The ninja is mysterious,” said Ou Chia-wei, owner of the restaurant simply named Ninja, explaining why he chose that theme for the Japanese-style restaurant. “On that premise, we can do magic tricks and light up the food.”

Waitresses working the barely lit dining room floor burn specialty menus, which vanish without a trace of ash, and send flames snaking across tables as customers watch.

A moat and screen of cascading water just past the front entrance make customers wait a few minutes until the drawbridge goes up, leading to a dark stairwell toward the dining hall.”

*not really.

The Beetles

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:18:39 +0000

This VW ad is very cool.

From here.

Traces of peanuts

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:15:47 +0000

From a pun site with a rude name…

Doh, a deer, a streetview deer

Nathan Campbell — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:11:33 +0000

Ahh Google. If jumping the shark is the way TV shows die then the search monopoly will be hoping “hitting the deer” isn’t how internet companies die – especially when they’ve documented it for posterity’s sake…

Preparing your zombie apocalypse kit

Nathan Campbell — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 12:01:36 +0000

When I was living in North Queensland people used to madly rush to the shops whenever there was a cyclone warning. This caused untold stress on cashiers and often meant rudimentary items were suddenly highly prized – bringing the laws of supply and demand into play and causing price hikes on staple items. So when it comes to getting ready for the no doubt imminent zombie apocalypse it pays to be prepared. Here’s a handy list of items you should put together and keep somewhere safe – and accessible – you don’t want this in the garden shed when there are zombies banging on your door.

Cordless Electric Chainsaw

Well you might not NEED a chainsaw to survive a zombie attack, but you will if you plan to have any fun! We suggest a cordless electric chain saw since you’re going to have to minimize on weight and extra objects like gasoline and maximize on mobility. The Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chain Saw will cut through up to 10 or 15 zombies on a single charge! At only 6.2 lbs, you can hang on to it and only use it when things get really hairy. $110

ATAC Storm Boots

Well protected feet will help you run farther; making a decent pair of combat boots your best friend in a zombie survival situation. And we couldn’t think of a better paid than the ATAC Storm boots since they are not only waterproof but blood borne pathogen resistant—they were practically designed with a zombie attack in mind! $130

Life Gear Survival Backpack (Bug Out Bag)

The Life Gear Survival Backpack offers 3 days of supplies, which we imagine is plenty of time either since the rescue helicopter will arrive before then or everyone will be eaten alive by zombies. The backpack includes a first aid kit, drinking system food and water storage, a respirator mask in case the infection is airborne and other items. To save space, we think you can toss the hygiene kit since no one will notice what you smell like amidst all the rotting flesh.
$68

What to do in a Nuclear Attack

Nathan Campbell — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 11:44:35 +0000

This is timeless advice.