Archives For tumblrweed

A father takes a photo every time his son cries and records the reason.

Cruel. Yes.

But if I was to do this the reasons would be “I tried to give my daughter a cuddle when she was holding onto her mum…”

Every time.

I wouldn’t let him drown in this pond.

I wouldn’t let him drown in this pond.

I closed the refrigerator door.

I couldn’t figure out where the apostrophe should go in bad kid’s jokes. It’s ambiguous. Some of them are from bad kids. Some are bad jokes. Some are bad jokes for kids.

Here’s the premise of this pretty fun site.

“I moderate jokes on a Kids Jokes website. A lot of joke submissions can’t be published because they’re offensive (to kids, or to parents who would hear them repeated at home), or they don’t make sense… so I publish them here instead. I have not edited or made up any of these jokes.”

Here are some samples from the front page.

Peas

WHAT DOES PEAS EAT?

TOAST

Black and White

Q.what do you call black and white, black and white, black and white ,grey, red????
A.A penguin rolling down a hill, hit a rock and DIED!!!!!!

Girls

why are girls freaky?

beacuse they have long hair and there stupid.

Chickens Stop

why did all the chickens stop?
because a fat cow was about to put her bum on them

Zombe

what do you get if you cros a zombe and a persen?

dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What does Batman do in a quiet week?

This nice little lo-fi gif collection of animated Batman portraits goes some way to unmysterying (or demystifying) the mystery.

Thanks Textbooks collects badly thought out sections from academic works.

Some examples…

You can, of course, explore more single serving Tumblrs in the Tumblrweed archives.

Here you go. A single serving tumblr celebrating the unhappy ending pages of Choose Your Own Adventure books. You Chose Wrong


from Choose Your Own Adventure #19: Secret of the Pyramids, 1983


from Choose Your Own Adventure for Younger Readers #41: The Movie Mystery, 1987

Aaron Sorkin, creator of the West Wing and other brilliant things, has written a new show called The Newsroom, if you’re not in Australia you can watch the whole first episode on YouTube.

Anyway, he’s doing a press run for the show, which is just kicking off. And he was a bit of a patronising jerk to a reviewer, Sarah Nicoll Prickett, who points out that the leads in Sorkin’s work are always men.

I reckon a) this is an odd criticism of Sorkin given he’s a guy, and by the look of the reuse of his material, puts a fair bit of himself into his writing, and b) he has produced some of the more memorable and powerful female characters in his major TV shows – so Dana in Sports Night, Abbie Bartlett and CJ in the West Wing, and Jordon in Studio 60…

The review praises the show but absolutely eviscerates Sorkin – the reviewer writes well and it’s a scintillating read.

“The great American dialectic – optimism and realism, faith and reason – is thrillingly animated onscreen, but hardly moreso than on the page. I had to watch the show twice just to believe (a) how good that script was and (b) how incredibly convinced of its goodness, in every sense of “good,” it was.

Hence, my first question starts, “I watched the pilot twice … ” But I don’t get to the question part because Sorkin looks as if he wants to say something. I invite him to do so, and he asks, “Because you liked it so much the first time, or because you didn’t understand it the first time?”

So huge is the hubris in thinking anyone smart enough to write about this show for a national newspaper might not be yet smart enough to understand it (should you fret about your own Sorkin-fathoming abilities, let me say that if you read Don Quixote in the ninth grade or studied American History in the 11th, you will be fine) that I just swallow and tell my own truth.”

And then…

“Sorkin doesn’t see this. He denies being either an ideologue or a modernist, agreeing only that the show is written in his voice, and that said voice is “authorial” (both my word and his). I’d posit that creating an authorial drama in a time of mumbling, precarious, voice-of-a-generation comedy almost absolutely constitutes an ideology, one both modernist and masculinist. But conveniently, at that moment, the interview’s over.

“Listen here, Internet girl,” he says, getting up. “It wouldn’t kill you to watch a film or pick up a newspaper once in a while.” I’m not sure how he’s forgotten that I am writing for a newspaper; looking over the publicist’s shoulder, I see that every reporter is from a print publication (do not see: Drew Magary). I remind him. I say also, factually, “I have a New York Times subscription and an HBO subscription. Any other advice?”

He looks surprised, then high-fives me. Being not a person who high-fives or generally makes physical contact with interview subjects, I look more surprised.

“I’m sick of girls who don’t know how to high-five,” he says. He makes me try to do it “properly,” six times.”

This interview spawned a tumblog. Hey Internet Girl.

The New Yorker has also panned the Newsroom and Sorkin’s ouvre generally

“There are plenty of terrific actors on this show, but they can’t do much with roles that amount to familiar Sorkinian archetypes. There is the Great Man, who is theoretically flawed, but really a primal truth-teller whom everyone should follow (or date). There are brilliant, accomplished women who are also irrational, high-strung lunatics—the dames and muses who pop their eyes and throw jealous fits when not urging the Great Man on. There are attractively suited young men, from cynical sharpies to idealistic sharpies, who glare and bond and say things like “This right here is always the swan song of the obsolete when they’re staring the future paradigm in the face.””

And earlier…

“Sorkin’s shows are the type that people who never watch TV are always claiming are better than anything else on TV. The shows’ air of defiant intellectual superiority is rarely backed up by what’s inside—all those Wagnerian rants, fingers poked in chests, palms slammed on desks, and so on. In fact, “The Newsroom” treats the audience as though we were extremely stupid. Characters describe events we’ve just witnessed. When a cast member gets a shtick (like an obsession with Bigfoot), he delivers it over and over. In episode four, there’s a flashback to episode three. In a recent interview, Sorkin spoke patronizingly of cop shows, but his Socratic flirtations are frequently just as formulaic, right down to the magical “Ask twice!” technique.”

Ouch. I’ll still watch it. Even if Sorkin’s characters, like his scripts, are rehashed series by series. Because they’re still the best characters and scripts going around.

Tumblrweed: The Composites

Nathan Campbell —  February 28, 2012

If you’re one of those people who prefers to imagine characters from the page with your own imagination, and thus you avoid film versions of your favourite books – then look away.

But if you love the idea of using police composite software to bring book characters to life – then click this link. The Composites.

Here’s a sample – Rochester from Jane Eyre…

“Mr. Rochester, his foot supported by the cushion; he was looking at Adèle and the dog: the fire shone full on his face. I knew my traveller with his broad and jetty eyebrows; his square forehead, made squarer by the horizontal sweep of his black hair. I recognised his decisive nose, more remarkable for character than beauty; his full nostrils, denoting, I thought, choler; his grim mouth, chin, and jaw—yes, all three were very grim, and no mistake. His shape, now divested of cloak, I perceived harmonised in squareness with his physiognomy…My master’s colourless, olive face, square, massive brow, broad and jetty eyebrows, deep eyes, strong features, firm, grim mouth.”

Tumblrweed: T-Rex Trying

Nathan Campbell —  February 13, 2012

I have short arms. Apparently. So said a careless store attendant once when I was being fitted for a suit. One thing led to another, and soon everybody at college knew. And I acquired the nickname T-Rex. Which is cool. Because those dinosaurs were the king of their Jurassic reptillian world.

Anyway. I feel sorry for these poor less than able dinos. T-Rex Trying.

He might be gone. And Kim Jong Il Looking at Things may have been supplanted by Kim Jong Un Looking at Things (like carpet).

But a little known fact about Kim Jong Il is that nobody dropped the bass quite like he did. And there are photos to prove it.

Bill Cosby wore a lot of different sweaters. This single serving tumblog collects them, and paints the patterns for posterity’s sake.

Tumblrweed: Moustair

Nathan Campbell —  December 14, 2011

Oh wow. A recursive moustache photoshop meme deserves its own tumblog. But can not be unseen…

Tumblrweed: Scandybars

Nathan Campbell —  December 13, 2011

High quality scans of confectionary. That’s what Scandybars offers. And it delivers.

An Aero…

A Curly Wurly…

A Creme Egg.

Tumblrweed: Future Drama

Nathan Campbell —  December 11, 2011

Looking backwards at what people saw when they looked forwards is always an interesting exercise. Does anybody remember the TV show Beyond 2000? Future Drama looks at old product announcements and advertisements that made predictions about the future, and throws in some recent predictions for good measure.

Love it.

Yelp is an online review/recommendation/gripe service which has recently launched in Australia. Cormac McCarthy is a southern gothic novelist, famous for such works as The Road.

Allegedly, if Cormac McCarthy were to Yelp, it would look like this:

Urban Outfitters

Union Square – San Francisco, CA

Cormac M. | Author | Lost in the chaparral, NM

Three stars.

And they come there in great numbers shuffling into that mausoleum that was built for them like some monument to the slow death of their world and among those tokens and talismans of that faded empire they forage like scavengers their faces frozen in a rictus of worldweary their clothes preworn in some tropical factory and they shop and they hunt with dullbrown eyes through that cavalcade of false trinkets and those shrinkwrapped mockeries laying there in silent indictment and they reach out to touch those trite things and their faces are slack but in their gullets a scream lies stillborn for they are the kings and the queens reigning over the death of their people and the world is not theirs and never was and the suffering and the horrors are not their doing but the work of their bankrupt forbears and before them stretches an abyss beyond man’s imagining and within their lifetime the promise of a coming reckoning measured in blood and in pestilence and they shuffle through that store near paralytic and finally they take a metal thing with a feather on it and they buy that thing.

If only YouTube comments and other feedback 2.0 looked read like this, the internet would be a more bearable place.

Tumblrweed: Godzilla Haiku

Nathan Campbell —  December 10, 2011

Haikus are my favourite form of poetry.

Especially when they involve Rebecca Black. And Godzilla.

Or are just haikus about Godzilla… those are pretty awesome too…