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When I was living in North Queensland people used to madly rush to the shops whenever there was a cyclone warning. This caused untold stress on cashiers and often meant rudimentary items were suddenly highly prized – bringing the laws of supply and demand into play and causing price hikes on staple items. So when it comes to getting ready for the no doubt imminent zombie apocalypse it pays to be prepared. Here’s a handy list of items you should put together and keep somewhere safe – and accessible – you don’t want this in the garden shed when there are zombies banging on your door.
Cordless Electric Chainsaw
Well you might not NEED a chainsaw to survive a zombie attack, but you will if you plan to have any fun! We suggest a cordless electric chain saw since you’re going to have to minimize on weight and extra objects like gasoline and maximize on mobility. The Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chain Saw will cut through up to 10 or 15 zombies on a single charge! At only 6.2 lbs, you can hang on to it and only use it when things get really hairy. $110
ATAC Storm Boots
Well protected feet will help you run farther; making a decent pair of combat boots your best friend in a zombie survival situation. And we couldn’t think of a better paid than the ATAC Storm boots since they are not only waterproof but blood borne pathogen resistant—they were practically designed with a zombie attack in mind! $130
Life Gear Survival Backpack (Bug Out Bag)
The Life Gear Survival Backpack offers 3 days of supplies, which we imagine is plenty of time either since the rescue helicopter will arrive before then or everyone will be eaten alive by zombies. The backpack includes a first aid kit, drinking system food and water storage, a respirator mask in case the infection is airborne and other items. To save space, we think you can toss the hygiene kit since no one will notice what you smell like amidst all the rotting flesh.
It’s just not right to let mathematicians have all the fun. Especially when it comes to modeling the impending Zombie Apocalypse. So this political scientist jumped on the zombie bandwagon – which I imagine looks something like the truck at the end of Shaun of the Dead, or a rusty ute… but I digress. This Polsci (that, like zompocalypse, is a portmanteau (which is a cool word but a crap way to name a church planting movement… I’m just saying…)) has explored the various possibilities of post zombie politcal fall out. Here’s the neocon response…
“While the threat might be existential, accommodation or recognition are not options. Instead, neocons would quickly gear up an aggressive response to ensure human hegemony. However, the response would likely be to invade and occupy the central state in the zombie-affected area. After creating a human outpost in that place, humans in neighboring zombie-affected countries would be inspired to rise up and overthrow their own zombie overlords. Alas, while this could happen, a more likely outcone would be that, after the initial “Mission Accomplished” banner had been raised, a fresh wave of zombies would rise up, enmeshing the initial landing force — which went in too light and was drawn down too quickly — in a protracted, bloody stalemate.”
Zombies are going to get you. One day. Possibly. So it pays to be prepared. Luckily hard earned government research dollars are funding important studies at universities to help us cope with our impending, zombie fueled, doom.
An outbreak of zombies infecting humans is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead. While aggressive quarantine may eradicate the infection, this is unlikely to happen in practice. A cure would only result in some humans surviving the outbreak, although they will still coexist with zombies. Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the
available resources can be mustered in time.
Scary stuff. I’d suggest buying the “In Case of Zombies” shirt from Threadless for instructional purposes.
And then perhaps checking out this instructional video (starring Robyn’s little sister) for further tips for dealing with the zombie apocalypse.
Eutychus was a young man who fell to his death because the Apostle Paul preached for too long (Acts 20). He's now the patron saint of non-boring Internet.
Nathan is a Christian. A husband. A father. A student. A writer. A PR Consultant. A coffee drinker. A fan of staccato lists in profiles.
He is currently a student minister at Creek Road Presbyterian Church, Carina (South Brisbane) and the opinions expressed on this page are his own and not representative of Creek Road, or the denomination.
Some of his PR/web marketing clients include: