Oh Canada.
Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs, in response to a question during Question Time:
“Under the leadership of this Prime Minister, Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies ever…”
This is, perhaps, tempting fate. If you’re smart enough to prepare for zombies, perhaps its indicative of the size of your brain, which is a tempting delicacy for said zombies. Classic catch 22.
You have no idea how much pleasure I took from writing the title of this post.
The video is a ramble, but it’s posted here for posterity’s sake so that we can all look back when the zombie attacks aren’t the bear attack from the book of Daniel.
As it turns out the zompocalypse and apocalypse are possibly the same thing. Who knew?
…Like a penguin suit… That would be totally embarrassing.
Some people might find this short film featuring high production values, nice music, and a zombie penguin in odd zombie make up, a little bit disturbing. If that’s you – don’t watch…
The Queensland Government is launching a new disaster management web portal, to do so, they’ve run a trial on the basis of a zombie invasion. Inadvertently causing a bunch of chainsaw wielding vigilantes to run around hacking up teenagers in hoodies with their vacant stares and dribbling propensity for gibberish. Well. That’s not true.
Getting the deputy commissioner of police to talk about a zombie attack is pretty brilliant.
In case you are interested in psychologically preparing your children for the upcoming zombie apocalypse – here’s a book for kids.
Perhaps you also want to ward zombies off from your door. This door stopper might help.
If you want some zompocalypse survival tips you can find some previous posts on the subject here.
So my post on the Machine Gun Preacher last week stirred up some interesting discussion.
I think we can all agree this guy is odd. Check out the weaponry he features as part of one’s preparation.
He gets to guns here.
And then, in parts 3 and 4 he talks about breeding attack dogs.
Wow. These are part disturbing part, well, disturbing. Zombie themed ten pin bowling balls. Smash some heads with pins. Perfect practice for the Zompocalypse.
More pictures here. Some of them are a little disturbing.
You may have missed previous tips for surviving the impending Zombie Apocalypse here at St. Eutychus.
But here’s something to add to your survival kit. Or to add your survival kit to. A customised shotgun containing a survival kit. It’s almost a one-stop-shot. Aha. Ahaha. Lets see how people laugh when you’re saving them by blowing the heads of zombies, or teenagers in hoodies (accidents happen), with this bad boy.
This shotgun customisation comes with built in compartments for all your basic needs, and a mounted torch/compass/knife combo that will keep you mangling zombies in the dark.
And what survivalist shot gun wouldn’t be complete without a Bible verse.
Zombies get a bad wrap. They’re just misunderstood. It’s hard wandering around craving brains. Society gives vampires like Edward Cullen, and our politicians, a pass on blood sucking behaviour, and it should be no different when it comes to the undead.
Should you be in a position to play fun games with a zombie in your neighbourhood this book may come in handy.
They say meat (particularly beef) is less tough if the animal isn’t stressed when it’s killed – and what could be less stressed than a brain-dead undead? That’s right. Zombie Jerky. A new high in the post zompocalypse culinary landscape.
You might not be worried about the Zompocalypse – but not being worried is not an excuse for not being prepared. One of the services we offer here at st-eutychus.com is keeping you and yours abreast with the latest in zombie fighting science, methods and technology.
You can check out some of what we’ve had to say previously here, here, and here.
Today I have collated some hints, tips, resources and how-tos from around the interwebs to aid you in your preparations should the unlikely event of a zombie outbreak occur.
First, the latest in anti-zombie weaponry…
via: Unreality Mag
This list is a bunch of survival tips gleaned from one of the recent seminal Zombie texts, the movie Zombieland.
10- Only pull the trigger if you’re ok with every ghoul within hearing-distance knowing exactly where dinner is.
11- Stay nourished and healthy.
12- Drive safe! (And by that of course I mean drive in a hummer or a large SUV with bars welded to all the windows, and if possible an escape hatch in the roof)
13- If you can avoid it, then do.
This little article has a nice guide to the theories behind surviving a zombie attack – the best bet is to pick a local shopping centre. For the US it’s an obvious choice – because Walmart carries firearms. In Australia it’s less simple. A Bunnings, next to an Anaconda, with a supermarket nearby is probably ideal…
“…scout out all the big box retailers that carry ammo and food. Not too many eh? Tough luck, blue-stater. Someplace like WalMart is ideal, especially with the Garden Center for seed and stuff for longterm survival. A big bonus would be a nearby Home Depot or some such place so you can get plenty of lumber and quick-mix concrete for fortification.
While you’re preparing, always keep in mind locations where people congregate – you’re likely to find lots of zombies there when things turn ugly. Highways, malls, and schools are especially bad. You also might want to mention to your friends and family in passing how well your hiding place could be defended, etc. That way, when the zombies come, they’ll remember you said that and come help you. I don’t recommend telling them you’re preparing for a zombie invasion. “
This piece has a guide to recognising zombies, and more importantly a guide to fighting them.
Here’s a handy guide to zombies in English:
And here’s another batch of ten tips from some zombie fighting experts.
“Choose Your Weapons Wisely: Not all weapons work for all people, and the trendiest zombie-fighting armaments aren’t always the best. When in doubt, melee weapons are a fine tool against the undead, but think twice before picking up that giant hammer. As satisfying as squishing zombie skull may be, swinging the hammer creates a sizable arc that gives zombies plenty of time to nibble at your armpits. GLAZS advises that you invest in a machete, which is cheap, lightweight, and neatly separates a zombie’s head from its bodies. As for ranged weapons, you may want to reconsider that sawed-off shotgun you’re so fond of. Bolt action rifles are both powerful and accurate, without the ammunition restrictions of the close-range shotgun.”
When I was living in North Queensland people used to madly rush to the shops whenever there was a cyclone warning. This caused untold stress on cashiers and often meant rudimentary items were suddenly highly prized – bringing the laws of supply and demand into play and causing price hikes on staple items. So when it comes to getting ready for the no doubt imminent zombie apocalypse it pays to be prepared. Here’s a handy list of items you should put together and keep somewhere safe – and accessible – you don’t want this in the garden shed when there are zombies banging on your door.
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Cordless Electric ChainsawWell you might not NEED a chainsaw to survive a zombie attack, but you will if you plan to have any fun! We suggest a cordless electric chain saw since you’re going to have to minimize on weight and extra objects like gasoline and maximize on mobility. The Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chain Saw will cut through up to 10 or 15 zombies on a single charge! At only 6.2 lbs, you can hang on to it and only use it when things get really hairy. $110 |
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ATAC Storm BootsWell protected feet will help you run farther; making a decent pair of combat boots your best friend in a zombie survival situation. And we couldn’t think of a better paid than the ATAC Storm boots since they are not only waterproof but blood borne pathogen resistant—they were practically designed with a zombie attack in mind! $130 |
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Life Gear Survival Backpack (Bug Out Bag)The Life Gear Survival Backpack offers 3 days of supplies, which we imagine is plenty of time either since the rescue helicopter will arrive before then or everyone will be eaten alive by zombies. The backpack includes a first aid kit, drinking system food and water storage, a respirator mask in case the infection is airborne and other items. To save space, we think you can toss the hygiene kit since no one will notice what you smell like amidst all the rotting flesh. |
To celebrate the Brisbane Zombie Walk (which happened today) I thought I’d post eleven great zombie things from around the interwebs. But before I begin – the ABC is releasing all its footage and photos of the Zombie Walk into the open source ether through a service called pool.org.au which looks pretty cool.
“ABC is building an online ‘town square’ for all Australians. Pool is a collaborative space where audiences become ‘co-creators’. It’s a place to share and talk about creative work – music, photos, videos, documentaries, interviews, animations and more.”
But now. The zombies.
Some people are so scared of the zombie apocalypse they’re preemptively screenprinting their black four wheel drives just so people know who to turn to…
I see trees of green, undead zombies too, I look around and think… well, I’ll leave watching this to you…
Shooting zombies with shotguns is the best way to get rid of them… but to do that you’ll need some target practice. Which is why it’s lucky that this company called law enforcement targets has targets you can use down at the shooting range…
If you want to plot your strategy using Lego men on a model of your city then you’ll need an accurate rendition of your zombie fighting weapons – and BrickArms has you covered.
In the event that zombies are overrunning the planet you might need a deterrent. Give the other zombies the impression that your house is already undead meat and they’ll head next door…
You can use one of these ornaments. Or several.
If zombies do take over the world then you’re going to have to learn how to get ahead in life. Your career in the new zombie world is going to depend on your man-eat-man approach to life. Which is where this book comes in…
Churches won’t really be safe in a zompocalypse. Gatherings of people will be too much like a buffet. Decapolis has you sorted with a nice approach to your devotional life…
“During a zombie attack, it’s really easy to be anxious. Zombies want your brain, and you probably would like to keep it for yourself. Yes, you have to think about physical stuff like, “Where’s the shotgun,” and “aim for the head,” but beneath all situations is a spiritual level.
…
You have to be able to point to something God has actually said if you are to have a real peace.RO 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Ah! There’s a promise God made. I can point to that verse and go, “Hey, I believe that promise.”
Now think of the things that make you anxious and replace “in all things” with your situation…
And we know that during zombie attacks God works for the good of those who love him.”
This one is gone – but there’ll be a new market for zombie teddy bears and toys – this one sold for $89 on ebay.
And then there’s the matter of wardrobe. These ones come via t-shirt rater.
iGroan
Zombies Were People Too
Zombies are going to get you. One day. Possibly. So it pays to be prepared. Luckily hard earned government research dollars are funding important studies at universities to help us cope with our impending, zombie fueled, doom.
The conclusion of the study (available in PDF form here, complete with mathematical modelling) is that:
An outbreak of zombies infecting humans is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead. While aggressive quarantine may eradicate the infection, this is unlikely to happen in practice. A cure would only result in some humans surviving the outbreak, although they will still coexist with zombies. Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the
available resources can be mustered in time.
Scary stuff. I’d suggest buying the “In Case of Zombies” shirt from Threadless for instructional purposes.
And then perhaps checking out this instructional video (starring Robyn’s little sister) for further tips for dealing with the zombie apocalypse.
ZOMBODY TO LOVE from Speedy Badger Films on Vimeo.
