1. 
   1
   queenstuss
   

   wrote on 14 June 2009 at 12:55

   I was given very sim­i­lar advice from a friend. She said to me: “you might think you’re wait­ing a long time, but who­ever you marry will prob­a­bly have been wait­ing just as long, if not longer”.

   
   
2. 
   2
   Leah
   

   wrote on 14 June 2009 at 23:18

   Hmm… yes and no.

   At this age you sure don’t need to start “wor­ry­ing” for a long time (not that we should ever worry). But we don’t have all the time in the world. Unless you want to be fifty and chas­ing after 2 year olds? (That is, if a 48-year-old woman suc­cess­fully con­ceives at that age… not that it can’t be done!)

   
   
3. 
   3
   Nathan
   

   wrote on 14 June 2009 at 23:31

   Umm, given that the exam­ple I gave was my “grand­fa­ther” I’d sug­gest there’s some sort of proof of con­cept — as in he must have man­aged to repro­duce and par­ent my father… and his sister.

   
   
4. 
   4
   Ali
   

   wrote on 15 June 2009 at 11:56

   Yes, but I doubt he mar­ried some­one 48, oth­er­wise he wouldn’t be anyone’s grand­fa­ther. Not con­vinced there’s “plenty of time” on that one.

   
   
5. 
   5
   Nathan
   

   wrote on 15 June 2009 at 12:13

   Gran was 30.

   It’s a fair point. I guess I’m writ­ing from a male per­spec­tive and not­ing the anx­i­ety that sin­gle­ness causes my male friends. Male friends my age (early to mid 20s).

   
   
6. 
   6
   Nathan
   

   wrote on 15 June 2009 at 12:14

   I have two aun­ties who had chil­dren in their early 40s. So it’s not beyond the realms of possibility.

   
   
7. 
   7
   queenstuss
   

   wrote on 15 June 2009 at 12:24

   Mar­riage is more than just about hav­ing chil­dren. Some­times you get mar­ried, even when you still have “plenty of time” and don’t get to have children.

   
   
8. 
   8
   queenstuss
   

   wrote on 15 June 2009 at 12:25

   I have a mother who had a baby when she was 40. The aver­age age of first time moth­ers is 31.

   
   
9. 
   9
   Ali
   

   wrote on 15 June 2009 at 13:40

   Yes, true (though I do think that bib­li­cally, hav­ing chil­dren is a very big part of the rea­son for marriage).

   And yes again to those sort of encour­ag­ing sta­tis­tics — though I have never heard of a woman hav­ing a baby at 48 or beyond, so the real­ity is that women have less time than men on these things.

   Any­way, maybe more guys ought to take your advice Nathan and then there might be more options left for women in their thirties :).

   
   
10. 
    10
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 13:56

    Guys are noto­ri­ously slack.

    
    
11. 
    11
    Ali
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 14:05

    Yeah Yeah!! (Sorry, that was my bit­ter and twisted outburst :) …).

    Though the fact that your grand­fa­ther then chose some­one 18 years younger than him with ample child-bearing years left is the not-so-encouraging bit.

    
    
12. 
    12
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 14:07

    The choos­ing requires will­ing­ness on both parts though — I’m sure, com­mit­ted bach­e­lor though he was, that he would have been open to other offers earlier.

    
    
13. 
    13
    Amy
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 14:19

    To throw some­thing in the other way though — I would say to all those sin­gle peo­ple — enjoy your singleness!

    It is strange from the other side of the fence hav­ing spent my entire adult life with some­body, and never know­ing what it is like to be totally independent.

    
    
14. 
    14
    Amy
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 14:21

    And sec­ond­ing Queen­s­tuss. Not hav­ing chil­dren doesn’t make your mar­riage any more or less valid.

    
    
15. 
    15
    Amy
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 14:22

    And also, while I’m on a roll — age should be more of an issue for men to con­sider with regards to chil­dren — there is a fair bit of research com­ing in that older fathers can lead to risks of health prob­lems just as much as an older mother.

    
    
16. 
    16
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 14:58

    Not to men­tion (accord­ing to research) dumber chil­dren. My dad being the obvi­ous exception…

    
    
17. 
    17
    Amy
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 15:19

    Or how much smarter would you be if he was younger…

    
    
18. 
    18
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 15:22

    Dad was pretty young — so I’m ok.

    
    
19. 
    19
    Amy
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 15:46

    You won­der how young then before it starts going the other way…

    Sorry, I mis­read. How much smarter would he have been if your grand­fa­ther was younger.

    These stats are all aver­ages of course, but it does give you some­thing to think about.

    
    
20. 
    20
    queenstuss
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 17:14

    uh oh. looks like the rest of my kids may not be too bright…

    
    
21. 
    21
    Ali
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 18:00

    I’m curi­ous about this implied notion of women mak­ing men “offers” .… (but let’s not have a “dat­ing rules” discussion).

    
    
22. 
    22
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 18:25

    I’m cer­tainly not sug­gest­ing that due process be ignored. But it’s much eas­ier to make an approach if you’ve got at least some idea what the answer will be. Propo­si­tion was prob­a­bly a bet­ter word. I think my point was that he wasn’t nec­es­sar­ily a com­mit­ted bach­e­lor lured from his intended path but instead some­one who waited a long time for the right per­son. Though I may be wrong.

    
    
23. 
    23
    Ali
    

    wrote on 15 June 2009 at 18:34

    No, well that all sounds fair enough to me. I think there is def­i­nitely some­thing in the “right per­son” notion, because expe­ri­ence sug­gests that no mat­ter how hard one or both peo­ple try in some sit­u­a­tions, or even how inter­ested two peo­ple are in each other, or which rules they break or keep, some­times things just sim­ply do not work out. It would seem that no method or game is ever going to work if God is not in it. And there, per­haps, your grand­fa­ther was right — in that things will hap­pen if/when they hap­pen and there is no point wor­ry­ing about it.

    
    
24. 
    24
    Tim
    

    wrote on 16 June 2009 at 1:11

    Though I must admit to being kinda amused by the post after all nathan you did move to NQ, chas­ing some­one being a major fac­tor of mov­ing. Do what I say not what I do?

    
    
25. 
    25
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 16 June 2009 at 8:07

    I don’t think that’s the point. The point I’m mak­ing is not that you shouldn’t act — it’s that you shouldn’t stress.
    They’re not the same.

    That’s not a par­tic­u­larly fair comment.

    
    
26. 
    26
    Ali
    

    wrote on 16 June 2009 at 9:49

    Yay! I was quite pleased to dis­cover that I can actu­ally get in here, com­ing from the email, since I am in at work today, but I was actu­ally going to com­ment, before read­ing your follow-up post: Good on you for chasing!

    Per­son­ally, I think men who chase is a good and attrac­tive thing (pro­vided we’re talk­ing about men within the realm of men­tal bal­ance and not the PAM (poten­tial axe mur­derer) kind here).

    
    
27. 
    27
    Amy
    

    wrote on 16 June 2009 at 9:58

    Chas­ing is good — shows ded­i­ca­tion!
    .
    But it’s much eas­ier to make an approach if you’ve got at least some idea what the answer will be.
    I like this. Is this why my hus­band asked me a cou­ple of times to marry him ‘just to check my answer’ before he pro­posed properly?

    
    
28. 
    28
    Leah
    

    wrote on 16 June 2009 at 16:31

    Nathan — I never sug­gested that age made peo­ple inca­pable of hav­ing kids.

    
    
29. 
    29
    Nathan
    

    wrote on 16 June 2009 at 16:36

    “Unless you want to be fifty and chas­ing after 2 year olds? (That is, if a 48-year-old woman suc­cess­fully con­ceives at that age… not that it can’t be done!)”

    Can you clar­ify the intended mean­ing of this com­ment then?

    I’m not sure I sug­gested you said “couldn’t” more “wouldn’t want to”

    
    

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