Chuck’ed up

You might have read Nathan’s liveblogging of Invasion USA – the Chuck Norris classic. Here’s my take.

This masterpiece opens with a boat of Cuban asylum seekers/drug runners. They’re killed by some nasty boat police. The nasty policemen are wearing aviator sunglasses. It’s funny how aviators went from being an accessory for evil people to something cool people wear. My dad has a pair of aviator sunglasses. I think he found them. Or maybe they found him.

Enter Chuck. I wonder if that’s his intentional name or if it was an accident by his parents at birth. He’s riding a hovercraft. I kind of think that hovercrafts are cool, but a little impractical and don’t have total driving precision.

The movie was interrupted by sleep.

Now there’s a lady with an 80s perm hanging out of a car window. She’s wearing a pink vest and high-rise pink jeans. With fashion like that I think she deserves to die. A second lady obviously thinks her sense of fashion can be redeemed and rescues her. Chuck is driving the car. So far he’s driven a hovercraft and a car. My hero.

The movie was interrupted by sleep again.

Chuck is now driving a car and wearing black gloves.

The movie was interrupted by sleep.

I awoke to the sound of children calmly singing “Row, row, row your boat” on a bus. They’re all sitting nicely and seem well behaved. Only in the movies would something like this happen. Chuck is driving a car again. The car gets blown up.

Chuck managed to get out of the car somehow and is now walking through a show ground. Not sure if he really deserves to travel in a car anymore after what happened to the last one.

The movie was interrupted by a very important game of LineUp. I scored 4682.

Back to Chuckie. He’s now walking through an office carrying a very big gun. I think he’s looking for somebody. He’s about to walk through a door but there’s two baddies on the other side. He shot them both. He’s my hero.

He checks his gun and then throws it away. Too bad because now another guy with a big gun is chasing him. There’s more shooting. I’m quite sick of the shooting noise now. I’ve decided that the movie only contains four different types of gun noises. The big machine gun type, single shot ones, the two bangs from a big gun and general all out shooting by everyone. Aside from that there’s explosions but explosions all sound the same.

Back to the action.  Chuckie and his friend are playing chasies in the office. There’s more shooting outside. That’s where all the action seems to be.  Chuckie’s friend has found a rocket launcher. There are army tanks outside in the street. I think they’re declared the winners because they’re the biggest. Now the contest is between Chuckie and his friend. Chuckie sneaks up behind his friend and shoots him. His blood and guts fly out the window. Slight overkill if you ask me.

And that’s the end of the movie… all in all I think Chuck is a lot like the driver from “Driving Miss Daisy” who carries a big gun. Total hero.