Tumblrweed: The Composites

If you’re one of those people who prefers to imagine characters from the page with your own imagination, and thus you avoid film versions of your favourite books – then look away.

But if you love the idea of using police composite software to bring book characters to life – then click this link. The Composites.

Here’s a sample – Rochester from Jane Eyre…

“Mr. Rochester, his foot supported by the cushion; he was looking at Adèle and the dog: the fire shone full on his face. I knew my traveller with his broad and jetty eyebrows; his square forehead, made squarer by the horizontal sweep of his black hair. I recognised his decisive nose, more remarkable for character than beauty; his full nostrils, denoting, I thought, choler; his grim mouth, chin, and jaw—yes, all three were very grim, and no mistake. His shape, now divested of cloak, I perceived harmonised in squareness with his physiognomy…My master’s colourless, olive face, square, massive brow, broad and jetty eyebrows, deep eyes, strong features, firm, grim mouth.”

Noted: Tea towel that looks like paper

If you want your kitchen to look like a stationery shop. And I mean. Who wouldn’t. Then you could start that ball rolling with this tea towel. I don’t know how you’d finish that ball rolling. But that’s not for me to decide. I’m not here to tell you how to run your life. Or decorate your kitchen.

The site is in German. And can I just say, for the record, that I think Google is doing its best to undo the work God did with the Tower of Babel. That’s actually the opening of a book I once started writing. That one day, if I give up writing on my blog, I might finish. But I doubt it.

Did you know I’ve nearly hit 5,000 posts here. If each post is longer than 150 words, on average, I’ve written more than a novel. That’s amazing. What’s also amazing is that this has nothing to do with note paper teatowels, except that if you printed the pages of my blog on note paper tea towels you’d have to use a lot of tea towels.

Guide to writing good fiction

I’ve never written more than a chapter of fiction (I have about 20 first chapters though if anybody wants to buy some). I always get stuck on giving good names to characters. Plot devices aren’t all that hard, there are only six plots afterall, and a limited number of twists. And character development (except for the elusive name) doesn’t phase me. The final piece of the writing puzzle is reaching an audience. You do this by being popular. Here’s a quick guide to popularity from XKCD.

Fiction Rule of Thumb

Tolkien, Shakespeare and Lewis Carroll get an exemption in the alt text.

Novel-T T-Shirts

Here’s a site from the 826NYC organisation that brought you my favourite super hero supply warehouse. This little fundraiser for budding rivals is best described using the blurb from the site…

“Jerseys are a great way to show support for your heroes–if your heroes happen to be athletes.

What if your heroes are found in the bookstore instead of the ballpark? What if books are your game?”

Captain Ahab is probably my favourite… but there’s an “Epic Whale” Moby Dick shirt too…

Deadly Read

I grew up on Choose Your Own Adventure books. But I used to cheat. I’d read them in reverse, because I didn’t want to die. It turns out that’s the wisest approach. Because the writers want you to die. Statistically speaking. This guy named Michael Niggel put together a flow chart of a typical Choose Your Own Adventure novel. It looks like this.

You can see a high quality PDF here.