The Beginners Guide to Taking Over the World – But Why?

So, Why would I want to rule the world anyway?

Well, a better question to ask might be – why wouldn’t you want to rule the world? That’s a question that’s quicker and easier to answer. There’s absolutely no reason not to want to rule the world, except maybe humility… and not being me. If you’re not me, I don’t really want you to rule the world, I don’t like competition.* I’m only writing this because I want people to understand where I’m coming from and how I achieved my success, preemptively. There are all sorts of reasons for wanting to take over the world, some of them selfish, some of them pure. Here’s a table of different reasons that fall into the two categories:

Selfish Pure
A hunger for power A misplaced desire to make the world a better place
A hunger for money, and power A sense of frustration with the current system of governance and a belief that you truly could do better
A desire to rid the world of certain people types that offend your sensibilities, like ballet dancing Turks, or girls who wear mini-skirts and Ugh Boots. This space left intentionally blank
To finally appease that attention-seeking tendency which had previously led to your dancing on tables at fancy restaurants, fully clothed dancing, during business meetings, get your mind out of the gutter. This space left blank by mistake
Because it’s a cool thing to do and you’re usually pretty bored on Saturdays. This space left blank due to a lack of authorial forethought.

I’ve never really understood those books by millionaire businessmen explaining their success and how they got there – doesn’t that just create more competition, as we’ve seen from the Microsoft case study, competition is never healthy, monopolies are heaps better for business. Maybe those mega rich businessmen like that Virgin guy, Richard Branson, just put false information in their books to send people down the wrong track, that’s what I’d do, if ever I wrote a book about how I took over the world… I mean, not like this book, but one written after the fact. You know like a biography, probably entitled “I did it my way” or something like that.