bad music – St. Eutychus

It’s Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. We. We. We. So Excited (and a 10 step guide to a YouTube hit)

It’s not really Thanksgiving. Is it? I hope Patrice Wilson, the man who produced both this video, and Rebecca Black’s Friday (and appeared in both), is happy.

It seems he is. He made this “official sequel” to Friday.

It seems he’s as equally happy to inflict bad song writing on himself as he is on his clients. That’s something.

But here’s how to write one of his hits in 10 steps…

Start with a visual or spoken queue that this particular day is important and has started. A calendar, or an alarm clock.
Say something about what you’re doing, or will do on this day. The more descriptive and mundane the better.
Talk about other days that are like this day, that aren’t this day, that have come before it.
Talk more about what you’re doing on this day.
Chorus about how excited you are about this day because it means something important. Put the words “we we we” and for bonus marks, spell something out.
Have an African American, preferably your producer, do a little rap. For street cred.
You do a little rap. For street cred. But don’t worry about rhyming. Or find two words that rhyme and use them over and over again.
Chorus again.
More about this day and how you wish it wouldn’t end.
Reflection on the fact that it did indeed end. But reflect that you feel changed by the day.

November 15, 2012

Could this be the worst marketing song ever written and performed?

I think so…

The Internet agrees. It’s not the worst song ever though. I can think of at least three that are worse. Here are some candidates:

And then, of course, there’s any song by the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse.

But this, of course, is the worst song ever.

September 27, 2012

Musical genius: rhyming words with the same words

Why haven’t more people thought of this…

August 30, 2012

Speaking of the end of the world and rapture music

Here are two probably more hideous songs than anything the Third Eagle might produce. Both are covers of The Final Countdown, which Arrested Development made one of the most annoying songs to be stuck in my head for all time.

May 26, 2012

“Ken Lee” by Mariah Carey

Twice today I’ve had people tell me to watch this. So I did. Thanks Joe and Jenny, and Arthur and Tamie.

May 19, 2012

Is this their time?

Part of me wants to celebrate this video as the epitome of exuberant youth, the other part of me wants to run screaming down the street aiming for some sense of mind numbing catharsis. You will be simultaneously richer and poorer for listening to this song from a teenage band in the states. It’s everything that is bad about overproduced Christian music – and I wouldn’t be surprised if these guys get some sort of recording deal in the wash.

The Vimeo version of“Shine” by Final Placement is missing presumed dead.

This video has gone viral and the funniest part of the story is that the guitarist dudded his mates in an attempt to salvage some pride – he jumped onto the discussion thread on the Dangerous Minds blog and defended his role in the cacophonic catastrophe.

Your enlightenment: Hello. I apologize for the rhythmless trainwreck of a song before you. The bassist and singer take all of this very seriously. This stuff is of paramount importance. They recorded this and asked me and a drummer to come play some parts on it. Whenever friends do this, I just follow ther direction blindly, letting them do whatever they want. This stuff will never get out to the public, right? Wrong on this one. So I guess this is me defending myself and the drummer. We are not members of the band. We were not asked if this could be made public on YouTube. If we had been, we would have undoubtedly said no. I guess we could have saved them a lot of trouble if we had just told them from the beginning their recording sucked. Questions? Feel free to ask more.

And the lyrics.

there are times when we all fall down
can’t seem to get it off the ground
you put your hope on what you do
but still feel you never get through

you know it’s hard
most of the time
but one fine day
you will find

this is your life
this is your time
it’ll be alright
you’re gonna shine
a second chance
a brand new day
don’t give up
you’ll find a way

so take a deep breath
and close your eyes
this is your life
you’re gonna shine
cause this is your life

you think the world has got you and
you can’t seem to like happy end and
it’s a one step forward two steps back
the train is running off the tracks

you know it’s hard
most of the time
but one fine day
you will find

this is your life
this is your time
it’ll be alright
you’re gonna shine
a second chance
a brand new day
don’t give up
you’ll find a way

so take a deep breath
and close your eyes
this is your life
you’re gonna shine
cause this is your life

(solo)

take it all in stride
one step at a time
cause someday you will find
the words you’re looking for

take it all in stride
one step at a time
cause someday you will find
the words you’re looking for

this is your life
this is your time
it’ll be alright
you’re gonna shine
a second chance
a brand new day
don’t give up
you’ll find a way

so take a deep breath
and close your eyes
this is your life
you’re gonna shine
cause this is your life

February 25, 2010