Step 1. Hold around the waist.
Step 2. Lift.
No. That was a bad joke. This is a video promoting Song of Songs pick up lines. It looks like it features Ben Witherington IV (which I assume is what Ben Witherington III would name his son?). I really have no idea if it is. I made that up.
Oh. My. I hope this is satirical. I really do. From a website called Date to Save comes this list of tips for using your looks for the gospel.
From the site:
“Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I’m a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don’t know is that I’m hot. My picture below isn’t really that good. I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same, according to the Great Commission.”
“So, I created this web page for information regarding the calling of Missionary Dating. First of all, it helps that you’re good looking. Romans 12:1 says “to offer your bodies as living sacrifices.” Since our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), it makes sense that we should use our beautiful bodies to glorify HIS name, the Holy Spirit will work the strongest since He’s in our body, right? That’s the best position to be in!
Not only can we date hot guys (as only hot Christian girls could do), but hopefully we can lead them to God and help them get saved them from the burning fires of Hell. I’ve outlined a few tips to help you get a date off to the right start, step-by-step. Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!”
Ten Tips for Hot Christian Evangelism
1. If he tells you that you are hot…
Tell him God made you hot.
2. If he wants to hold your hand…
Give him a Bible.
3. If he tries to get closer…
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
4. If he asks to pay for dinner…
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
5. If he reaches his arm around you…
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could “lay hands” on him in prayer)
6. If he tries to kiss you…
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you’re not ready to “speak in tongues”)
7. If he asks to come inside…
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
8. If he tells you he loves you…
Tell him that Jesus loves him.
9. If he gets angry that you won’t put out…
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean “Who would Jesus Do.”
10. After you dump him…
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.
Xtranormal is a text-to-video editor that I used a while ago to make a video of my pet Nigerian Scammer.
Here it has been put to a different use – showing just how dumb a batch of Calvinist pick up lines might sound in real life. Just in case you’re working your way through the process of Christian pick up artistry.
The video comes via 22 Words.
This slightly creepy guy named “Greg D” runs a slightly creepy website (which is now “under construction” so you might need to check out the cached version. And also includes video tips. His “meetup” group is still running.
Conversation starter: “Are you in a gang”…