Party like a Presbyterian

If there’s one thing Presbyterians like it’s a party.

So if you’re a Presbyterian who likes to party you should get a hold of this slightly awful Christian rap

Here’s a promo video. This is all the sample I needed.

Christian rap kids sing wearing snuggies

Don’t people know YouTube videos can be set to private?

Hardcore bible thumping spirit filled Jesus freaks

Oh. No. This even gets autotuned at the end. It’s like all the badness merged together. I like how they say this is the “official film clip” in the title – as though anybody is going to make an unofficial one that could possibly be worse than some guy sitting in front of a fence, if you watch closely you’ll notice that they horizontally flip one of the clips (which makes all the writing backwards) – is there some sort of backwards masking going on there?

Bad Christian Rap…

Eww.

Double eww.

And umm. Again. Bad.

Found these on White People Rapping Poorly. Enjoy is probably the wrong word.

Insanity prevails

The internet is atwitter (it’d be abuzz if Google’s social networking effort didn’t suck quite so much) with news that the Insane Clown Posse, famously shocking shock rockers who fuse professional wrestling, abhorrent lyrics about sex and gangster violence with clown make up and circus garb, have been covert Christians for 20 years, trying to bring people to Jesus through the power of gangster. If true they are the poster boys for “contextualisation” gone wrong.

Read a couple of articles… like this one, and this one, tell me what you think. There are lyrical clues in some of their songs. But they are alongside such gems as:

“She hit me in the balls. I grabbed her by her neck. And I bounced her off the walls. She said it was an accident and then apologised. But I still took my elbow and blackened both her eyes”

Which is apparently satire.

Or:

“Barrels in your mouth/bullets to your head/The back of your neck’s all over the shed/Boomshacka boom chop chop bang.”

Here’s their testimony in a newly released single to clear up years of “mystery” surrounding the clues they’ve dropped over the course of their career, including a six album series.

“F*** it, we got to tell.

All secrets will now be told

No more hidden messages

…Truth is we follow GOD!!!

We’ve always been behind him

The carnival is GOD

And may all juggalos find him

We’re not sorry if we tricked you.”

Interesting. Undercover gangster rapper agents might not have been quite what Paul had in mind when he spoke of being all things to all men. But here’s the rationale from the two insane clowns:

“You have to speak their language. You have to interest them, gain their trust, talk to them and show you’re one of them. You’re a person from the street and you speak of your experiences. Then at the end you can tell them: God has helped me.”

Even the journalist writing that article could spot a problem with the logic:

“Of course, one might argue that 20 years was, under the circumstances, an incredibly long time for them to have pretended to be unholy, and that, from a Christian perspective, the harm they did while feigning unholiness may even have outweighed the greater good.”

If you’re curious to see what undercover Christian gangster rappers look and sound like, here’s a video from one of their more overtly “Christian” songs. I haven’t listened to the words yet, but doubtless it needs a language warning (as do those links).