During the kid’s spot at church the other day our minister was talking about the gross cool stories in the Bible. It got me thinking about my ten favourite Bible stories (because I’m a boy) – the ten stories I’d put in a book of Bible stories to excite young boys.
If someone hasn’t already done this I’m going to turn it into a book. Ten chapters long.
Here are my ten favourite Bible men. Who are yours?
- Abraham – gets a hot wife, goes on adventures.
- Joseph – goes to prison, becomes the boss. It’s a rags to riches story. Plus his big brothers beat him up, and he gets a chance to get back at them and does the right thing.
- Moses – stands up to a king, fights for injustice, does magic, starts a revolution – Che Gueverra was Moses-lite.
- Ehud – well, he’s partly disabled (left handed), he assassinates a king ninja style, then hides him in the toilet and coolly escapes pursuing armies.
- Samson – two words. Donkey. Jawbone.
- David – kills a giant, has fun killing bad guys with his best friend Jonathan who also manages to kill lots of bad guys, then takes over as king from Jonathan’s dad without him getting angry about birthrights and stuff.
- Elijah – Single handedly takes down another religion with his alter v alter shenanigans. Does other cool stuff.
- Elisha – shows a gang of bullying teenagers that baldness is no laughing matter – by getting wild bears to attack them.
- Jesus – Stares down the devil, collects a posse of merry adventurers and rages against the social and religious machines. Then dies and rises.
- Paul – A reformed bad guy who travels the world by foot and by ship – gets shipwrecked, stoned almost to death and eventually executed by the state, and writes half the New Testament in the process.
Good list. I’d like to be manly like them. Who wouldn’t.
Don’t go stealing my idea now people…