Tag: jokes

The punning computer

Some computer scientists have spent their time, and dedicated their expertise, to creating a punning monster. Puns, after all, are jokes by numbers – and computers speak a language of 1s and 0s.

Here’s how it works.

Here are some of the results.

How is an unclean tinned meat different from a pampered sacred writing?
One is a soiled spam the other is a spoiled psalm.

What kind of pre-school has wine?
A play-grape.

What do you call a washing machine with a September?
An Autumn-natic Washer

Why I tell the Tractor Joke

Mark asked me what the webcomic with the blackboard was. It prompted a return visit to Surviving the World. This edition perfectly sums up why I tell the tractor joke…

Pardon the interruption

This is the funniest Kanye joke yet

Kanye and Genesis

Here’s another one… knock knock
Who’s there?
Interrupting Kanye
Interupting Ka…
Yo, doorman, I know you have to welcome me, and I’m going to let you finish, but Beyonce told the best knock knock joke of all time…

I made that one myself. Can you tell?

Speaking of which, I’m always on the look out for knock knock jokes – tell me your favourites in the comments.

Go with the flow

Another useful flow chart (from here)…

Sadly, I realise that today is Wednesday, which means I missed my YouTube Tuesday post for this week. Thanks to the magic of wordpress it will appear in the past when I find a video worth posting.

No laughing matter

You know what’s not funny – and hasn’t been for weeks – every time someone mentions the fact that they have cold or flu like symptoms somebody in the audience will invariably make reference to Swine Flu.

It’s not funny because Swine Flu is a serious topic – it’s not funny because when everybody comes up with the same lame joke the joke is dead.

There are funny Swine Flu jokes around – look them up. Suggesting that a cough is indicative of Swine Flu is at best derivative – you’re also at least a month behind the curve of public opinion if you think it’s still interestingly or topically humourous.
Please stop.

A duck walks into a bar

At my biggest little sister’s high school graduation – or maybe it was my middle little sister’s (they’re all a blur to me) – the school principal made a rather vacuous speech featuring a joke about a duck. A duck that walked into a bar looking for bread. I won’t retell it here. But his take on it was that the duck was persistent and would ultimately get what it wanted. It was a bad speech.

Jokes about bars are as old as bars. Probably. There are a whole lot of bar jokes in the comments of this blog here. Which also retells the duck joke. And explores the history of bar jokes. A bit. It’s actually an interesting blog. I just added it to my burgeoning list of google reader subscriptions.

These made me laugh…

Language warning on both these though – only mild for the top one… it’s bleeped out.