macabre crochet

Roadkilling me softly

I love it when disparate topical threads get brought together into a thrilling conclusion. That’s why I like movies like Lock Stock so much – here’s a combination of two of my favourite things – macabre toys and roadkill.

Roadkill Plush Toys. That’s right. Cheer up your kiddy (or your inner kiddy) with the thought that things could be much worse.

“Grind (Rabbit) Plush Toy

* He measures a healthy 12 inches from the tip of his twitching nose to his outstretched back paws, and 5 inches across the widest part of his body. His fluffy bunny ears add another 5 inches to his length. One is half-cocked vertically upwards, the other lies flat on the ground. In the middle he squishes out to 3 inches high with the blood and guts stuffed in, and 2 inches high with them out. He weighs a piffling 1.6 kilos. He won’t be the first to admit it, but as his modest dimensions show he was the runt of the litter. A litter which stretched to 211 brothers and sisters.

Splodge (Hedgehog) Plush Toy

* He measures a statuesque 23 cms from nose to tail, and 21 cms from outstretched paw to paw. And in the middle he flattens out to 13 cms high with the blood and guts stuffed in, and 11 cms high with them out. At 300 grams he’s slightly overweight for a hedgehog. This is due to his unhealthy obsession with bread and milk.

Twitch (Raccoon) Plush Toy

* He measures a healthy 15 inches from nose to tail, and 10 inches from outstretched paw to paw. And in the middle he flattens out to 2 inches high with the blood and guts stuffed in, and 1 inch high with them out. He weighs a piffling 350 grams. He won’t be the first to admit it, but as his modest dimensions show he was the runt of the litter.”

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