North Queensland

Preparing your zombie apocalypse kit

When I was living in North Queensland people used to madly rush to the shops whenever there was a cyclone warning. This caused untold stress on cashiers and often meant rudimentary items were suddenly highly prized – bringing the laws of supply and demand into play and causing price hikes on staple items. So when it comes to getting ready for the no doubt imminent zombie apocalypse it pays to be prepared. Here’s a handy list of items you should put together and keep somewhere safe – and accessible – you don’t want this in the garden shed when there are zombies banging on your door.

Essential Gear to Survive a Zombie Attack

Cordless Electric Chainsaw

Well you might not NEED a chainsaw to survive a zombie attack, but you will if you plan to have any fun! We suggest a cordless electric chain saw since you’re going to have to minimize on weight and extra objects like gasoline and maximize on mobility. The Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chain Saw will cut through up to 10 or 15 zombies on a single charge! At only 6.2 lbs, you can hang on to it and only use it when things get really hairy. $110

Essential Gear to Survive a Zombie Attack

ATAC Storm Boots

Well protected feet will help you run farther; making a decent pair of combat boots your best friend in a zombie survival situation. And we couldn’t think of a better paid than the ATAC Storm boots since they are not only waterproof but blood borne pathogen resistant—they were practically designed with a zombie attack in mind! $130

Essential Gear to Survive a Zombie Attack

Life Gear Survival Backpack (Bug Out Bag)

The Life Gear Survival Backpack offers 3 days of supplies, which we imagine is plenty of time either since the rescue helicopter will arrive before then or everyone will be eaten alive by zombies. The backpack includes a first aid kit, drinking system food and water storage, a respirator mask in case the infection is airborne and other items. To save space, we think you can toss the hygiene kit since no one will notice what you smell like amidst all the rotting flesh.
$68

Crocs in the backyard

Stuss has posted a little bit of news that has been circulating on the local radio today. A crocodile – reported to be between 2.5 and 3 metres – was hit on one of Townsville’s main roads at 3am today. You need to remember that most people* in north Queensland are fishermen so that figure should be taken with a grain of salt and some chips.

One of the things that is particularly idiosyncratic to the North Queensland psyche is this “siege mentality”, or something close to that, regarding how the rest of the world sees us. The rest of the world thinks North Queensland starts at Gympie. When as far as we’re concerned North Queensland (the government statistical region) starts at Ayr and extends to Cardwell. Townsville is the capital of this region. Far North Queensland stretches from Cardwell to Cooktown. Townsville is also the capital of that region.

We, in Townsville, don’t like it that people attribute things, like Port Douglas’ population of crocodiles that regularly “interact” with local children and animals, to everyone in “North Queensland”. And we don’t like it when cyclones hit somewhere more than 200km away and we all get tarred with the same brush. The confusion is widespread.

Greater north Queensland is anything from Mackay North – and again, Townsville is the capital of that region. Confused? Well weather producers around the country are too – so much so that I was once asked to draft a letter to send to them pointing out that Townsville is much bigger than Cairns and has a bigger economy. We don’t have the penetration in the national psyche that Cairns does thanks to its position as a tourism destination.

Much of the confusion was initially created by Townsville’s “twin city”, Thuringowa, which robbed us of vital population statistics for many years. That confusion has not yet been eradicated by the council amalgamations. But maybe one day Townsville will receive the recognition it deserves.

This is particularly likely if we continue to experience phenomenal weather events and have crocs wandering the streets at night.

It’s a problem of capitalisation. Townsville sees itself as the “capital” of all the different nominal definitions of north Queensland. We are the largest city in northern Australia. Bigger than Darwin (which also suffers a “split personality”). The other “capitalisation” confusion comes when describing north Queensland – we describe greater north Queensland with a little “n” but specifically refer to our part of north Queensland with a capital N. North Queensland is at the heart of north Queensland. Townsville is at the heart of the heart of north Queensland – so we are rightfully the capital. Confused? Good.

*gross exaggeration

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