parenting advice

How to really mess up your kid

d’Armond Speers is obviously a bit angry at the name his parents gave him. So he decided to seriously mess up his son’s life by speaking to him exclusively in Klingon for the first three years of his life.

“I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language,” Speers told the Minnesota Daily. “He was definitely starting to learn it.”

Luckily for the kid, it seems is all turned out ok…

As for Speers, who still gets nostalgic when he recalls singing the Klingon lullaby “May the Empire Endure” with his son at bedtime, the experiment was a dud. His son is now in high school and doesn’t speak a word of Klingon.

Although some of the things he’s done lead people to believe he’s a “Star Trek” fanatic, Speers said it’s actually a passion for language that attracts him to Klingon.

Parenting with teeth

I’m no parent. But I do like to give random parenting advice to those who are. Purely on the basis of having once been a child.

Dear parents. Please smack your children, keep them disciplined, train them to respond to a series of whistles (no joke – Robyn’s uncle has done this, it’s fantastic), think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, drive them from one extra-curricular activity to the next, feed them good stuff, feed them bad stuff, breast feed them until they can walk, talk or run… well, maybe not that one – and feel free to overshare about their toilet training as much as you like… just please, please don’t post a video of their drug induced stupor on the Internet – or do anything that may come back to haunt them as an adult… like making them use this dummy (found here):

Yes, it may look hilarious. At first. You may want to show all your friends how cute your little angel is with big buck teeth… but they won’t thank you for it later. Trust me.

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