Perhaps like me you suffer from an inferiority complex because you can’t grow a moustache – probably not if you’re female – here’s something that will help me, and those of my hirsutely challenged ilk… A nice clip-on moustache for your drink bottle, so that whenever a drink is pressed to your lips you feel properly manly.
You know what this is? The most awesome USB drive ever – even cooler than the guy who turned his finger into a thumb drive… it’s a shuriken. For your ninja themed office.
It’ll only set you back ¥10500 for 2GB of storage and comes with this warning:
Please note that this product is not a “real’ Shuriken, and cannot be used as such, also we would like to remind you that this product may be dangerous due to its sharp edgez and MUST be handle with care.
Next time you’re having a BBQ featuring charcoal chicken, or indeed any occasion when you’re serving any sort of chicken, liven up the party (almost literally) with these ceramic chicken heads… a bargain at amazon – $US14.95 for the set of three.
For those of you looking for some other Tetris inspired design – perhaps to complement the Tetris dining set or Tetris shelving I’ve mentioned before – here’s a little set of herb pots, or perhaps coloured dishes for keeping safety pins and stuff in…
Those of you worried about my safety while I play with the heart and mind of a vulnerable young man in Cote D’Ivoire who is trying to steal all my money should take some solace from this website… or this one…
This is my goal people. To one day receive a larger than life Commodore 64 Keyboard in the mail. In this case I’ll settle for a John 3:16 photo and a good chance to reprimand the toerag for trying to steal my money (while also coming clean that I’m not a 57 year old businessman)… that seems the ethically appropriate thing to do.
My African friend has withdrawn a little since I told him that I would have difficulty raising funds without his cooperation. But I’ll keep you posted.
There’ll be a couple of links in my links post later today about Google’s latest innovation – Wave – which is being billed as “the way we would have invented email if it was invented now”… or something like that.
It raises an interesting question – what other things do we do that would be done completely differently were they thought of now? There are heaps of examples I can think of where ideas are refined and developed rather than being groundbreaking.
But I’m wondering more about church – particularly in the context of my ongoing discussion with Izaac.
My question is this… if Sydney’s Anglican church (or in fact any church/diocese/denomination anywhere) were starting from scratch today would they go about things with their church in every suburb (exaggeration)/saturate the market geographically strategy?
Is what we do in any situation ever the best model just because it’s been developed from experience? Or should we step back and reinvent the wheel at every turn. And do you need Google’s billions to do that?
This isn’t a groundbreaking concept by any means, I just haven’t really thought it through with regards to everything I do before. We tend to be so keen on natural progression that it rules out lateral decision making at every step of our processes.
When it comes to internet phenomenons I don’t normally go for “cute”, and I’m not one of those animal people – unless the animal tastes good. But this little critter is awesome. It’s a Pygmy Jerboa. Robyn will no doubt now ask me to get one as a pet…
You may have missed it… but friend Izaac and I have been arguing the merit or otherwise of Sydney’s oversupply of evangelical churches and full time ministry workers back at this post of links – where I threw in a little comment that a densely populated map of Anglican churches in Sydney was a cause for concern not celebration.
This is what I said…
To me, this pretty much sums up the problems with the Sydney Anglicans – so many churches in such a small geographical space. It’d be interesting to plot the number of evangelical churches around the rest of the country in comparison.
It has sparked an interesting discussion. I think. Check out the discussion (and join in) here… Should church planting and/or evangelism be considered in the framework of economics? I think so…
This whole scambaiting thing is amusing – but I’d like to throw it open to the rest of you for some input.
This whole thing feels a bit like a Choose Your Own Adventure book – I used to skip to the end, find the ending I wanted, and work my way backwards – but that’s cheating.
I have a few ideas for how I can try to go about this business (once I get my John 3:16 picture) – and I’d live votes from you, my audience, and perhaps suggestions… here are my options.
a) Get indignant with Michel and point out that his actions are not consistent with his doctrine.
b) Try to engage further in a theological discussion on baptism – pointing out that baptism does not in fact save Michel, only repentance and trusting in Jesus will do that – and repentance does not look like swindling foreigners out of their money.
c) Continue stringing Michel along for as long as possible asking outrageous questions in the hope he’ll continue to provide comedic gold.
d) Try to turn the owner of the Secure Deposit Company corrupt – Michel insisted I not mention the money hidden in his secure deposit box – perhaps I should.
e) Tell the lawyer I think Michel is trying to swindle me and ask for advice about how to end the transaction.
f) Actually pay the money – or pretend to, and have it stolen by pirates…
g) Slowly but surely catch on that this is a scam and act hurt that Michel has betrayed his “daddy Campbell”…
Any other ideas? Any other questions you’d like Michel to answer?
There comes a time in any transaction where you come across “the rub” – the point of friction – the place where everything starts to make sense. Where you have to put up, or shut up. I plan to do neither. Michel has other plans. Lets see who wins out…
“Dearest Daddy Campbell,
Yes I am baptised so my sin are been forgiven. Sir, the lawyer called me now that he has verified the cost of the legal documents needed to change of ownership of the consignment in your name. The lawyer said that they required us to pay a total of €2500 before the legal documents can be issued in your name as my apointed foreign trustee. Please I do not have the money and it becoming source of my worries. please I am pleading to you to help me pay the money to the lawyer so that the lawyer will get the documents today and the security company will process the change of ownership by tomorrow and the consignment will released immediately.
Michel”
I do plan to point out the flaw in Michel’s hyper-baptist position – but first I have to weasel out of paying him his €2500…
That is a lot of money Michel. Enough for me to be a little worried. It will take me some time to gather that – the exchange rate between our countries currency and British Pound is not so good.
I am glad to hear you are baptised – it comforts me that should things go wrong you will be safe in the Heavenly Father’s arms. We will meet in heaven if not here on earth…
I will do my best to secure the money – it is complex because my accountant watches every penny. I will need to take on a degree of risk. You promised me this would not be a risky transaction.
I really do need some sign of good faith – proof that you are not trying to swindle me. I feel compelled to trust you. I really do. But I need to know that the face at the other side of the camera is a trustworthy one – and that you are a real person. I really must insist that you provide that photo with the John 3:16 sign – how else will I know that you are who you say you are if you can not provide me with this.
Yours in Christ.
J
Are of course “Security, Security, Security…”, which takes on new meaning when you’re dealing with dangerous international pirates.
The security company has contacted me to help facilitate the transfer of the safety deposit box (stashed with secret cash) into my possession. Their email is all in caps – and it pretty much makes your eyes bleed. It started like this:
“ATTN: MR. JONATHAN CAMPBELL,
WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF THE INFORMATION FORWARDED TO US IN RESPECT TO THE RELEASE AND DELIVERY OF A DEPOSIT MADE BY MR BENJAMIN ROBERT WITH REFERENCE NUMBER (ASV/XXX/ZVXW/AAM56KN) TO YOU AS THE APPOINTED RECEIVER AS CONTAINED IN THE RELEASE APPLICATION FORM SUBMITTED BY MICHEL ROBERT (MR)..
WE HAD ALSO RECEIVED AN APPLICATION RELEASE FORM FROM MICHEL ROBERT (MR)TOO IN REGARDS TO YOUR LETTER AS MENTIONED ABOVE.WE ARE HONOURED TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS DEPOSIT IS INTACT AND SAFE IN OUR SECURITY COMPANY AND READY FOR FURTHER DELIVERY ACTIONS .
WE ARE AWARE OF THE QUEST TO DELIVER THE CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR RESIDENT ADDRESS AND THUS IT IS REQUIRED BY LAW TO SATISFY THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENTS TO LEGALLY AUTHORISE THE RELEASE OF THIS DEPOSIT TO YOU AS THE BENEFICIARY.”
Then, I was to contact some lawyer who suffers from a clear case of nominal determinism…
YOU ARE DIRECTED TO CONTACT OUR ACCREDITTED LAWYER SINCE YOU ARE NON RESIDENT HERE FOR THE PURPOSE OF SECURING THIS PAPERWORK IN YOUR FAVOUR AND TO ENSURE THAT EVERYTHING IS DONE LEGALLY. THE LAWYER’S CONTACT DETAILS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
HUISSIER DE JUSTICE.
16 BP 532 ABIDJAN 16RUE BOULEVARD DU GABON
ABIDJAN COTE D’IVOIRE.EMAIL: huissier_de_justice1@rocketmail.com
DIRECT TELEPHONE +22507292581
PRINCIPAL ATTORNEY (OUMAR SANOGOGO ESQ)
What a name. Oh well. I wrote back to the security company.
Whoa Dr Duke, ease up on the caps lock. It makes your correspondence difficult to read.
I am very happy you responded to me. I wonder if you can do me a favour, as we are about to enter into this significant transaction.
Would it be possible for me, as executor and legal owner of this deposit, to arrange for my ward – Michel Robert – to have some personal time with the container. He has some personal items to place in the container, and some to remove. He must have access to the box in complete private before it is released to my care.
I have copied Michel in to this email so that he knows you have my authorisation to allow him to access the box.
Please write to me when this has been completed so I will stop worrying about this transaction.
In the meantime I will contact this lawyer.
The nearest airport to me is the Brisbane International Airport in Australia.
Yours Faithfully,
JNC
And then to the Lawyer, where I planted a seed for potentially trying to turn him against himself (in the guise of Michel).
Dr Mr Huissier De Justice,
Wow, that’s a great name for a lawyer. Did you change it by deed poll? Can I change mine too…
Actually, that is an entirely unrelated matter to my email.
I am about to remove a safety deposit box from your country and have it transferred to mine. I am told I need some paperwork from you in order to facilitate this.
You’re a lawyer, so I’ll be honest with you, I have some concerns about this transaction. Is it normal in Cote D’Ivor for a man’s uncles to be trying to kill him? My poor ward Michel Robert is terrified by these men who are clearly dangerous. I worry about his safety. Can you reassure me that he will be ok. He wants me to act quickly – and I’m afraid that some of my business commitments in Australia prevent me from engaging in this transaction as quickly as he requires.
In the meantime – I need to secure a change of ownership authority as I am taking ownership of the consignment from my friend Michel’s deceased father.
I trust you will act with discretion on this matter. Can I trust you? I would hope that I can and ask that you keep my concerns to yourself and do not mention them to the Security company.
Yours faithfully,
Jonathan “Nathan” Campbell
Anyone following my current scammer saga will know I’ve been pressing friend Michel on his position on baptism. Today he answered, but it wasn’t enough. I am seeking clarification for your edification. Here is his response:
Dearest Daddy Nathan,
How are you doing today. I am still really dont understand what you mean by baptism but I beleive baptism is a sign of forgiveness of sin. Everything I told you about me and my inheritance is truth and nothing but the truth, god is my witness. As I said earlier, I do not have any money with me now and that was why I am very worried to make sure we claim the consignment from the security company so that you will send me some money immediately you receive the consignment and deposit the money into your account. I will provide you the pictures holding a card bearing the words “John 3:16 as a sign of my trust and confidence in you but that should be when you receive the consignment and send me some money because at the moment, I dont have money to pay a photographer considering the fact my present situation here. Please be rest assured that the consignment will delivered to you as soon as the change of ownership are made in your name as my foreign trustee.
No money to pay a photographer. This is unacceptable to me. I am very concerned. Perhaps friend Michel is trying to, how do you say, “take me for a ride…”
Michel,
Thankyou for responding. I was starting to worry. So much that I did a little research on the internet after my friend’s warnings.I am a little concerned. I would hate to be caught up in some sort of plot to steal my money. But I believe that you, a Christian, and my son in Christ Jesus, would not lie to me. This is why I ask for this photo. If I know that you are prepared to find a photographer to produce a photo on my request I will know that you are legitimate.Thank you for answering my question about baptism – I’m sorry it confused you. I was asking about your view on whether children should be baptised – I believe this is a key theological issue. It will be easier for me to trust you if I know you are a true believer. So can you tell me what you think on that matter? And can you also tell me what is your favourite verse from the Bible.I know you’ve said you don’t have any money at the moment – but I have an idea. I will write to the security company to organise a viewing for you of the box (on my behalf). When you are there you should be able to remove some cash.My accountant monitors my spendings closely and I do not think I can send you any spare money at this stage. I will need to find some excuse to withdraw a significant amount to help you out.I will contact the security company – who have also asked me to contact a lawyer – and wait for your answers and the photo. I can’t stress how important this photo is to me. I don’t want to leave you in danger – but equally I don’t want to be caught out in some sort of international fraud. I need this photo.
From the completely imitable Failblog.
