10 tips for hot Christian evangelism: A guide to missionary dating from a “hot Christian”

Nathan Campbell —  February 1, 2011

Oh. My. I hope this is satirical. I really do. From a website called Date to Save comes this list of tips for using your looks for the gospel.

From the site:

“Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I’m a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don’t know is that I’m hot. My picture below isn’t really that good. I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same, according to the Great Commission.”

“So, I created this web page for information regarding the calling of Missionary Dating. First of all, it helps that you’re good looking. Romans 12:1 says “to offer your bodies as living sacrifices.” Since our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), it makes sense that we should use our beautiful bodies to glorify HIS name, the Holy Spirit will work the strongest since He’s in our body, right? That’s the best position to be in!

Not only can we date hot guys (as only hot Christian girls could do), but hopefully we can lead them to God and help them get saved them from the burning fires of Hell. I’ve outlined a few tips to help you get a date off to the right start, step-by-step. Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!”

Ten Tips for Hot Christian Evangelism
1. If he tells you that you are hot…
Tell him God made you hot.

2. If he wants to hold your hand…
Give him a Bible.

3. If he tries to get closer…
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.

4. If he asks to pay for dinner…
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!

5. If he reaches his arm around you…
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could “lay hands” on him in prayer)

6. If he tries to kiss you…
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you’re not ready to “speak in tongues”)

7. If he asks to come inside…
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.

8. If he tells you he loves you…
Tell him that Jesus loves him.

9. If he gets angry that you won’t put out…
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean “Who would Jesus Do.”

10. After you dump him…
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.

Nathan Campbell

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Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His Daughter. Coffee. And the Internet. He is currently a student at the Queensland Theological College and a mercenary PR Consultant.

8 responses to 10 tips for hot Christian evangelism: A guide to missionary dating from a “hot Christian”

  1. Okay, couldn’t resist. Visited the site.

    She’s from California, so it can’t be satire. She might be a sociopath or narcissist, though. From her Q&A page

    What happens if the person I am dating becomes a Christian?

    Praise God!!! That hasn’t happened to me yet (still just planting seeds!), but you have two choices: Dump him and start dating a better-looking nonbeliever… or keep dating the person you’re with now. I’d just see how hot he (or she) is and base the decision on that. The Bible says “man looks at the outward appearance; God looks at the heart.” We’re definitely not God, so just decide if your date is hot enough for you (after praying about it, of course).

  2. Surely. Has to be.

    Can’t see how it could not be satire. It’s just a little underdone though. Deliberately?

    If not…

    *groan in tongues that words cannot express*

  3. In fact, not just groan. Smite.

  4. Looking at their twitter it seems like it’s satirical. I’m kind of disappointed, I guess I really wanted it to be serious!

  5. Nathan Campbell February 2, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Yeah. I was really hoping it was real too. But it just read too much like something I’d write if I was writing a fake website about missionary dating. Oh well.

  6. “it just read too much like something I’d write if I was writing a fake website about missionary dating.”

    Exactly.

  7. So the Tamara following us on Twitter is actually you Nathan?

  8. Nathan Campbell February 3, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    She must just be following all the people on my list or something (though I don’t think she’s following me). Odd.