Heroin is so passe…

For those of you who are wondering what on earth that title is talking about you should go here.

It would seem that the world’s most famous drug addict is in trouble again. Pete Doherty is a “musician” who owes much of his fame to his shambolic attempts at life in the media fishbowl – he is/was going out with supermodel Kate Moss. He’s also famously been arrested about 30 (I actually have no idea how many, but it’s a lot) times for drug related crimes. Yesterday the pinnacle of the English print media, The Sun – famous for its topless page 3 girls – printed photos of Doherty injecting some form of presumably illicit substance into the arm of an unconscious girl. Today he was arrested for his efforts. None of this is particularly exciting – but it reminded me of a story I heard on JJJ a while back. There’s a band/group of pseudo political activists/social commentators called the KLF. They famously burnt a $1 million pound art grant (they literally set fire to a pile of money) and did some other crazy stuff. A few month back the KLF released a press release claiming to have actually invented Pete Doherty’s career. Conspiracy websites all over the net picked up the story and ran with it. They claimed it was an experiment based on three key theories:
1. In the so-called “alternative” scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else.
2. We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don’t care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it’s something they shouldn’t be doing.
3. If enough people say that a piece of rubbish is a bar of gold, we’ll
believe it’s a bar of gold

You can read about the Doherty hoax here.

I guess I should put some news about myself up here too…

This weekend I went to two birthday parties and a church camp – pretty action packed stuff really. I thoroughly enjoyed all three events. People up here are nice. Five word sentences are cool. Those of you who read the comments section, or even comment – will have noticed reference to a question about how to make a girl fall in love with you – it turns out the key is pulling faces and playing hide and seek – but the girl is three, and my second cousin so I’m not sure if that’s a method that is going to work anywhere else. You’ll also have noticed my sister Madeleine has decided that rather than starting her own blog she’ll steal my comment space. I’ll forgive her if her submissions continue to be as brilliant as her piece on public transport ettiquette. I also promised my housemate Tim his own entry in the main part of my blog. Tim cooked me some sort of fish dish last week – it was interesting – any dish with beer in the sauce is bound to be interesting. Tim is cool. He sometimes reminds me of me. I don’t think I can pay anyone a higher compliment than that. He’s also single ladies (I’m not going to punctuate that sentence because I think it looks funny – Tim is single ladies, hahahahaha, Tim is single, ladies, either works for me)… maybe you should all move to Townsville chasing someone.

The author

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the campus pastor at Creek Road South Bank, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus.

23 thoughts on “Heroin is so passe…”

  1. thank you for writing you blog. it fills such a void in my day to day existence. (are you freaked out now….?)

  2. Nice blog nath. I have a new topic for maddie though – ‘do you scrunch or fold’.

  3. Thanks miriam. I would say it is more economical to scrunch as it makes a larger surface area. This means you should be using less toilet paper, and therefore saving the trees, and therefore saving water that would’ve been used to water the trees. Unless you used that recycled toilet paper…which just sounds wrong.

  4. Can i just say you’ve made my day nath. I hardly even have to put a blog squatting entry in because i’ve made it to the actual blog page. I think i’m going to see how many times i can get my name mentioned on the strangers blogs that are linked to your blogspot. That could be interesting. I could write a book about it…anyway. I will always have blogcomment entries as good as the train one…seriously. I can’t believe you doubted that i wrote it by myself! But you’ve made up for that by writing half a paragraph about me. Hopefully people will go back and check out the rules for travelling because they need to know! Not only have you recognised my blog squatting attempts, people in the real world (who converse to each other using mouths rather than keyboards), now recognise me as the blog squatter, and i am being asked to place more entries. Nath, i think you should start to be a bit worried that im creating some tough competition…some people might start reading my comments before your blog. Or come to me with my recently published comments, and ask me to sign one i wont charge…very much. As well as this, i would like to say it sounds like townsville is treating you nicely which is good to hear. And i think that is the first time i have ever written anything to do with you and townsville in this comment zone which was not refering to trying to hoodwink people into loving you. There is a first for everything!

  5. Now for a real blogsquatting entry. This weekend is a long weekend which is great! Last night after an awesome late church things got even awesomer (is that a word) because we stayed behind to play board games(which i am sure christians must have invented…and im pretty sure it isn’t a Taboo that board game makers have put their CRANIUMS together and realised that there’s a MONOPOLY in entertainging christians and that it wsa worth the RISK trying to sell balderdash in bright colours with dice and plastice pieces…surely we’d fall for it and think we’re actually having heaps of fun.) Well as it turned out, half of us didn’t actually want to play games on boards, so instead we played SARDINES! (kind of like hide and seek) IT WAS AWESOME! People hid in utes, bushes, aircon systems, play equipment etc…who’d of thought it would be so exciting. It was made more entertaining when the racq people turned up (someones car had broken down) and saw us playing and questioned the owner of the vehicle about what we were all actually doing, and what the rules were, and why we were playing. well it should f been obvious that it is a highly intelectual game, and thata the people playing were just to intellegent for games like RISK. And there you have it. Thats whats happening with me. The blog squatter.

  6. maddie, i think i would have to agree with you on the scrunching. i have also heard of a ‘scrold’, which appears to be a combination of the two.

    as for recycled toilet paper. who does that?! i had a flatmate who insisted on buying recycled toilet paper. i am still scarred (not literally) by this experience. horrible stuff. not only is it not soft, but you use 4 times as much as normal from fear of it breaking.

  7. Hi miriam,
    Rod was telling us while he was here that there was a student at his colledge at uni who saved money on toiled paper by using one square at a time an putting a finger in the centre of the square then after using it he would fold in the corners. It is hard to explain without rod’s demo of the action but ask him next time he comes to Australia

  8. Miriam, i am glad you were tlaking about toilet paper. But you not only left out scrold, but rolling, and japanese folding. Toilet paper origami style could increase the ply of the toilet paper you’re using…however, im not sure how comfortable using a toilet paper crane could be…

  9. Miriam. I know…recycled toilet paper is risky…what exactly have they recycled to make it??? Newspapers? Old text books? printed out copies of Nath’s blog spot? OH! I have a brilliant idea! They should print actual novels onto rolls of toilet paper! Then, people wouldn’t need to take books in with them, and your household newspapers don’t get toiletroomed…!!! So, you read page by page on the roll, then flush it. One visit could = one chapter. Although, every member of the household would need their own personal novel on a roll, because it would be devistating if you where up to the final chapter, where the twist is about to be revealed, and just one more trip to the loo will give you all the answers. Then you drink enough water to get there as fast as possible, but someone has been before you, and flushed the twist down the loo with their number 2.

  10. sadly, i just discovered that a similar idea to this already exists. Please ignore the last comment. Lucky i ID-ed myself as anon.

  11. This is hilarious – making me laugh so hard. Jo – will definitely have to ask Rod about the students’ trick.

    As for the crane – comfort would depend on whether it was a bird-type-crane with fluffy feathers or an industrial-metal-yielding-type-crane. Personally, I think i would choose the fluffy soft bird option, minus the beak.

    I was contemplating the option of chapter-by-chapter with the novel-style toilet roll, but have come across another possible hurdle. If one visit=one chapter, it could pose a rather difficult situation, with a few awkward silences, should the need arise for more than one chapter to be used in a particular visit. For example, might one experience the urgency that a good case of gastro may present, I would hesitate a guess that they may not only finish ‘reading’ one novel, but may in fact finish it’s sequel as well – all in the same visit. Any thoughts on this?

  12. Well miriam. I guess after a bout of good old gastro and a couple of good rolls of novel you’d just leave the loo feeling highly educated and a little worse for wear. I’ve also come to another problem….is it really acceptable to ‘wipe’ with Jane Austin…im just not sure thats appropriate. So the only storys that could be printed on these rolls would have to be b-grade novels, or sequals to great books which just werent that good. Plus, in the case of the gastro user, im not sure quality novels with extremely exciting story lines, or intense plots/twists are what they should be reading, otherwise they may need more than the sequal to cover them. But i’ve also thought of another idea. The toilet paper in shopping centres should have advertisments on them. OR like…discount vouchures. This would definately be a winner. However…if all the sheets had good discounts on them what would u do? And im not sure how desperate you’d have to be before presenting a toilet paper discount card…but you never know…the advertising could work, because everyone has to use toilet paper. Everyone would see it at the shops. Coca-cola toilet paper…it will happen.

  13. Maddie. I think you have just solved the ‘how to be environmentally friendly without succumbing to cardboard toilet paper’ dilemma in shops. If you put discount vouchers on the toilet paper, then people would use it sparingly! Perfect. Mind you, I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of the voucher, given that handwashing generally occurs post toilet paper use. Especially in the gastro scenario. Actually, this may not be such a wise tactic, as the spread of disease would be rampant. The saga continues… Is this why the Europeans invented the toilet-like apparatus, famously stated by Crocodile Dundee to ‘wash your backside’; or perhaps this lead to the ‘left-hand rule’ in Asia – for those of you who haven’t heard about this, believe me – ignorance is bliss. Disgusting, the length that some people will go to, to avoid toilet paper. By the way, with the aforementioned ‘bum-flush’ – who comes up with this?? Wouldn’t you then be walking around with a dripping backside?!

  14. This must be such an achievement Nathan, to have such high quality conversation on your blogspot. Congratulations. It’s a shame it doesn’t match the calibre of your writing.

  15. Well nath. This is going to make you jealous! Tonight, a bunch of late churchers went out for dinner. To classy REDLAND BAY. For those of you who haven’t been there…DONT GO. For those of you who have, you have my deepest sympmathies.

  16. BTW! Mel and Jill’s cat was found today, by Jill, in their backyard, ALIVE! so, cancel all the past lost cat notices. :o)

  17. Miriam, to solve the issue of the discount vouchers on toilet paper before the washing of hands…the vouchers could be on the hand towel paper, as this item is most commonly used after the washing of hands.

  18. Hi All – Mel here (by request)
    My opinion on the “To scrunch or not to scrunch” issue. I Don’t think that scrunching makes the surface area greater. If it is scrunched too much – I would make it into a ball. Now if it is scrunched “loosely” perhaps it will result in a greater surface area. I’m a bit rusty with my maths – so some maths nerd may correct me on this.
    Thankyou also to all those people who were praying for my cat – She is alive & well (but very thin) after 3 weeks in an unknown location.
    To that person who thought they ran over her – Ha! you were wrong.

  19. Only the Pfeffers could lose their cat in their backyard…
    “Oh no, the cat’s gone.”
    “Did you check the backyard”
    “Of course not – why would OUR cat be in OUR backyard.”

  20. Just like to clarify something about our Cat Binka. She was definately not in our back yard for the 3 weeks she was missing. We think she was locked in someone’s shed and then when they went to mow she escaped. Or she wandered in the desert like moses. either one.

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