Late nights, cereal killing and crazy Japanese people

Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more interesting I found myself in the middle of a drama right out of the script worthy of Blue Heelers. Well worthy of Blue Heelers if it had been set in a tourist information centre (visitor information centre or VICs for those in the biz (in the bus would have been something quite different there wouldn’t it, english is a funny language (is english in that context a proper noun? I imagine it is, but putting everything in lower case on your blog is cool… moby does it on his myspace (his space) anyway)). I think to do the story justice I need to do it in a film noir first person type narration thing… so here goes.

“So there I was, sitting at my desk, leaning back in my chair, the rickety ceiling fan whirring in the background. It was the morning after the night before, or rather the morning after the morning before. The light from the overhead fluorescents was hurting my eyes. The words on the computer screen in front of me blurred into insignificance. The office phone rang… and rang. The usually reliable receptionist was not at her desk. The lobby area was empty. Empty like the black, vacant sockets of a skull. I picked it up. It was Annette. Annette, Annette? Where had I heard the name, it rang like a bell… like a not very big, but somehow significant bell. Like the bell of an icecream truck driving down distant streets… Annette? Who are you Annette? It clicked when she told me. Annette and Ray are volunteers at our visitor information centre. Annette had a case for me. A case requiring the indelicate touch of a brawny, burly male. She was out of breath with concern. A crazy man, crazy like a fox, crazy like a fox on some sort of trance inducing meds, was terrorising the centre. Could I help? Of course.”

Anyway, to cut an increasingly long story short – I had to go to the visitor information centre to deal with a crazed Japanese tourist. He had this whole silent creepy guy thing going – coupled with an unwillingness to break eye contact, or speak to, his target. I quickly became his target. Rescuing our vols from a rather uncomfortable situation and placing myself in the firing line. That wasn’t in my job description. The four female police officers eventually arrived to find me restraining the guy – preventing him chasing our volunteers into the “employees only” area of the centre. It was weird. That guy was weird. The police took him to the hospital. I hope I haven’t caught some sort of contagious super disease because of the guy’s lack of understanding of the concept of personal space. If you’ve seen Shaun of the Dead (or any of the non parody zombie movies) he was just like the vacant looking zombie people, only slightly more animated.

All this topped off a long weekend (not of the three day variety – but a weekend that took a long time) featuring a 4am bedtime this morning because somebody (me) decided it would be easier to stay up for the FOOTBALL (not soccer, I’m following the Fairfax style guide at this point) than it would be to wake up for it. To borrow a well coined Australian phrase… I’m buggered.

I’ve also rediscovered my love for eating breakfast cereal at all hours of the day. Have you noticed all the wonderful new cereals out there – I remember a time when there were only 3 or 4 options… or maybe that was just in our pantry when I was growing up. Speaking of the good ol’ days – have you noticed the price of bottled water in servos these days… ridiculous, and all you hear is people complaining about the price of petrol.

The author

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the campus pastor at Creek Road South Bank, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus.

14 thoughts on “Late nights, cereal killing and crazy Japanese people”

  1. wowee- what a drama. Did you try and use your special Kung Pow moves and puch out a stomach plug.

    Anyone who doesnt get that reference will need to watch Kung Pow. So lame but so funny!

  2. So you’re saying the people who want water-powered cars should do a price comparison with bottled water?

  3. It could be worse. Cars could run on milk.
    Townsville almost sounds exciting. *wistful sigh* It also sounds a very, very long way away from my exam.
    Sadly, the biggest thrill I had today was threatening to bludgeon my cousin to death with my blunt samurai sword.

  4. Cars running on milk???

    Milk = $1.275/l (If you buy 2l’s of generic low-fat milk. Other varieties are a little cheaper again.)
    Petrol = $1.285/l (last time I bought it)

    Milk just wins, but again big supermarkets are offering ~4c/l discounts on petrol and not on milk! Another fallout from deregulation?

  5. the price of petrol down here in sydney is $139.5/l MINIMUM. i so miss the QLD petrol subsidy…..

  6. Nath, I have just made an interesting observation on the comments to your blogs. There are SO many girls! Am I the only one that notices this?

    Nice work. I will buy you a beer next time I see you.

  7. The Japanese guy was upset because his team lost I suppose. You could have tried to calm him down by pointing out he was actually in AUSTRIA, not Australia, mate. Australia is in Europe, don’t you know?

    Anyway, bottled water is expensive because they have to transport it, which requires the consumption of expensive fuel. People should just drink tap water instead, which is heavily subsidised by the government (which is heavily subsidised by your taxes, so effectively you’ve already paid for most of it). So don’t buy bottled water from the servo, because you’ve already paid thousands to have it piped direct to your house. Or your parents have.

  8. Alright, time for the super efficient 8 responses in 1 deal…

    Jo – no, I don’t Kung Pow him, I’ve seen a lot of martial arts movies and the weird guys are always the most dangerous

    Mark – no, I’m not saying that – I’m suggesting that that we might be blowing the fuel prices thing a little out of proportion – sure the prices have doubled in the last two years… but that’s not the point – maybe it was underpriced to begin with.

    Grammar Nazi – Haha. I remember law exams…

    Dan – My solution to overcoming the problems caused by the deregulation of the dairy industry would be to buy my own cow… one day.

    Andrew – $139.5 per litre is a lot. By the time you’ve filled up you could almost buy a new car, don’t they usually come with a full tank? It could end up being like buying ink for printers – it was eventually cheaper just to buy a new printer and get the ink. If however, you simply misplaced the decimal point, the price of petrol is about the same up here.

    Miriam – yes I am just like Superman, only without the kryptonite problem…

    Miriam again – that’s because I’m hot. Also, I watched the rugby on the weekend – it’s the first test I’ve watched since the world cup. I kind of enjoyed it – union players (at least the Australian players) handle breaks a whole lot better than their league counterparts…

    Matt – Your post is a little confusing. Why would my parents be paying my taxes? When was the last time my parents would have been paying my taxes? and that Australia/Austria confusion… umm yes…

    Stay tuned for part 2 of the crazy Japanese man story – it gets better

  9. Did you see me???? Dan and I were 7 rows from the front in the middle of the ground. Was so fun! Glad we gave them a flogging. I reckon that the English should recruit the Ref, since he showed better ball handling skills than the whole English team. Ha – not so good without Jonny Wilkinson are they.

    CB – was going to do a nudie for you, but didn’t think a life-ban, nor fine, was worse the risk. Maybe if I go to an AFL game down here…

  10. Everyone from other countries gets Australia and Austria confused, especially confused crazy people (ever seen “Dumb and Dumber”?). And nothing confuses crazy people more than crazy talk. I was suggesting you could play the crazy man at his own game (and win!).

    I wasn’t suggesting parents pay your taxes, but that our parents’ taxes have funded the water infrastructure that now allows water to be delivered through pipes to our houses. I will be available tomorrow for further technical advice regarding fuel prices, taxes, and urban water infrastructure. Leave your questions here or email me at: advice@home.youreyesandcrossyourtees

  11. “I was suggesting you could play the crazy man at his own game (and win!).”

    Were you suggesting that? or doing it?

  12. Nathan – Did I just read that you are arguing in favour of rugby union over rugby league? Good to see your views concering sport have progressed.

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