The power of business cards

I’ve finally figured out how to get people to take me seriously. My father is constantly worried that the “Smiley” nom-de-plume (I’ve gone all French and cultured, two French references in three posts oh ho ho [that is an attempt at the traditional French grunting sound{I don’t really like the French anyway, they’re a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys who should take their freedom fries and go home}]) is not counting in my favour as far as people taking me seriously goes. The key to opening all sorts of professional doors is the humble business card. Seriously. I go to these functions and meetings and people look at me all funny until I pull out a little cardboard rectangle with my name and impressive position description on it – and POW, instant credibility.

I’ve also realised that confidence is the key to sounding impressive in meetings. Confidence and unexplained acronymns. You throw an acronymn out there and just keep powering on. No one questions anything if they’re too far behind. I’ve been able to thoroughly convince our local tourism operators that I know what I’m doing. Now I need to ensure my competence matches my competence. I was trying to work out the relationship between confidence and arrogance the other day – I think the third factor in the equation is competence – provided you’re actually as good as you think you are you’re confident not arrogant. When confidence outweighs competence that’s arrogance. I should be a motivational speaker – people would listen to me if I had convincing business cards.

In other news… I had two great phone conversations last night – the first one involved a couple of people coming clean, and thanking me for all my hard work getting them to become a couple – they know who they are, most of the people reading this also know who they are. I’d like to say on the record – When I told the guy in question that my matchmaking days were over – I only meant they were over for him. The second conversation was with my very good friend Paul. It’s always nice talking to old friends – they’re like a worn in pair of shoes, or your favourite t-shirt – instant comfort.


Tim says:

hey i cooked tea last night what about that?

Nathan says:

ok, you can have your own entry

Nathan says:

but i’m going to refer to you as the guy from NTE who danced funny.

Anonymous says:

im leaving a question for “ask mel”(and maddie). I was just wondering what the correct public transport etiquette is?

Maddie says:

Well. I AM GLAD YOU ASKED ANON! Mel, i will take care of this one. It will take a little bit of time but you can expect an answer by this evening. I couldn’t of asked a better question myself. I want to write a book about this topic, but i will settle for answering the question on this blog instead!

Transport Etiquette Queen (TEQ)

Nathan says:

couldn’t of asked a better question… couldn’t have written a poorer sentence

Louise says:

I’m concerned that two of my well brought up children are posting blogs in their work time!! What ever happened to the old fashioned work ethic? Glad to see that you were able to correct your sister’s sentence structure. I’ve been working on that one for years – I should of done a better job!


PS Is it pc for a mother using a blog site to put xxxoooafter her entry to her darling little boy?

TEQ says:

Ok. For all those public transport users here are the laws that all must abide by. If everyone followed these rules no one would want to drive themselves anywhere.
1. FAT- If you are overweight DO NOT, i cant stress this enough, DO NOT try and squeeze nezt to someone on a two seater. If you are on it first thats ok, but under no circumstances should you try to sit next to someone, as it is not pleasant for them when your rolls of fat spill over onto their laps.
2. PERSONAL GROOMING- Under no circumstances should you file your nails on public transport. TOTALLY GROSS when the people opposite you can see the little white particles of nail blowing around in the breeze(*shudder*-the cuticle cutters were worse). It is ok to re-apply makeup, but never brush your hair…eww.
3. ILLNESS- Never catch public transport if you are sick. Never sneeze on a train then touch the hand rails. Never blow your nose loudly on the train (or bus). NEVER sniff the whole trip either. Get off at the next station, blow your nose, then catch the next train/bus/city cat.
4. CONVERSATION- DO NOT talk to people that you don’t know. It is awkward for them, and for you. It’s bad enough being in a confined space with strangers let alone having meaningless conversation. Conversation with people you know is ok. But if you’re going to speak so loud that others can hear you it is simply giving them permission to listen to you. If you do listen to others talking make sure you stare at them…at least let them know they’re entertaining you. BUT NEVER look at someone else if they’re sitting their doing nothing.
5. LISTENING TO MUSIC- don’t turn your ipod up so loud that the whole compartment can hear your choice of music- that isnt fair. Dont sing along to your music. If you don’t want to be spoken to or acknowledged you should always wear earphones with the cord going into your bag, it doesn’t even have to be plugged into something.
6. ALWAYS take something to entertain yourself with. Otherwise you have to look onto other peoples magazines which they paid for. This is not inappropriate, however, you should be subtle…no asking them to turn the page when you’re done, or helping them with their SUDOKUs. It’s fine to read the articles over a shoulder, but trying to do the crosswords/ sudokus in your head can lead to terrible consequences. If you are the magazine holder it is best to hold the magazine in a position that allows easy reading for others…be kind. Having said this it is still best to bring your own reading materials- try to pick novels/ newspapers that make you look interesting and educated eg. in another language, as this gives the people opposite you a chance to speculate about your history, hence giving them something to think about on their trip.

Different rules apply for the length of travel. These rules are only for 1 hr or less trips. Hope it helped. TEQ

mad says:

sorry for that long comment. but it is all important. And mum if you want to publicly show you affection don’t go over the top an “xox” is fine…none of this “xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxlots of love and kisses and hugs xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoox I miss you so much xoxoxox love mum”. as that could be embarrasing.

Anonymous says:

If you’re going to be a sentence Nazi, you need to fix this one:”Now I need to ensure my competence matches my competence.”


Anonymous says:

Imagine if your name was “Anonymous”…then everyone would think you were trying to hide your identity…but you really weren’t. Which leads me to another thing. Why does everyone here keep leaving anonymous messages…PUT YOUR NAMES THERE. OR EVEN BETTER- put someone elses name there! Im signing off as anonymous because i want to change my name to that.

im not affraid to use my name- mad says:

Hey. If you go to naths full profile, then click the black books link (in movie section) it takes you to a page of other fans. One says: “Deb, 45 female cancer.” a 45 year old cancer?! Punctuation or the pressing of an enter button wouldn’t go astray. The poor old growth.

Anonymous says:

ok. it was me….I bagged Tim Freedman, made a bad question about fibre and a yo mamma joke all in one day. That is why i am afraid to put my name to the comments. if people find out who i am, my credibility as a comic will suffer a serious blow

daniel says:

In my youngest brother’s year at school there was a boy named Anon, after the famous author and poet!

miriam says:

Comment for Louise… I think you need to add your favourite, (I’d better be!), niece to the list of concern…

Miriam says:

Oh, I forgot to add – Aunty Lou I think you need to finish off your comments with ‘lots of love, cuddles and kisses, Mummy’…

Aaron says:

i’m glad you posted those rules about public transport. I’m a bit rusty.

Oh and Smiley’s mum. Don’t be worried about embarrassing smiley. Chances are you might embarrass yourself more than you would embarrass smiley by hugging him. We all know he enjoys the attention.

jo says:

Maddie, did you post that public transport question to yourself just for the joy of writing a big long answer?

Nathan says:

I suspect she did – which is pretty sad…

maddie says:

lol…but you loved it!
ps. i forgot the rule about giving the elderly your seat- you must always sacrifice your comfort for the elderly (60+) as its not fair to let them get knocked about.

simone says:

Hey Nathan,

Welcome to the blogosphere.


jo says:

hey why do i get a blue line under my name when i write?

Andrew says:

Well, what I was going to write seems pointless after all that.

Magazine-reading-over-shoulders etiquette was mentioned, but what about the free papers of an afternoon they give you at Circular Quay? In London, the etiquette was to leave the papers on the seat for someone to read when you were done, but some people here complain because they don’t have a bin to throw them out in?

Maddie says:

Andrew i found your comment poorly structured. I’m not sure who was complaining about lack ok bins but the rule about leaving your paper behind is this. Only leave it if someone asks you, or you know someone is eyeing it off, if you leave your paper behind just because you can’t be bothered to take it with you THAT IS DISGUSTING. Or, if you leave it behind without knowing that someone will definitely pick it up, then don’t leave it because that is called LITTER. So, there you go, you should only leave your paper behind if you put it in someones hands (that are willing to take it…do not force it into a strangers set of phalanges ifg they don’t want it), or someone asks you to.

Anonymous says:

HELLO! THIS WHOLE ANONYMOS THING HAS GIVEN ME AN IDEA! I propose a challege – I will leave a comment on your site signed off as anonymous and from clues given you need to work out who I am… I haven’t posted before so I’m not one of the other anon people before me. Now the tricky part is that people could spoil the game and pretend to be me – we’ll just have to trust people that they won’t and instead may join in on the guessing! That is ofcourse if you accept the challenge – WILL YOU ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE?

Andrew says:

maddie – the ‘MX’ is a quality publication. Who wouldn’t be excited to find a discarded copy, ready for reading? Sometimes you can even score a copy of the Daily Telegraph*!

*This is basically the Courier Mail for Sydney-siders. I didn’t really need to footnote this did I…

Leah says:

haha I wonder who that “couple” might be?? :P