The Beginners Guide to Taking Over the World – Winning Over the Masses

Winning over the masses
The international community is taking you seriously. You have a name. Now it’s time to turn your eye to the local community. If history has taught us anything it’s that if the local community isn’t behind you then you’re not going anywhere fast.

The Roman Emperors of old got the public on side by throwing huge festivals that ran for months. Your empire isn’t that large yet, but that’s something to consider in the future. However, calling public holidays, particularly in Australia, is one way to get the public on side very quickly.

Other, less cost effective options include canceling of debts owed, tax cuts, and other options that are equally likely to leave you in financial trouble down the track. No, you want your solution to cost you as little as possible.

It’s no secret that a smiling population is a happy population. I would suggest that the best way to create a happy population, tighten your grip on your society and further your plot to take over the world in one swoop would be to hire a large army of mercenaries and dress them as clowns. Your clown goons patrolling the streets will bring happiness to the masses, prevent crime and later help you in your bid to expand your empire. This street time is invaluable experience for a soldier. Australia’s involvement in several peacekeeping exercises in the Oceanic region has simply been an opportunity to have other nations provide the training for our troops. That’s why the government doesn’t step in sooner, or preemptively, as the US, who believe that their armed forces are already up to scratch, did in Iraq.*

It may also be a good idea to teach your clowns a few card tricks or jokes to please the kiddies. Happy kids make happy parents. The Clown Goon army’s guns should also be disguised, but not in a way that encourages children to play with them. Broccoli shaped gun covers should be standard issue.
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*In fact the US army are so well trained, and keen to do battle that they often make the mistake of shooting each other during conflict, unaware that in conflict they are using “live” ammunition as opposed to the “dead” ammunition they use in training exercises, perhaps it is possible to train too much after all.

The author

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the campus pastor at Creek Road South Bank, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus.