10 stupid things (for others) to do with your ashes

I’ve posted some of these before. But the discovery of a service that turns your ashes into bullets was enough for me to put together a little bit of a digest post. I’m not suggesting you digest your ashes. That would be a little bit too Keith Richards (he snorted his dad).

No. Friends. These are quality tacky. Not your regulation celebrity style tacky.

1. Become some bullets.

Holy Smoke will convert you to ordinance for the low, low price of $1,250. A small price to pay – especially if somehow the bullets can be used to avenge you.

What you get for the standard price of $1250.00 –

For the shotgunner:

250 shotshells (with your loved ones ashes loaded per shell) shipped in fifty-round, labeled, plastic shotshell carriers with handles.

For the rifle shooter:

100 cartridges in standard calibers (with your loved ones ashes loaded in each cartridge) shipped in labeled, plastic cartridge carriers.

For the pistol shooter:

250 cartridges in standard calibers (with your loved ones ashes loaded per cartridge) shipped in labeled, plastic cartridge carriers.

2. Become a tattoo.
Apparently it’s feasible, though finding a tattoo artist who is keen on the idea might prove difficult.

3. Become an Hourglass.
Like ashes through the hourglass, these are the days of your life. At least for your relatives.

4. Become a diamond.
If you want people to remember that you rocked… LifeGem. They’ve got you covered.

5. Become a snow globe.

6. Become fireworks.

Heavens Above Fireworks exist to make your space dream a reality. So long as your dream involved being blown up before leaving the earth’s atmosphere.

“We arrange special fireworks displays which include a number of unique fireworks designed or modified to incorporate cremation ashes, allowing for a spectacular memorial event and happier farewell.”

7. Become a glass sculpture.
Orbs are in this year.

8. Get stuffed. In a teddy bear…

This. Friends. Is a “Huggable Urn”…

9. Become the paint in some modern art

Famous, well, almost famous, artists are standing by to turn your ashes into a masterpiece to adorn the wall of your nearest and dearest.

10. Become a record.
Most countries will put your name somewhere in a registry. If you want a real record though, the previously featuredAnd Vynyly will turn you into a meaningful mixtape for your friends. If you pick the right songs they can enjoy some special backmasking messages too.

So there you have it. There was somebody who at one stage looked at turning ashes into pencils – but their site is now down. And there are plenty of people who’ll send you into space.

The author

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the campus pastor at Creek Road South Bank, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus.