Just in case you were wondering about the post death pecking order – chances are you’ll (until judgment day at least) be at the bottom.
When I use the word “chances” I don’t mean to suggest that there is any probability of zombies, ghosts, or vampires coming after you. But if you’re writing fiction and want to produce better characters then this will at least help you put things in perspective.
From here.
An artist who was perhaps tired of unverifiable claims of Jesus appearing in believer’s daily bread has recreated the crucifixion using slices of toast.
From here.
“British artist Adam Sheldon recreated Jesus’ crucifixion using some pieces of burned toast and a scraping knife. His work of art is now on display at the Anglican Church of St Peter, in Lincs.
33-year-old Adam Sheldon took on the project at the request of his mother, who worships at St. Peter’s Church. Before starting work on his 1.8 ,meters long, 1.1 meters wide masterpiece, Adam scraped the Last Supper on three pieces of toast, to perfect his technique.
He used a regular toaster to burn the pieces of bread, then dried and flattened them so they would fit in a giant frame. Using a scraping knife he managed to create the lighter parts of the artwork, and darkened the background with a blowtorch.”
Why has this idea not been put into practice yet?
Traffic lights with a progress bar. Brilliant.
From here.
If you’re like me you know all about narrative, have grand plans, but fall at the most basic hurdle. Naming and developing characters. I am terrible at coming up with names that I like. But even worse at developing a character past that point. It’s why I steer clear of writing fiction.
And a video. Which is boring. Don’t watch it.
Two different statuses quoting the same statistics…
asked Jesus,”How much do you love me?” Jesus replied “This much”, and stretched his arms on the cross and died. If you believe in God put this in your status. 97% of you won’t put this in your status. When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you. 3% of you will stand up for him and put this in your status!!!
97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Pattison (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a sky scraper, about to jump. If you’re one of the 3% who would sit there eating pop corn screaming “DO A FLIP YOU SPARKLY F$#%^T!” then copy and paste this as your status haha this is funny!
There’s something fishy going on here.
So I wrote this one. I kind of hope it starts a Facebook revolution:
97% of status updates are from the 3% of people who copy and paste or follow the crowd. Come up with original and interesting stuff about yourself or stop thinking your status is making a difference. Facebook is for self promotion and posting of embarrassing pictures. Not for sharing your knowledge of the radio alphabet and stupid statistics. If you’re sick of the degeneration of Facebook statuses don’t copy this.
My clever little sister (number 2) made these Tiny Teddy Pictures for your enjoyment and edification.
Because I like experimenting with just about every feature you can add to a website (this may well come in handy one day when someone asks “how can I get people to be able to share my stuff on Facebook without copying and pasting a link”) I’ve added a little “share on Facebook” button to the top right of each post. This is pretty cool. It lets you post stuff you like straight to your profile so that all your friends can also read it. And it keeps track of how many times something has been shared. If there is no little speech bubble above the button with a number in it it’s because nobody has shared the link.
Here are four reasons you should click the “share on Facebook” button.
I don’t know how long I’ll keep it. But I haven’t culled any of the other plugins or things I’ve installed to get more people here – even if I’m the only person who clicks and shares my stuff. It’ll be depressing if things only ever get shared once (especially if that once is by me) so at that point I might remove it. But seriously, without trying to clamour desperately for your attention, how hard is it to click on a star (you don’t even have to like the post to do this), and click on a button once in a while?
If you are reading this, and you have a Facebook profile (which you need to be able to share the post on Facebook), and you’re not a fan of St. Eutychus yet – then do yourself me yourself a favour and get on board the juggernaut.
Am I the only one who thought that the lyrics to “500 Miles” by the Proclaimers included “Double adapter, double adapter”… Perhaps.
Irrelevant though this tangent may be – it begs the question as to what this post is actually about. I will keep you in suspense no longer. If the camouflage Bible sounds good to you, except that you’re illiterate, then I have a solution.
A solar powered audio Bible. Bringing hope to the nations. It’s called the “Proclaimer”. And it looks like your grandpa’s wireless.
Here are some FAQs from the website… actually, I can’t imagine that anybody’s first question when confronted with this device is “how many times will it play before it dies?” My question is “why did you make a solar powered audio Bible in the first place?”
How does the Proclaimer work?
This, friends, is a fine piece of journalism. A reporter has tracked down and interviewed members of an internatiaonal cabal of diamond thieves to produce a stunning picture of the life of Yugoslavian professional criminals.
It does seem eerily similar to a bunch of Mafia “confessionals” that I read when I wanted to write a Mafia novel. The accounts from the gangsters perhaps suffer a little from their slightly myopic and glorified storytelling. But it’s well worth a read.
The heist alone is worthy of detailed retelling (and will no doubt be the plot line of Oceans 14) – from the story:
Each member of the gang did his or her job perfectly. The attractive young woman seduced the son of the jewelry store owner in Rome to find out where the safe was in the owner’s house. She also discovered that the owner needed builders for repairs. Some of the others secured the renovation contract and cased the house. The get-away driver spent weeks learning every one-way road and stop sign in downtown Rome. And eventually the safe-cracker, the smallest in the group, hid himself inside a false-bottomed chest that the others left on the balcony of a bedroom where the safe was located.
As luck would have it, he didn’t even have to break into the safe, which was hidden behind a painting. The jeweller’s other son left it open for 15 minutes, plenty of time for the diminutive safe-cracker to remove the diamonds and make his escape to the street, where the driver was waiting for him. Back in their rented apartment in Ostia, near the Fiumicino airport outside Rome, the gang met up and celebrated.
The heist was the work of a subgroup of a network of criminals dubbed the Pink Panthers. In the last ten years these guys stole $340 million worth of jewelry in 160 robberies in 26 countries.
Some of the quotes from the criminals are just priceless…
“Any good robbery should take up to 20 seconds.”
Another said that having a nickname and reputation in the media will be the death of the gang:
“When they give you a name you’re in big trouble,” he said, as he finished up a dinner of fresh sea bass at the seaside restaurant and lit a cigarette. “Because every single small policeman is trying to catch you. We lost a lot of guys because of that name. Some of our co-workers got drunk in casinos and were bragging about it, thinking they are something. It’s better to be nothing. The best criminals are those who stay out of prison.”
I made a comment in my Avatar post that accusations of plot plagiarism are hollow when there are only a limited number of plots to choose from. I set that limit at six. I was called out on that limit and asked to define them. So. Here goes.
Just about all of these can be applied to the story of Jesus. Jesus is an alien who comes to earth to be tragically killed following a betrayal by one of his buddies. His ministry involves him using his awesome powers while walking around with his band of merry disciples. He does this all because he loves the world and wants to save it – which is ultimately his downfall. Only it’s actually an untragedy because he comes back to life.
Can you think of any stories not covered by these options? I can’t. Not any that I’d want to watch anyway.
For a different set of “plot types” check out this article that features a few different ways of breaking plots down.
I pressed post on this last night – I thought…
I hadn’t seen this before – Bill O’Reilly gets Rick Roll’d (and swears in response). Apparently the Christian Right is ok with that…
But this is perhaps my favourite. A Christian TV program that reads out and answers emails without appearing to vet them. Check it out.
I saw Avatar in 3D last night. I have nothing to add to every other review that mentions its stunning visuals and crappy storyline.
Andrew of Daily Vowel Movements summed it up like this.
I’d add Romeo and Juliette to that list. Being unoriginal is not a deal breaker. There are only six movie plot lines afterall. Take away the amazing use of light and 3D stuff and Avatar is below B grade.
But I do have this to offer – Avatar as an Atari game.
A weapons manufacturer for the U.S military has come under fire for including inscriptions that cite Bible passages on their sights.
A separation of powers spokesperson said the following:
“It allows the Mujahedeen, the Taliban, al Qaeda and the insurrectionists and jihadists to claim they’re being shot by Jesus rifles.”
Jesus did say he didn’t come to bring peace but a sword – although I suspect this misses the figurative sense he was speaking in…
Robyn shared some of our moving woes in her post yesterday. Not to be outdone I wrote a complaint letter. Complete with thinly veiled threats that only a PR person working for one of Townsville’s most publicised organisations can get away with…
To give some context – this is a copy of the letter the Real Estate Agent sent us yesterday:
Dear Robyn and Nathan,
Re: Our address
As per phone conversation today, you have been advised that an extension to vacate has been declined.
We respectfully wish to advise that if you do not hand keys back on the 27/01/2010, we have been instructed by the Lessor to lodge a claim against you with the Small Claims Tribunal, this will also go against your permanent rental history.
You were notified on the 26/11/2009 that you had to hand the keys back on the 27/01/2010.
Please feel free to contact the office if you require further information in relation to this matter.
Yours Faithfully,
J0hn Gr1bb1n Realty PTY LTD.
Here ’tis. I’ve replaced some letters with numbers just to avoid this coming up on google in the next few days. Once we’re out of there I’ll change it back for the world to see.
Dear J0hn Gr1bb1n, Karen Ernest and any other relevant staff,
Following a further phone call today regarding our exit of the property at <address> I thought I should put an official response in writing on the record.
My wife Robyn and I have been tenants at the Diprose Street Property since August 2007. We have paid the rent on time every week, have had the property inspected regularly with only minor issues to be corrected after each inspection (eg the dusting of a fan, floor mats under chairs etc). Despite one (I believe) official written warning about the placement of our wheelie bins on the curb, I consider us to have been good tenants who are above reproach.
The same could not be said of our lessor. I wish to place this note on the record – but would ask that it not be mentioned to the landlord until we have vacated the property. I am concerned that if the decision is left up to him we will not receive our due bond back after vacating the property, and I will be carefully documenting any discussions regarding our bond in order to make a case with the RTA if I feel these concerns are warranted.
We have reported minimal maintenance issues in our time in the property – and when we have the response has been less than timely on the behalf of the lessor.
For example, our rangehood cover detached within two months of us occupying the property due to some construction issues – a cupboard door opens into the range hood and disturbs it (we did not mistreat or “swing off” the cover as alleged by our landlord). Despite our timely reporting of this issue the maintenance has not taken place some years later.
We reported a dripping hot water tap in our shower which was not fixed for over a month – costing us money in electricity bills.
Living on site with the landlord has proved a terrible experience – so much so that I will be doing all that I can to make people aware of the situation at Diprose Street. I am not without resources in this department (as you might surmise from my signature block). Let me give you some examples of situations that have been less than professionally handled by our lessor – to the point that I requested that if he must address us in person he address me, and not my wife. Based on some telephone exchanges with your staff over the years I surmise that some of them feel similarly about dealing with the lessor in question.
Some time ago one of the other tenants in the property had a fire, their barbeque caught alight and caused some damage to the property. The lessor, when conducting maintenance on a dripping toilet, told us about the situation. And then yelled at us in a threatening manner about how these properties were his, he built them, and how he would not tolerate damage of this nature.
My wife’s father is a mechanic by trade, and on a visit (about 18 months ago) he changed the oil on my car. He is also a farmer and has a disposal barrel for oil and waste on the farm. He took the oil home with him to dispose of carefully, leaving a drip tray next to our bins on the garden bed to be disposed of in the wheelie bin the following week. Our lessor jumped to the conclusion that we had poured the oil in the garden bed. Berating my wife with an abusive and aggressive tone (leaving her close to tears) and refusing to listen to any response. He promised to monitor the trees and extract the money from us if they died. There has been no subsequent apology or acknowledgment that he was incorrect in his assumption.
These standover tactics are uncalled for – and not fitting of the lessor/lessee arrangement. This is just a snapshot of life at <address> and serves to explain the trepidation we feel regarding our bond handover and the disappointment we felt upon receiving your letter dated 15 January 2010. The phone call referred to in paragraph one of the letter included a promise from myself to pay whatever amount is generated by us overstaying our lease by one day. The threat (attributed to the Lessor in the letter) to lodge a claim against us to the Small Claims Tribunal seems unnecessary and heavy handed, as does a threat to tarnish our permanent rental history on his behalf.
While I agree that we were notified on the 26th of the 11th regarding the date for us to hand our keys back there are mitigating circumstances in our request for a one day extension. We are relocating to Brisbane. The removalist we selected after obtaining a series of quotes (which we started doing early in the piece) closed down over the Christmas Period and only reopened last Wednesday. They had not advised us of their ability to collect our belongings on our preferred date (the 25th of January) prior to closing for Christmas – and it was not until last week that we learned they were unable to make the collection until the 27th. We are seeking to do the right thing by our Lessor, and by you, by having the carpets and blinds professionally cleaned after our furniture is removed. This is not possible until the afternoon of the 27th (we have booked both services). I believe a one day extension in this case is not only reasonable but warranted. The refusal, on behalf of the lessor, seems petty. But I would expect no less having lived under his gaze, and spoken to fellow tenants, over the past two years.
Please be advised that if the situation regarding our bond, the Small Claims Tribunal, or our rental history transpires in a less than adequate manner I will be using whatever means I have at my disposal to make our dissatisfaction with the process a matter of the public record. I do not want any future tenants to experience the pain we have without fair warning.
Yours Sincerely,
Nathan Campbell
Corporate Communications Executive
T0wnsvi11e Enterprise Limited
