Please don’t feel compelled to open your missive to me with a joke. Particularly a joke that is not funny. Just get to the point.
That is all.
The book bestseller lists in the last few years have been dominated by works of non-fiction. This shouldn’t come as a surprise, as pieces of non-fiction, creative or otherwise, are much easier to write than a novel. Rather than relying on creativity and conventions of narrative, like plot, description and characterisation, non-fiction writers can rely on careful research, experience and the ability to string a cohesive sentence together – never suffer from writer’s block again. Writing is much easier when you don’t have to use your imagination.
While this trend has been worrying to many novelists, the news isn’t all bad. Books in the “self-help” genre have been selling particularly well. The self-help market requires very little research and a writer can achieve success with only a small amount of expertise and a lot of creativity. For those frustrated creative writers out there this piece should be seen as a guide to finding success in the dog-eat-dog world of self-help writing.
The most important thing to have in any industry is a plan. The fewer steps involved in the plan the more efficient and impressive it sounds. However, finding a balance between too much and too little is a very exact science, while a five step plan sounds impressive and well rounded, a two step plan looks like you just haven’t put enough thought into things. Here is this writer’s six step guide to writing a self-help book.
Step 1 – Picking a topic
Step 2 – Choosing a title
Step 3 – Establishing your credentials
Step 4 – Writing the book
Step 5 – Designing the Cover
Step 6 – Getting published
I often make promises here that fall by the wayside – like a post listing all my best posts. That’s turning out to be a bigger ask than I thought… anyway, last week I mentioned I’d follow up my self help guide to taking over the world with a self help guide to self help writing. And here it comes. One post a day for five days.
1807 pages of novels read by both of us.
780 photos taken.
1188km driven.
5000+ unread Google Reader items upon our return.
I’ve pretty much doubled traffic to my blog in the last few months. Which isn’t that impressive when you start from a low base, but it did bring an unexpected bandwidth issue. Readers, you have cost me $4. But I’m back. And these things only seem to happen when we’re on holidays. Also, I wrote this post on my phone while Robyn is driving over the Cardwell range.
This Tetris furniture brings a new challenge to the concept of modular storage and makes the gaming experience nice and tangible.

It’ll no doubt go nicely with the Tetris dinner set featured yesterday.
Anyone reading my blog over the last few weeks may think I have an unhealthy obsession with guns. They’d be wrong. I have an obsession with unhealthy guns – most perfectly epitomised by this the Ba-K-47. An AK 47 made entirely out of bacon.
Mmm. Bacon. There are many more pictures of this piece of bacon architectural awesomeness here.

If you’re a city person itching for the feeling of grass between your toes then this one is for you… if you’re a country person itchy because of grass between your toes then it’s probably not.
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Methinks the creators were inspired by a “hamsterdam” joke – and decided to combine a hamster wheel with grass…
Getting your hair to have just the right balance is vital if you’re a villain. You don’t want to end up looking like Kim Jong Il. To make sure you’ve got a killer do you need a killer comb. One of these might help. It’s a comb with a hidden stiletto dagger in the handle. Found here.
Or perhaps you just want to get in the right head space. This one’s not quite so subtle – or dangerous. Found here.

There’s a bit of a movement in the coffee scene to truly distinguish cafes as a “third place” – a safe haven from home or the office. It’s a nice idea. It’s in keeping with the traditional Italian cafe culture – which you can read a bit about here – in this article.
Here’s a nice little “pay it forward” aspect of coffee culture:
It is not uncommon for a contented patron to pay for two cups of espresso when he gets to the cashier—one for himself and one as an offering to humanity, or to the guy lucky enough to be next in line. This extra coffee is commonly referred to as a caffè sospeso, or a dangling espresso.
And here’s what Italians apparently think of my predilection for cappuccinos…
“There is, however, one rule that holds true throughout the peninsula: a cappuccino is only a breakfast drink. No self-respecting Italian would be caught dead sipping on a cup of hot milk with a splash of coffee anytime after the mid-day meal.”
Label generated here. Make your own. Go on. Do it.
Ahh… some “Christians” give the rest of us a bad name. Choosing to make one verse of the bible a point of distinction for your ministry is almost always a bad idea. The badness increases based on the obscurity of the verse – the prayer of Jabez is a case in point. As is the building of a massive cross shaped conference centre in Nazareth.
If your verse is this:
And he said, so is the kingdom of God, as if a man should cast seed into the ground; And should sleep, and rise night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up, he knoweth not how
You’re likely to be in a bit of trouble. Especially if you use that verse to justify a ministry of literally “seeding” the ground in the Holy Land. Because the ground is nicer there. More sanctified.
Seed of prayer is a service that enables believers all over the world to cast a seed of prayer in the Holy Land.
Casting a seed is a spiritual ceremony in which your prayer or heartfelt personal memory (which might be represented by anything that symbolizes your hopes and dreams, such as a photograph, a token, a greeting card, or a piece of jewelry) is cast as a seed of prayer upon the soil of the Holy land.
And what’s in it for you – if you choose to partake in their service. For a $12 fee (plus extras).
Apart of course from the feeling of spiritual wellbeing. This. Holy soil.

If you use it for your tomatoes they’ll no doubt be blessed. And taste better.
You can also get a DVD of your casting ceremony. To relive the moment no doubt. Over and over again.
One of my favourite EA sports games was the Rugby League 96 game featuring commentary from Channel 9’s commentary team – with no Phil Gould. I hate Phil Gould (except when he’s coaching NSW). One of Paul Vautin’s frequent pieces of commentary advice was for people who did something stupid to “give themselves an uppercut”. This guy took that advice literally…