Category: Christianity

Old Testament 101: Biblical Theology: background, pros, and cons

I promised my wife I’d do some reading up on Biblical Theology for the both of us… This is a long post. Feel free to just skip it.

What is Biblical Theology

Biblical Theology is a framework, or the attempt to create a framework, that sees the Bible not as a set of disparate texts brought together by chance and the say so of a council of clergy centuries later – but rather as a consistent piece of revelation. One work that outlines God’s interaction with his creation from beginning to end. It is different to systematic theology, which seeks to bring pieces of the Bible together in order to approach particular topics, but good systematic theology stems from solid Biblical theology.

Geerhardus Vos, apart from having a cool name, described Biblical Theology as the art of drawing a straight line through Biblical texts, where Systematic Theology draws a circle.

He also, when taking the chair as Princeton’s inaugural professor of Biblical Theology, made the following statements about the value of Biblical Theology.

First, he defined the anti-supernatural readers (textual critics) that he says Biblical Theology counters:

“Revelation [by their definition] consists in this, that the divine Spirit, by an unconscious process, stirs the depths of man’s heart so as to cause the springing up therein afterward of certain religious thoughts and feelings, which are as truly human as they are a revelation of God, and are, therefore, only relatively true… The people of Israel are held to have possessed a creative religious genius, just as the Greek nation was endowed with a creative genius in the sphere of art…Writers of this class deal as freely with the facts and teachings of the Bible as the most extreme anti-supernaturalists. But with their evolutionistic treatment of the phenomena they combine the hypothesis of this mystical influence of the Spirit, which they are pleased to call revelation. It is needless to say that revelation of this kind must remain forever inaccessible to objective proof or verification. Whatever can pretend to be scientific in this theory lacks all rapport with the idea of the Supernatural, and whatever there lingers in it of diluted Supernaturalism lacks all scientific character.”

I especially like the last bit.

Then he uses this analogy of the intricacy of the human body (with a hat tip to the argument from design) to describe why Biblical Theology opens up exciting new possibilities for understanding the Bible:

“In the Bible there is an organization finer, more complicated, more exquisite than even the texture of muscles and nerves and brain in the human body; that its various parts are interwoven and correlated in the most subtle manner, each sensitive to the impressions received from all the others, perfect in itself, and yet dependent upon the rest, while in them and through them all throbs as a unifying principle the Spirit of God’s living truth. If anything, then, this is adapted to convince the student that what the Bible places before him is not the chance product of the several human minds that have been engaged in its composition, but the workmanship of none other than God Himself.”

Recognising the unity of the Bible is not a priori a reason to dismiss analysing its individual parts (provided you recognise that they have a larger role to play), there is, to stretch the analogy, value in studying the anatomy and physiology of the human hand (or the eye – if you want to follow the traditional path of the argument from design). The Biblical body is both the sum of its parts, and greater than the sum…

Vos saw Biblical Theology as the antidote to what he perceived (writing in the late 19th century about ten years after Wellhausen had proposed the “Documentary Hypothesis” – that there were four separate writers, or schools of writers, responsible for the Pentateuch)…

“Biblical Theology is suited to furnish a most effective antidote to the destructive critical views now prevailing. These modern theories, however much may be asserted to the contrary, disorganize the Scriptures. Their chief danger lies, not in affirmations concerning matters of minor importance, concerning errors in historical details, but in the most radical claims upsetting the inner organization of the whole body of truth. We have seen that the course of revelation is most closely identified with the history described in the Bible. Of this history of the Bible, this framework on which the whole structure of revelation rests, the newest criticism asserts that it is falsified and unhistorical for the greater part. All the historical writings of the Old Testament in their present state are tendency-writings. Even where they embody older and more reliable documents, the Deuteronomic and Levitical paste, applied to them in and after the exile, has obliterated the historic reality. Now, if it were known among believing Christians to what an extent these theories disorganize the Bible, their chief spell would be broken; and many would repudiate with horror what they now tolerate or view with indifference.”

Cons – Problems with Biblical Theology

The effect of holding to no consistent theological framework or understanding led Carl Trueman to make the following observation about the state of modern “theological” studies in universities:

With no coherent epistemological or ontological basis to hold itself together, the university discipline has long ago collapsed into an incoherent mish-mash of courses of the `Theology and ….’ variety, where you insert your own particular concern or interest, be it women, ecology, politics, vegetarianism, or Tom and Jerry cartoons. Hey, it’s a postmodern world, cartoons are as worthy of time and energy as starving children, and the unifying factor in our disciplines, if there is one, must be found in our own little universes, not in the God of revelation.

Ouch. I guess I’ll be shelving plans to write “Theology and Coffee”…

Trueman offers a valuable critique of Biblical Theology – a corrective from a self styled theological revolutionary (from his first paragraph)… in his sights is the redemptive history movement championed on the global stage by Australian’s like Graeme Goldsworthy through Moore College. He thinks, in the circles that he moves in, this framework has become the “establishment” and because he self identifies as a “Marxist” when it comes to challenging establishments he wrote the following critique:

“First, there is the problem of mediocrity. It is one thing for a master of biblical theology to preach it week after week; quite another for a less talented follower so to do. We all know the old joke about the Christian fundamentalist who, when asked what was grey, furry, and lived in a tree, responded that `It sure sounds like a squirrel, but I know the answer to every question is `Jesus’’.

One of the problems I have with a relentless diet of biblical theological sermons from less talented (i.e., most of us) preachers is their boring mediocrity: contrived contortions of passages which are engaged in to produce the answer `Jesus’ every week. It doesn’t matter what the text is; the sermon is always the same.

Second, the triumph of the biblical theological method in theology and preaching has come at the very high price of a neglect of the theological tradition. The church spent nearly seventeen hundred years engaging in careful doctrinal reflection; formulating a technical language allowing her theologians to express themselves with precision and clarity; writing creeds and confessions to allow believers over the face of the earth to express herself with one voice; and wrestling long and hard with those aspects of God which must be true if the biblical record was to be at all coherent or make any sense whatsoever.”

His closing statement (in an online debate that Goldsworthy subsequently responded to)…

My fear is that the biblical theology movement, while striving to place the Word back at the centre of the church’s life, is inadequate in and by itself for the theological task of defending and articulating the faith. Reflection upon the wider church tradition is needed, creeds, confessions and all, because this is the best way to understand how and where the discipline of biblical theology and redemptive history can be of use to the wider picture without it usurping and excluding other, equally necessary and important theological disciplines.

A paragraph from Goldsworthy’s response to Trueman is useful when assessing the importance of Biblical Theology when reading the Old Testament:

Biblical theology is necessary to prevent this de-historicising of the gospel by anchoring the person and work of Christ into the continuum of redemptive history that provides the “story-line” of the whole Bible. The only thing that can rescue systematics from such abstractions is biblical theology. In fact, systematic theology is plainly impossible without biblical theology. Biblical theology is the only means of preventing every biblical text having equal significance for Christians (eg. we need it to sort out what to do which the ritual laws of the Pentateuch). It prevents us from short-circuiting texts so that we isolate them from their theological context and then moralize on their application to believers.

Reading the future

John Stott has enjoyed a distinguished career as one of evangelical Christianity’s foremost voices. And he’s hanging up his pen. He has this to say about the future of books (not necessarily in the face of the challenge of the e-book – he may not know they exist)…

“Our favorite books become very precious to us and we even develop with them an almost living and affectionate relationship. Is it an altogether fanciful fact that we handle, stroke and even smell them as tokens of our esteem and affection? I am not referring only to an author’s feeling for what he has written, but to all readers and their library. I have made it a rule not to quote from any book unless I have first handled it. So let me urge you to keep reading, and encourage your relatives and friends to do the same. For this is a much neglected means of grace.”

I love reading. I love books. I love that each book represents at least one idea, recorded and accessible for future generations. I love that sometimes that which is recorded is almost immediately archaic and worthy of ridicule. Three of my favourite things about studying are:
1. Reading too many books for each essay.
2. Hanging out in the Library, a big room full of ideas.
3. Having an excuse to buy new books. I love the book depository, and price comparison website booko is a handy tool.

I have dreams of a lounge room with a fireplace and comfy armchair, and three and a half walls of books… or an ipad.

I like Stott’s rule of handling a book before quoting from it – but I’m almost equally enamored by google books and its quest to archive every book in the world like the grandest of libraries. It is much easier to flick through a hard copy of a book when you’re in the process of writing and wanting to skim between different sections, but it is oh so handy to be able to search for particular words and phrases in a search box.

My rule of thumb is that I want to have read the chapter I’m quoting from and at least enough of the book to get its vibe before I’ll interact with it in an essay.

I used to love albums in their tangible form, and probably photos as well, but having tossed all my CD cases in the move in exchange for a couple of large CD wallet things, I’m enjoying just using my computer and getting new stuff with iTunes. Books are, in a sense, the last bastion of tangible media for me. And I don’t think I can give them up, especially when all the existing ones will end up going cheap in second hand book stores as everybody else makes the move to the electronic age.

I read the Stott quote on Andy United – the blog of an IVP publisher – which is worthy subscribing to.

YouTube Tuesday: A Hinnderance

Apologies if you have seen this already (3 million people have). But this made me laugh. In a sad way. I know that ultimately Hinn and his ilk are harmful, but treatment like this can only lessen their influence… right?

Anyway, somebody set Benny Hinn’s “spiritual slayings” to this song that I only know of as a theme song from a wrestling show. His stuff is about as real as wrestling (ie only as real as the people in the audience think it is).

He even Hulks up in this video… watch it brother…

I don’t think the verse he’s looking for is in the Bible. And I’m almost certain this bit isn’t:

But his wife takes the cake…

If I fail Greek…

I still won’t enroll at this college…

So, last night, I decided to do some research on the fellow from this post. He has an Australian accent, so I figured he was probably one of ours… I was right. He’s in Brisbane. And he is an utter nut case. There are people who are on the fringes of Christianity who I don’t agree with, and then there are people so far gone that I think it’s ok to insult them.

This guy might have Tourette’s – but he’s also permanently drunk. He calls it “drunk in the spirit” – he claims to have been taken up to God for three days when he was converted 11 years ago, and to have been a “whacked prophet” ever since. He runs a college in Brisbane – I think he has two students. They are featured in this video.

His church, based on what I’ve seen in the background of his videos – appears to be his house. It looks like he’s painted the logo on one of the walls. He has pretty good graphic design, video production, and social media stuff going on – which is weird, because he’s otherwise completely insane. Here’s a bit of his “bio”…

Matt has been intoxicated (drunk in the Spirit) on the Father’s love since 1998, and at times is not able to function well in the physical realm due to the glory that rests on his life. He is a God pleaser. He is about his Fathers business….. drinking in the wine of Heaven and setting the captive free. Even though Matt has been in full time ministry for 11 years, he has kept himself out of the church “scene” so as to allow Holy Spirit to do His work in his life. Matt carries a strong prophetic revelatory, anointing and preaches whilst in a trance… or preaching whilst inside an encounter with Heaven.

Matt has a really simple style of ministry. He gets whacked (drunk… filled with Holy Spirit) and ministers from the glory realm. He spends hours a day drinking in the presence of Heaven so that he can unleash the torrent of the Fathers love every time he preaches. We have a staffing structure in place which enables Matthew to carry out his call and be filled with the “too much” anointing… continually.

It’s ok though, according to Mr “pisseth against the wall” himself – Steven L. Anderson – Bible College is a sin and will lead me out of fundamentalist KJV only soul winning orthodoxy…

Diff’rent strokes for different folks

How does one appropriately remember Gary Coleman, the start of Diff’rent Strokes… one gets a live Christian prayer TV show to read its theme. Reminiscent of similar efforts with the Fresh Prince of Bel Air (that I’ve posted somewhere before).

Is eye contact really that important?

I am never, I guarantee it, never, going to preach like this guy (though I think he actually might have Tourettes)…

Why on earth is this on YouTube?

“You can’t stick your finger in a live power point and not have something happen.”

Bling for Jesus

Technically I should be writing this mammoth essay – but my friend Mika sent me this – and I can’t resist a rant.

Once upon a time I preached a sermon on Jesus sending the disciples out in pairs after his “harvest is plentiful, workers are few” sermon. He basically gave them authority to cast out demons and heal the sick in his name. I said that the instruction to evangelise was normative for Christians but that this gifting was specific to the apostles.

A dear sister from the congregation came up afterwards to correct me. On the basis of a bit of the Bible that pretty clearly is dubious. Mark 16:9ff. It’s a bit that comes with a note – in every version – that the earliest manuscripts don’t contain it, which should ring alarm bells. I’m ok with these passages being there – what I’m not ok with is people using them to create a point of difference with all other churches. Seriously, if you hold a minority position, at some point you’ve got to ask questions about the basis of that distinction. This well meaning lady pointed out that right there, in Mark 16:17, there’s what appears to be a promise that all who believe will have the ability to drive out demons, and in verse 18b there’s a promise that we’ll be able to heal the sick:

“17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;”

What she didn’t mention, and what I was incredibly tempted to point out, was that in between driving out demons and healing people there’s the idea that we should also be playing with snakes and drinking poison:

“18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”

If these verses are authentic then it’s much more likely they describe Paul at the end of Acts (he gets bitten by a snake, and he heals people). They’re not the sort of verses I’d be turning into theme verses for my life. There are actually snake handling churches out there (mostly, I think, in the US). The way I’d want to use them, if I was inclined, would be to argue with the anti-alcohol lobby that this is in fact an exhortation to drink poison, and that such drinking is a sign of faith…

Here’s a video (that I haven’t watched)…

Which, tangentially, very tangentially, leads to my actual point about this jewelery service “Bling for Jesus“…

Bling for Jesus have taken Deuteronomy 6:5-6 and 6:8 and turned them into some sort of business model.

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with
all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts…
Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads”

This clearly means turn bible verses into bracelets and tiaras. Right? Leaving the theological problems aside, these things are just ugly:



Hitchens v Hitchens (again)

Peter Hitchens and Christopher Hitchens both have books hitting the shelves at the same time. I’ve posted on their famous disagreement before… Peter is a Christian journalist, his older brother Christopher is an atheist journalist. It’s almost providential really. That the perfect foil for one of new atheism’s most vocal advocates comes from the same genetic pool and has the same predisposition for communication.

Anyway, Hitchens’ (the younger) new book is reviewed in a piece from the Centre of Public Christianity, published in the Sydney Morning Herald. Here’s what Peter Hitchens has to say about the dangers of the rise of atheism.

“His experiences living and reporting from Russia and eastern Europe profoundly shaped his view of the world. Having lived in Moscow at the close of the Soviet era, and having witnessed other atheistic regimes in full flight, he refuses to accept his brother’s evasion of what he sees as an organic link between atheism and the most notorious modernist experiments of the 20th century.

It is this experience that appears to shape his concerns for society. He believes Christianity is under attack today because it remains the most coherent and potent obstacle to frightening and ruthless idealism: “The concepts of sin, of conscience, of eternal life, and of divine justice under an unalterable law are the ultimate defence against the utopian’s belief that ends justify means and that morality is relative. These concepts are safeguards against the worship of human power.”

Five Youth Ministry Stereotypes

To be avoided like the plague, the Bieber Plague.

This has been around for a while.

iHallelujah

Just what your iPhone ordered. A hallelujah button. So that you can break out in non-spontaneous praise.

YouTube Tuesday: The Elisha Song

Thanks to Peter Y for this one

What? The Devil is wrong with country – part 2 – FAQ

Jacob Aranza is a man who believes in offering solutions to real world problems. He’s a man of the people (unless you’re a rock star or country muso). His second book features a chapter of his questions and answers from readers of the first book. Lest you wander into rock and roll temptation here they are… though sometimes I think Mr Aranza pulls his punches, so I’ve given my own answer to the questions below.

WARNING: May contain traces of bad theology for the sake of satire. Bad theology is easy, I can see why the new atheists take the Bible out of context so often, they can pretty much twist it to say whatever they want.

Several people have asked me if Mr Aranza has anything to say about their favourite 80s band. If yours missed out (from a pretty comprehensive list) then don’t un-despair just yet.

Question: I know what you say about the groups in your book is true, but you didn’t mention my favourite group. What about them?
Aranza’s Answer: I may not have spoken about your favourite rock or country group, but if their goal isn’t to glorify God and help build his kingdom, then their music will hinder and distract you from serving God, and can easily provoke you to rebel against God.

My Answer: You know what, if they’re your “favourite” they’re an idol. Sing the Psalms. They’re the only inspired songs (except for a few in the New Testament, you can sing those too). 

Question: The groups I listen to don’t sing about Satan, sex, or drugs. What’s wrong with listening to them?
Aranza’s Answer: Just because a group doesn’t openly sing about immorality doesn’t mean their music is approved by God. If the music you’re listening to doesn’t come from the heart of a spiritual Christian artist you are opening the door to carnality, humanism, and demonic forces. It will distract you from serving him, feed self-centeredness, and eventually breed rebellion in your heart. Just because something appears to be good doesn’t mean it is good.

My Answer: Well, ask yourself “could I dance to this song” if the answer is yes then the music is a stumbling block – and no true Christian would create a stumbling block for their brother (or sister).

Question: I don’t really like what a lot of rock groups sing about, but I don’t listen to the words. I just like the music. Isn’t that OK?
Aranza’s Answer: It might be OK if you didn’t have a spirit or a brain. You may not realise it, but you are more than a physical body. You also have a mind and a spirit which both respond to music. Your mind is like a computer and absorbs what it hears including words to music. It can’t be avoided since your brain takes and stores the information you hear and receive through your senses. Your spirit also responds to music because God created music as a spiritual force. If you are a Christian, the Spirit of Christ dwells in your spirit, making you sensitive to God’s voice and will. When you listen to music that isn’t inspired by God it dulls your sensitivity to God. Eventually it will breed rebellion in you. It’s a lot like smoking cigarettes. They will make you an addict and give you cancer, killing the life in you. This is Satan’s ultimate plan for music, no matter how innocent it might sound.

My Answer: Does it have drums? Drums are a sure sign that this music is the Devil’s music. Drums lead to tapping your feet, tapping your feet leads to dancing, and dancing leads to premarital sex and babies born out of wedlock. Is that what you really want?

Question: What about instrumental music?
Answer: Concerning this subject I would like to quote someone known to have specialised in instrumental music. While I was speaking in Louisville, Kentucky, the pastor shared with me that Phil Driscoll had been there the previous week. Phil Driscoll was in secular music for many years as a writer and instrumentalist making up to $450,000 a year previous to his conversion to Christ. Phil shared that he felt the spirit of whoever was playing the music was the spirit that would influence those who listened to it. I agree with this.

I might add that there are plenty of instrumental albums produced by Christian artists, from jazz to classical, and from pop to easy listening. There’s no excuse for listening to secular music anymore. Whether [or not] the music has words, the spiritual force behind it will affect you.

My Answer: Instrumental music is the most dangerous part. The Bible clearly shows us that playing instruments leads to death. Especially the tambourine. In Judges 11, Jepthath’s daughter plays the tambourine and dances, and her father puts her to death. In 2 Samuel 6 the Israelites dance around playing tambourines and other instruments – and God strikes Uzzah dead. Tambourines and dancing are bad. Despite what the Salvation Army and Timbrel Praise will try to tell you.

Question: I don’t like non-Christian music but I work in a place where it is played al day long. What should I do?
Answer: You can start by expressing your views to your boss. Let him know that the major themes of the music are sex, drinking, drugs and satanism. Try to get them to play instrumental music and offer to bring in your own instrumental music. They’d probably like the Christian instrumental music and wouldn’t be offended because there aren’t any words. If you can’t get rid of the secular music, then be sure to keep a song in your heart that you sing to the Lord. Ask God each day to protect you from the negative forces behind this music. No matter what happens, have confidence that God will give you the power to be victorious in this situation.

My Answer: Ask yourself “what would Jesus do”… not gentle Jesus meek and mild, but Revelation Jesus. Quit your job, and purify the office with fire.

These two are “Bieberievers”

Like many Australian males over the age of 15, the first time I heard of Justin Bieber was when he caused a riot in Sydney. I haven’t heard his actual song. The one that apparently goes “baby, baby, baby, oh” – but I read the lyrics online somewhere. They didn’t sound very intelligent. Which is why I can’t see how these two adolescents (or adults) thought it was a good idea to dub “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, oh” over the top of the lyrics, while dancing badly. And I certainly can’t see how they thought it was a good idea to then put their handiwork on YouTube.

Stuff Christians Watch

That’s it. I’m moving to America. I can make bad television to my heart’s content, knowing that there’s an outlet for anything, so long as I mention Christianity.

This is bad.

What the devil’s wrong with country music?

Country music fans might be feeling like they got off lightly in Jacob Aranza’s first installment – “Backwards Masking Unmasked,” but alas, this was short lived.

I’ll get into the review proper in coming days. First, this new installment includes the following chapters:

  1. More Backwards Masking
  2. Music Roots
  3. Satan’s Agenda
  4. Country Music: Behind Closed Doors
  5. MTV
  6. Guidelines for Christian Music
  7. Questions Most Asked
  8. The Mailbox – The Good – The Bad – The Ugly
  9. Shock Treatment
  10. Behind the Scenes (part I, II, III, IV, V)

Plenty of blogging fodder. The “Behind the Scenes” chapters are where Aranza tells you what’s wrong with your favourite band. The “Mailbox” is a series of letters he received after his first book, and it’s where we’ll start our review. I’ll try to knock a post on the Q&A out tomorrow…

The Mailbox

Dear Mr Aranza,

Your book Backward Masking Unmasked woke me up to the fact that I have been a part of “rock and roll religion” for most of my teen years. I was a member of a rock and roll group and although I didn’t do drugs or drink, I was greatly influenced from the moral standpoint. I now realise that rock groups don’t intentionally worship Satan, but are serving him just by being into rock. I know it’s going to be tough to give it up, but I know that I need to serve the Lord and do whatever is necessary to do so.

WF, Iowa.

Well, you know what else is tough to give up. Rick Astley.

Dear Mr Aranza,

My mother picked up your book Backward Masking Unmasked for my sisters and I. I am familiar with many of the rock groups and songs. I am also very moved with your book and have decided to stop listening to rock music.

J.G, Maryland.

J.G writes like a Nigerian Scammer. I wonder if Jacob truncated his request for money delivered by Western Union when preparing letters for the book.

Dear Jacob,

I just finished reading your book Backward Masking Unmasked. I must admit I was shocked at all the groups involved in this and I am sure that there are many more. I have been born again for about one and on-half years, but I was still listening to rock music. Well, not any more! I have about 400 albums that are going in the trash and they will be broken and smashed so that no one will be able to listen to them. My radio is now on AM WEZE and WRO; the only stations in the area that have Christian programs. The thought of listening to rock turns me completely off now!

K.B, MA

If only ebay was around when K.B was destroying and dumping his records. The choice wouldn’t have been so straightforward then. Critics of my criticism will no doubt point out the scene in Ephesus where the Christian converts burn their magic scrolls (that were worth a lot of money) – but I can’t help but see destroying 400 albums as a waste. But the biggest waste will be the hours K.B spent listening to Christian radio.

Dear Jacob,

Praise God for your book Backward Masking Unmasked. It helped me get born again! I had gone to church for 12 years and had become very “religious.” I loved rock and roll music. It became my attention at school, my comfort at night, my pride and sex. I started enjoying this music and I wanted to dance. So I did. Oh, it only started when I was in the privacy of my bedroom. A few years later it took me to booze, bars, and the “gay lifestyle.” I centred my life around strip shows and getting attention. I had your book for over six months. I decided to read it one day. Then it dawned on me that Satan had entrapped me just by listening to music.

T.L, Arkansas

Now, lets follow the slippery slope. Rock music leads to dancing, leads to drinking, leads to being gay. Wow. If only somebody had told Bowie. So much pain might have been avoided.

Dear Mr Aranza,

It seemed for many years that no one really cared about what happened to me, so I took to rock when I was really young. I read in all of the rock magazines that the rock groups really cared about their fans, and that made me feel good and wanted, like I really mattered. I now see all they cared about was the money, not me. It is great to know that someone like you thinks I matter. Thank you, and God bless you.

T.F, Michigan

Well. I don’t feel like rock musicians have been manipulating me, or just using me for my money. So I thought I would write Jacob Aranza this letter (I am going to email it to him).

Dear Jacob Aranza,

I am writing to you about a book you wrote more than 25 years ago, called Backwards Masking Unmasked. You might have forgotten about it. I saw on your website profile that you’ve had five books published, so I’m guessing you still remember it. I have two of them by the way, Backwards Masking Unmasked, and More Backwards Masking Unmasked. But sorry, you don’t get royalties. I bought them second hand. One was for sale in an “abandoned” books section. I’ve always wondered what it feels like to write a book and watch its life cycle. From best seller to the bargain bin. You even had a senator endorse your book. That’s cool.

Anyway. I’m a Christian. I love Jesus. But I also love rock music. I like some of the bands you wrote about. But a lot of them have lasted less time than your book. Longevity is so fickle. Half those bands were probably in the “abandoned bin” years before your book. I’m not sure what some of the bands you wrote about sounded like – but if they were anything like Nickelback – I can understand where you were coming from.

What do you think of U2? They’re a rock band. Right? I don’t like U2. I think they write boring music, I don’t know if they’re boring people, but Bono claims to be a Christian and he always talks about charity work and stuff, so he’s probably boring. And he wears coloured glasses. That’s kind of creepy. Bands that court the Christian market are the worst, don’t you think? Like U2, and Creed. And Destiny’s Child. Though Beyonce seems to be a bit less “moral” these days. Come to think of it, so does Britney. I don’t want to put my faith in a Christian band only for them to end up going a bit bonkers and attacking cars with umbrellas. I think I prefer dealing with the secular bands, at least then you know where they’re coming from.

I notice you put your address on your book. Wasn’t that asking for hate mail? Did any rock musicians send you half chewed bats?

So, Alice Cooper became a Christian. Did you apologise for saying he was hellbound? Do you think your book helped him discover the love of Jesus?

I enjoyed your book, but probably not for the reasons you think. Bits of it read like a conspiracy theory movie, or that one with Nicholas Cage where he links disparate facts and circumstantial evidence to make not very compelling logical jumps in order to reach a conclusion. I think it was called National Treasure. Your books are National Treasure-esque Jacob. Thanks for writing.

I notice that in your sequel you include some “fan mail” is there any chance you could include my letter in your next sequel? Perhaps with a link to my blog? I’ll send you the address if that’s possible.

Sincerely,

N.C, Brisbane, Australia