While I’m posting this string of YouTube mashups, here’s Ferris Bueller meets Fight Club. A little language warning in this one… Alan Ruck (Cameron) does look a bit like Edward Norton too.
Category: Consciousness
New tools for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse
You might not be worried about the Zompocalypse – but not being worried is not an excuse for not being prepared. One of the services we offer here at st-eutychus.com is keeping you and yours abreast with the latest in zombie fighting science, methods and technology.
You can check out some of what we’ve had to say previously here, here, and here.
Today I have collated some hints, tips, resources and how-tos from around the interwebs to aid you in your preparations should the unlikely event of a zombie outbreak occur.
First, the latest in anti-zombie weaponry…
via: Unreality Mag
This list is a bunch of survival tips gleaned from one of the recent seminal Zombie texts, the movie Zombieland.
10- Only pull the trigger if you’re ok with every ghoul within hearing-distance knowing exactly where dinner is.
11- Stay nourished and healthy.
12- Drive safe! (And by that of course I mean drive in a hummer or a large SUV with bars welded to all the windows, and if possible an escape hatch in the roof)
13- If you can avoid it, then do.
This little article has a nice guide to the theories behind surviving a zombie attack – the best bet is to pick a local shopping centre. For the US it’s an obvious choice – because Walmart carries firearms. In Australia it’s less simple. A Bunnings, next to an Anaconda, with a supermarket nearby is probably ideal…
“…scout out all the big box retailers that carry ammo and food. Not too many eh? Tough luck, blue-stater. Someplace like WalMart is ideal, especially with the Garden Center for seed and stuff for longterm survival. A big bonus would be a nearby Home Depot or some such place so you can get plenty of lumber and quick-mix concrete for fortification.
While you’re preparing, always keep in mind locations where people congregate – you’re likely to find lots of zombies there when things turn ugly. Highways, malls, and schools are especially bad. You also might want to mention to your friends and family in passing how well your hiding place could be defended, etc. That way, when the zombies come, they’ll remember you said that and come help you. I don’t recommend telling them you’re preparing for a zombie invasion. “
This piece has a guide to recognising zombies, and more importantly a guide to fighting them.
- Never physically wrestle a zombie. You will only wind up getting bit.
- Anything you can lift, throw or swing is a potential weapon.
- If you only have a blunt object, like a pipe or crowbar, aim for the head and smash.
- Small objects, like butter knives, forks or even pens, can be lodged into an eye socket at close range.
- Decapitation is an option if you are able to get close enough.
- When defending your hide out, put together an arsenal of homemade explosives from the stock of cleaning supplies.
- Guns put distance between you and the enemy, minimizing your chances of being bitten.
- Because fire is also a great weapon, use it to your advantage whenever possible.
- Do everything you can to notify Armed Forces.
- If all else fails, and you find yourself weaponless among a horde of zombies, you can try to act like one of them, but only long enough to get out of reach.
Here’s a handy guide to zombies in English:
And here’s another batch of ten tips from some zombie fighting experts.
“Choose Your Weapons Wisely: Not all weapons work for all people, and the trendiest zombie-fighting armaments aren’t always the best. When in doubt, melee weapons are a fine tool against the undead, but think twice before picking up that giant hammer. As satisfying as squishing zombie skull may be, swinging the hammer creates a sizable arc that gives zombies plenty of time to nibble at your armpits. GLAZS advises that you invest in a machete, which is cheap, lightweight, and neatly separates a zombie’s head from its bodies. As for ranged weapons, you may want to reconsider that sawed-off shotgun you’re so fond of. Bolt action rifles are both powerful and accurate, without the ammunition restrictions of the close-range shotgun.”
The design
I have, unless you notice any major dramas dear reader, finished playing with my design.
It should look a little something like this:
If it doesn’t, could you let me know (and tell me what browser you’re using too…) Could you also let me know if you really hate it? Or like it. That would be great.
Excuse the design
It’s currently a bit messy. Working on it. This post is actually mainly to clear the cache so I can check out my changes.
That is all.
I’m bored
With my theme. Time for a change methinks. Perhaps something colourful.
What do you like/dislike about the current setup?
Every man and his blog
My sister has a blog – at this stage tracking her German holidays (on a scholarship) – if you like it when I try to write wry observational posts, but would prefer them to be funny – then you should check it out.
Izaac has started a Pixar watch blog in his holidays.
I’ve registered a domain for my own holiday project – watch this space.
Back.
Did you miss me? The Sunshine Coast was rainy. We read books and slept. We went out for dinner twice. I played Playstation. I watched Ninja Assassin (Very violent, the JB Hifi guy told me not to bother, I loved it – though you probably won’t. Limbs were flying everywhere.). The PM got ousted. We watched World Cup matches. I cooked Master Chef style hash browns.All these factors, combined with time spent hanging out with my hot wife, made the week almost perfect. We came home in time for me to take the field for Kustard FC – a game we won 7-3. If Manly had managed to belt the Panthers it would have been a perfect week.
How about you? Did you miss me?
Holidays…
Hey all. I’m taking a well earned break. Blogging will be sporadic, if it happens at all this week. Feel free to play in the comments.
The perils of so-called “privilege”
Sometimes I feel like being a straight, white, anglo-saxon protestant, with a physically imposing stature and strong (some would say over-inflated) sense of self worth, means I’m not allowed to voice an opinion on any minority position, or indeed any power imbalance… and indeed, when I dare to question a gay atheist, or contribute to a discussion on gender politics, my contribution is somehow invalid because my shoulder is not chipped the same way. What really gets me though, is when this happens in discussions about social conditions in an egalitarian, democratic society with universal suffrage. Life’s tough? Well vote the other people out and change it. Whiners. Sure, some WASP guy just took the job that you thought you were entitled to and is going to get paid more than you would have… well, perhaps he’s a better negotiator than you. Perhaps he went to the right school. It’s not always about gender. I don’t know about you, but if I ran a business I’d be wanting to hire the most competent candidate for the job. Gender is only an issue if you make it an issue. As is race. Sure, Andrew Johns made a profane and offensive statement, I’m not going to condone it, but do you think he thinks poorly of Greg Inglis because of his skin colour? His whole statement was predicated on Inglis’ extreme talent. I’ve got no doubt Johns said similarly derogatory things about Darren Lockyer. South Park’s Hate Crimes episode had it right – normal people these days don’t tend to pick on people of different races because they think they’re inherently less valuable than their own race. They just pick on people because of their own inherent sinfulness (all crimes are hate crimes).
Oh, to be an oppressed first world minority.
I think, if I ever want to tell people to just get on with life, I’ll need to invent an alter-ego who is a female, Muslim, gay midget from a third world African country with 18 children.
I could listen to Rage Against the Machine or enjoy other forms of artistic protest without feeling pangs of privilege induced guilt. Like a celebrity member of PETA. Then I could comment on any issue with impunity. And nobody would be able Most of the time my advice would be “life is not fair, suck it up, and get on with it.” Does anybody know of anybody with the aforementioned qualifications who voices such a message. I would buy their books.
As a member of this aristocratic class by a quirk of happenstance and genetics I feel like I’m missing out on plenty of opportunities to tell other people what to do, and can’t do so without appearing to be a bully.
I read all these minority reports online wishing I could be part of a minority so that I could passionately own a cause. Even the teams I support in sport are the “overdogs” – though there was a period of about ten years when Manly were lucky to win a game. There is no area in my life where I can call out “help, help, I’m being oppressed,” I’m not a member of any proletariat or suffrage movement. I didn’t ask to be who I am. There is not a majority position that I do not instinctively support. I am as boringly conformist as Kevin Rudd. I don’t even belong to a fashionable subset of society. I can’t dress to express myself, to distinguish myself from the masses of which I am a part. I am bland beyond individuality. A sunflower in a field of sunflowers. My cause du jour is the cause de rigueur.
There are many like me. Many not interesting people. Without exotic foibles. Without histories of oppression. Without an inherited sense of entitlement engendered by years of ancestral persecution, or the memory of a past wrong. For us there is no “audacity of hope,” but in its place the mendacity of hope.
White anglo-saxon protestant males earned their social standing. There is not a skerrick of progress in the western world in the last two thousand years that we have not worked for. That’s why we get paid more. That’s why the cards of society seem to fall in our favour. We see opportunities and we take them. Carpe diem.
If those in the minorities feel aggrieved by the power imbalance and wish to protest our implicit superiority – then why not stage a revolution. That’s how minorities achieve their ends. It’s not through whining and holding conferences or talkfests. Knock us off our perches. Don’t just complain that we’re on them. Just do something.
That is all.
The man scarf
I pride myself on being a bit of a manly man. I like football, red meat, and tinkering with bits of technology until they no longer work. I don’t wear v-neck t-shirts, or pastel colours, I can barely tell which side of most clothes shops is for men, and which is for women. And don’t get me started on modern shorts… alright. It’s too late.
A shorts digression
In summer I like to wear shorts. I don’t really like wearing board shorts (except to the beach) and I have lots of denim shorts (I don’t know why) – but nothing really in between except a trusty pair of cargos. Cargos are practical. Manly men wear them. They have lots of pockets.
So I went to DFO in Brisbane. It’s factory outlet mecca. The females of the species love it. It has lots of clothes shops, bag shops, and shoe shops. I searched high, I searched low, but other than designated sportswear and outdoor workwear there was nary a pair of shorts to be found that didn’t have stovepipe type legs with a folded up hem. These are girls shorts. Even I can tell that. Popular only with practical women and effeminate males. When did it become acceptable for men to wear shorts that tapered and finished above the knee, with the excess fabric folded up and stiched into a hem shape? And why can’t I buy normal shorts? Just regular. Practical. To the knee or below (but shorter than three quarter pants). Shorts. It drove me bonkers. Luckily it’s winter now so I don’t have to worry about the situation for another three months.
Back on topic
It is winter. And having spent the last four years living in the tropics, in Townsville, where the weatherman taunts the southerners by reminding them that it’s still 27 degrees during the day, I am no longer acclimatised to cold weather. Anything below 20 degrees requires three layers. My wife, who has blue blood (she tells me it’s a broken hypothalamus) can’t leave the house in less than four.
And it’s only going to get colder.
One piece of sartorial style of women and gay men that I envy is the scarf. It’s practical. It warms the neck. But in most senses and uses these days is a fashion accessory that is the realm of the metro or the homo:
Beckham even wears a scarf in the summer:
I think real men, if they’re going to wear scarves, wear them like this:
Though, according to this article, the way men are meant to wear scarves is:
“A man’s scarf should be worn inside his overcoat and exposed an inch above the collar, with the tie on view.”
But I don’t own an overcoat.
Apparently wearing a scarf, in this style, in New Zealand:
Prompts people to question your sexuality.
Pilots can wear scarves without similar questions being raised:
When I googled “man scarf” I found this “fresh off the press” article from news.com.au suggesting that man scarves are “in” this winter, and given my conformist tendency to non-conform I now have to suffer a cold winter, or invent some sort of leg warmer for the neck… Which somebody on instructables has already done for the ladies…
Or I could throw my lot in with the cowl wearers – there are worse things than dressing like Batman…
Here’s a man’s guide to knitting one…
He looks manly.
The cowl is a hoodie without the jumper. Practical and fashionable. Form and function. A triumph of winter wear. Problem solved.
I hope our turtles don’t grow up to look like this…
This guy looks like Bowzer, the bad guy from Super Mario Brothers.
He’s an alligator snapping turtle. Apparently people keep these for pets.
This is what our little guys look like…
XKCD on two pet topics
So I take a couple of days off blogging to write essays and XKCD produce strips on two of my favourite topics from yesteryear – disaster reporting, and the Nerd V Geek debate (as a Venn Diagram).
A signature dish
Unlike Ben, I’m sticking with MasterChef through thick and thin. Yes, the plate dropping incident was shark jumpingly contrived. Yes, George reminds me of the type of sports fan who throws “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie” in to any pause in conversation, and yes, the product placement can be a little over the top, and yes, the contestants are all prima donnas who spout mangled sporting cliches about how this experience is life changing and elimination is but a small hurdle on the path to dream fulfillment… but it’s about food. So it’s compelling viewing.
Have you got a signature dish? What is it?
I like cooking curries. Some people have told me they like my Butter Chicken recipe, my wife has told me that the Beef Massaman I made this week is “my best curry ever”… so here’s my attempt to recreate the recipe for posterity’s sake… it’s designed to have leftovers – because curry is always better two days later.
Ingredients
- Approx 400g of Rump Steak
- A large onion
- Crushed garlic (1 dessert spoon)
- Two potatoes
- One large tin of tomato soup, or a small tin of concentrate (plus an equal volume of water).
- One standard sized tin of Coconut Cream
- 100gm of butter
- Curry Powder (to taste)
- Turmeric (a pinch)
- Cinnamon (a pinch)
- Hungarian Sweet Paprika (two pinches)
- Fish Oil (two teaspoons)
- Brown sugar (a tablespoon)
- Massaman curry paste (the type that comes in a jar)
Steps
- Slice the onion. Fry it on a low heat with the garlic, some olive oil and curry powder.
- Dice the potatoes, boil them till they’re soft.
- Mix the tomato soup, coconut cream, curry powder, paprika, cinnamon, and butter in a large pot. Keep it on a relatively high heat and stir until the ingredients are a nice smooth sauce.
- Add the onion and potato to the sauce.
- Add the brown sugar and fish oil.
- Mix the massaman paste in a frypan with a dash of olive oil. The jar probably says to fry it until you can smell it. Do that.
- Dice the steak. Add it to the frypan – coat the pieces liberally with the fried paste. Cook until the pieces are medium rare.
- Add the steak to the sauce.
- Simmer on low heat for 45 minutes.
- Serve with rice.
I’ll try following these steps again in a week or so to make sure I haven’t missed a step. But I think it’s all there. Tomato soup is a terrific base for cooking. I also use it in my Butter Chicken and Spaghetti Bolognese.
Commenting Rules
Commenting rules on blogs are generally pretty passe.
Mine can be summed up as:
There are times when I wonder how Christians should be governing their behaviour online. Justin Taylor had some good guidelines. He took the high road and used the Bible.
Those are great if your commenters are Christians… I like these ones (via Gordo) from Triablog (they expand on each point in this list on the post).
These are the first five, of ten.
*He sometimes gets the last word.
June 5, 2010