I don’t want a pickle. I just want to write with these pencil stickles. They come with an inscription based on a statement that musician Woodie Guthrie (also famous for being the father of Arlo Guthrie, the Motorcycle Song writer) inscribed on his guitar.1
1 I do realise that Woodie is much more famous than Arlo. Just as Bob is more famous than Jakob.
You can get a bin full of your ashes in a 45… that’s the best intro I could come up with for this post, and if you remember a Cornershop song from the late 90s (possibly), and know that the 45 refers to the 45rpms a conventional 7 inch record had to be played at to produce music as intended, then you’ll think it’s brilliant.
I’ve posted, in the past, some creative way to ensure your ashes stay on in a really novel way. You can become a set of pencils, or a diamond ring, or an urn shaped like your head, if that’s not your cup of tea (though it might be Keith Richards’), you can get ashes mixed with tattoo ink, and now, thanks to “And Vinyly” you can become a final vinyl. They’ll cast your ashes into the mix, and cut you a bunch of records of your favourite song to be distributed to your friends and loved ones. Or perhaps your enemies.
You can even record a message. Backmasking is a real possibility. I’d get the Beatles Revolution 9 recorded backwards on my album – so that you’d hear “turn me on deadman” in the normal direction, and atonal LSD inspired experimental music (it’s not my favourite Beatles song) in reverse. You can set the record straight on any long running family feuds. You can dig the needle in just one last time… the puns, and possibilities, are endless.
Wired has a story. Here’s a quote about the process.
“How does it work? The process of setting human ashes into vinyl involves a very understanding pressing plant. Basically the ashes must be sprinkled onto the raw piece of vinyl (known as a “biscuit” or “puck”) before it is pressed by the plates. This means that when the plates exert their pressure on the vinyl in order to create the grooves, the ashes are pressed into the record.”
What songs would you pick?
Winnie the Pooh stories would have been cooler if Winnie was a wookie. Right?
Here’s proof.
From artist James Hance, there are more.
Awesome. Ginger Bread men would be cooler if there was a possibility that just by eating them you’d be getting your stomach a good ninja-ing.
Buy them at Perpetual Kid (that’s an imperative for my wife, and a suggestion for the rest of you).
An enterprising soul has painted Mario Kart symbols on a bike path in Portland. Hilarity, and Mario power-ups, ensued.
Via here.
In other Mario related news, it appears that Bowser, the franchise’s dragon/turtle villain – may have actually (though accidentally) been based on a real (but thankfully now extinct) animal.
Here’s Bowser. Note the similarities.
Via here.
Fat fingers are synonymous with sumo wrestlers and incompetent carpenters. But its the former group who are turning to the iPad to solve their communication problems, and thus their links with the nefarious criminals the Sumo industry is plagued with. Apparently. At least according to this story (and this one). It seems the powers that be in the sumo world think that criminals will find it hard to grasp the concept of emails.
They suggest that sumos, because of their fat fingers, pretty much don’t use mobile phones. And that they rely on faxes and telephone calls for communication.
Are all ninja toys good ninja toys? Ninja Stretch Armstrong says “no”…
Ninja (or possibly more correctly “Karate”) Gumby is pretty cool…
And this Chuck Norris ninja is guaranteed awesomeness.
More ninja toys here.
When Hanson famously crooned:
“Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It’s a secret no one knows.”
In their wildly popular chart-topping pop-ballad Mmm-Bop, which was, as we all know, a lyrical triumph, they could well have been singing about the Life Box – an environmentally friendly postage box that, when planted, may or may not become a tree.
The cardboard box is laced with tree seeds. You just have to soak the box in water, tear it into pieces, and stick it in the ground. Easy.
Details here.
Some time ago I posted about an invention that monitors the weight component of your toilet transaction. It looks like they weren’t the first to think that idea up – here is a patent submission for a very similar item, from 1924.
Can you imagine people’s Facebook statuses with this sort of thing. “is proud of little Johnny whose bowel movement just registered 700gm on our toilet scale.”
One small step for man, one giant leap for oversharing.
I thought about calling this post “thongs for Jesus” or “flip flops for Jesus” but both of those were open to misinterpretation and lacked the alliterative quality of using the kiwi term for this particular item of footwear. But I digress. Nothing helps you walk a mile in the shoes of Jesus like walking a mile in Jesus themed shoes. Right? So I give you: Walk the Walk Flip Flops.
They even have a poorly sourced scriptural proof text.
*If we live in the Spirit,
let us also walk in the Spirit.
Galatians 5:25
They say meat (particularly beef) is less tough if the animal isn’t stressed when it’s killed – and what could be less stressed than a brain-dead undead? That’s right. Zombie Jerky. A new high in the post zompocalypse culinary landscape.
This little beer bottle shaped robot has a nifty secret – his hand is actually a bottle opener.
Stop those drips getting away with this awesome cup and saucer set.
This is the world’s most expensive beer. It comes stuffed in a squirrel. A taxidermied squirrel. Which is important.
It’s called “The End of History”…
This 55% beer should be drank in small servings whilst exuding an endearing pseudo vigilance and reverence for Mr Stoat. This is to be enjoyed with a weather eye on the horizon for inflatable alcohol industry Nazis, judgemental washed up neo-prohibitionists or any grandiloquent, ostentatious foxes.
The End of History: The name derives from the famous work of philosopher Francis Fukuyama, this is to beer what democracy is to history. Fukuyama defined history as the evolution of the political system and traced this through the ages until we got the Western Democratic paradigm. For Fukuyama this was the end point of man’s political evolution and consequently the end of history. The beer is the last high abv beer we are going to brew, the end point of our research into how far the can push the boundaries of extreme brewing, the end of beer.
Unfortunately it’s sold out. It was just 500 pounds a bottle… but no animals were harmed (by the brewers) in its production…
“Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel. The striking packaging was created by a very talented taxidermist and all the animals used were road kill. This release is a limited run of 11 bottles, 7 stoats and 4 grey squirrels. Each ones comes with its own certificate of authenticity.”
