God Hates Rock Stars

More Backwards Masking Unmasked to come, in the meantime, beware…

Via Pleated Jeans’ 15 examples of bad Christian propaganda.

Fred Phelps from Westboro Baptist appears to have read a little too much Jacob Aranza. His angry mob will be protesting at Black Sabbath’s Ronnie James Dio’s funeral…

“This rebel had a God-given platform – for decades – which he should have utilized to publish the truth of God. Instead, he used that platform – for decades – to teach rebellion against God, in the form glorifying atheism, promoting the devil horn hand sign & other such idolatries.”

Apparently the word “sorceries” in Revelation actually means “druggies.” So Dio was also a sorcerer.

May 25, 2010

The St. Eutychus Guide to First Year Greek – Part Two

Nouns

A noun has four roles or functions within a sentence, aka cases, (and a fifth rare type): the nominative, genitive, dative, accusative, and vocative. Each has a particular ending which represents the noun’s function in a sentence. They come in declensions (patterns) – each declension has a different set of endings. Nouns also indicate gender. A noun is masculine, feminine or neuter. Inanimate objects can be masculine or feminine.

If it is the subject of a sentence (the thing doing stuff) it’s nominative. If it is the object (the thing stuff gets done to) – it’s the accusative. If it in someway related to possession (eg if it is something from the nominative, or belonging to the nominative) it is genitive. If it is an indirect object it’s dative. For example in the sentence: “I give the ball to you”, I am the nominative, the ball is the accusative, and you are the dative, give is the verb.

The genitive can be used as the “ablatival genitive” which indicates the source of the thing (“I take the ball from the cupboard”), the dative can be used as a locative dative (in), the instrumental dative (by) and the dative of personal advantage (for). These uses are likely to come up in exam questions because they’ll trip you up if you’re not careful.

The declensions come in tables that you have to try to learn by rote. I hate learning by rote.

Nouns have stems too. They have case-number suffixes (like the verbs have person-number suffixes) that stick on the end to tell you what the word does in the sentence.

Neuter plural nouns are a bit like collective nouns in English. They take singular verbs.

Some nouns try to trick you by being cross-dressers or having special patterns (aka declensions). You can always tell what gender a noun is by the article (the) that comes before it. Greek has 24 words for “the”, or more correctly, four cases, with three genders and singular and plural options – there is some duplication across the grid (eg all the genitive plural articles are the same).

Complement

Sometimes a nominative cased verb will actually be playing the part of the accusative. This happens in a “complement” where you’re basically throwing an equal sign into the statement. You’ve just got to think of ειμι (I am) as an equals sign. It’ll come with a nominative noun, but you’ll need to supply the pronoun to complete the complement.

Conjunctions

Greek, like every other language known to man, has conjunctions. They bring two clauses together.

  • δε means “now” or “but” – it’s a strong statement, and it’s postpositive. It never starts a sentence. It tells you that something new has been introduced.
  • και means and, it used twice in a sentence it means “both…and”
  • αλλα is “but” it marks a stark contrast between sentences.

Word Order

Because nouns have cases and verbs have all sorts of bells and whistles syntax is of reduced importance in Greek. You can jumble up the order and the meaning will still be determined by the endings. Normal word order for English is “subject verb object”, normal word order for Greek is “verb subject object” – changing the word order is normally a marker of some sort of significant emphasis.

Vocab and Memory Hooks

  • αγγελος* = (angelos) = angel or messenger = self explanatory
  • αγρος = agros = field = like agriculture
  • αδελφος = (adelphos) = brother = like Philadelphia (brotherly love)
  • αλλα = (alla) = but = But alla the other guys get to watch TV.
  • αμαρτωλος = Sinner = (amartolos) Sinner = Amart-all-sports is actually where the rebels go.
  • ανθρωπος = (anthropos) man/person = anthropology
  • δε = but = but de other guy hit me first
  • διακονος = (diakonos) deacon = self explanatory
  • δουλος = (doulos) servant/slave = If I had a servant/slave they would δουλος for me.
  • δωρον = (doron) gift = Doron look a gift horse in the mouth.
  • εργον = (ergon) work = people who work at εργον don’t do any.
  • ερεμος = (eremos) wilderness = If your GPS takes you to the wilderness it’s made an ερεμος
  • ευαγγελιον = (euangelion) good news = like evangelism.
  • θανατος = (thanatos) death = Then Athos got stabbed, and he died.
  • ιερον = (eyeron) temple = the temple got i-roned out by the Romans
  • λαμβανω = (Lambano) I take = I take a lamb-an-o-pen up the oven.
  • λεγω = (lego) I speak = I would like to speak like the people on the Leggo’s ad
  • λιθος = (lithos) stone  =  lithographs are carved in stone.
  • λογος = (logos) word = Your logo is your business in a word.
  • νομος = (nomos) law = If you’re autonomous, you’re a law unto yourself.
  • οδος = (hodos) road/way = Hit the hodos Jack, and don’t you come back
  • οικος = (oikos) house = I had to write about οικος in an essay so I have not trouble with this one…
  • οχλος = (oxlos) crowd = There are big crowds at the bull fights to see the ox loss.
  • τεκνον = (teknon) child = Looking after children is tekn’on a big responsibility
  • υιος** = (wi-os) son = Your son ui-sed all over the floor
  • φερω = (phero) to bear = Apparently Christopher means “bearer of Christ”…

*γγ together is pronounced as ng.

** ui as in suite – which I sort of render as “wee”

May 25, 2010

At the end of the day we’ll never get rid of cliches going forward

A journalist has been researching cliches. Which might sound a bit like a cigarette company researching the harm caused by nicotine. But this journo, Chris Pash, came up with the following as the most (over)used cliches in journalism…

1. At the end of the day

2. Split second

3. About face

4. Unsung heroes

5. Outpouring of support

6. Last-ditch effort

7. Concerned residents

He also makes this statement:

Writers in particular genres tend to reach for particular cliches. Book reviewers, for example, favour “compelling” and “masterful”as well as the made-up word “unputdownable”, whereas travel writers show an over-dependence on “paradise”, “must-see” and “best-kept secret”.

Which is true for any profession. We’ve all got our own jargon and favourite terminology. One of my favourite media release cliches was “key strategy” – which is both weaselly, buzzwordy, and slightly tautologous. Perfect cliche fodder. It almost always came with the modifier “one of our” (and the accompanying pluralisation of strategy) – just to show that we weren’t nailed down to a single idea.

Pash manages the Dow Jones Factiva Database, which stores all the content from about 25,000 major news outlets and magazines. He ran searches on the material for particular phrases, like “at the end of the day” and identified the list above as the most commonly used cliches.

But, at the end of the day, nobody really needs to write “at the end of the day” do they?

Pash attributes the soul-crushing dominance of “at the end of the day” at least partly to its frequent appearance in direct quotes, particularly those given by politicians. “They use it almost as punctuation,” he says.

Being aware of the cliches you use is good. Because cliches make for tired writing, and thus, bad communication. As soon as a phrase becomes a cliche it has lost its magic.

May 24, 2010

The St. Eutychus Guide to First Year Greek – Part One

I threatened to do this a while ago. I’m testing the theory that blogging is my learning language. So trying to rewrite the chapters of our textbook, and lectures, in a way that makes sense to me. I plan to one day write a book “The Stupid Greek Rules that Exist Just to Confuse  Students”. It will make me millions.

If you’d like to join in the fun – how bout suggesting some rude memory hooks for my vocab. The ruder they are, the easier they are to remember.

Amalgamation in the Future Tense

This rule is one of the first hurdles thrown in for beginner Greek students. The future tense in Greek chucks an σ (s) in the middle of a word, after the stem (the stem of a verb stays the same in any form of that verb, an English equivalent is loved, loving, loves, (I) love – the stem is lov). The σ, called a future time morpheme, doesn’t play nice with some other letters. It’s a bit racialist. It won’t hang out with a π (p), β (b), φ (f or ph) – if you try to make them hang out they get in a twist and become a ψ (ps). The σ is pickier still. It also doesn’t like κ (k), γ (g), or χ(x). With these bad boys the σ becomes a ξ (xs). There are some letters the σ won’t even get tangled up with. They just disappear. These are the τ (t), δ (d), and θ (th).

There are 24 letters in the greek alphabet and the σ won’t play nice with nine of them. It also has its own “special” form when it falls at the end of a word (ς).

The person number suffix and the disappearing ν

There are two Greek letters that look like English letters but sound nothing like them (or three if you think ω looks like a w). The ν is actually an n, and the ρ is an r.

The future time morpheme isn’t the only thing you chuck on a stem. There’s also the person-number suffix. Each verb comes with a built in person. Just in case you’re too lazy to write a noun. So “λυω” which means “I release”, has a built in “I” – a first person number suffix (ω). This suffix changes depending on whether the verb is plural or singular, and whether it’s first, second, or third person. You also, for the purpose of pronunciation (probably) and confusing poor students (definitely), chuck a vowel on the stem before the suffix. I’ll put a / in these examples to demonstrate where the stem ends and the suffix begins.

So:

  • λυ/ω = first person, singular = I release
  • λυ/εις = second person, singular = you release
  • λυ/ει = third person, singular = he/she/it releases
  • λυ/ο/μεν = first person, plural = we release
  • λυ/ε/τε = second person, plural = you(se) release
  • λυ/ουσι(ν) = third person plural = they release

The ν on the end of the third person plural is a “movable ν” – it just disappears whenever it feels like it, or before any word that starts with a consonant. It’s like our indefinite article (“an” and “a”, though Greek does not have an indefinite article)

The built in noun works a little like this: νατηανοσ λυει translates “Nathan releases,” a sentence that just has the word λυει translates “he releases.” Or she, or it, depending on context. This becomes handy once you learn about nouns and their cases, because nouns can play different roles in a sentence and sometimes there’s a missing noun that you’ll find inside the verb (if the “nominative” case is missing).

Bonus basics

The way a verb functions can also be altered by the presence of a “negative” – in the indicative mood this will be either ου, ουκ (if the word comes before a word starting with a vowel), or ουχ (if the word comes before a vowel that has a rough breathing mark (a rough breathing mark makes a “h” sound so υπο with a rough breathing mark is pronounced “hupo”) so ουκ λυω is I do not release. ην is used in the non-indicative moods.
The question mark “;” changes the verb as well. So λυω; is “Do I release”…

Semantic Range

Greek words have a variety of meanings and can’t always be pinned down to a single English equivalent. It’s more helpful to think of them as describing concepts.

Vocab and Memory Hooks

  • αγω = (ago) I lead = Caesar was a leader from long αγω…
  • ακουω = (akou-o) I hear = This place as good ακουωstics
  • βαπτιζω = (Baptizo) I Baptise = speaks for itself…
  • βλεπω = (Blepo) I see = I see a βλεπω on the radar.
  • γραφω = (grapho) I write = I like to write in grids, like a γραφω
  • διδασκω = (didasko) I teach = Didactic
  • δοξαζω =  (doxazo) I glorify = Doxology
  • ετοιμαζω = (etoimazo) I prepare = When we have visitors I need to prepare by cleaning up m’ετοιμαζο (eh – toy – mess – oh). Or something.
  • εχω = (exo) I have = I have an εχωllent wife. If I make puns like this I may not any longer, then she’d be my εχο…
  • θεραπευω = (therapeu-o) I heal = Therapy
  • κηρυσσω = (Kerusso) I preach = Tom κηρυσσω preaches about Scientology.
  • λυω = (luo) I loose/release = Pilate released Barabbas in λυω Jesus
  • πειθω = (paytho*) I trust  = Never trust a Spaniard with a lisp, he will still your πειθωs.
  • πεμπω = (pempo) I send = Send him off with πεμπω and ceremony.
  • πιστευω =(pisteu-o) I believe = I would not believe it if you told me you πιστευω metres in the air.
  • σωζω = (sozo) I save = Pele shoots, but Jesus σωζω
  • ειμι = (amy*) I am = I’m me, I am.

ειμι and πειθω contain a dipthong – two vowels stuck together that make a single sound. The ει dipthong makes an “ay” sound. The other dipthongs make sounds like they do in English words, except for αυ (which makes an “ow” sound), the others make sound like the following: αι (aisle), οι (oil), υι (suite), , ευ (feud), and ου (soup)

May 24, 2010

Meta-Venn

May 23, 2010

The beer they drink in heaven

May 23, 2010

What? The Devil is wrong with country – part 2 – FAQ

Jacob Aranza is a man who believes in offering solutions to real world problems. He’s a man of the people (unless you’re a rock star or country muso). His second book features a chapter of his questions and answers from readers of the first book. Lest you wander into rock and roll temptation here they are… though sometimes I think Mr Aranza pulls his punches, so I’ve given my own answer to the questions below.

WARNING: May contain traces of bad theology for the sake of satire. Bad theology is easy, I can see why the new atheists take the Bible out of context so often, they can pretty much twist it to say whatever they want.

Several people have asked me if Mr Aranza has anything to say about their favourite 80s band. If yours missed out (from a pretty comprehensive list) then don’t un-despair just yet.

Question: I know what you say about the groups in your book is true, but you didn’t mention my favourite group. What about them?
Aranza’s Answer: I may not have spoken about your favourite rock or country group, but if their goal isn’t to glorify God and help build his kingdom, then their music will hinder and distract you from serving God, and can easily provoke you to rebel against God.

My Answer: You know what, if they’re your “favourite” they’re an idol. Sing the Psalms. They’re the only inspired songs (except for a few in the New Testament, you can sing those too). 

Question: The groups I listen to don’t sing about Satan, sex, or drugs. What’s wrong with listening to them?
Aranza’s Answer: Just because a group doesn’t openly sing about immorality doesn’t mean their music is approved by God. If the music you’re listening to doesn’t come from the heart of a spiritual Christian artist you are opening the door to carnality, humanism, and demonic forces. It will distract you from serving him, feed self-centeredness, and eventually breed rebellion in your heart. Just because something appears to be good doesn’t mean it is good.

My Answer: Well, ask yourself “could I dance to this song” if the answer is yes then the music is a stumbling block – and no true Christian would create a stumbling block for their brother (or sister).

Question: I don’t really like what a lot of rock groups sing about, but I don’t listen to the words. I just like the music. Isn’t that OK?
Aranza’s Answer: It might be OK if you didn’t have a spirit or a brain. You may not realise it, but you are more than a physical body. You also have a mind and a spirit which both respond to music. Your mind is like a computer and absorbs what it hears including words to music. It can’t be avoided since your brain takes and stores the information you hear and receive through your senses. Your spirit also responds to music because God created music as a spiritual force. If you are a Christian, the Spirit of Christ dwells in your spirit, making you sensitive to God’s voice and will. When you listen to music that isn’t inspired by God it dulls your sensitivity to God. Eventually it will breed rebellion in you. It’s a lot like smoking cigarettes. They will make you an addict and give you cancer, killing the life in you. This is Satan’s ultimate plan for music, no matter how innocent it might sound.

My Answer: Does it have drums? Drums are a sure sign that this music is the Devil’s music. Drums lead to tapping your feet, tapping your feet leads to dancing, and dancing leads to premarital sex and babies born out of wedlock. Is that what you really want?

Question: What about instrumental music?
Answer: Concerning this subject I would like to quote someone known to have specialised in instrumental music. While I was speaking in Louisville, Kentucky, the pastor shared with me that Phil Driscoll had been there the previous week. Phil Driscoll was in secular music for many years as a writer and instrumentalist making up to $450,000 a year previous to his conversion to Christ. Phil shared that he felt the spirit of whoever was playing the music was the spirit that would influence those who listened to it. I agree with this.

I might add that there are plenty of instrumental albums produced by Christian artists, from jazz to classical, and from pop to easy listening. There’s no excuse for listening to secular music anymore. Whether [or not] the music has words, the spiritual force behind it will affect you.

My Answer: Instrumental music is the most dangerous part. The Bible clearly shows us that playing instruments leads to death. Especially the tambourine. In Judges 11, Jepthath’s daughter plays the tambourine and dances, and her father puts her to death. In 2 Samuel 6 the Israelites dance around playing tambourines and other instruments – and God strikes Uzzah dead. Tambourines and dancing are bad. Despite what the Salvation Army and Timbrel Praise will try to tell you.

Question: I don’t like non-Christian music but I work in a place where it is played al day long. What should I do?
Answer: You can start by expressing your views to your boss. Let him know that the major themes of the music are sex, drinking, drugs and satanism. Try to get them to play instrumental music and offer to bring in your own instrumental music. They’d probably like the Christian instrumental music and wouldn’t be offended because there aren’t any words. If you can’t get rid of the secular music, then be sure to keep a song in your heart that you sing to the Lord. Ask God each day to protect you from the negative forces behind this music. No matter what happens, have confidence that God will give you the power to be victorious in this situation.

My Answer: Ask yourself “what would Jesus do”… not gentle Jesus meek and mild, but Revelation Jesus. Quit your job, and purify the office with fire.

May 23, 2010

These two are “Bieberievers”

Like many Australian males over the age of 15, the first time I heard of Justin Bieber was when he caused a riot in Sydney. I haven’t heard his actual song. The one that apparently goes “baby, baby, baby, oh” – but I read the lyrics online somewhere. They didn’t sound very intelligent. Which is why I can’t see how these two adolescents (or adults) thought it was a good idea to dub “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, oh” over the top of the lyrics, while dancing badly. And I certainly can’t see how they thought it was a good idea to then put their handiwork on YouTube.

May 22, 2010

Stuff Christians Watch

That’s it. I’m moving to America. I can make bad television to my heart’s content, knowing that there’s an outlet for anything, so long as I mention Christianity.

This is bad.

May 22, 2010

Costner pays his dues

Most of us are sick and tired of actors and celebrities using their fame to try to change the world, but keeping their money in off shore tax havens. I’m looking at you, Bono.

And now, a man renowned for a role in a terrible movie set on the ocean is making a move to save the ocean from a terrible fate. It’s such a compelling story it can only come out of Hollywood. Costner’s shot at redemption comes after he sunk more than $20 million of his own money into researching and developing an oil skimming device. The device is called “Ocean Therapy” and BP are so desperate to try anything that they’re lapping up this machine that laps up oil, in large volumes. The full story is here.

Placed on a barge, it sucks in large quantities of polluted water, separates out the oil and spits back 97% clean water.

“It’s like a big vacuum cleaner,” said Costner’s business partner, Louisiana trial lawyer John Houghtaling.

“The machines are basically sophisticated centrifuge devices that can handle a huge volume of water,” he said.

Costner has spent $40 million of his own money in the last decade trying to develop new technologies – which I think is really cool. He’s putting his money where his mouth is, and he’s so sure these things work that he’s built a mini army of them. Perhaps he wants to start his own ocean utopia…

At least 210,000 gallons of oil per day is gushing into the sea from the ocean floor where the BP rig exploded April 20. The oil company has tried several novel solutions, but none has worked so far to plug the leak.

The company is skimming the oil, spraying it with dispersant chemicals underwater and trying to burn it on the surface.

Nineteen percent of the Gulf’s lucrative fisheries are closed, billions of beach tourist dollars are at stake and dozens of seagoing species are threatened.

Costner has 300 of his Ocean Therapy machines in various sizes. The largest, at 21/2 tons, is able to clean water at a rate of 200 gallons a minute – faster than the well is leaking.

May 22, 2010

How to mug somebody

If you’re an aspiring criminal looking to move into the world of person to person transactions then learn from this guy. Mugging is a two step process.

  1. Check for Ninja Schools
  2. If no Ninja schools can be found (which is likely, they’re probably invisible) don’t do it. Just in case.

The coolest thing about this story is that it happened in Australia.

The [three] thieves were assaulting a German medical exchange student in Sydney, but the alleyway where they struck was next to a school for ninja warriors.

One of the pupils raised the alarm after noticing the attack…

“We just ran outside and started running at them, yelling and everything,” said ninja master Kaylan Soto who instructed his students to take action.

“These guys have turned around and seen five ninjas in black ninja uniforms running towards them. They just bolted.”

May 22, 2010

Say it with FarmVillain

Sick and tired of FarmVille clogging up your newsfeed on Facebook? Respond in kind with FarmVillain.


Some examples.

May 22, 2010

Happy Birthday Pacman

Pacman is thirty today. Google is celebrating. You can play it on the homepage.

I’ve written quite a few Pacman posts over the years. Here they all are.

Celebrate by baking a Pac-Cake…

May 22, 2010

What the devil’s wrong with country music?

Country music fans might be feeling like they got off lightly in Jacob Aranza’s first installment – “Backwards Masking Unmasked,” but alas, this was short lived.

I’ll get into the review proper in coming days. First, this new installment includes the following chapters:

  1. More Backwards Masking
  2. Music Roots
  3. Satan’s Agenda
  4. Country Music: Behind Closed Doors
  5. MTV
  6. Guidelines for Christian Music
  7. Questions Most Asked
  8. The Mailbox – The Good – The Bad – The Ugly
  9. Shock Treatment
  10. Behind the Scenes (part I, II, III, IV, V)

Plenty of blogging fodder. The “Behind the Scenes” chapters are where Aranza tells you what’s wrong with your favourite band. The “Mailbox” is a series of letters he received after his first book, and it’s where we’ll start our review. I’ll try to knock a post on the Q&A out tomorrow…

The Mailbox

Dear Mr Aranza,

Your book Backward Masking Unmasked woke me up to the fact that I have been a part of “rock and roll religion” for most of my teen years. I was a member of a rock and roll group and although I didn’t do drugs or drink, I was greatly influenced from the moral standpoint. I now realise that rock groups don’t intentionally worship Satan, but are serving him just by being into rock. I know it’s going to be tough to give it up, but I know that I need to serve the Lord and do whatever is necessary to do so.

WF, Iowa.

Well, you know what else is tough to give up. Rick Astley.

Dear Mr Aranza,

My mother picked up your book Backward Masking Unmasked for my sisters and I. I am familiar with many of the rock groups and songs. I am also very moved with your book and have decided to stop listening to rock music.

J.G, Maryland.

J.G writes like a Nigerian Scammer. I wonder if Jacob truncated his request for money delivered by Western Union when preparing letters for the book.

Dear Jacob,

I just finished reading your book Backward Masking Unmasked. I must admit I was shocked at all the groups involved in this and I am sure that there are many more. I have been born again for about one and on-half years, but I was still listening to rock music. Well, not any more! I have about 400 albums that are going in the trash and they will be broken and smashed so that no one will be able to listen to them. My radio is now on AM WEZE and WRO; the only stations in the area that have Christian programs. The thought of listening to rock turns me completely off now!

K.B, MA

If only ebay was around when K.B was destroying and dumping his records. The choice wouldn’t have been so straightforward then. Critics of my criticism will no doubt point out the scene in Ephesus where the Christian converts burn their magic scrolls (that were worth a lot of money) – but I can’t help but see destroying 400 albums as a waste. But the biggest waste will be the hours K.B spent listening to Christian radio.

Dear Jacob,

Praise God for your book Backward Masking Unmasked. It helped me get born again! I had gone to church for 12 years and had become very “religious.” I loved rock and roll music. It became my attention at school, my comfort at night, my pride and sex. I started enjoying this music and I wanted to dance. So I did. Oh, it only started when I was in the privacy of my bedroom. A few years later it took me to booze, bars, and the “gay lifestyle.” I centred my life around strip shows and getting attention. I had your book for over six months. I decided to read it one day. Then it dawned on me that Satan had entrapped me just by listening to music.

T.L, Arkansas

Now, lets follow the slippery slope. Rock music leads to dancing, leads to drinking, leads to being gay. Wow. If only somebody had told Bowie. So much pain might have been avoided.

Dear Mr Aranza,

It seemed for many years that no one really cared about what happened to me, so I took to rock when I was really young. I read in all of the rock magazines that the rock groups really cared about their fans, and that made me feel good and wanted, like I really mattered. I now see all they cared about was the money, not me. It is great to know that someone like you thinks I matter. Thank you, and God bless you.

T.F, Michigan

Well. I don’t feel like rock musicians have been manipulating me, or just using me for my money. So I thought I would write Jacob Aranza this letter (I am going to email it to him).

Dear Jacob Aranza,

I am writing to you about a book you wrote more than 25 years ago, called Backwards Masking Unmasked. You might have forgotten about it. I saw on your website profile that you’ve had five books published, so I’m guessing you still remember it. I have two of them by the way, Backwards Masking Unmasked, and More Backwards Masking Unmasked. But sorry, you don’t get royalties. I bought them second hand. One was for sale in an “abandoned” books section. I’ve always wondered what it feels like to write a book and watch its life cycle. From best seller to the bargain bin. You even had a senator endorse your book. That’s cool.

Anyway. I’m a Christian. I love Jesus. But I also love rock music. I like some of the bands you wrote about. But a lot of them have lasted less time than your book. Longevity is so fickle. Half those bands were probably in the “abandoned bin” years before your book. I’m not sure what some of the bands you wrote about sounded like – but if they were anything like Nickelback – I can understand where you were coming from.

What do you think of U2? They’re a rock band. Right? I don’t like U2. I think they write boring music, I don’t know if they’re boring people, but Bono claims to be a Christian and he always talks about charity work and stuff, so he’s probably boring. And he wears coloured glasses. That’s kind of creepy. Bands that court the Christian market are the worst, don’t you think? Like U2, and Creed. And Destiny’s Child. Though Beyonce seems to be a bit less “moral” these days. Come to think of it, so does Britney. I don’t want to put my faith in a Christian band only for them to end up going a bit bonkers and attacking cars with umbrellas. I think I prefer dealing with the secular bands, at least then you know where they’re coming from.

I notice you put your address on your book. Wasn’t that asking for hate mail? Did any rock musicians send you half chewed bats?

So, Alice Cooper became a Christian. Did you apologise for saying he was hellbound? Do you think your book helped him discover the love of Jesus?

I enjoyed your book, but probably not for the reasons you think. Bits of it read like a conspiracy theory movie, or that one with Nicholas Cage where he links disparate facts and circumstantial evidence to make not very compelling logical jumps in order to reach a conclusion. I think it was called National Treasure. Your books are National Treasure-esque Jacob. Thanks for writing.

I notice that in your sequel you include some “fan mail” is there any chance you could include my letter in your next sequel? Perhaps with a link to my blog? I’ll send you the address if that’s possible.

Sincerely,

N.C, Brisbane, Australia

May 21, 2010

How to make Sizzler’s Cheese Toast (redux)

My “How to make Sizzler’s Cheese Toast” post is the second most visited post I’ve ever written. Given that it’s winter, and the toast is brilliant with soup. I thought I’d update that post with some pictures (and a slightly updated batch of instructions). Here’s a taste…

May 21, 2010