Puppet paradox

From here.

Brotherly love

There’s nothing like toying with the emotions of a young child on Christmas morning to score a few cheap laughs. Here’s a life lesson for a little brother…

For those not bothering to watch – the little kid unwraps his present to find an Xbox box, he gets excited, he opens the box to find a pair of pajamas. What a rip off. There’s then a minute or so of the family laughing at him as he gets teary.

Does anybody else want to send this kid an Xbox 360 after watching this?

Creepy bear does your parenting for you

If you’re a paranoid parent – and what parent isn’t a little bit paranoid – and you want to know your child’s secrets, the type they’d only tell their talking teddy bear, you need one of these.

Sure, it might look a bit creepy, but it’ll ask your children questions and then email you the audio of their response.

Product specs:

  • Your child’s closest confidante serves as your eyes and ears
  • Cuddly bear talks to your child, encouraging them to share their secrets
  • Says over 20 phrases, including:
    • “I love you. Do you love me?”
    • “You’re my best friend and I think you’re special.”
    • “Best friends always share their secrets.”
    • “Sometimes I feel sad. Does anything make you feel sad?”
    • “Sometimes I get angry. What makes you angry?”
    • “Sometimes I’m scared. What scares you?”
    • “Do you have a secret, best friend? You can tell me anything.”
  • Trigger phrases turn on the audio & video recording, which continues until child stops talking
  • The confession files are then emailed to the parent (WiFi network required)
  • Integrates seamlessly with Twitter, Facebook and Gmail.
  • Retractable USB cord allows child to “charge” the bear (and secretly transfer files to parent’s computer)

Obsessives make for compulsive viewing

Chow (a food blog) interviews people who are obsessed about particular foods or beverages and posts the videos as a regular feature. People who love what they do are fascinating.

Here are a few.

On coffee…

On tea

On pizza

What your Easter service needs…

Is an all singing, all dancing, choir of middle aged people who all wear the same thing.


It actually gets worse.

Love your wife? Say it with manure

If there’s one thing I have learned about farmers this week it’s that they’re always in the poo. You’ll be in the poo too if you replicate this guy’s efforts in your living room or backyard… unless you have a big backyard or a wife who doesn’t mind the smell of fresh manure.

It’s not often that a woman will say that her husband gave her a gigantic pile of crap for her birthday — and she loved it.

But Carole Kleis isn’t just any woman — she’s the wife of a farmer, and a little natural fertilizer doesn’t bother her a bit, even if this particular usage is rather unusual.

“He’s done weird things before for birthdays,” she said. “But maybe not this weird.”

It took Dick Kleis of Zwingle, Iowa, about three hours to spell out ‘HAP B DAY LUV U’ — shorthand, he says, for “Happy Birthday, Love You” in 120,000 pounds of manure.

“I was going to put a heart out there after the happy birthday, but I ran out of manure,” he said.

“It’s not hard. Any manure will work but the good, soft, gushy, warm stuff works the best. It kind of melts the snow.”

Celebrity science

When I’m not suggesting that some science is bad science I’m laughing at bad science. An organisation called Sense About Science collects a litany of celebrity science gaffs and publishes an annual report (PDF).

My favourite comes from PETA activist Heather Mills…

“Did you know that when you eat meat, it stays in your gut for 40 years, putrefies and leads to a disease that kills you? “That is a fact,” according to the model and charity campaigner Heather Mills”

Via New Scientist

The emperor’s new cups

I am of the opinion that Styrofoam cups are a single use affair. They’re lucky to last a whole use in my hands. I like to rip them into shreds. This guy likes to turn them into art, selling them on the Internet for a tidy profit… though reading through his description of the effort one of his pieces took on Flickr makes me wonder if it’s all worthwhile.

If you want to pay $190 for a $0.03 cup then this guy wants to talk to you… I’ll scribble on a cup for just $5.

Guy grows actual tomacco plant

Brilliant.

Rob Baur is generally a straightforward, sensible man. A senior operations analyst at an Oregon sewage treatment utility company, he’s responsible for research and development in the wastewater field, something he’s been doing for 33 years. ‘I’ve had one wife, one employer’, he says, ‘try to keep it simple.’ He’s a liberal sort of fellow who loves The Simpsons.

It’s the latter point that has given Rob Baur 15 minutes of fame that have lasted seven years. In 2003, inspired by an episode of The Simpsons, he grafted together a tobacco root and a tomato stem to make ‘tomacco’.

Dynamic fonts are clever

I have seen the future of typography and its name is Liza Pro.

I’m sure there are other fonts that do this out there, but Liza has a character database of 4,000 letters – it will, in the right design software, change which version of a letter it uses based entirely on context.

“Liza Display Pro rocks the script lettering to the max. The build-in Out-of-ink feature, LetterSwapper and Protoshaper makes this font a realtime-digital-calligrapher. She’ll swash up your text drastically, giving long strokes, loops and swashes to letters if their context allows”

Clever. But expensive.

23 bacon products to take your breath away

Back in June I posted two handy products (bacon lip balm and bacon gum) to help your breath maintain its bacon-fresh aroma. If you want a full arsenal of dental deliciousness get a load of these.

Bacon toothpicks

Bacon breath mints

Bacon dental floss

And some alternative Bacon Lip Balm

And alternative Bacon Gum

Bacon T-Shirts

Nothing shows your love for bacon like wearing it on your sleeve… or perhaps torso…
Push Button… receive bacon

A dream presidential ticket

Bacon makes everything better

Jews 4 Bacon – if I was Jewish I’d convert to Christianity in a snap.

But wait, there’s more

If you love a morning coffee with your morning bacon but you’re strapped for time – how about this “Maple Bacon Coffee“.

If you want to keep your car and house smelling like bacon get a load of this bacon air freshener.

If you want the rest of you to smell like bacon, but don’t want to make your own bacon soap, you can purchase this stuff.

Decorate your home with these bacon cushions.

Nothing helps you wash down your BBB (bacon, bacon and bacon – why use salad when you can just eat the good stuff) like liquid (bacon beer perhaps) from a bacon drink bottle.

Carry that around with this bacon lunch box for a truly inspired lunch time.

If you want to go to the butchers and produce an appropriately themed wallet you could do no better than this one

Nothing says “it’s bacon time” like a bacon watch.

If you haven’t eaten enough bacon you can hold your pants up with a bacon belt

Thrill your friends with the prospect of a bacon tuxedo with this gift box (tux not actually included)…

Ali sent me a link to this bacon scarf

If you want to go as bacon to a fancy dress party, or the office, then this bacon and egg combo is for you…

St Anthony is apparently the patron saint of Butchers – and thus the patron saint of bacon… by logical extension.

Finally, if you’re ever in a tight spot and asking “What would bacon do” here’s a handy Bacon spinning chart that comes with a handy document folder.

An ode to the moon

And while I’m on the subject of posting YouTube versions of web animations I’ve enjoyed over the years, here is Moon Song by the Spongmonkies.

Strong Bad meets Salad Fingers

This is a pretty bizarre mashup of two web animations. Salad Fingers is admittedly bizarre all by himself. It’s clever though. If you’ve never encountered Salad Fingers check him out here, Strong Bad lives here at homestarrunner.com.

Here’s the Salad Fingers video everybody should be familiar with… and by “everybody” I mean only people with darkish senses of humour.

My favourite Strong Bad Emails

I was looking for Strong Bad email number #98 on YouTube for my science post. Homestar said “I said science again” in it – and I was referencing that with my title… but alas, it wasn’t there. Many of my favourites were. I confess to not having watched much (or any) Homestar Runner since meeting Robyn. She didn’t really find it funny (she didn’t think Red vs Blue was funny either)… Here are some of my favourites on YouTube… Some are well known and have been seen by everybody, others are a little more obscure.

Five cheap ways to exegete your area

Here’s one of those posts where I try to synchronise a few years working with a marketing and economic development agency with the realm of ministry. Hopefully it’ll be useful both to me, and to you…

I’ve been trying to figure the suburb of Clayfield out. It’s a tough one. I’m sure others I work with have faced the same quandary (Andrew, Simone and Kutz) for years.

Marketing is a confusing blend of guesswork and social science – with new theories cropping up all the time – most marketing budgets are limited, so most marketers spend a lot of time putting their advertising in places that will get the best bang for their buck. Because most churches don’t have big marketing budgets or the time to conduct thorough demographic research here are five ways that you can let them do the hard work for you, which in turn will help you understand the people you’re serving.

  1. Read local magazines and papers – if you’re lucky enough to live somewhere that has a media outlet particular to your context have a look at what is being sold in the ads. Work out what kind of person buys those products. If your local newspaper features Tag Heuer watch ads you’re probably looking at an upper class suburb with high disposable incomes. Have a look at what stories are featured – editors keep their fingers on the community pulse, they talk to all sorts of people from your neighbourhood on a daily basis – the paper should be a reflection of the community’s values.
  2. Watch people in public places – What’s in the average shopping trolley? No frills or brand names? Battery eggs or free range? Are people making ethical decisions when they shop or financial ones? Are they eating healthy food or junk, are they buying microwave meals or the ingredients for some sort of substantial and prolonged culinary endeavour? You can learn a fair bit about people based on what they buy. Are people buying instant coffee – perhaps you should hold a coffee event and convict them of that sin, while pointing them to Jesus as the cure for all sin.
    I think you can get a good feel for a place by going somewhere busy and just sitting back and watching people. Sit in a cafe, on a park bench, or in a shopping centre and just watch the types of people who walk by, those who stop briefly, and those who also sit.
  3. What’s on the billboards – While billboards on main roads are for those driving through your suburb, they’re also for people from your suburb. Billboard advertising is purchased by location. It’s expensive (and mostly dumb – don’t advertise on a billboard – have you ever purchased something because you’ve seen it on a billboard (other than Coke)?). Advertisers don’t like spending money (unless they’re in government). They spend pointless money with some thought – the kind of product being advertised at a prominent intersection in your place probably has some relevance to the people living there.
  4. Talk to the owners of small business – Cabbies are a great source of insight in regional areas, or if you want a general state of play in a bigger centre (there’s no guarantee they’ll hail from your part of the city in Brisbane) – but small business owners have an interest in knowing what’s going on in their part of town. Their livelihood depends on it. Good business owners know their clientele, they know their repeat customers. Businesses like newsagents that deal with the same people every day are the best bet. When I was a networking function attendee in Townsville I would always talk to the bankers, the media ad space sellers, and cafe owners to get a feel for how things were going.
  5. Join a club or community group – head along to meetings featuring people from your area, join the P&C… contribute, but also watch and listen. What is going on where you live? What are the issues for people around you? How can you serve them practically? How can you hit them with the gospel?

Some bonus points for regional areas, unless there’s a suburb based equivalent these aren’t going to be that great for your specific context in a bigger city:

  1. Subscribe to newsletters from your regional economic development agency.
  2. Subscribe to newsletters from the Local Council.
  3. Join the Chamber of Commerce.
  4. Go to networking functions (who knows who you’ll be able to talk to about Jesus).
  5. Listen to local radio, especially talk back.

Incidentally, age demographics are dead as far as tourism marketing is concerned. Age is irrelevant (mostly). Place is also mostly irrelevant (except that it has a bearing on income). People want experiences that they can fit into the narrative of their lives. Postcard perfect photos are a thing of the past – you’ll find most tourism ads from here on in (thanks to some new market segmentation work produced by the state tourism body) will feature a mix of people enjoying different experiences.

People want a holiday they can go back and tell their friends about. Holidays aren’t about collecting photos of the seven wonders of the world anymore – they’re about doing something authentic, learning something new, or meeting interesting people from interesting cultures.

This new way of thinking is possibly relevant if you’re putting together an event for your neighbourhood – because I think events are similar to holidays.

But demographics still have an influence over where people live – you won’t find many low income students living in the austere realm of Ascot (think the upper class eastern suburbs) so understanding one’s geographic context is important when it comes to pitching events and sermon applications at people.