That 70s Show

It’s 70’s reunion week this week. Apparently. Two of the best duos to come out of the 60s and 70’s (who also both split somewhat acrimoniously) have reformed recently and both have just announced tours of Australia.

Both these duos have been seminal influences on my taste in comedy and music, and musical comedy.

Cheech and Chong – everybody’s favourite stoners – are coming out of semi-retirement for a series of stand up dates around Australia.
And perhaps more importantly – and much more excitingly – Simon and Garfunkel will be touring Australia later this year. They’re playing a show in Brisbane (and a few others around the country) that will no doubt sell out instantly and be exorbitantly priced…

The Beginners Guide to Taking Over the World – The Power of the Dollar

A Modern Day Example – The Power of the Dollar

As time went by, and society progressed, it became apparent to those seeking unimaginable power that the killing of one’s enemies was something that was generally frowned upon. These would be power brokers were forced to look for new ways to demonstrate their dominance over the common man. They didn’t have to look far to find a common currency of power. In fact they only had to look to currency. Power is, as we’ve all no doubt heard by now, money.*

If we take for example, a company, who for the sake of this text I shall just call Microsoft, we see the archetypal modern day superpower. These days the best way to gain unlimited power without raising any significant opposition is to do it legally, corporately and globally.

The story of Microsoft is one that is both inspiring and interesting. Basically, Microsoft started out as a dream in the heads of two young university students who had nothing really going for them. No social skills, no interpersonal communication skills, they weren’t good looking, they were (probably) on the university chess team. In fact all they had going for them was intelligence and a desire to succeed. They saw a hole in the market that they believed they could fill and they filled it. So a worldwide corporate empire is not out of the reach of the ordinary man, or woman.

However, there are plenty of other books and websites for those of you who want to take over the world by making lots of money. This book deals more with the conquest based method of expansion. Even there we can learn something from Microsoft, every time any significant opposition, or competition as the business minded prefer to label it, Microsoft got rid of them. Admittedly the getting rid of usually involved buying the company at a fair price but the result was the same, the other company no longer existed. In this day and age you’re better off buying your enemies into submission.

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*Therefore by syllogism – time is also power, power is a root of evil and power makes the world go round. In fact if you think of any sentence containing the word money, you can pretty much always replace it with the word power, for example, the ABBA song Money would be called Power and go something like this – power, power, power must be funny in a rich man’s world. Again by syllogism we see that if power “must be funny” then power is funny. Neat hey.

Scales of justice

Another cool idea from Ji Lee.

These could only be helpful in my quest to earn an Xbox. I’m 15% of the way there I think. Last time I weighed in. Just 8.5kg to go.

Special Occasion? Rubber stamp it



More from Ji Lee
– the ultimate in sustainable greeting card production. Who wants to spend more than 50 cents on a card anyway…

Bakers delight

Zombies eat brains right? Human brains. So we should totally eat zombies. But they don’t really exist. So they should be eaten in cake form.

But if you want to have your cake and eat U2. Or it too. Or eat something a little more human themed and realistic.

Mmm. Cake. The making of is incredibly detailed – and pretty spectacular.

Here’s a sample.

A bunch of links – April 2, 2009

The Chicken Dance

This “Subservient Chicken” will do just about anything you ask it to. Provided you use words that can be generally applied and don’t want him to adhere strictly to a literal translation of your instructions.

chicken

It’s clever. And an ad for Burger King. Tell him to punch himself in the head. I did. And was pleasantly surprised.

Redesign

Dear feed readers – do youseselves a favour ay and check out the all new design of the still amazing and cool http://nathanintownsville.com.

I don’t want to brag, I made it myself. By myself. Using a piece of nicely designed design software called artisteer and then doing some coding stuff myself. Oh, and if you happen to use artisteer without buying the real version it’s pretty easy to remove the “trial” watermark they put all over your site.

You’ll also notice that I’ve moved to a two column design and now my much more frequently posted “oddities” from around the interwebs will appear on the right hand side only. Keeping the more serious stuff on the left.

This is because my wife told me she was sick of trawling through the odd bits to get to the good bits. Other people no doubt only read me for the odd bits so hopefully I’m keeping you all satisfied.

Overclocking

I like good clocks and I can not lie… well I can actually lie, but I do like good clocks. They are both functional and aesthetically pleasing. I especially like clever clocks. Like these:

The Redundant Clock

It’s by Ji Lee who works as a designer for google. He famously designed this cool business card:


And this one… the one I like to call…

The Personal Doomsday Clock

The mechanism has been slowed down so that every number is a year.

The Beginners Guide to Taking Over the World – Modern Examples

The rule of the church

Empires built around the strength of a nation are only half the story when it comes to effective global powers. For an empire to stretch across borders it needs to appeal to the hearts, nay the souls, of the larger global population. For the best example of an ideology driven empire you need look no further than the papal rule during the Crusades. The Crusades, or the Holy Wars, involved armies from many nations, often nations who had unresolved conflicts with one another, uniting under the common banner of the church and marching on the infidels. Nothing has the power to encourage violent passion in a man like a good bout of religious fervour. The guarantee by the church that any sins a man committed while on the Crusade would be forgiven was just an added bonus.

For many years the nations, who could justifiably claim to be the world powers of the time, had their political agenda dictated by the church. The church even tried to dictate the personal lives of monarchs, King Henry the 8th being a prime example.

Religion is still a powerful tool for world domination today. Unity that stretches across national borders is perhaps the most effective way to establish an empire. However, since God is probably not in your pocket as you seek to become a global leader you may have to look past religion for something to forge this unity.

The Aeroplane Flies High

As far as military technology went there were very few developments until the early 1900s. Weaponry until that time had developed along a theme rather than anything new being created. Chariots became tanks, bows and arrows became guns and swords gradually became obsolete. In the early 1900s, I’m not sure exactly when, and this isn’t the sort of book that requires copious amounts of research, the aeroplane was developed. Smart people quickly saw its potential as a piece of weaponry. Dropping things on your enemy from a great height has been a military tactic for generations. Being able to actually fly above the heads of your enemies had, until that moment, been simply a pipe dream, akin to pigs flying, except that the pigs were humans.

The aeroplane is a modern day miracle. Keeping thousands of tones (well maybe not thousands) suspended in the air is a triumph of modern day physics (who would have thought that grade 12 math would serve a purpose after all). It didn’t take long for the purity of this new invention to be soiled by someone with a thirst for power. Without planes World War 2 could still be going today. What a horrible thought.

The technology doesn’t stop there, scientists and military minds are now working on the theme of sending things very high up in the air, and either keeping them there, or having them crash down on thousands of innocent civilians. That’s how wars are won. Never mind the “collateral damage”* just blow up as much of the other side’s stuff as possible. The United States, at the time of writing, are pursuing the ultimate in aerospace technology, the Star Wars program, spaceships that blow up other people’s missiles. To think that all this was born because two brothers were sick of walking around and wanted to fly instead.
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* Since the second Gulf war, otherwise known as the “liberation of the people of Iraq” Collateral Damage has been the term employed by the media to describe unexpected civilian casualties. Liberation too has undergone a process of redefinition. Liberation now means to leave the civilians in a worse state than when you found them, sometimes dead. “Liberation” and “Collateral Damage” go hand in hand.

A bunch of links – April 1, 2009

PETA patter

It’s been too long since I last bagged out PETA. Far too long. They are stupid. Let that be on the record here. If in 15 years someone is vetting me for some high powered role and this disqualifies me… so be it. I’ll stand by this. PETA is stupid. People who protest about animal rights are generally stupid – there’s a generalisation for you… but they’re particularly stupid when they’re protesting about people shooting dogs. In video games. Where they’re also shooting ze Germans. And the dogs are nasty attack dogs. They’re not puppies.

PETA’s real beef should be with those who train vicious attack dogs, but then they don’t like beef either.

If PETA were normal humans they’d be much more worried about the fact that the game involves people being shot, but no, it’s all about dogs.

A PETA statement says:

“Not since we were pitted against Nazi attack dogs when we first escaped from Castle Wolfenstein 17 years ago have we seen such barbaric treatment of dogs in gameplay as we did in Call of Duty, World of War.”

This case was prosecuted by equally stupid students – who started a petition, because:

“Killing dogs as a form of entertainment … over and over again. That’s one of the objects of the game,” says Lucci, 19, a senior at NDA. “Parents need to know what they are buying their kids. Killing animals should not be a form of entertainment.”

“My little 12-pound Pomeranian, Winnie the Pooh, is sitting next to [Lucci’s brother as he plays the game], and I’m thinking, ‘This looks horrible!'” Lucci says.

Lucci then adds, “My brother is a sweetheart. He won’t be killing dogs after playing. But some people might.”

Those of you concerned about animal welfare in the gaming realm should apparently play Fable 2. It won PETA’s award for most animal friendly game release.

“In this virtual fight between good and evil, characters powered by tofu are just as powerful as their meat-eating counterparts—and are more fit and attractive to boot. Featuring a strong pro-vegetarian theme, eating a plant-based diet helps you rack up “purity” points, whereas eating meat makes your character fat and evil.”

“A fun and innovative game, it’s also an effective tool that teaches gamers the real-life benefits of a vegetarian diet.”

Here’s a video of Call of Duty’s dog killing exploits… warning contents may offend if you find the shooting of pixelated canines trying to rip the throat from your pixelated character offensive…

Having a gBall™

Tim asked if I’m planning to blog about April Fools news stories today. I was thinking about it. But hadn’t decided.

I was watching the Today Show this morning – and I never cease to be amazed by the number of people fulled by a pretty poor April Fools joke – just because it’s on TV.

The Today Show had school speed zones being manned by speedo and bikini clad “SPEEDOS” (an acronym they kept repeating) holding speed signs to remind drivers. Prompting much outrage.

Google’s joke is classier – the gBall would be a triumph of modern convergence technology…

The features:

  • Weighs an extra 107g
  • Extra 35.8mm in diameter
  • Kicks are automatically measured using special in-built equipment
  • You get personalised online kicking tips and suggestions, based on kicking data
  • gBall vibrates if player agents or talent scouts want to speak to you
  • Find your lost gBall online using Google Maps

The Link – gBall™.

Silencing the knockers

Today I feel tough. And manly. And have no insecurities on the basis that I drive an Excel – not that I ever feel particularly insecure on those points… it is after all, a purple Excel.

But Excels are for tough people. Bikies even. When they’re not riding their Harleys and bashing each other to death in airports.

And Excels are bulletproof (almost) and will keep you alive in the face of gunfire. Apparently. So there.

Our daily Fred – a plate to improve your smile

Ok, so yesterday I said the whole “Our Daily Fred” was over for a while. I lied. I saw this today and couldn’t resist. The idea is that you’ll never go anywhere with that awkward bit of food stuck between your teeth again.