Return to Sender: Why do people keep trying to sell me cars via email?

There’s an NM Campbell out there somewhere who keeps trying to buy cars – and he’s getting annoyed that car dealers keep not emailing him. And then there’s this NM Campbell. Me. Who can’t figure out why car dealers from the US and the UK keep sending me quotes or newsletters. I got another one on Friday. From Medved Ford Lincoln Mercury. The salesperson in question is a Ms Carolyn Hammack-Clark. See her if you want to buy a car in Castlerock, CO.

Here’s the email I got.

So, here’s my response.

Dearest Carolyn,

It is such a long time since I have heard from you (I can only assume there aren’t too many Carolyn Hammack-Clarks running around). I am sorry we’ve lost touch. Do you remember that time we cavorted around the orchard in our pyjamas. Chasing rabbits. Oh, those were the days.

I live in Australia now, actually, I always have. So I’m not sure why I’m receiving emails from this car dealership and can only assume somebody signed up to your database with the wrong email address. You’d be surprised how often that actually happens.

However, it just so happens I am considering putting together an off-road truck race – and I’d be interested to know what sort of discounts you’d offer if I wanted to buy 16 of these trucks. I also want to convert them into amphibious vehicles.

The race I’d like to organise is on the bottom of the ocean – so they’ll need a pretty long snorkel, or perhaps some type of airhose with a flotation device fitted to the pipe to keep it somewhere where there is airflow so that the drivers can breathe. Did I mention that the drivers will be dwarves? They will be. I’m going to call my race the Snow White Cup. I believe in giving hope to the disadvantaged and downtrodden. And as a tall man I thought doing something for the vertically challenged would be a nice gesture.

Could I purchase these 16 amphibious utes customised in this manner – and with some sort of adjustable operations so that short people can both drive the trucks and see over the dashboard. I assume there’ll be some sort of discount if I’m buying a fleet.

Would you be interested in sponsoring the race? I think it will provide pretty good global exposure – because who doesn’t want to watch 16 dwarves driving trucks on the bottom of the ocean. I know I do.

The Medved Ford Lincoln-Mercury Castle Rock Snow White cup has a nice ring to it. Don’t you think.



Internet intimacy

Ji Lee is a designer from Google. He’s done some cool stuff, which I’ve written about before.
He’s put together this chart of relational interactions in the modern age.

Sadly, the blog comment does not appear. I’d say it’s about 5.5. Why not take our relationship to a whole new level, and comment a little. I’ll, conversely, try to write some stuff worth commenting on at some point.

Blog By Email version 1

This is the coolest invention ever. Cooler than sliced bread. Cooler than any of those other time saving devices dreamed up (somewhat ironically) by people with too much time on their hands. I can write an email from anywhere to my blog and it gets posted. Mattias asked why I thought that was cool. Well Mattias, let me tell you why it’s so cool. It makes writing a blog entry heaps easier. I can do it in about half the time. You’ll notice my reason here has changed since this was originally posted.

It’s 5.30 now, and I’m still at work. This is actually a test email because I’m not sure my emails are working. I guess there are other things I could be doing at 5.30 in the afternoon, because there are always new bits and pieces to write about Townsville. It’s a happening place.

In fact you should all move to Townsville. Every one of my readers (that’s right, all two of you). (I think that kind of feels a bit like I’ve done some work now).

I don’t really have a lot to blog about today… except the fact that I’m happily declaring myself a hypocrite. I knew all those years of bagging out couples for being couples would come back to haunt me.

A few weeks ago I mentioned a defamation case involving a NSW politician Michael Costa. He’s suing a radio station for airing a claim that he paid a visit to a lady of the night. That case got a mention in the papers yesterday – but a new and different case piqued my interest. TV host Ian Turpie, the luminary host of such classics as The Price is Right. Apparently Machiavelli was right, every man has his price*… for Turpie it took a few dollars to claim that he was suffering impotency – he was taken to court for faking it. My question is – does he now launch a defamation action to defend his impotency? Sounds like he’s between a rock and a hard place… or not. Sorry. That was bad. In fact this whole post was fairly gratuitous. I’m just enjoying my new toy (actually it’s not really a toy – more a convenient shift in technology).

*as quoted in A Man For All Seasons

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