Tag: Facebook

Ten Commandments of Social Networking

Learn these. Follow them. Do your friends a favour.

Here are the subheadings – presented in list form for your edification. Read the rationale for each point at Noupe. It’s a good list.

  1. Thou Shalt Not Be a Narcissist
  2. Thou Shalt Listen to What Others Are Saying
  3. Thou Shalt Not Spam
  4. Thou Shalt Say Something of Substance
  5. Thou Shalt Not Abuse Thy Neighbour
  6. Thou Shalt Give Credit Where Credit is Due
  7. Thou Shalt Learn How to Spell (or at least use a spell checker)
  8. Thou Shalt Use Real Words
  9. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness
  10. Thou Shalt Not Be a Friend Whore

Though shall not overshare should be number 11.

How to not be very good at Facebook

A comprehensive guide to how to be bad at Facebook. If you’re one of these people you may have lots of Facebook friends but the number who think of you as a real life friend is probably decreasing. From the Oatmeal (where else?) (thanks Ali).

This person will probably also correct you on your grammar.

This is me. But mostly about this blog.

Why you shouldn’t be the grammar police, and how to get away with your mistakes

The correct response, when confronted with someone correcting your grammar, syntax or spelling, is an appeal to authority (Shakespeare) with a simultaneous request for their contradictory evidence from a superior authority (confident in the knowledge there is no greater authority on the written word). This may not work when it comes to obvious spelling or punctuation mistakes – but it should help keep the wolves at bay.

I have two slightly contradictory pet peeves. On one hand, I hate reading bad grammar – particularly their/there/they’re, its/it’s and your/you’re. This is mostly because I hate making the mistake myself. I feel so incredibly stupid when an error is pointed out. I think, deep down, that I am a perfectionist. On the other hand – I hate when people point out bad grammar – mine or otherwise. Nothing raises my online hackles more than the superiority of a grammar pedant. I tried being one once. It didn’t make me feel nice. I don’t know how others can do it – it must come from hating bad grammar more than one hates appearing like a complete and utterly superior prig.

If knowing how stupid you feel when someone points out your error does not stop you pointing out the errors of others (sticks, logs and all that jazz), and if you’re so sure that you will never make your own scorn worthy mistake so that you run no risk of hypocrisy, then perhaps you should continue reading – and remember that people actually think less of you when you correct your/their friends in public. Not more.

I will say that I think the exception to this rule is when an institution makes a mistake – and the closer the institution is to the rules of grammar the funnier it is. When governments have grammar style guides and stuff up bridge inscriptions that is funny. When we laugh at Chinese translators mangling English while making their country more open to visitors that is cultural imperialism.

I’ve read a couple of articles today courtesy of Twenty Two words that helpfully reminded me that being a “Grammar Nazi” does not make one superior – nor does it actually make somebody a better writer. Imagine how the very Bard himself would be remembered if he had bowed to the pressure of the grammar pedants of his day.

Firstly, grammar pedants speak too early too often and provide no evidence for their claims. They expect us to sit idly by and accept their views on the movable feast of language while providing not a skerrick nor shred of corroboration for their claims. Up with this I shall not put.

Here’s an article that compares grammar experts with etiquette experts who make claims and then move the goal posts when someone disagrees.

This article provides recourse for people like me who want to rid themselves of pesky comments from friends who suffer from badgrammaritis (symptoms include the inability to let bad grammar pass unpunished).

We have all heard admonitions at some point or other that the word unique cannot be modified — a thing is either unique or it is not. This would be considerably more convincing if it were not so obviously untrue, as people modify unique quite frequently, and have done so for a long time. Through the magic of Google Books you can now search through enormous numbers of books and magazines from the 19th century and see literally hundreds of writers who use more unique, less unique and even that bugbear of the purists, somewhat unique.

(And speaking of literally, the next time someone tells you that it cannot be used to mean aught but literal, you might point out that it has been used in various figurative and nonliteral senses for hundreds of years, by such literary figures as Jane Austen, Charles Dickens and Richard Milhous Nixon.)

The article points out that most grammar conventions and corrections are given without any sense of evidence – in fact, on Facebook where both bad grammar and pedantry runs rampant, corrections are given with a sense of superior satisfaction but no reference to any rules or conventions that actually back up the criticism.

The erudite conclusion from the NY Times article is proof that a predilection for pedantry does not give you the exclusive rights to good writing. It’s today’s rule breakers who become tomorrow’s rule makers. To use an analogy – pedants are the engineers of the writing world while the rest of us are the artistes – the architects and interior designers, the painters, the landscapers and the Feng Shui consultants.

So I say outpedant the pedants, and allow yourself to gluttonously revel in the linguistic improprieties of yore as you familiarize yourself with the nearly unique enormity of the gloriously mistaken heritage that our literature is comprised of. For those of you keeping score at home, that last sentence contained a verbal noun, a split infinitive, an improper -ize, an inflectional comparative, a blatantly misleading word choice, at least one example of catachresis, an unnecessarily passive construction — and it ended with a preposition. All of which I’m willing to bet appear in Shakespeare.

Status Memes: Compare, contrast, and do neither

Two different statuses quoting the same statistics…

asked Jesus,”How much do you love me?” Jesus replied “This much”, and stretched his arms on the cross and died. If you believe in God put this in your status. 97% of you won’t put this in your status. When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you. 3% of you will stand up for him and put this in your status!!!

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Pattison (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a sky scraper, about to jump. If you’re one of the 3% who would sit there eating pop corn screaming “DO A FLIP YOU SPARKLY F$#%^T!” then copy and paste this as your status haha this is funny!

There’s something fishy going on here.

So I wrote this one. I kind of hope it starts a Facebook revolution:

97% of status updates are from the 3% of people who copy and paste or follow the crowd. Come up with original and interesting stuff about yourself or stop thinking your status is making a difference. Facebook is for self promotion and posting of embarrassing pictures. Not for sharing your knowledge of the radio alphabet and stupid statistics. If you’re sick of the degeneration of Facebook statuses don’t copy this.

Sharing is caring

Because I like experimenting with just about every feature you can add to a website (this may well come in handy one day when someone asks “how can I get people to be able to share my stuff on Facebook without copying and pasting a link”) I’ve added a little “share on Facebook” button to the top right of each post. This is pretty cool. It lets you post stuff you like straight to your profile so that all your friends can also read it. And it keeps track of how many times something has been shared. If there is no little speech bubble above the button with a number in it it’s because nobody has shared the link.

Here are four reasons you should click the “share on Facebook” button.

  1. It will make me feel better about myself.
  2. It will make the number change.
  3. It will get more people coming to this page who will then click the button to make me feel good.
  4. Those people will think you’re brilliant and capable of finding all sorts of funny things on the Internet. You can vicariously benefit from my dedicated procrastination.

I don’t know how long I’ll keep it. But I haven’t culled any of the other plugins or things I’ve installed to get more people here – even if I’m the only person who clicks and shares my stuff. It’ll be depressing if things only ever get shared once (especially if that once is by me) so at that point I might remove it. But seriously, without trying to clamour desperately for your attention, how hard is it to click on a star (you don’t even have to like the post to do this), and click on a button once in a while?

If you are reading this, and you have a Facebook profile (which you need to be able to share the post on Facebook), and you’re not a fan of St. Eutychus yet – then do yourself me yourself a favour and get on board the juggernaut.

Remind me why I played Farmville?

I used to play Farmville. Then I let my crops die and neglected my animals. Because the game is a black hole of time wasting boringness. This ad just about sums it all up.

15 steps to better procrastination

People often ask me how I have so much time to blog, or can justify the time I spend doing so.

The truth is, I’m a procrastinator. Right now I have a newsletter to send out and a booking form to build. But there is no deadline pressure. Not for another hour or so. So I need to fill the time with meaninglessness in order to create that pressure. Sure, I have a to do list filled with other meaningless tasks and I could create the deadline pressure by creating a faux deadline. But then I’d finish earlier and have nothing to do.

Steve Kryger has produced a list of 15 tips to help you not to procrastinate, (H/T DaveMiers.com). I’m going to be counterproductive. Here are 15 tips to guide your efforts in procrastination.

How to procrastinate while feeling productive

  1. Read some articles about how to do what you’re doing better – Consider this professional development and research. At the same time. Also click through to any other links you find that seem interesting.
  2. Tidy your desk – This one is also on Steve’s list – but I use it to avoid doing the jobs I am avoiding doing. And who knows what you might discover going through your physical inbox and your files. Maybe there’ll be another task that you can procrastinate on.
  3. Write a really long list of things to do to achieve your goal, and then your next four or five goals – Lists just feel so productive. And they make your tasks much more concrete. This helps you to avoid doing them.
  4. Learn how to write your goals in other languages – Constant learning is the best way to avoid constant doing.
  5. Visit Facebook, Twitter and MySpace – Ask your friends how to achieve your goals better. Their advice could save you valuable minutes in the long term.
  6. Participate in community – While you’re on Facebook check out your friend’s photos and comment on their walls. It is all about community.
  7. Have a quick game of Tetris – It really gets the creative juices flowing.
  8. Blog – Write a post about “how to” solve your issue quoting your friends and the articles you read.
  9. Comment elsewhere – Encourage other people to write more stuff that helps you. This is like a self fulfilling prophecy of procrastination. The more stuff there is to read through in order to find what you’re after the less time you need to spend doing stuff. Increase the noise to signal ratio. That way when you find something relevant it’s a real triumph.
  10. Engage with differing ideas – Find something online you disagree with and get in an argument.
  11. Get amongst real people – Walk around the office and play a prank on somebody.
  12. Spend 80% of your time developing efficiencies – This is my own personal 80/20 rule. Everybody loves an 80/20 rule. It justifies spending less time doing stuff.  The more time you spend thinking about how you do work the less time you actually have to spend doing it.
  13. Make sure the job still needs doing – Procrastination is a filter to avoid doing unnecessary tasks. Not doing unnecessary tasks is much more efficient than doing them and finding out they weren’t needed. If nobody has noticed that you haven’t done the thing you were asked to do, it probably didn’t need doing.
  14. Make sure the deadline still stands – Perhaps the job wasn’t as important as it first seemed. If that’s the case put it down the list and start procrastinating about something else.
  15. Delegate – Ask someone else (preferably a known procrastinator) to produce an integral part of your work. Then their lack of progress is a perfect excuse for your lack of progress.

Enjoy. This should provide eight or nine spare hours in the work day.

Bonus tip:  Subscribe to hundreds of blogs (including mine (subscription link)) in Google Reader. And make sure you have no unread posts before you start the day.

The Facebook booby trap

Am I the only person (not just male surely) who is sick of the Facebook phenomena of females posting the colour of their underwear as their Facebook status.

Yes, for the slow people, that is why you have been seeing colours as statuses.

I hate breast cancer. Everybody does. Nobody is unaware of it. And seriously. Posting a colour to raise awareness does nothing for the cause.

Has anybody been compelled to make a donation to breast cancer research as a result of the colour “blue” or “chartreuse” (whatever that is).

I know many of you reading this have taken part in the exercise. And I understand your motivation. But either you’re responding to a friend telling you what is going on – or the originally circulated spam that read:

Some fun is going on….just write the colour of your bra in your status..just the colour, nothing else, and send this on to ONLY girls no men… it will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a color in their status…thanks ladies!

Fun? Posting colours and keeping secrets is fun? No. It’s childish.

Here’s a more scathing analysis from Jezebel

But what good has it really done for breast cancer awareness? Does anyone on Facebook really not know about breast cancer to the point where someone posting “purple lace!” and eight dudes responding, “Ooh, hot, lol” is really doing to anything to really help the cause in any possible way? If anything, the constant sexualization of and cutesy-poo approach to breast cancer pushes people to take it less seriously. As Tracy Clark-Flory of Broadsheet notes: “This bra color movement seems a similarly desperate attempt to get guys to simply give a crap about breast cancer by making it sexy and flirtatious, which I find not only embarrassing to women but insulting to men.”

And, you know, spreading awareness of an issue that statistically is much more predominant in women by keeping the men out of it… that’s a good idea.

Bollocks.

You don’t see guys running boxers or briefs social networking campaigns to raise awareness for prostate cancer. No. We grow moustaches and collect money.

It seems equally stupid. But there’s a difference. Movember raised awareness and almost $20 million (in Australia – and about the same world wide) for the cause.

A public awareness campaign with no call to action is just stupid. Having a strong call to action is the key to any marketing or public relations campaign. A call to action says: “if you care about this, do this”. Marketing that says “care about this” serves no purpose but to get people to care about an issue they probably already care about. A public awareness campaign where the call to action is “keep this a secret from the guys” is even dumber.

This “Bra Colour” Facebook campaign is stupid, juvenile, and almost completely pointless. Unless all the outcry about how pointless it is leads to some people actually donating.

And I’m proud to be a part of that.

If you really want to make a difference regarding Breast Cancer then do this:

Donate online

Help the National Breast Cancer Foundation to fund research into the prevention, treatment and cure of breast cancer. (If you would like to set up an ongoing donation, please call 02 9299 4090.)

Click here to donate online

The Oatmeal on oversharing

The Oatmeal has a little cartoon featuring ten things not to Twitter about. There, in cartoon glory, is a reminder about oversharing. Don’t do it people.

It’s a good list. Familiarise yourself with it. Submit to its authority.

YouTube Tuesday: You may now update your status

Here’s an interesting way to begin married life.

Something there seems a little bit amiss. But you know, things aren’t real until they’re on Facebook.

Has John Piper ruined Twitter?

John Piper ruined Twitter.

This blogger thinks so. He blames Piper for the rise in cringeworthy Christian status updates – particularly on Twitter.

I like the cut of his jib. Piper can get away with it. If you’re following Piper you expect to encounter the real, passionate man that he is. If you’re not that man (or woman) don’t pretend to be.

But then I lost all my normal “friends” on Twitter.

They all turned into little John Pipers. I used to see real tweets from people.  Some would talk about their latest blog posts or posts they found interesting. Others would talk about their recent studies in Scripture or what books they were reading. Many of them were fun and humorous.

Now many of them are just pretentious and therefore obnoxious.

Once the nature and style of Piper’s 140 characters or less were released, people started to mimic him.  Gone are the “fruitless” tweets about how their toddlers did something cute or about the interesting things that happen day-to-day.  It has been replaced with numerous (and annoying) pithy statements and faux-holiness. How do I know these are “faux?”  Because most of you changed over-night. While it takes a lifetime to be sanctified, it only took your Twitter accounts 24 hours.

Amen brother.

But I’ll balance this critique of all the wannabe Pipers with a critique from Piper that made me think a little… When Abraham Piper (John Piper’s son) asked what he should say to a room full of Christian bloggers his father replied:

Tell them that it takes relentless intentionality to keep a Christ-exalting blog from become a clever blog. The temptation to entertain is almost irresistible.

Now. I started this out as a clever blog – being a Christ-exalting blog hasn’t really been my “intention”. Maybe it should be. Though then it would lose its place as an outlet for my cleverness.

John Piper ruined my blog.

How the Internet was made


If I asked you which was older – YouTube or Facebook what would you answer?

I would have said YouTube. Hands down.

I just read this Six Revisions “History of the Internet” article. I find it hard to believe that YouTube launched in 2005. 2005 was my last year of uni. It doesn’t seem that long ago.

Facebook was launched for college students in America in 2004.

What if Hitler was on Facebook

Here’s a little bit of speculative Facebook humour for your edification.

Via the banterist.

On stupid guilt inducing status updates

Dear Christian Facebookers,

If you feel the need to inspire your Christian brothers and sisters to guilt please do so in a fitting and clever manner.

Do not post gut wrenching hallmark inspired guilt trips in your status and encourage other people to do the same.

If you post this:

“is a follower of Christ and proud to say it!! Let’s see how many people on FB aren’t afraid to show their love for God! Repost this as your status. Each time you see this on someone’s status, say a quick prayer for that person!! Lets get God back in this country like He should be!!! If you agree post this in your status update. Just copy and paste.”

I won’t unfriend you. But I will block your statuses from appearing in my news feed, and I will think a little less of you.

Even if it’s just because you used so many exclamation marks.

Mikey has good rules for Facebook Status Updates. Obey them.

UPDATE: There were several instances of this in my feed – this was not directed at anyone in particular – unless you were the culprit who instigated this practice to begin with…

An ode to an un-fan

Just look, I’ve got one less Facebook fan today;
Oh, I closed my eyes, and they slipped away.
Except I know not where they’ve gone, or what I’ve done,

Why, at this rate in a month there’ll be none.
Every time I check the stats it fills my heart with grief,
Entering the first step denial and disbelief.

In Kübler-Ross the next phase is anger.
Such rage I feel, I’d swap it for a sanger.

Gads, sir, there. I’m onto bargaining. Why bother then with all these blues.
At the end of the day, I still have youse.
Yet still, somehow, you’d make my happy by clicking here, go on. Just add me.