Tag: funny news stories

A real pearler…

This guy named Calvin Wright was one of those loud talkers on a train. But he had a better reason than forgetting that he was wearing headphones…

For 41 years, the Athens man had a pearl from his mother’s necklace stuck in his ear canal. ER staff at St. Mary’s Hospital discovered it when Wright came in suffering from bronchitis this month.

“The nurse was checking my ear and said, ‘Do you use Q-Tips?'” Wright said. “I said yes, and she said, ‘you’ve got one in your right ear, I’ll get it out.’ She tried getting it and then she was like, ‘Whoa, this is hard. This is not a Q-Tip. Looks like you got a pearl in your ear.'”

January 9, 2011

Monkey Business

This is possibly the funniest combination of headline and lede I’ve ever read in a news article. I have to ask “why?” The answer is apparently something to do with evolution and the modeling human behaviour on monkey behaviour.


Monkeys hate flying squirrels, report monkey-annoyance experts

Japanese macaques will completely flip out in when presented with a flying squirrels, a new study in monkey-antagonism has found. The research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys.

The story is a bit of a let down after that. I didn’t know we were looking for methods to enrage monkeys though. So I’ve learned something new today. Have you?

July 31, 2010

Self fulfilling business strategy

I’ve often thought that the ideal business “strategy” (though highly illegal) would be buying the only panel beating workshop in a small town and paying a could of delinquents to go on a latenight rampage with baseball bats, or even getting somebody in the town’s transport department to keep issuing grannies their drivers license.

But I’ve got nothing on this Brazillian TV host, and former cop, whose crime show was lacking interesting murders. The solution is not to delve into the historical archives, or to cover the myriad kidnappings and violent crimes throughout South America… no. The answer is to start hiring hit men and then sending camera crews along to the scene.

He got caught because his crews kept arriving before the police. Brilliant idiot. He made the news in Australia because he just died in hospital while awaiting trial.

July 30, 2010

Oh, poo bubbles

No, that’s not some bizarre new inoffensive curse… or at least that’s not my intention. Check this out…

Mr. Goltstein, 43 years old, had moved his wife and their three children from the Netherlands to Winchester, population 4,600, about 90 miles east of Indianapolis. They planned to build a dairy farm with 1,650 cows on 180 acres.

He had installed a black plastic liner to keep the manure from seeping into the ground during the flush days of the dairy business, when prices and demand were growing.

The plastic liner has since detached from the floor of the stinky, open-air pool, and Mr. Goltstein says he can’t afford to repair the liner properly. But he says he’s game to pop the bubbles before the manure pool overflows and causes an even bigger stink.

His neighbors aren’t happy with the plan.

“If that thing back there blows, God help us all for miles,” said Allen Hutchison, whose corn and soybean farm is next door. He and other neighbors worry that puncturing the bubbles could cause an explosion of manure and toxic gases.

Hilarious.

March 29, 2010

Ninja fail

Some stories would be better with pictures…

“Seattle police say a man who thought he was ninja was impaled on a metal fence when he tried to leap over it. An officer who was looking for an assault victim nearby Monday night heard the man screaming for help. Police supported him to prevent further injuries until medics arrived and took him to a hospital, where he was in serious condition in intensive care on Tuesday.

Police spokeswoman Renee Witt wrote in a department Web site posting that officers thought the man might have been involved in the reported assault, but he insisted he was just a ninja trying to clear a 4- to 5-foot-tall fence.

Witt says the man was “overconfident in his abilities,” and that alcohol likely played a role.”

November 25, 2009