Tag Archives: poo

Say it with manure: in the mail

Delivering a pile of steaming manure to the doorstep of your frenemy (or their letterbox) has never been easier.

Poopsenders have a selection of manures that they will mail, with the above card, to your most hated friends. They’ve got elephant and gorilla manure on offer – so it’s not just your run of the mill waste.

Love your wife? Say it with manure

If there’s one thing I have learned about farmers this week it’s that they’re always in the poo. You’ll be in the poo too if you replicate this guy’s efforts in your living room or backyard… unless you have a big backyard or a wife who doesn’t mind the smell of fresh manure.

It’s not often that a woman will say that her husband gave her a gigantic pile of crap for her birthday — and she loved it.

But Carole Kleis isn’t just any woman — she’s the wife of a farmer, and a little natural fertilizer doesn’t bother her a bit, even if this particular usage is rather unusual.

“He’s done weird things before for birthdays,” she said. “But maybe not this weird.”

It took Dick Kleis of Zwingle, Iowa, about three hours to spell out ‘HAP B DAY LUV U’ — shorthand, he says, for “Happy Birthday, Love You” in 120,000 pounds of manure.

“I was going to put a heart out there after the happy birthday, but I ran out of manure,” he said.

“It’s not hard. Any manure will work but the good, soft, gushy, warm stuff works the best. It kind of melts the snow.”

Oh, poo bubbles

No, that’s not some bizarre new inoffensive curse… or at least that’s not my intention. Check this out

Mr. Goltstein, 43 years old, had moved his wife and their three children from the Netherlands to Winchester, population 4,600, about 90 miles east of Indianapolis. They planned to build a dairy farm with 1,650 cows on 180 acres.

He had installed a black plastic liner to keep the manure from seeping into the ground during the flush days of the dairy business, when prices and demand were growing.

The plastic liner has since detached from the floor of the stinky, open-air pool, and Mr. Goltstein says he can’t afford to repair the liner properly. But he says he’s game to pop the bubbles before the manure pool overflows and causes an even bigger stink.

His neighbors aren’t happy with the plan.

“If that thing back there blows, God help us all for miles,” said Allen Hutchison, whose corn and soybean farm is next door. He and other neighbors worry that puncturing the bubbles could cause an explosion of manure and toxic gases.

Hilarious.

Fecal matters

One of the things I’ve been truly amazed by as I search for funny google autofill results for my new blog is how often people ask google questions about poo.

People are clearly worried.

So if you googled “should my poo float” or “should my poo smell” or “why is my poo green” then perhaps this infographic will solve all of your problems…

And remember people. The best feces are like bananas.