Tag Archives: Puns

Missing baby found in Sandwich

That would have been an incredibly fun headline to write… Especially because it’s actually not as bad as it sounds.

The story is a little sad – as any stories where children live in broken and violent homes. But not as disturbing as the picture that pops into one’s head…

“Police say John Fielding was drunk and had assaulted the infant’s mother before he sped off with his daughter. A short time later, Fielding was found in Sandwich, MA.”

That’s got to win points for misleading people…

No pun intended

I am totally taking up this hobby. Especially now I know puns are a mark of geekiness – not nerdiness. I am embracing my inner geek. With a little sci-fi I’ll be 10/10 in no time.

Geek checklist

Continuing the vein of discussion about whether I’m a geek or a nerd (and in fact whether the distinction is necessary) – here’s a list of ten habits of a geek spouse from Wired. And here’s how I fare…
1. Punning.
Guilty as charged. Really, really guilty. I had no idea that this was a geek thing. 1 point.
2. Swearing in Klingon.
Nope. Not interested. Not really interested in sci-fi – but that doesn’t stop me wearing my Star Wars inspired “Milk I am your Father” shirt. 0 points.
3. Weird or over the top ways of celebrating mainstream holidays.
Not that I can think of off the top of my head. I do however celebrate federal budget night with an annual beer and budget celebration featuring only myself (and my wife who is there in presence not spirit). I’ll give myself half a point.
4. Dissecting movies.
I’m not really a movie geek/film buff. In fact I like really stupid movies that would no doubt annoy those who are film geeks. I certainly don’t point out continuity errors or any time a movie breaks natural law. So no points.
5. Wearing obscure geeky t-shirts to “normal places”.
Well yes, I do that. Lots. It shows just how clever you are. If you understand them. It’s like an idiot filter. 1 point.

6. Requiring extra space in the house for geeky things.
Yes. I have a coffee machine that’s more than a metre wide. I have a breadmaker set up on the back patio for roasting coffee, and I have four archaic consoles sitting in our TV unit. 1 point.
7. Geeky toys/decorations can be hard to explain to kids.
Well I don’t have kids. But I can’t imagine explaining why I own a plastic Bob Hawke drink dispenser will be easy. 1 point.
8. Looking up information while a discussion/argument is still in progress.
In the internet age who doesn’t do this? Really? Maybe it is just me. Very, very guilty. Especially when I know I’m right and I’m just doing it to back up my argument. 1 point.
9. Needing to watch certain TV shows ASAP to avoid spoilers.
Well, I actively seek out spoilers at times – just to stay ahead of the curve. But there are times when I guess this could be true. 1/2 a point.
10. Geeky projects that take over the house and whole weekends.
I guess ripping apart a breadmaker to install a switch bypassing the circuit board is pretty geeky. I like little DIY challenges – like the restoration of my coffee machine. 1 point.

Things aren’t looking so good. Lets count up those points. Drum roll.

6 7 out of 10 by my count. I guess that makes me an annoying geek spouse.

,

Goodshirt

Goodshirt were a cool Kiwi band that Australia never managed to claim. They had this cool song called “Sophie” that had a very cool acoustic version.

But I digress. Glennz.com is my current favourite shirt site (I haven’t bought any yet – but I’d like to. Thanks mostly to these:

Experimental Music

Experimental Music

Self Maintenance

Self Maintenance

Extreme Beginnings

Extreme Beginnings

Evolution

Evolution

After Hours

After Hours

If anyone buying me Christmas or birthday presents hasn’t done so yet – you can’t go wrong with a good novelty T-Shirt.

A good analogy

I know Ben hates analogies. This will annoy him. But if Annabel Crabb is my Herald pin up girl then Peter Hartcher is a close second as far as his writing is concerned.

“Rudd has grown attached to his description of the crisis as a result of “extreme capitalism”. That’s akin to saying the Titanic sank because of “extreme sailing”. The US economy and financial markets collapsed not because of the doctrine of capitalism, any more than the Titanic sank because of the practice of international shipping. The cause of the calamity was bad policy, just as the cause of the Titanic’s fate was bad navigating.”

Both Rudd and Turnbull cop a tongue lashing in the piece. Well worth reading.

“Why does it matter what Rudd calls it? Because from the diagnosis comes the cure. The fault was not capitalism, extreme or lame. It was bad policy.

As for Malcolm Turnbull, he has made some sensible suggestions on how the Government should respond to the crisis, but the one he made this week is not one of them. Turnbull claims the Government must not allow a budget deficit. Already, Rudd has used half the projected budget surplus for this fiscal year as apackage to stimulate growth.”

Bach off

This is the best work of the 2008 Walkley awards best headline winner Rob Mills. It’s good – but I think the real gem came from one of the other nominees. I’d like to know on what basis these were selected. The winners announcement says:

“Knowing what makes a good headline is instinctive and ethereal rather than formulaic, but Mills prefers to use humour to grab readers’ attention. These headlines, from politics to the arts, shimmer with lively puns and pop-culture references. They are layered, lithe and fresh.”

Here’s the complete list of nominees and their submissions:Headings
Rick FeneleyThe Sydney Morning Herald,
“The felonious monk and his trail of lies”
“Welcome to the CBD: all arteries, no pulse”
“Della in the freezer”

Rob MillsThe Sydney Morning Herald,
“Bach from the dead: fresh portrait of a decomposer”
“Yes, I did inhale: Liberal leader admits sniffing staffer’s chair”
“Dear me: Della penned Iguanas letter”

David WinterThe Monthly,
“It’s Bennelong time”
“The great pretender”
“From Mandarin to top banana”

My favourite by far is the last one. I even bought the magazine in question thanks to that stunning cover headline. I do like the Bach one though.

,

Phoning it in

I admire the resolve of sub editors around the world not to make racially charged puns on the dilemma surrounding Barack Obama and his blackberry. This is a serious issue people. Due to security concerns – and laws surrounding the status of presidential correspondence – the President of the United States does not have an email address. Lucky the Republicans didn’t get in – Sarah Palin’s passwords are really easy to crack.
Obama’s Blackberry was a constant companion during the campaign. And now he has to give it up – his tech savvy approach to grassroots campaigning was arguably the factor that won him the presidency – it certainly won him the primaries.
Why can the White House not afford to pay the best security people in the business to ensure their Commander in Chief can have access to technology? Surely the US Army doesn’t have its officers receiving correspondence by carrier pigeon?
Slate provides some interesting background on the drama – and in the process makes the argument for the President to have email access and the ability to hold on to his preferred communications device.

I, on the other hand, am not the President of the United States. And I want an iPhone. I am lobbying hard for iPhones to be the phone of choice in our office’s upgrade of our current mobiles.
iPhones don’t just look cool – they’re incredibly functional and extensible. They will not go out of date any time soon. Other tech companies (like Google) are struggling to release an iPhone killer – a device to dent the iPhone’s popularity. Here is my suggested iPhone killer:

,

Americans to get Summer Heights High…

…or probably not. I suspect it’ll be the latest in a long line of exported Australian comedies to go over their heads thanks to an underdeveloped sense of humour. Still it will be interesting to see how many Americans think is Ja’mie actually a real person. Something the early Australian audience had trouble dealing with when “We Can Be Heroes” was released and “she” was interviewed on radio stations across the nation.

I’m not really fazed by the failure of the American audience to appreciate Kath and Kim – I didn’t like our version the first time round (or second, third or subsequent screenings for that matter). But Chris Lilley is a comic genius – so it would be a shame to see it not receive critical acclaim worldwide.

Anyway – this post was entirely based on the heading – and the fact that I suspect they won’t get it. I should stop writing posts purely on the basis of a pun laced heading.

Summer Heights High to screen in US

, ,

shoe croc, don’t bother me

Ok, so these ones do. And that title is a really bad pun. But fresh from talking about a sticky situation involving the Coogee Bay Hotel, we have been confronted with our own PR crisis.

For those of you not familiar with the story here’s the précis, the tourism dependent community of Magnetic Island was recently in lock down as a rogue crocodile terrorised the bays and streets of the island. But the plot thickened – it turned out the EPA, in its infinite wisdom, had captured the crocodile in Far North Queensland and released it near Townsville. Then, as it began wreaking havoc upon the poor island, they couldn’t catch it. This of course led to calls from the ever reliable walking quote machine, Bob Katter, for a croc cull. Crocodile leather is desirable for shoes, hand bags and other accesories – they also interfere with our right to enjoyment of nature – or so the argument goes. It was eventually caught – only to die in captivity a day later – an autopsy revealed that the croc’s stomache was lined with plastic bags, and other rubbish which led to its untimely demise. Untimely, arguably because it should have died three weeks earlier.

This was a PR nightmare for all involved (except Bob Katter).

In particular:
The EPA now stand accused of killing some small businesses due to their ridiculous “crocs in space” program. They had an electronic tag on the crocodile and still couldn’t find it. They mishandled the situation allowing operator after operator to front the media lambasting them and demanding compensation – the State Government pretty much ruled it out on the spot – and now can count on no votes from Magnetic Island at the upcoming election. Even the greenies hate them because the croc died. It’s all their fault.

The Magnetic Island operators themselves have done as much as possible to tarnish the region’s image – by yelling “CROC” from the roof tops and going about dealing with the Government in an inappropriate manner. They shot themselves in the foot (they should have just shot the croc). The local tourism industry – Magnetic Island is the “jewel in our crown.” That’s the official line. I know because I wrote it. Now, in the mind of the uneducated consumer it is no longer a pristine island destination with safe beaches – it’s a garbage filled wasteland populated by deadly crocs. The tourism minister proclaimed crocs as “good for tourism.” That, according to those on the ground was untrue. That line only works when describing Australia Zoo and other crocodile farms. Crocodiles on public beaches are bad for tourism. The plastic bags, in all likelihood, came from far north Queensland, where the waters are messy. I wanted to run a media release on that basis titled “Far North Queensland full of old Cairns and plastic bags” – but I was outvoted. Common sense prevailed.

Scatological eschatology

Toilet humour is not something this blog dabbles in. I don’t think I’ve used the word “poo” except to describe cat poo coffee on a few occasions. But this story from Coogee about the poo in the icecream has really piqued my interest.

I was at the Coogee Bay Hotel just days after the alleged incident occured completely oblivious – luckily when in Coogee I choose to purchase my gelato from gelatissimo. If I was in Coogee I’d be steering clear of iced magic topped ice cream for the forseeable future.

There have been some great quotes coming out of what is after all a pretty crap situation. Like these:

“You made my mum eat poo!” – Mrs Whyte’s children screamed at a staff member in the pub.
“There’s nothing to indicate that staff working on the day were responsible, it was frozen, so it could have happened at any time,” the lawyer for the Whyte family.
“We just don’t know who’s handled it, how it’s been handled over the three weeks, whether it’s been abused in some way,” Food Authority spokesman Alan Valvasori said.
 

What this does go to show – once and for all – is that not all publicity is good publicity. This is probably the beginning of the end for the Coogee Bay Hotel – or at least its staff.*  A quick google on news results for “coogee bay” makes it seem like a pretty unappealing holiday destination. It’ll be a while before the pub can repair its reputation with the punters – let alone make light of the situation – but my guess is that ice cream with chocolate topping will be off the menu for some time. 

And now, a poo joke:

Q – What’s brown and sticky?
A – Icecream at the Coogee Bay Hotel

Really, that’s not very funny at all – and it’s not something I’m proud of. I am eagerly anticipating the outcome of this story though – it’s proved pretty popular on news sites around the country so I don’t think we’ve heard the last of it.

* I don’t really think that – it just ties in with the heading nicely and makes it make sense.