real life super heroes
Phoenix Jones has been featured here before. He’s a Real Life Super Hero in Seattle. This bio is fun reading.
He was arrested last night for assault (he claims he was breaking up a fight with pepper spray). Sadly, despite speculation, he is not Mark Driscoll. He is, however, an MMA fighter named Benjamin Fodor.
Here’s one of his four fights, on YouTube (contains mixed martial arts).
I can’t figure out how he gets his hair in the costume…
I continue my fascination with the sort of psychological make up that leads people to don spandex, leather, and bulletproof vests to patrol the streets as super heroes. This article has done nothing to convince me to put an end to such fascination, but nor does it make me think the heroes in question are even remotely sane.
Here is Phoenix Jones. I’ve posted about him before. He’s still alive, which is possibly miraculous.
This story covers a meeting of Real Life Superheroes in Washington around Comic Con. It is pretty amazing stuff.
I bet one of these guys is Mark Driscoll. If you get to 2:30 – I reckon he’s the one on the right.
“We stand for a message. And the message is that we are against violence and we are against the crimes you are going to do”
Red Dragon carries a wooden sword. That could be Driscoll too.
I haven’t seen Kick-Ass yet. But real life vigilante Super Heroes are pretty cool in a “don’t try this at home,” “what you’re doing is illegal and stupid” kind of way. You’ll find a bunch of Real Life Super Hero posts around these parts (check the tag below). Here’s a story about a little posse of heroes that covers the basic elements for your gang. If you do want to start one. Which you shouldn’t.
Z is the enforcer. His bedroom just has weights, a punching bag, and a mattress.
Victim is the gadget man. He’s based out of town so operates a bit like Q from the Bond movies – shipping in gadgets and technology and scientifically tested armour.
Zimmer is the medic. He also wears a blindingly bright light, Iron Man style, as part of his costume. He uses it to stun would be assailants.
Tsaf is the group’s girl power. Her name is “fast” backwards.
Lucid is extra muscle.
Lucy the kitten is their animal mascot
They wear costumes:
“Z sits down and begins strapping on his full body armor, a homemade medley of leather, pads and stainless steel bits and pieces, which he describes as a “poor man’s Iron Man suit.” The suit includes boots, leg, knee and ankle pads. A pair of arm bracers he made out of leather and steel are attached to his arms with truck ties and work as both defense and offense. To complete the look, he wears a black Predator-type mask sure to creep out anyone who sees it on the street. He then puts on his “butcher mail,” a stab-proof apron of metal scales over a lightweight bulletproof vest, which he then covers with a sleeveless, brownleather zip-up.”
Functional costumes – no aesthetic but impractical spandex.
“Everything I wear is either protective gear or to blend in during plainclothes patrols, with gear underneath. No spandex. Ever,” Z explains. “If I ever wear spandex, I deserve to get shot down in the street like the dumbass that I am.”
By night they patrol the streets – essentially hoping to entrap bad people into doing bad things in their presence.
“The strategy is that Z will skate ahead on a longboard, a sturdy, fast skateboard made for cruising. The longboard is also a good excuse to be wearing a lot of protective gear. Next in the lineup is the bait (described as the “nucleus” of the patrol)—usually TSAF or Zimmer. In tonight’s case, TSAF wears a white dress, purple eye makeup and is carrying a bulky purse. She tries to lure predators looking for someone vulnerable. Zimmer follows on foot about a block behind her.
Lucid, if he were here, would act as a runner, skating back and forth on his longboard between the group members as they move forward. TSAF watches for Z; Zimmer watches for TSAF; and Lucid would be watching everyone. Communication is vital: All parties are connected by cell phone, ready to leap into action if anything happens.”
I’ve written about Real Life Super Heroes and the Real Life Super Hero Registry before. Those not sure what I’m talking about should check those links before reading further – or just read this one sentence summary: There are people who dress up in costumes and run around fighting crime… for real…
Now, we’re on the same page.
I’ve always wondered where Real Life Super Heroes go to get their awesome supplies and costumes. Well, now I know. The Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co – “Online purveyors of high quality crime fighting merchandise” indeed. They sell the complete range of Super hero requirements from capes to cartography… and everything in between (including Robots).
The Standard Cape.
“For over two centuries, the BSSCo. Standard 58″ Superhero Cape has been the industry standard in fly-wear for professional heroes. Every cape we ship meets all Superhero Alliance and FAA regulation requirements, and is specially designed for maximum flight control and resistance to air burn.”
There are occupational hazards that you may not consider before taking on the role – but the Super Hero Supply Co has you covered.
A Flight Tilt Indicator
“For mid-flight orientation and positioning, the Flight Tilt Indicator finds and displays the angle of your vehicle relative to the Earth’s axis”
“Fast-drying, Compound X-based formula for sealing torn seams on tights, leotards, capes, hoods, gloves, and other non-breathable superheroic fabrics.”
“Our neuro-oil formula is specially designed to meet the demands of heroes in the field:
-Eliminates idle, repetitive thinking.
-Restores quickness to one-liner delivery.
-Prevents corrosion from sidekick.
Recommended for use with brain mold, power supplements, and all weaponry. Improved performance on TV quiz shows or standardized tests not guaranteed.”
“Fundamental building block of the material universe, in convenient evaporated powder.”
“BSSCo. Antimatter reverses the process by which subatomic energy organizes into material form. Suggested for use in the dissolution of all material structures, including human and non-human bodies, all forms in nature, buildings, material planets, unwanted hair, paperwork.
WARNING: Ordering in the same shipment as Matter is a waste of 20 bucks.”
There’s heaps more there – so get ordering and get on with saving the world…
“What’s really in these cans and bottles?
If you purchase a canned or bottled item, your shipment will include an information card stating exactly what’s inside of it. It is all safe. (Unless you’re a supervillain.)”