star wars

How to plot a blockbuster movie

We were all outraged when we figured out that Avatar was Pocahontas – but not so many of us have complained that so many of our favourite blockbusters are essentially exactly the same story. Star Wars, Star Trek, the Matrix and Harry Potter are all just about exactly the same. The full plot outline is here… below is an abstract.

Once upon a time,

Luke | Kirk | Neo | Harry

was living a miserable life. Feeling disconnected from his friends and family, he dreams about how his life could be different. One day, heĀ is greeted by

Obi Wan | Captain Pike | Trinity | Hagrid

and told that his life is not what it seems, and that due to some circumstances surrounding his

birth | birth | birth | infancy

he was meant for something greater. Deciding to leave with

him | him | her | him,

Luke | Kirk | Neo | Harry

is taken to

Mos Eisley | Starfleet Academy | the real world | Hogwarts

where he meets lots of new, fascinating people. For the first time in a very long time, life is exciting, and

Luke | Kirk | Neo | Harry

explores the new life that has opened up for him. With his new friends, he starts to work hard to become the sort of man that

Obi Wan | Captain Pike | Trinity | Hagrid

said he could be. Although

Han | Spock | the Oracle | Draco

challenges his abilities, things go relatively well until suddenly,

Alderaan is destroyed | Vulcan is attacked | Morpheus is captured | Voldemort returns.

What this post doesn’t include is the obligatory montage that occurs in the bit where the main character is learning his mad skillz.

Dead letter day

A long time ago in a galaxy far away a stream of text was released with earth as in its path. Or so it seems.

This video made me laugh.

Who would win?

Speculation is fun. But there’s nothing like speculation that involves pitting one party against another. This fascination began when, as a child, I would catch bees in match boxes and put them in jars with green ants. Locking them together in a fight to the death.

This probably says something about some deep seeded psychological problems that will come back to haunt me.

A couple of years ago I contacted a crocodile specialist to find out who would win a fight between a croc and a shark (Townsville has both in droves).

The Pacman v Mario video I posted today is part of a series of these conceptual match ups. It’s like the celebrity deathmatch claymotion series… just with fictional characters in line drawings, and names changed to prevent trademark infringement.

Vatican readying evangelistic mission to outer space


Sometimes the Vatican do dumb things in the name of science. Like condemning scientists for their views on the position of the earth in relation to the cosmos…

It seems they’re trying to distance themselves from their historical shackles. How far can one distance themselves from this sort of stupidity? About as far as the galaxy reaches.

The Catholic Church really is the Empire.

“Four hundred years after it locked up Galileo for challenging the view that the Earth was the center of the universe, the Vatican has called in experts to study the possibility of extraterrestrial alien life and its implication for the Catholic Church.”

The Vatican scientist coordinating the summit had this to say…

“If biology is not unique to the Earth, or life elsewhere differs bio-chemically from our version, or we ever make contact with an intelligent species in the vastness of space, the implications for our self-image will be profound,” he said.

I would suggest, that biblically speaking, Christ died for mankind. You know. Humans. The ones made in God’s image. I think that’s where self image comes from. Isn’t it?

True persecution

Atheists have a bit of a siege mentality going on when it comes to being a persecuted minority in the US. But they’re not the hardest done by… that’d be the Jedis…

“The founder of the Jedi religion inspired by the Star Wars films was thrown out of a Tesco supermarket for wearing his distinctive brown hood.”

Imagine if that was someone wearing a burka.

He got upset, and took them to court. Here’s the report.

Tesco’s response was priceless. A prime example of treating a fool according to their folly:

“But Tesco hit back in the spirit of the epic space saga and claimed that the three most well known Jedi Knights in the Star Wars movies – Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker – all appeared in public without their hoods.”

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