strange but true

Hitman fail…

If you’re a hitman. The rules are simple. Don’t fall in love with your target. And if you do, don’t try to cover it up with a photo mock up featuring tomato sauce and the old machete in the arm pit trick. And, failing that, definitely don’t get caught canoodling with your would be victim, especially don’t let the person who paid you catch you…

This, sadly, is not a hypothetical set of happenings.

Only in Brazil…

Snot bullets

Man gets shot in head, sneezes bullet. Awesome. And true. Here’s the story.

“The bullet went through the right side of his head, behind his eye socket and lodged in his nasal passage but miraculously did no serious damage.
Bleeding heavily, he was taken to hospital in an ambulance shortly after midnight, but while waiting to be seen by doctors he sneezed and the bullet shot out of his right nostril.”

Only in Italy, because that’s where the Mafia can’t shoot straight.

Attack of the killer Tuna

If you go out in the ocean today, you better be in disguise. But not as anything a massive tuna might take an interest in, or it might drag you into the depths of despair, or at the very least, the depths of the ocean. Giving you a bad case of “Oh man, I almost died because a giant tuna dragged me to a depth of 300 feet” syndrome. A deadly and dangerous syndrome indeed. Though, thus far, it has not killed 100% of its victims…

This happened a while back, but here’s the story (from the Philippines):

“Lt. Commander Armando Balilo, PCG Public Information Officer, said scuba diver Ramir Te, who was on a diving expedition, was 80 feet below the surface when he was pulled down by a giant tuna fish at the waters off Kiamba afternoon of Sunday.”

Crocs on a Plane

What a bizarre story.

A rogue crocodile, in the process of being smuggled in a passenger’s carry on luggage, escaped mid flight. And caused the plane to crash. And killed 20 people.

A stampede of terrified passengers caused the small aircraft to lose balance and tip over in mid-air during an internal flight in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

The unbalanced load caused the aircraft, on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport at Bandundu, to go into a spin and crash into a house.

The crocodile, and one passenger, survived the crash. The crocodile was killed by a salvager with a machete. The full story is here, at the Courier Mail. So it must be true.

How to know if you’ve had too much to drink

If you start trying to give long dead animals mouth to mouth resuscitation it’s probably time to give up drinking.

Hopefully this guy in America learned his lesson.

Pennsylvania police have charged a man with public drunkenness after reports that he tried to resuscitate a long-dead opossum on a highway…

State police said several witnesses had seen Donald Wolfe, 55, tending to the roadkill about 65 miles (105 km) north-east of the city of Pittsburgh.

One reported seeing Mr Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance.

Another reported seeing him give mouth to mouth resuscitation to the carcass.

State police Trooper Jamie Levier said the animal had been dead a while, the Associated Press news agency reports.

Cool stories from the news

I have starred a bunch of news stories in the last few weeks that were cool but probably not quite worthy of individual posts (in my opinion) in order to clear my queue a bit I’ll post them all at once.

The Brazillian Soccer Heist

Have you seen any bank robbery movies where the robbers tunnel their way into the vault from a vacant neighbouring building? These thieves had. If I was a bank I would be buying up neighbouring businesses and being very careful about who I rented them out to.

Thieves in Brazil have stolen more than $6m (£3.7m) from a cash delivery firm, taking advantage of the nation’s passion for football, police say.

Police believe the thieves – who had dug a tunnel into the firm’s building – struck when season-ending matches were played in Sao Paulo on Sunday.

A security guard later told local media he had heard a loud noise but thought it was fireworks lit by fans.

Farmer plants land mines to thwart potato thieves
Only in Russia is it better to maim small children than have your potatos stolen. How else will you make the vodka that keeps you warm in those long winter months.

A Russian farmer has been convicted of planting landmines around his field to ward off trespassers.

Alexander Skopintsev, from the eastern region of Primorye near China’s border, laid the three devices on his land after building them in his garage.

The 73-year-old had apparently been concerned about the frequent theft of potatoes from his farm.

Ex Power Ranger challenges JCVD to MMA fight
That headline was just fun to write. Did you ever watch the “celebrity deathmatch” claymotion series? It was pretty dumb. It pitted sometimes obscure celebs against each other in wrestling matches that resulted in the untimely deaths of one or both of the clay figurines. This little incident is a bad case of life imitating art. It’s B grade meets D grade in a battle for martial art mediocrity.

The guy issuing the challenge is former White Ranger Jason David Frank, who tells TMZ, he’s had it out for Van Damme ever since 1995 when the Muscles from Brussels — who had been Frank’s childhood hero — allegedly blew him off during the premiere of “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie.”

As TMZ previously reported, Frank is now a scary-looking MMA fighter who has a fight next weekend in the Octagon — and Van Damme is reportedly looking to make his own pro fighting debut … so the timing couldn’t be better for Frank to settle the score.



Tattoo artist father wants to create a tattoo using his son’s ashes as ink

Creepy? Macarbe? Heartwarming? I can’t decide. A UK tattoo artist plans to turn his son’s ashes into tattoo ink so that he can recreate a photo of his son as a tattoo both for himself, and his wife.

A father from Herefordshire is to have a portrait of his dead son tattooed on his chest using the child’s ashes.

Mark Richmond, 39, and his wife Lisa, 31, said they wanted to do something as a lasting tribute to their son Ayden.

The couple, who own a tattoo parlour in Greater Manchester, plan to mix some of Ayden’s ashes in the ink for a 7in black and white portrait of him.

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