It used to be that in order for heterosexual males to demonstrate man to man affection they had to engage in play fighting or wrestling. This was a little too subtle. The key to a good, unambiguous piece of man to man affection is to send the right signals during the hug.
This is accomplished using the obligatory three taps, or firm pats, on the back of both parties to the hug. In a group hug – say the hug that comes when celebrating a goal in soccer – these pats are not necessary.
The three pats are said to be non verbal communication for “I’m not gay”… but they are in fact an act of manly testosterone fueled but properly directed aggression.
Here is the rule for hugging expressed in haiku.
Remember fellas
For a successful man hug
Just back slap three times
This easy Japanese poem is the key to more expressive man to man relationships.
That is all.
Nathan runs St Eutychus. He is currently a student at the Queensland Theological College. In a previous professional life he worked in public relations for an economic development and tourism marketing organisation. He is married to Robyn. He likes coffee and the internet.
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1Jordie
wrote on 3 December 2009 at 5:33
In America, the accepted standard number of pats is two. Three makes it awkward, as there will be one more pat than the recipient gives you, and is often mistaken as a subtle sign of intentional homosexual affection towards the subject. Something to keep in mind when hugging someone internationally :).
2Nathan
wrote on 3 December 2009 at 5:38
Useful information Jordie.
It always pays to be informed about cultural norms before travelling abroad.
3Andrew
wrote on 3 December 2009 at 18:00
The video is not serious:
But Ryan Pann, the 23-year-old Californian who wrote and was lead performer of the tune, the chorus of which commands, rather catchily, "gimme that Christian side hug," said he wrote the song as self-deprecating humor.
…
"We think it's hilarious because some people think (the video) is serious," said Pann, reached at The Father's House, a Vacaville, Calif., church that sponsors the Encounter Generation Conference, an annual Christian youth gathering at which the video was shot.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-talk-chris...
4Andrew
wrote on 3 December 2009 at 18:01
Germans don't hug – so much easier. Though they have their own particular minefield of whether to say 'Du' or 'Sie'.