If you’ve got a bunch of old books lying around taking up space why not turn them into academically themed pots.
Or you could just buy these (if you can read Japanese)…
If you’ve got a bunch of old books lying around taking up space why not turn them into academically themed pots.
Or you could just buy these (if you can read Japanese)…
Hindsight can make some ads incredibly inappropriate. Actually, it’s probably not so much hindsight as the passing of time. But the Consumerist collected a bunch of such ads – made wronger by the passing of time.
Miss Zima Peters is in hospital dying of cancer. She urgently needs help getting her money out of the country and away from a corrupt government. She wants a Christian helper. That’s important to her.
I asked what her favourite bible verse was. She sent me the following heresy riddled statement of belief… I’m not sure I can deal with somebody who believes these things…
How to be saved?
Let’s go to first things first. (Acts 16:30 & 3 1). (And brought them out , and said, "Sir what must I do to be saved?") There is a jailer here and Paul & Silas is locked up in jail and after a miraculous thing has taken place the jailer came out and said "Sir, what must I do to be saved? (Acts 16:31) they said, ("Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved and thy house") Your whole house will be saved all of your children and all of your family will be saved. If you happen to be a one family head, if you are a mother or father and you have no husband or wife you are the head of your house. With your salvation, your family is also saved, that’s number one.
What MUST I Believe?
Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, that’s what he must believe, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved. One of the most critical points here is that the Apostle Paul did not tell this jailer to believe on God to be saved. Where salvation is concerned God is not a part,he does not play a part in your salvation. God played his part when he gave his only begotten son. (John 3: 1 6).
Clearly her understanding of the trinity is all wrong. I’ll fix that.
Zima,
I have received your email.
I am worried about your doctrinal statement. I fear for your soul my sister. The father, son and holy spirit are one are they not? Your doctrine of salvation is wrong.
I will do my best to bring you to the country – but first I need another photo of you holding a sign with your favourite bible verse written on it.
I can not afford, in my position, to be caught up in a scam.
I will pray for you in the meantime. I am a renowned faith healer, perhaps you will be healed through the power of prayer.
Because this is ethically murky (and the person at the other end of the emails is no doubt lying about everything). I have prayed for whomever it may be. That they might truly understand the words they twist and use for the purposes of their crimes.
Just so you know – Ben writes awesome quizzes.
I’m not going to try to steal his thunder with a quiz of my own. But they seem to turn readers into commenters in an effective manner. You should check them out. Even if it’s just for the cool cartoon he draws for each one – and the chance to learn about other people from the blogosphere.
So, K-Rudd isn’t actually to blame for coming up with the phrase… because the West Wing did it. Back in season 2. I wonder if politicians feel the pressure to outdo the West Wing. Like South Park and the Simpsons…
SAM
[reading] “We want a real tax cut for working families to help them pay for higher
education and housing, while our opponents want to help the rich pay for bigger swimming
pools and faster private jets. [pause] No, I don’t think so.
In space nobody can hear you scream. Which is lucky. Because it’s pretty difficult to get down to the pub for a beer and imagine astronaut after astronaut has wrestled with that problem. Until now. Because now, they can just pack their beer into a sealed pouch to ship off to space with all the other sealed stuff… I bet you could even seal up that delicious bacon vodka.
For those of us not going to space this is just a handy way to transport your beers in a less rigid container that can then be used as a mini pillow to go with your leftover cask wine bags.
You know what stops me drinking Vodka… other than the fact that I don’t live in a region with Siberian temperatures and the need for an internal warming agent… it’s the flavours. I’m just not that into them. Well, I wasn’t… until now… I give you “Bacon Flavoured Vodka“… and a series of bacon cocktail recipes.
I read this somewhere the other day. I thought it was prescient and worth recording for posterity…
The problem with the modern church’s understanding of worship is they see it as a noun not a verb.
Brilliant.
I’m getting a bit bored with Dr Paul. I don’t think he’s going to come to the party for me and I’m struggling to get him off script.
Let’s take a wander through a week of correspondence… I really am about to give up on this turkey. I have plenty of other opportunities to pursue. Well I was, but then an interesting development occured…
Dr Paul.
I am going to spell out very clearly what I require.
1. Your photo – not a photo of the boxes – I want a photo of you, or Emmanuel, holding a sign, to show that you are who you said you are. The sign should have either “John 3:16” or your favourite bible verse on it.
2. A booking form for a hotel as detailed – at this stage I will be arriving in Ghana on the 5th of August. And departing on the 10th. Please send me a confirmed, and paid for, booking at a hotel – I will reimburse you when I arrive.Until I have those things I WILL NOT be booking my flights.
I also WILL NOT be sending any further money until I have verified your identity or you find the $850 I sent already.
I will not send money to any service – I do not trust you, your country or these companies.
Please get these things done and get back to me or the deal is off – I will be calling my embassy in Ghana and starting legal processes to recover the money if I do not hear from you.
If you ring or respond without having addressed these points – the DEAL IS OFF.
Understand?
Dear.
Thank you for the mail. my friend i done like the way you do want to understand my word. for this you told me to do i can not do that because am telling you that i did collect any money you told me that you send but you feel that i collect the money am eat it.
Dr Paul,
I understand you completely.
You don’t understand me. Let me spell it out.MY MONEY IS MISSING. IT IS GONE. I TRANSFERRED IT TO THE PERSON YOU SAID TO.
Maybe you can’t trust this Emmanuel Onyekwere. Perhaps he is a thief.
You should look into this.
DO WHAT I SAY OR THE DEAL IS OFF.
Dear.
Thank you very much once again. my friend you have to try understand me and understand where amn going. please my friend am advice you to beliver me i will help you get you fund.
once again my friend will use Emmanuel onyekwere before but at last will have problem, i want to give you different name now so will can not have any problem again.
so if you want me to give you any order name i can do it.my friend please take it easy very thing will been ok. i take you as my good friend i will not like if me and you start having problem because for this business now will have go far . please try understand very thing will be nice. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul
Dr Paul. You have one more chance. Send me a new name, I’d for this new staff member of yours and a photo of him holding a sign with your favourite bible verse. Then and only then will I try sending the money again. Understand.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend this my person the id have problem. try understand me because am try to make you good friend to me. my friend try hear my advice very thing will go well . this is name of the person onbelow;
1.NAME:PAUL MOUGOR
2. ADDRESS; ACCRA GHANA
Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul
Here’s the ID he sent…
Dr Paul,
If this person has an ID problem I will not deal with him. I am not stupid. I am being careful.
Find someone who won’t eat my money, who doesn’t have an ID problem. And I will deal with them.
Send me their ID, a photo of them holding a sign as requested, and their transfer details and then we will talk. I will not be sending money to anybody with an ID problem.
I think my lack of trust is understandable given what happened to the last $850 I sent.
Get this sorted Dr Paul, or the deal is off.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanation. my friend please try understand me. please i want to inform you that you will not going to have any problem from this person. my friend don’t worry go head send this money if will have any problem i will take care of it. this person i give you now is Child God it can not eat you money OK.so my friend believe me. all this problem will have before will can not have it again. my friend this person is one of staff in my office since Ten days now he is working will me i never see any bad thing do to me. my friend don’t fear am will you . so my friend what make me doing all this for you that i do want you to loose this fund because you have try so much . Am looking forward to hear from you soon.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
Dear Dr Paul,
I think I’ve made myself pretty clear.
I’ll write on separate lines so there’s no chance for you to misunderstand.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I don’t care if this person is your staff member, or a child of God… I want you to prove to me, beyond a doubt, that his identity is true.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I want you to do this BY SENDING ME THE PHOTO I have asked for.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
Failure to comply on this matter will finish our arrangement. I will then launch legal proceedings and contact the police in Ghana to recover my money.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
Give me the photo I have asked for. If this guy is on your staff and you work for the Reserve Bank of Ghana then finding a camera should not be a problem.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I don’t think I can be clearer than this.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY MORE OF YOUR CALLS OR EMAILS WITHOUT THIS PHOTO.
Best regards,Nathaniel.
Dear.
Thank youn very much for your mail. my friend am try to make you to understand me but you do want to hear me. my friend i take you as my good friend but why you are doing me all this.i do no any order way i will explain my self to you.
Dr Paul.
You are being a fool, or expecting me to be a fool. I will not put up with this any longer. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
You don’t ever seem to actually read the things I say to you. So I will keep this short.
I already sent you money. The fact that it was stolen by someone in your country makes me nervous. I will not send more without further proof. It’s that simple.
I have shown, with the first transfer, that I am willing to do business with you. I am doing all I can to help you clear these funds from your accounts.
We have agreed that I will provide you a percentage of these funds. I am a man of my word.
If you can not provide me the proof that I ask for then I have serious doubts that you are “my good friend”.
I have understood everything you have said. I am not stupid.
He’s still not getting it. A simple photo. That’s all it would take.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend that thing you do me to do please i can not do that please. if you want to send this money send it but if you go head talk to much it will not help you. my friend all i want to advice you that all this you are doing can not help you just go and send this money today your fund will deliver to you. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
I will not throw good money after bad. Until I know what happened to the last money I sent I will trust nobody.
That includes you.
Produce the photograph I have asked for or stop emailing me.
Produce the photograph and I will wire the next installment of funds and purchase my tickets to Ghana.
Good day.
He replied again. Without a photo… it didn’t say anything interesting. And his reticence is really starting to annoy me. I was all set to give up on him when he threw an interesting twist into the mix. Enter Interpol Ghana. Clearly things aren’t progressing quickly enough for Dr Paul’s liking…
INTERPOL GHANA
I am Mr David Kofi, Director of Ghana’s Criminal Investigations Department, We here inform you that we have been able to recover the sum of $15.7 Million United states dollars belonging to you, from team of fraud stars / imposter’s.
This money was recovered during our last unawares operation which took place on the 7th day of Aug. 2009 at the imposter’s hideout/arena.The investigation carried out so far, stated that you are the real beneficiary of this fund according to one of the imposter’s.We therefore ask you with out any further delay to reconfirm to us if this is the exact amount you have lost in the hands of this criminals. And you are hereby to contact us as soon as you receive this message for more details.
David Kofi,
Director of Ghana’s Criminal
Investigations Department
So, I sent this to Dr Paul to see what he’d make of it – if it wasn’t actually from him it would certainly throw an interesting complexion on things.
Dr Paul,
I am worried. I just got an email from Interpol Ghana – about a scam they had busted in Ghana related to $15.7 million that belongs to me.I trust this was not you, and that our transaction is proceeding.
I am very worried.
He sent me the same old scripted rubbish…
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend i think you see now how am telling you since to send this money so you fund will deliver to you very fast. my friend one advice am giving you as a friend that if you follow those people that send you that you will going to have problem . so my friend don’t follow does people because the will Miss lead you. all i want to inform you now as child of that no Interpol take you fund.
please once again don’t follow those people as i told you. my friend this is what am please you since to send this money since i think you see it now. so my friend if you will follow my word now go today send this money i told you since so you fund will deliver to you this weekend, but if go head talking to much it will not help. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
Stupid Dr Paul. Just stupid… I tell him I need photographic proof and he tells me that he can send me the same old passport photo again…
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend i do no how i can explain my self to you again. you ask me id i give you again you ask me passport i give you i do no what i will do for you again. my friend am man of my word i will never let you down in all my word am telling you since. my friend if you want to send this money try send it and live very thing for you see that you fund will deliver to you fast. but if you go head doing this way it can help you out. Am looking forward to hear from you today..
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
I’ve had enough with this idiot. I am going to turn him in to “Interpol”… so much for trust and fidelity…
Dr Paul,
I have never asked you for your passport or your ID. I’ve only ever asked you for a photo with a Bible verse. ID is too easy to forge.
Thanks for your time. I hope Interpol don’t arrest you. But I am going to tell them that you also have my $850.
If you had produced the photo I would have paid the money. Now, you will get no share of my funds. Interpol will sort this situation out for me.
I’m going to see how long Interpol will email me for. In the meantime, I’m getting rid of Dr Paul. He’s a drain on resources. I tried to mix hard gospel truths, the knowledge of how the scamming system works and any other manipulative tools I could pull out in one last bid for that photo…
Dr Paul,
I am no longer trusting you. You are a criminal. A dirty internet scammer. I was right the first time and now I have lost $850.
I am going to give Interpol Ghana all the information I have about you. Dirty scammer. God hates thieves. Repent. Trust in Jesus and be saved. You are not a Christian man. You are a thieving little boy in an internet cafe somewhere. I am glad Interpol have contacted me, because now I will get my money and you will get in trouble.
Sadly for you, all you needed to do to prove your identity was send me the photo I asked for in our first email exchange. We’ve sent more than 100 emails since. Surely a better use of your time would have been to send me the photo. You are a stupid maga. You will not get any of this money. Interpol are going to send it all to me and throw you in a dirty jail cell where you belong. And I’m going to help them.
You are not the esteemed Dr Paul Acquah – you’re some teenage yahoo with an internet connection. Interpol will find you, you stupid, stupid man.
You’ll go to jail, then you’ll probably go to hell – if you don’t give up your thieving ways, go to church and trust in Jesus.
If I’m wrong about all of this – just send me the photo I asked for. I know you won’t. Because you can’t. Because you’re a lying, thieving man incapable of thinking past your pre-arranged little script. You won’t go far in your little scamming guild. They’ll probably shoot you for being useless. I bet you get less money than all your scamming friends. Because you are a retard. That means you’re stupid. An idiot. A fool. A halfwit. So, before interpol catch you, or your gang shoots you, you should definitely go to your local church and confess to being a horrible sinner and a terrible criminal. Terrible not because being a criminal is bad – but terrible because you’re so bad at it.
I will personally see to it that you pay for your stupidity. And I will get all the money that’s sitting in those boxes. Because Interpol have promised it. How do you like that? Your maga is not going to pay you mugu. You are stupid.
Goodbye. I hope you turn to Jesus before worms eat your face while you lie dead in the ground.
I’ll keep you posted. Stay tuned for stories of marriage proposals, church building fundraisers, and my new initiative to collect bible verses from all over the globe…
I’ve been a little bit lax in my blogging this weekend. I spent yesteday being a husband, a spectator and a friend. I went shopping with my wife, went to the NQ Fury’s A-League debut, and then hung out with a friend as part of his bucks day.
I also did a bit of sermon tweaking. Here’s the resulting wordle from today’s sermon effort. I did use a few seconds of the binocular soccer video in my talk.
I think I was better this time than last time, though perhaps not as good as my best time. I was repetitive but with a little more creativity in my repetition…
Here’s how the video tied in (for the curious)…
The Pharisees are just like these Japanese soccer players – they’re running around trying to keep everything in equal focus. The big things and the small things. They’ve got no perspective. They’re swinging, and they’re missing. They’re keeping all the rules – but they can’t get the bigger part of the game right. They can’t hit the ball. They aren’t scoring any goals. They’re losing.
But they’re worse than the Japanese soccer players in that video. These guys are running the game. They’re the coaches and they’re strapping binoculars on everyone else. It ruins the game for everybody.
The heading, despite being an obvious reference to the graphical content of this post, refers to what I think is one of the great fallacies of modern evangelism. The idea of preaching solely by actions is nice, but fundamentally wrong.
There’s a great article on the Washington Post website about the inner workings of the typical Nigerian Scammers mind – featuring quotes from actual scammers.
In good months, Banjo said, he has made $60,000.
But in these tough times, the scammers said, they are relying more on a crucial tool: voodoo. At times, Banjo said, he has traveled six hours to the forest, where a magician sells scam-boosters. A $300 powder supposedly helps scammers “speak with authority” when demanding payment. A powder, rubbed on the face, reportedly makes victims viewing the scammer through webcams powerless to say no.
“No matter what, they will pay,” said Olumide, a college student, adding that he is boosting his romance scams by wearing a magical, live tortoise hanging from a cord around his neck.
I have a couple of new scambaiting posts up – and a couple more to come… check them out…
I should probably have googled the name I made up for my scambaiting account. It turns out there’s quite a high profile business man sharing the same name… and its the amalgam of two former “romance scammers” (actually two identities used by the same person) – somewhat fitting. And a moment of pure synchronicity or serendipity.
I wonder if I can use both to my advantage.