A week with the Doctor

I’m getting a bit bored with Dr Paul. I don’t think he’s going to come to the party for me and I’m struggling to get him off script.

Let’s take a wander through a week of correspondence… I really am about to give up on this turkey. I have plenty of other opportunities to pursue. Well I was, but then an interesting development occured…

Dr Paul.

I am going to spell out very clearly what I require.

1. Your photo – not a photo of the boxes – I want a photo of you, or Emmanuel, holding a sign, to show that you are who you said you are. The sign should have either “John 3:16” or your favourite bible verse on it.
2. A booking form for a hotel as detailed – at this stage I will be arriving in Ghana on the 5th of August. And departing on the 10th. Please send me a confirmed, and paid for, booking at a hotel – I will reimburse you when I arrive.

Until I have those things I WILL NOT be booking my flights.

I also WILL NOT be sending any further money until I have verified your identity or you find the $850 I sent already.

I will not send money to any service – I do not trust you, your country or these companies.

Please get these things done and get back to me or the deal is off – I will be calling my embassy in Ghana and starting legal processes to recover the money if I do not hear from you.

If you ring or respond without having addressed these points – the DEAL IS OFF.

Understand?

Dear.

Thank you for the mail. my friend i done like the way you do want to understand my word. for this you told me to do i can not do that because am telling you that i did collect any money you told me that you send but you feel that i collect the money am eat it.

Dr Paul,

I understand you completely.
You don’t understand me. Let me spell it out.

MY MONEY IS MISSING. IT IS GONE. I TRANSFERRED IT TO THE PERSON YOU SAID TO.

Maybe you can’t trust this Emmanuel Onyekwere. Perhaps he is a thief.

You should look into this.

DO WHAT I SAY OR THE DEAL IS OFF.

Dear.

Thank you very much once again. my friend you have to try understand me and understand where amn going. please my friend am advice you to beliver me i will help you get you fund.

once again my friend will use Emmanuel onyekwere before but at last will have problem, i want to give you different name now so will can not have any problem again.

so if you want me to give you any order name i can do it.my friend please take it easy very thing will been ok. i take you as my good friend i will not like if me and you start having problem because for this business now will have go far . please try understand very thing will be nice. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul

Dr Paul. You have one more chance. Send me a new name, I’d for this new staff member of yours and a photo of him holding a sign with your favourite bible verse. Then and only then will I try sending the money again. Understand.

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend this my person the id have problem. try understand me because am try to make you good friend to me. my friend try hear my advice very thing will go well . this is name of the person onbelow;

1.NAME:PAUL MOUGOR

2. ADDRESS; ACCRA GHANA

Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul

Here’s the ID he sent…

Dr Paul,

If this person has an ID problem I will not deal with him. I am not stupid. I am being careful.

Find someone who won’t eat my money, who doesn’t have an ID problem. And I will deal with them.

Send me their ID, a photo of them holding a sign as requested, and their transfer details and then we will talk. I will not be sending money to anybody with an ID problem.

I think my lack of trust is understandable given what happened to the last $850 I sent.

Get this sorted Dr Paul, or the deal is off.

Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanation. my friend please try understand me. please i want to inform you that you will not going to have any problem from this person. my friend don’t worry go head send this money if will have any problem i will take care of it. this person i give you now is Child God it can not eat you money OK.

so my friend believe me. all this problem will have before will can not have it again. my friend this person is one of staff in my office since Ten days now he is working will me i never see any bad thing do to me. my friend don’t fear am will you . so my friend what make me doing all this for you that i do want you to loose this fund because you have try so much . Am looking forward to hear from you soon.

Yours Friend
Dr Paul

Dear Dr Paul,

I think I’ve made myself pretty clear.

I’ll write on separate lines so there’s no chance for you to misunderstand.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I don’t care if this person is your staff member, or a child of God… I want you to prove to me, beyond a doubt, that his identity is true.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I want you to do this BY SENDING ME THE PHOTO I have asked for.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

Failure to comply on this matter will finish our arrangement. I will then launch legal proceedings and contact the police in Ghana to recover my money.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

Give me the photo I have asked for. If this guy is on your staff and you work for the Reserve Bank of Ghana then finding a camera should not be a problem.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I don’t think I can be clearer than this.

DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.

I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY MORE OF YOUR CALLS OR EMAILS WITHOUT THIS PHOTO.
Best regards,

Nathaniel.

Dear.
Thank youn very much for your mail. my friend am try to make you to understand me but you do want to hear me. my friend i take you as my good friend but why you are doing me all this.i do no any order way i will explain my self to you.

Dr Paul.

You are being a fool, or expecting me to be a fool. I will not put up with this any longer. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

You don’t ever seem to actually read the things I say to you. So I will keep this short.

I already sent you money. The fact that it was stolen by someone in your country makes me nervous. I will not send more without further proof. It’s that simple.

I have shown, with the first transfer, that I am willing to do business with you. I am doing all I can to help you clear these funds from your accounts.

We have agreed that I will provide you a percentage of these funds. I am a man of my word.

If you can not provide me the proof that I ask for then I have serious doubts that you are “my good friend”.

I have understood everything you have said. I am not stupid.

He’s still not getting it. A simple photo. That’s all it would take.

Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend that thing you do me to do please i can not do that please. if you want to send this money send it but if you go head talk to much it will not help you. my friend all i want to advice you that all this you are doing can not help you just go and send this money today your fund will deliver to you. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

I will not throw good money after bad. Until I know what happened to the last money I sent I will trust nobody.

That includes you.

Produce the photograph I have asked for or stop emailing me.

Produce the photograph and I will wire the next installment of funds and purchase my tickets to Ghana.

Good day.

He replied again. Without a photo… it didn’t say anything interesting. And his reticence is really starting to annoy me. I was all set to give up on him when he threw an interesting twist into the mix. Enter Interpol Ghana. Clearly things aren’t progressing quickly enough for Dr Paul’s liking…

INTERPOL GHANA

I am Mr David Kofi, Director of Ghana’s Criminal Investigations Department, We here inform you that we have been able to recover the sum of $15.7 Million United states dollars belonging to you, from team of fraud stars / imposter’s.
This money was recovered during our last unawares operation which took place on the 7th day of Aug. 2009 at the imposter’s hideout/arena.

The investigation carried out so far, stated that you are the real beneficiary of this fund according to one of the imposter’s.We therefore ask you with out any further delay to reconfirm to us if this is the exact amount you have lost in the hands of this criminals. And you are hereby to contact us as soon as you receive this message for more details.

David Kofi,
Director of Ghana’s Criminal
Investigations Department

So, I sent this to Dr Paul to see what he’d make of it – if it wasn’t actually from him it would certainly throw an interesting complexion on things.

Dr Paul,
I am worried. I just got an email from Interpol Ghana – about a scam they had busted in Ghana related to $15.7 million that belongs to me.

I trust this was not you, and that our transaction is proceeding.

I am very worried.

He sent me the same old scripted rubbish…

Dear.

Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend i think you see now how am telling you since to send this money so you fund will deliver to you very fast. my friend one advice am giving you as a friend that if you follow those people that send you that you will going to have problem . so my friend don’t follow does people because the will Miss lead you. all i want to inform you now as child of that no Interpol take you fund.

please once again don’t follow those people as i told you. my friend this is what am please you since to send this money since i think you see it now. so my friend if you will follow my word now go today send this money i told you since so you fund will deliver to you this weekend, but if go head talking to much it will not help. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

Stupid Dr Paul. Just stupid… I tell him I need photographic proof and he tells me that he can send me the same old passport photo again…

Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend i do no how i can explain my self to you again. you ask me id i give you again you ask me passport i give you i do no what i will do for you again. my friend am man of my word i will never let you down in all my word am telling you since. my friend if you want to send this money try send it and live very thing for you see that you fund will deliver to you fast. but if you go head doing this way it can help you out. Am looking forward to hear from you today..
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

I’ve had enough with this idiot. I am going to turn him in to “Interpol”… so much for trust and fidelity…

Dr Paul,

I have never asked you for your passport or your ID. I’ve only ever asked you for a photo with a Bible verse. ID is too easy to forge.

Thanks for your time. I hope Interpol don’t arrest you. But I am going to tell them that you also have my $850.

If you had produced the photo I would have paid the money. Now, you will get no share of my funds. Interpol will sort this situation out for me.

I’m going to see how long Interpol will email me for. In the meantime, I’m getting rid of Dr Paul. He’s a drain on resources. I tried to mix hard gospel truths, the knowledge of how the scamming system works and any other manipulative tools I could pull out in one last bid for that photo…

Dr Paul,

I am no longer trusting you. You are a criminal. A dirty internet scammer. I was right the first time and now I have lost $850.

I am going to give Interpol Ghana all the information I have about you. Dirty scammer. God hates thieves. Repent. Trust in Jesus and be saved. You are not a Christian man. You are a thieving little boy in an internet cafe somewhere. I am glad Interpol have contacted me, because now I will get my money and you will get in trouble.

Sadly for you, all you needed to do to prove your identity was send me the photo I asked for in our first email exchange. We’ve sent more than 100 emails since. Surely a better use of your time would have been to send me the photo. You are a stupid maga. You will not get any of this money. Interpol are going to send it all to me and throw you in a dirty jail cell where you belong. And I’m going to help them.

You are not the esteemed Dr Paul Acquah – you’re some teenage yahoo with an internet connection. Interpol will find you, you stupid, stupid man.

You’ll go to jail, then you’ll probably go to hell – if you don’t give up your thieving ways, go to church and trust in Jesus.

If I’m wrong about all of this – just send me the photo I asked for. I know you won’t. Because you can’t. Because you’re a lying, thieving man incapable of thinking past your pre-arranged little script. You won’t go far in your little scamming guild. They’ll probably shoot you for being useless. I bet you get less money than all your scamming friends. Because you are a retard. That means you’re stupid. An idiot. A fool. A halfwit. So, before interpol catch you, or your gang shoots you, you should definitely go to your local church and confess to being a horrible sinner and a terrible criminal. Terrible not because being a criminal is bad – but terrible because you’re so bad at it.

I will personally see to it that you pay for your stupidity. And I will get all the money that’s sitting in those boxes. Because Interpol have promised it. How do you like that? Your maga is not going to pay you mugu. You are stupid.

Goodbye. I hope you turn to Jesus before worms eat your face while you lie dead in the ground.

I’ll keep you posted. Stay tuned for stories of marriage proposals, church building fundraisers, and my new initiative to collect bible verses from all over the globe…

The author

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the campus pastor at Creek Road South Bank, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus.