My new son?

Things are progressing nicely with my friend Michel. In his latest missive he has adopted me as a surrogate father. He writes:

Dearest Daddy,

Word alone cannot tell how happy I am to hear that you are born again christian and I am proud to call you daddy. According to your mail, I was born and brought out from a christian family and my late father was one the founders of Catholic Charismatic Renewal Ministry Cocody and it was due to how good my late father are to his people that made his business partners to poisoned him to death.

A Catholic Charismatic? Shock horror. We are doctrinally incompatible. However will we overcome this barrier – we are as two star crossed lovers destined ne’er to meet due to our bitter family feud… if there’s one thing I learned from Shakespeare in highschool (and through having his entire library of works on my iPhone – how cool is that) it’s that insurmountable odds can be overcome, but they often end in death. The next passage gave rise to new hope.

Please be rest assured that the money is my inheritance from my late father because my late father made his money in my country cote d’Ivoire as an exporter / import of Cocoa / caffee and it was out of wickedness and jealousyness his business associates poisoned him to death, I become an orphan, helpless at this age. Please I want you to know that I contact you to help me because I beleive you are capable to assist me live the type of live my late parents earlier planned for me and I want you to know that I never contact you to help me in other to put you in any kind of troubles

His father was a coffee trader. We are joined forever by the fellowship of the bean. I may try to purchase his family’s coffee interests with my generous 15% share of the deal. Which is currently valued at $7.5 million.

He signed out in a manner which was no doubt designed to establish his spiritual bona fides.

Thanks and god bless you for your kind and sincere promises to help me. May our almighty god in heaven reward you and your family aboundantly for the help you are rendering to an orphan like me.

He possibly wasn’t expecting my response:

Thank you for your email – I am glad to hear your father was a believer – that surely makes his passing an easier burden for you to bear.

I hope that you too are a believer – it pays to be right with our maker, especially if there are dangerous people trying to kill you!

I do notice that you haven’t answered my question about baptism. My friends, who are much better with technology, are advising me that you may be trying to commit an act of fraud against me. I tell them that that is not true. I have not given them any information about our transaction. I have simply told them that I will not be available during this week as I seek to conclude our business. I trust you – I believe that you are in all honesty a God fearing man who knows that to act dishonestly will lead to God’s fiery judgment.

My children have made me slightly concerned – what sort of father would I be were I not to listen to my friends – I hope to soon count you as a friend too.

Could you, my son, do three things to verify that you are indeed who you say you are – could you provide a picture of yourself holding a card bearing the words “John 3:16”. Which I think will be an appropriate proof that you are who you say you are – both as a person, and as a Christian.

Could you also tell me what you believe about baptism. This is more important to me than you will understand at your age. When you get to an age like mine you will understand that some issues become important and defining.

And can you tell me what your favourite part of the Bible is – this will, indeed, help to develop the trust between us.

Any photo will of course be shared here.