Tag: Nigerian Scam

The continuing tale of Pastor Akre and his inability to use a camera

When last we heard from Pastor Akre he had missed a deadline for the supply of his promised photographs.

Here we pick up the tale with an apology and another moving of the goal posts.

In the meantime, a couple of other scambaiters running scams with the same gentleman have emailed me their trophies – making me more determined than ever to get photographs for my calendar – despite the fact that it is now November.

Pastor Akre

22 October 2009 06:44

To: Bruce Johnson


This letter to thank you say to you for the physical support that spiritual that you to grant us while carrying out this collaboration who I think by the grace of the Eternal, will lead us very far!

This evening, I will not be very long, because very tired by these various races, then I to simply will say you that we are here on the right track, we are spirit to find an area of agreement to finish the work which we must forward to you and right after reception of the funds that we will take delivery of, we will settle the debts here!

Thus, allow me to give you a new date of reception which I think until before the end of this week will be necessary so that you obtain us to them various photographs!

Then let us put all that in prayer and that God blesses our collaboration!

Pastor AKRE

22 October 2009 07:58

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I look forward to receiving these photographs before the end of this week. Please do your best to do so so that we can bring this matter to a fitting conclusion and move on to greater things together.
I look forward to seeing your work so that we can move to bringing you and yours to our celebration service.
In Christ,

2009/10/22 Pastor Akre

26 October 2009 08:51

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Greetings in the Lord’s name.
Could you have the photos to us by tomorrow please?
We have been very patient. But in order to have the calendar printed in time for our launch (to which you are invited) we will need to have the photos by no later than tomorrow.
In Christ,


Pastor Akre

27 October 2009 06:33

To: Bruce Johnson

Good evening Bruce,

I come by this note to greet you in the Saint Name of the Powerful Whole dear brother, because you became a whole brother with share with us currently!

Also, it would be necessary to add and to recognize that the time required for the design and the sending of the photographs which you asked was really a long test and there we recognize also your patience compared to all that!

Cause for which the latter message that we forward to you is the confirmation and a last request to say to you that the pulling of the photographs is entirely finished this evening vis-a-vis all these problems which we had so far, causes for which we ask you for a time still 72 Hours say until Thursday October 28, 2009 Minuit to transfer you the photographs because our technicians must work there above because it is for the establishment of calendar!

Then sincerely grant to us this last chance which is also for us to have the peace of the heart while having blessed your wishes but by allowing us the withdrawal of the three quarter of the financial body floors of our ministry which we used to arrive until this stage dear brother!

Receive dear brother the blessing of the Saint Spirit and that it fills you and keeps but at the same time takes along you to accept this final deadline!

Pastor AKRE

27 October 2009 15:04

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I have received your message.
Please note that if you fail to meet this deadline we will be forced to cancel this transaction.
In Christ,

Pastor Akre

27 October 2009 22:42

To: Bruce Johnson


Still thank you for the interest and the attention that you to carry to our structure!

As be into sour as we will not miss this deadline which we have just given you and in the Saint Name of the Powerful Whole, you will receive, the photographs without problem at the date indicated!

Also, concerning the various invoices to be established for our financial equalization with which do they have to be addressed? God blesses you brother!

Pastor AKRE

28 October 2009 12:21

To: Pastor Akre

Please address the invoices to Bob Bennett (whose email address you have) with reference to the:
Hillsong United Missions Calendar Project.
These invoices will be paid promptly upon the receipt of the files.

Pastor Akre

29 October 2009 23:16

To: bruce.mark.johnson@gmail.com

Dear brothers as a Christ, come here the day of glory!

3 attachments




I am really happy to forward to you these photographs because it is the work of a whole life carried out and this ministry is all my family and God even being the supreme Master of the armies and the my eternal knows it, then take care (photographs) and realize together, the work of God!

But you will have to still receive other photographs in our following emails!

Pastor AKRE

30 October 2009 10:53

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Where are the signs we asked for?
They are clearly not holding signs bearing the verses we asked for.
We can not make payment for photographs we can not use.
You have ignored all my instructions.
I am very disappointed.

2009/10/29 Pastor Akre

31 October 2009 13:38

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Can you let me know when we will be receiving the photos we agreed on.
That is photos of individual people from your church holding signs containing the verses we agreed upon.
You can’t play dumb and tell me that you didn’t agree to do this – I sent you a word document with the verses we required.
Without this there will be no payment, and we will have to delay the launch of the calendar. You have put our project in peril.
I urge you to supply the photos we have agreed to as soon as possible if you want to recover the costs you have outlayed in preparation for our partnership.
In Christ,

2009/10/30 Bruce Johnson

Pastor Akre

1 November 2009 21:34

To: Bruce Johnson


Thank you to give us a chance to be able to catch up with all funds which we invested in this project in the hope of us to leave with benefit allowing us to rehabilitate our structure and to join you in Australia!

Cause for which, we ask you to give us until Friday November 6, 2009 to put order in all that and to forward to you the photographs with the various biblical verses, but will know that the invoice that you received and it is by western union that will have to be made the transaction remains the same one!

God blesses you!

Richard AKRE

1 November 2009 21:55

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
Is there any chance you might get these to me sooner than the 6th?
As has always been our stated policy, we will only pay for the photographs when we receive them.
Please do not mess us around Pastor Akre, we must release this calendar by the end of the month.

2009/11/1 Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre

2 November 2009 23:13

To: Bruce Johnson


We have just received in the fine shape your message!

Then we are with the current of the width that will be able to take if the partnership stops there or even if you do not receive the photographs at wanted times, causes for which even these photographs that we forwarded to you was on the whole about thirty, but we are obliged to stop and take again the old system!

Thus you will receive at the date indicated the photographs with the verses quite as built-in, then is pleasant and soft with us because it is still of other expenses engaged in record time so that all that is transmitted to you within a reasonable delay!

God protects you!

Pastor AKRE

6 November 2009 11:04

To: Pastor Akre

I look forward to receiving the photos today.
In Christ,

2009/11/2 Pastor Akre

7 November 2009 09:55

To: Pastor Akre

Dear Pastor Akre, 

Where are the photos?

We can not keep the calendar from the printers for much longer. Please send them today or we will have to cancel this transaction.


2009/11/6 Bruce Johnson

8 November 2009 09:17

To: Pastor Akre

Dear Pastor Akre,
Unless I receive the photos in the next 48 hours this deal is off.
It would sadden me to cancel our transaction when you have incurred real costs. Please let me know where we’re up to in our transaction.
We are desperately close to having to launch the calendar and I have started conversations with some other contacts in Africa to replace you.
We have had to push the date of our launch back and will provide details for your flight bookings once we receive the photos.

2009/11/7 Bruce Johnson

10 November 2009 09:26

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
My dear brother. Where are the photos?
We are very worried now – we have not heard from you for some time.

11 November 2009 10:00

To: Pastor Akre

Brother Akre,
We are in desperate need of these photographs. Can you please give us a revised estimate for their delivery?

2009/11/10 Bruce Johnson

Pastor Akre

11 November 2009 22:59

To: Bruce Johnson

Bruce brother,

Me in the same way Pastor AKRE, I am in the embarrassment concerning the delivery of the photographs to the time given!

I explain you that, because it is concerning my parishioners who work with me which has for a cause of nonpayment of the third of their initial payment that some between them voluntarily took the load of blocked the process as long as they did not receive their not had.

However as you know it well all my personal investment and two thirds of my ministry entered this project which we have establish together!

Then by the grace of God and his work which we are spirit to establish, please help us or to financially help me for their pay (my employees) which will be deduce from the initial amount of the $ 8.300 Dollars that should pay you for the photographs.

I ask you that because this morning even, we held still together a meeting and it is the condition which they are spirit to ask me so that you can receive as of payment of $ 2.450 Dollars which represents the amount of their pay all the photographs established for you! Thus by the grace of God the powerful whole, prayer to take the load personally to spend this sum which will be withdrawn the rising initial one as of reception of this letter per western union at my following address:


10 BP 1085 Abidjan 10

City: Abidjan

Country: Ivory Coast,

Amount : $ 2.450 Dollars

Impatiently and very quickly, I await your positive response to forward to you all these photographs to honour our engagements to both with respect to God and the ceremony which will be held in Sydney (Australia).

God fills you his grace!

Pastor AKRE

00225 44604123

NB: Unite to me on the telephone as soon as you made the western union so that I can put them in confidence at the sight of the transaction and to send the photographs by their intermediary to you!

12 November 2009 09:51

To: Pastor Akre

Dear Pastor Akre,
I think I have been reasonably clear on this matter right from the beginning regarding both our deadlines and requirements.
You have failed to meet all criteria laid out for this transaction.
Our policy on this matter is clear – we will not make payment without receiving the completed work.
Please, I must insist, send me the photographs I have asked for without delay with the signs bearing the verses included in the Word Document forwarded to you some weeks ago.
This is not a complex request. All you need to do is find a few people, give them the signs, and take the photos. I don’t know why you need to hire apparatus. Any camera will do.
Our graphic design team will ensure the photographs are reproduced in a usable quality.
I must insist that we be sent the photos in the next 24 hours. Along with an up to date invoice bearing your costs.
If this does not occur we will not be able to bring you to Australia for the launch. We will still make payment for the photos when they are received, but if you miss our deadline we will not be able to use your photos until next year’s edition of the calendar. This may delay payment also until the new financial year.
Please send me these photographs promptly my brother.

2009/11/11 Pastor Akre

13 November 2009 09:00

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
If I do not receive the photos by  tomorrow we will be forced to leave you out of this year’s calendar. We have extended our deadlines too far already and now urgently need to complete this work.
If you want our partnership to continue past this transaction – as a church we are considering supporting you as mission partners – then please meet our requests on this one.
Your response so far has been quite disappointing and makes us wonder if you are serious about developing a brotherly relationship with our fellowship.
In Christ,

2009/11/12 Bruce Johnson

15 November 2009 00:27

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I have managed to pull some strings and organised an extension for you until Monday.
I have had to pay our printing company a 10% surcharge – I expect you to reduce your invoice by this amount in order to compensate us for your inability to produce the photographs in time.
In Christ,

2009/11/13 Bruce Johnson

Pastor Akre

16 November 2009 23:19

To: Bruce Johnson


I have just found a means of making come the photographs be-with-to say to be able to pay the fees of my workers so that they give me the photographs and to forward them to you.

This means it is the following, an economic operator has just given me the guarantee to pay the expenses, be-with-to say the fees of my workers Thursday, there I could in all impatiality forward to you the photographs as soon as that is done.

Then I can have this final deadline?

Pastor AKRE

17 November 2009 09:46

To: Pastor Akre

If you promise to get me the photos by Thursday you will have your payment in full, for all costs as invoiced, by Friday.
Please keep me up to date with delays.
If you can get just one photo to me today, with one of the Bible Verses, our designer can start working on the cover. If we have a cover organised we can go ahead with a launch in early December that we would be happy to invite you to attend.
We will be able to hold the launch and take orders for the calendar there. Even if we don’t have it fully printed until late December.
Please let me know if you are able to send through a single image ahead of the rest.

2009/11/16 Pastor Akre

21 November 2009 08:51

To: Pastor Akre

You promised me the photos by Thursday. You have missed another deadline. Please explain and provide the photographs immediately.

2009/11/17 Bruce Johnson

23 November 2009 11:07

To: Pastor Akre

Pastor Akre,
I am sorry to inform you that unless circumstances change in the next 24 hours and we receive the photographs we will be walking away from this transaction and canceling any plans for partnership with your church.
You have so far proved to be most unreliable – unable to meet conditions imposed by yourself, or instructions given by us.
It is our decision, as a parish council, to find alternative (more reliable) means of securing our photographs.
We apologise for the costs you have incurred while trying to fulfill our requirements – but feel that much of your expenditure has proved largely unnecessary.
This is an example of poor stewardship of the resources God has given you – and we hope you’ll learn from this when engaging in future transactions.
We wish you, and your church, all the best in your future ministries. We are saddened that we could not continue to pursue this arrangement to its conclusion.
If you have managed to source the photos – or even one photo – as requested – please send it to us. If you do we will grant you an extension by which to supply all 10 agreed photographs.
We will make full payment upon receipt of the ten photographs.
We are very disappointed that our trust in you has clearly been misplaced. The delay in releasing our calendar is costing us money – money that would have been used to offset your costs in production, and to bring you to Australia for our launch service.
In Christ,

2009/11/21 Bruce Johnson

Longest scambaiting post ever

This is a long and drawn out piece of scambaiting.

It started on the 20th of August. And is still going. I will edit the transcript in order to make it slightly more readable. I’ll keep the whole 9,000 words somewhere handy though. Just in case you want to read it.


I was crucified with Christ; and if I live, this  it’s more me which screw, it’s Christ who lives in me, if I live now in the wine storehouse, I live in the Faith with the Son of God, who I liked and which it’s even for me is delivered.


We are an ONG (Governmental organization) having for denomination LIFE, FAITH & CHRISTIANISM, we are here localised in Abidjan (Ivory Coast – West Africa) and come by this letter to inform you of our wishes to collaborate with your structure in various fields even by adding your various services to it;

  • The fight against all the forms of exclusion
  • The defense and the covering of human dignity
  • To act effectively for employment of the handicapped people
  • To act for the women in precarious situation helps with the children war victims and conflicts of improvement of the conditions of hospitalization of the children
  • Assistance with the prisoners living in misery
  • Assistance for the children of the street
  • Helps with désœuvrés, the woman and the family
  • Faith as a God and Chretiennity Improvement of quality of the life Us kids any idea of " difference" between the Human ones.

Our will is to be useful for quality of life, the dignity of Human being thus with the safeguard of our planet.

Then dear collaborator future here is a little an account of what we do cause for which we let us ask you a partnership but for further information, prayer to join, the contact below,

Sincere greetings,

Richard AKRE


I love it when these scammers have such a working knowledge of the Bible. Here’s my first response:

Greetings in the name of the Lord.

My brethren, it is timely that you write to me. I am a Christian man working for the Anglican Church of Brisbane, Australia.

I have been commissioned to produce a calendar for the church using photographs of Christians from around the world. I have been searching message boards to find Christian people to help me.

We need photographs of people from around the world holding an A4 piece of paper with their favourite Bible passage printed on it.

I urge you my brother to participate, and to have your friends and brothers in the Lord participate too.

We will pay you for the time associated with producing the photographs and for their ongoing commercial use in the calendar.
Please my brother, let me know if you are interested. Our time is running out to get this produced on time.

He took further steps to establish his credentials…

Dear brother as a Christ,

Sincere greetings and also thank you for promptitude with which you have to us forward your answer, because all this, they are works of our Lord Very Powerful Jesus Christ, who gave us the chance to be born and be able to exist, but in the good sense which is to follow it everywhere where we are;

We are indeed a Christian mission set up in an Governmental organization who has occupied herself for a few years of several fields and evils of the life of the human being, having been enumerated in our preceding note which you received.

Our establishment and our administration supplement are based in Ivory Coast ;

We have in our centre of the cabins as well as offices containing the direction, but without forgotten to mean here that this establishment of which we manage say the places to speak about the building who is our shelter for these various helps that we quoted above is under hiring since the beginning of the creation of our structure, then we detail you the assistance which we need and which you asked;

1. We have need so necessary and possible for a rehabilitation of our buildings because the various people (children, men & women), are in excess or in the contrary case a perfect acquisition with us of our places which will belong to us definitively.

2. We need, and this is very urgent because the return to school is spirit to start on our premises. We have in our centre 25 (Twenty Five) Minors having the age to be to provide education for, causes for which this point is paramount, therefore we need your assistance in the worst case cases in all these details than we give you than you help us to make provide education for these children. A help so that we can make known the good to be and sees it school with these various children for the majority orphans and other children of the street of going to school.

3. We would like, for this precise case, to give the chance to these various women to be likely to resume for others their various work and for what did not have a job of it so that our loads can dropped. But it would have to be known that this essential point is not inevitably a major and financial help coming from your share but a help enabling you to approach certain associations and organizations of your area which will enable us to provide for the various needs for these women.

4. This point is essential with the prisoners of prisons which go in the same direction with the third point that we quoted.

Dear collaborator as a Christ, here in a few words the first remarks which we can give you like information, but as know as for additional details, please join Pastor, with the address below.

Sincere greetings and that God the Powerful Whole, blesses you in advance for the assistance that you carry us and takes care at the same time on you and your family.

NB: Our concern first is to make provide education for in briefs times the children, the others will be able to come then after, for this, we await an urgent answer of you and in the briefs times because the return to school is close.

NB1: If you call, can you speak more french?

God blesses you like your family!

ONG Life, Faith & Christianity

Richard AKRE


The question now is can I land the fish…

I can not speak French at all. I am happy to talk to you in English by email.
My brother in the Lord it seems we have a confluence of opportunities. A meeting of the minds.

You are looking for donations to aid in the work of the Lord and I am paying money to aid in the work of the Lord.

Are you interested in doing business with me? My friend, tell me, did I mention my work in my last email to you? It seems so long ago.

I have been asked to produce a calendar for sale by my church. The calendar needs photos of people from all over the world, and we will pay money to cover your costs and for the ongoing commercial use of the image. We can negotiate an appropriate fee to ensure that your mission to your country receives a generous gift.

My friend, please let me know if you have a camera at your disposal – that is all you will need to complete this transaction. Our budget, because we expect to sell these calendars throughout the world, is quite large.

I look forward to hearing your reply.

His next email tried to get his little scam back on track. But I’m not interested in that, he wanted me to know it’s all legal


You know, it is very good to know that you are spirit to become the man, who will open the doors of human and natural knowledge to these children in distress, causes for which since your first message, we have to initiate with our various members here on the spot meetings of prayer in your opposition.

Also concerning the legality of this business which puts to us in collaboration with you as being our at the same time associated benefactor and but also brother as a Christ, we would like that you know that this is 100% legal and without risk then did not fear because the word of God and the name even of the Very Powerful Jesus Christ are crowned things who do not deserve to be to expose, thus we think that you include/understand where we would like to come from there.

Thus, we would like, you having reassured to have certain explanation who are the following:

1. Concerning the children, be you ready to help us financially for the schooling of those c’ be-with-to say the twenty five (25) children?

2. Depending on the rehabilitation of our structure can we count on your financial supervision?

3. Etc….

Dear, these two fundamental points, quoted above, we can count on your contribution in briefs times?


– Of which country are you?

– Do you Have of the family?

– Can you give us the complete names of the members of your family so that we can insert them during our prayers for you?

Impatiently and with the will of the Powerful Whole, we thank you for this collaboration and request God the Powerful Whole which it eternally takes care on you and your family!

God blesses you!


Pastor Richard AKRE

He seems to have missed my point. I best bring him back to the straight and narrow…

Dear Richard,
I wonder if you considered the opportunity I presented to you in my last email.

My brother we have a chance here to work together for the glory of the Kingdom.

I stand ready to assist you – but would find it most beneficial if we assist one another.

If you can provide photographs for use in the calendar project I am working on, my church – the Anglican Diocese of Brisbane – will provide direct payment for these photos, and a further generous donation to your ministries. But I must receive these photos as a sign of good faith first.

A reminder of my proposal – we are producing a commercial calendar featuring photos of Christians from around the world promoting the Bible as the Word of God. We want each person photographed to be holding a sign featuring their favourite Bible verse. We will pay for their costs associated with the photograph (negotiable) and an amount for the ongoing use of the photograph for our purposes ($US800 per photo).

Here are the answers to your queries:
1. We are more than happy to provide support and schooling for 25 children. Many more in fact. I think it might be a reasonable idea for each of these children to enter into a scholarship arrangement – where you provide their photos both for our congregation to pray for the children and for inclusion in the calendar – let me know if this works for you and your organisation.
2. You can count on the support of our church if we can count on you to support our work through prayer and these photographs.
3. I have spoken to my Bishop – we are happy to confirm funding for you if you are happy to participate in the Calendar project. I will need confirmation that this is possible before proceeding.

That seemed to do the trick.


We are really very to impress by your messages, this being we will be direct with you known what follows: Initially, the negotiation that we would like to carry out with you do not have to be through a computer, we would like that this is physical thus, we are ready to move Mr Richard AKRE, to join you with all the complete project with a agreement of the children and all the project of our association to meet you over there in Australia to be discussed and fall a agreement on all the basic principles of this business!

It’s to be said the letter of invitation, the certificate d’ lodging and especially the ticket a plane for a short time?

He wants to send himself to visit? We can’t have that.

Greetings my brother,

I would prefer to finish this transaction as quickly as possible. The deadline for my calendar is next Wednesday.

I do not have time, if we are to conclude our partnership to the Glory of God, to bring Richard to Australia.

My church is ready to make the necessary payments to fund your ministry as soon as we receive the photographs for our calendar publication.

You can send as many photos as you want – and we will pay you for each – a production cost of $US50 and a payment for the ongoing commercial use of the photographs of $US1000.

Please let me know if this is possible urgently.

He seems to think that harping on about his fictional children is going to be the thing that persuades me…

Brother as a Christ,

How are you, we are very happy to have to you as collaborator, for our ministry and helps it with these children who are also creatures of God and which need to live, thus, we would like to know if it is always possible that you help for the schooling of the children, to give them an adequate space for their studies?

With much of anxiety and much from hope, we in vain await your message of confirmation which will give boom in the middle of these children so that they know that one never should lower the arms when there is hope, then pained which we are to find of the financing and the assistance, we carry all our hope on you and impatiently await a favorable answer of you in briefs times!

God fills you his grace brother!

Pastor AKRE

I think he has multiple personality disorder. He’s certainly not listening to what I have to say…

Brother Akre,

I am glad to hear from you again.

I will be happy to help under the conditions named in our previous correspondence.

I will provide $1,000 (US) per photograph I receive (of publishable quality) of yourself and the children holding a sign with their favourite verse from the Bible on it.

As I mentioned I need these urgently to produce the publication I am working on for the Catholic Diocese of Brisbane (http://bne.catholic.net.au/asp/index.asp).

Please get these photos to me as soon as possible. The Bishop has informed me that if you provide a number of photographs we will make a donation of $10,000 on behalf of the diocese.

Bruce Johnson

And then there was silence. On the 31st of August I sent this email…

Dear Pastor Akre,
I don’t think you’ve understood the nature of this proposal.

We are happy to provide a donation to your church. Directly. And at a more generous level than this attachment suggests.

But we must first receive the photographs for this calendar. Otherwise I will have to pass this request on to our international missions branch and it will go into a pile of applications with hundreds of other international ministries.

I must stress. If you would like to receive payment promptly then we will supply you with $US1000 for every publishable photograph for use in our calendar. I will also need to send you a "release form" to allow us to use these images for commercial purposes. This isn’t a big deal.

If you send us 10 photos of people holding signs with their favourite Bible verse written on them we will send you $10,000.

Bruce Johnson
Catholic Church
Diocese of Brisbane

I received no reply. But two weeks later Pastor Richard emailed me again… with a new opportunity… (almost the same email as the first one just with some new objectives)…

  • The fight against all the forms of exclusion
  • The defense and the covering of human dignity
  • To act effectively for employment of the handicapped people
  • To act for the women in precarious situation helps with the children war victims and conflicts of improvement of the conditions of hospitalization of the children
  • Assistance with the prisoners living in misery
  • Assistance for the children of the street
  • Helps with désœuvrés, the woman and the family
  • Faith as a God and Chretiennity Improvement of quality of the life Us kids any idea of " difference" between the Human ones.
  • Our will is to be useful for quality of life, the dignity of Human being thus with the safeguard of our planet.


• To create a center of reintegration for his/her children

• Provided education for in these times of crisis

• To build a vault

• To build a mosque for the Moslems

• To acquire funds to finance the projects of oldest

Then dear collaborator future here is a little an account of what we do cause for which we let us ask you a partnership but for further information, prayer to join, the contact below,

Sincere greetings,

Richard AKRE

I replied.

Pastor Richard,

You have emailed me before.
As a Christian I am very keen to help you. But I would like to propose a solution of benefit to both of us – where I help you, and you help me.
Please email me back for details.

PS. I don’t want to build a Mosque for the Muslims. Rather I want to convert them to Christianity.



But most important in that, is to have an approval of you to represent your structure say church here in West Africa, then prayer to announce to us in briefs times if it is possible and how to reach that point but initially can you bring an financial aid to our file so that we can acquire a financing which will allow these small human beings that the Lord left without support so that it can be provided education for and found the benches of the school like their friends having all of the parents?

God protects you from his grace!

Pastor AKRE


Dear Pastor Akre,

I am happy to help out as much as I can. And my church has some budget that may be able to be spent appropriately.

It is currently allocated to the production of our annual Global Missions Calendar.

This year we are seeking photographs of Christians from around the world, all the Christians we are featuring will be holding a sign, or having a sign in the photo, featuring their favourite Bible verse.

We want as many of these pictures as possible, and will pay $300 per photo for the rights to print them and sell the calendars to members of our church, and the wider Christian community.

Would you be interested? We can not pay up front – but we will most certainly pay as soon as we receive these pictures.

Mr Bruce Johnson,

Here, we are very happy to read you and of knowing that we can benefit from this privilege, but at the same time satisfy-you to pay continuation if some of our photographs reached to you that point?

But will know that with all that, it would be necessary $500 Dollars per photograph for us and not $300 because, it is difficult the acquisition of these photographs and the material to be used must be to thus rent to try to include/understand us, but with your positive agreement, we could forward to you seven photographs in our message, therefore prepare-you to make us the financial affair as of seven photographs at the same time as of reception.

Sincere greetings!

Pastor AKRE

$500? Outrageous.

Hi Pastor Akre,
Would you accept $400?
We are unable to pay before receiving the photographs because we need to make sure they are appropriate for our purposes.



I come by this letter to forward of good news following the business which we maintain together since then.

To made, I come to have the photographs that you ask me and I should be able to forward you two photographs currently, but being to fall on an area of agreement from $ 400 Dollars per photograph, I would like to be sure that you will make me a western union total of the two photographs as of reception of this letter so that I can forward them to you because I am spirit to take other photographs here.

But yourself you know that it is very hard to convince certain people without spending here one centime, causes for whom, I also take the trouble to financially remunerate those by which I take the photographs that I must dispatch you, then quickly include/understand to me and made something so that we can work quickly and in the good sense.

I can have your confirmation to forward to you the two photographs to have their money which I will use to continue work?

Also I could meet you one of these days?


An advance fee hey? I’ve heard of those…

Great news Pastor Akre,
Before I pay – are you able to send one photo to me just so I can make sure it’s got the right quality (it must be of a printable resolution), and that you are on the right track.
While you do that I will contact my church office and have them prepare the transaction.



As been appropriate and promised, here is in enclosure, one of the first photographs which I would like to forward to you.

It is the photograph of three Christian cantors of our church and at the same time, they belong to the choral society of the young people. It is a photograph which is of type JPEG, with high-resolution, then I think that of photograph you will like this kind because I am spirit to still take others but it is not easy, because the goal of my subject by taking these photographs everyone with the church knows it and one would never have to lie on stories relating to a work of God, causes for whom each person with which I am spirit to work for the photographs sees herself financially thus remunerating I think that you also you will make the same thing with respect to me because I miss melt financial.

This being forwarded me as of reception of this photograph the $ 400 Dollars so that we can continue work and that for a perfect honesty and a frankness in the collaboration which we let us engage, thus I think that you always have my address to make me transfer by Western Union the $ 400 Dollars because I await them as of reception of this photograph and this mail.

God protects you brother!




Pastor Akre,
Thanks for the photo. It is of a suitable quality – but could you demonstrate that you understand the requirements?
These women must be presenting their favourite Bible verse (preferably on a sign, or with a piece of paper in the photo somewhere).
Just having the reference (eg John 3:16) on the sign will be suitable.
When you send me a sample with the appropriate content I will run it by my board and have the transfer made to you as soon as possible.
Thank you so much for your time.

Mr Bruce,

I think that we get along badly!

Because it was expected that you can advance the $ 400 Dollars of the first photograph of which you had reception and it is in any frankness and any honesty that one works on confidence, then I ask you to say to me if I receive this amount before continuing work and it is in the faith and fear of God that all this work is spirit to be accomplished.

Thus you want to also say that if I had to you forward enough of photograph of our parish, that to me went remained null and nonwhich occurred?

Has there include/understand me because me also since our beginning of relation and after having agreed to do this work for you, I spend are thus made here in as much!

Then what will please to me and to read in your next email, it is to have the sense of smell of the things and to be able to forward my due because here also I have make my market share by paying the work which I make and this why I make, then impatiently and in the next message address to me the receipt authenticated of the $ 400 Dollars, but I think all the same that you always have my address for sending of this sum by Western Union, of the need unite me on the telephone quickly!

God protects you!



Dear pastor Akre,
I am sorry that you feel I have mislead you, especially since I have been very clear from the beginning.

It is unfortunate that your cooperation has come at an unexpected cost. I have spoken to my financial controller and we have agreed to cover your costs – subject to receiving an image that meets our requirements – you may recall that in our original missive I made the following offer:

“This year we are seeking photographs of Christians from around the world, all the Christians we are featuring will be holding a sign, or having a sign in the photo, featuring their favourite Bible verse.
We want as many of these pictures as possible, and will pay $300 per photo for the rights to print them and sell the calendars to members of our church, and the wider Christian community. "

if you can supply the photo as described we can now offer you $800, subject to an agreement that the extra money will be used for ministry.

Then silence…

Pastor Akre,
Any luck securing this photo?
We are nearing our deadline and holding a page for you. If the photo is of sufficient quality I have also pushed for it to be our cover photo (which would result in a further payment of $2000).
Please let me know your response immediately.
I will also need to send you some talent release forms that acknowledge that the people in the photos are willing to be featured in a commercially produced publication.

Then this…


It’s OK for me can you send the things now?

Pastor AKRE

Not good enough.

Pastor Akre,
I’ve spent the last few days in meetings about the production of this calendar.
Unfortunately our Chief Executive Officer is adamant that we need to receive a printable picture featuring a bible verse before making payment.
Please advise if this is possible.
We are sorry for the inconvenience this causes but assure you in the name of Jesus that we will meet our word and you will not regret the time you spend producing the image.

Mr Bruce,

Very filled with wonder in the direction at glory, fear and the love of god, the images that you to ask will be produced but given at the same time but it would be necessary that you know that the reception will be for Friday 2 say tomorrow evening, then informed your superior as of now whom you will receive 10 Images with the format that you ask for your calendar.

But will know that the cost of the image compared to the annoyances and other expenses which I am spirit to endorse here will thus raise with an amount of $ 500 Dollars say $ 5.000 Dollars for the ten images but a compensation of $ 1.300 Dollars for damage, interest and times wasted.

Then I think that if we fall from agreement on this point, you will receive these images as soon as possible!

God fills you his grace!

Pastor AKRE


Pastor Akre,
We are at an important juncture in the publication of our calendar so can accept those terms, subject to receiving the images complete with bible verses.
We will transfer the $6,300 upon receiving your files.
I look forward to concluding this transaction, for God’s glory.
In Christ,

Bruce brother,

I include/understand you and at the same time I take the trouble to put to me on the position of God the Powerful Whole and Miséricordieux to grant this grace to you to establish these photographs that I you sending as of reception of your OK but at the same time of a telephone call in my connection with the trifle summon of $ 6.300 Dollars.

Thus this being, prayer as of reception to grant to me; be-with-to say to join to me to my contacts telephone direct so that the transaction is established but front while forwarding to you these photographs.

As, I ask as you not disappoint me because it is the first Christian business which we treat together and who knows can be that there will be several but at the same time, I would like to insinuate that it is possible to grant seminars and religious weeks, you of inviting us over there on your premise with our choral society if necessary that you can also come here for religious ceremonies which will agree our bonds of friendship, from fraternity but from the Faith growing as a Jesus Christ!

This being, I take the trouble to leave you my direct contacts below so that I would be to inform of your OK by telephone and to address to you the various photographs taken with various members and children of our Christian ministry but while holding a bible with the hand or opened.

God fills you and dear brother as a Christ blesses you!

Pastor AKRE

Call me if you receive this email brother Bruce


Pastor Akre,
Our phones are unable to dial international numbers. This is a major inconvenience for us and I am seeking to rectify it.
Please feel free to call me on +61 **** *** ***.
I look forward to receiving your photographs and your phone call today.

I got the impression from his last email that he still hadn’t quite grasped the concept…

Pastor Akre.
Before you take these photos – having a Bible in hand will not do – it needs to be a reference to a Bible verse.
Like holding a sign that says "John 3:16".
We want to showcase people’s favourite verses from around the world.
I hope you have not already proceeded.

Brother Bruce ,

Thank you for do your message, but as you know as you are spirit to make me turn in round like my faithful of the church?

That because I have to you announce and yourself at the first time confirmed that it was necessary to take the photographs with a bible in the hand and there I have just spent enough of money in this job that you to ask me for your annual calendar of which I did not have any subsidy.

Thus, you reconsider another load, then will please reflect well but know that before this continuous collaboration, I have to spend too much to remain this thus being, on the $ 6.300 Dollars, I require as of reception for this message of a subsidy which will cover my already made expenditure and what you to ask me, also a subsidy of an amount of $ 1.200 Dollars if you include/understand what I want to say.

These $ 1.200 Dollars, I would like that you can subject them to me by this Monday October 5, 2009 by Western Union because we have just held today Sunday a meeting of Ministry and I mobilized the majority of my team to continue.

Be comprehensible and will know that I am it since the beginning, then are you of agreement YES or not on this principle?

But will know that the $ 1.200 Dollars will be deducted in the expenses from the $ 6.300 Dollars, then I count on you for the Western Union transaction of this money so quickly so that you also you are satisfied on your side and for your project with Christian calendar.

God the Lord, carries out you on his right way my brother!

Pastor AKRE


Pastor Akre,
I am sorry. I have been clear with my instructions regarding the photographs. I have reviewed my emails.
If you are interested in securing your $6300 please conclude this transaction as soon as possible.
Our accounts department advises that funds can only be transferred in return for services rendered. We must receive photos that meet our requirements before making the payment. I have included the email I received in response to your request below.
Brother, our print deadlines are approaching please don’t back down on me now. I have vouched for you in all our meetings and promised that you would deliver images appropriate for the cover of our calendar as well as many inside pages.
In Christ,

2009/10/5 Bob Bennett
While we understand the plight Pastor Akre reports regarding securing the photographs in question it is church policy to not deliver funds electronically or via Western Union/money transfer until receiving the services related to the payment.
I’m sure you’ll understand that this protects the church from fraud and gives us the greatest control over allocation of budget.
Please let Pastor Akre know that this is not because we do not trust him – rather it is the policy by which we operate under section 12.2 of our Financial Policy.
I look forward to seeing the 2010 Calendar in its printed glory. The 2009 version is a favourite in the office and all my relatives love it.
If you (or he) have any queries please call me on my mobile.
+61434 *** ***
In Christ,

He didn’t reply to me for a while. So I sent another email…

Pastor Akre,
Hi, I’m wondering if you can just send me whatever photos you have?
We go to print on Thursday so I’m going to need your photos as soon as possible or I’ll have to turn to a couple of other churches I’ve contacted in Ghana and Cote D’Ivoire.
Could you please advise if you are able to provide the photos as soon as you get this email. Either by replying, or calling me on my mobile – +61 *** *** ***.
I will make payment as soon as the photos are received and checked for quality by my designer.
I am a little worried that I have not yet received them from you. It seems a small price to pay for $6300.
In Christ,


Pastor Akre,
Could you please respond to my email or call me as soon as you get this message.
If I do not hear from you in 24 hours I will have to cancel our transaction and reallocate the budget we have set aside for supporting your ministry.
In Christ,

Bruce brother,

It is very important that you know that the work that you asked is very meticulous, causes for whom, we then give you a delivery period which is fixed at Friday September 9 at the morning of Saturday September 10 to deliver all this to you, make include/understand with your administration and also include/understand you it.

Because, it would be necessary to put the religious community here in confidence that their photographs or those of the children, do not go in the hands of whoever causes for which in my person, I make make personal meetings and even expenditure for the members and others and to acquire their confidence.

But also for confidence that we carry, prayer to pay the totality of the $ 6.300 Dollars per western union as of reception of the photographs and even as of reception of this email, prayer to forward me in WORD document, the 10 verses to be printed which will be used to make the photographs.

God blesses you!

Pastor AKRE


Pastor Akre,
Thank you my brother for your response. Please note that these photos must be received by that date.
I have CC’d our accounts manager Bob Bennett in to this email to ensure that payment is made promptly once we receive the photos.
We look forward to partnering you in the work of our Lord Jesus Christ in your country and throughout the world. I have attached a list of ten verses for your consideration.

I attached a word document requesting ten verses.


He replied. I got a little excited.

Brother, You will receive the documents as envisaged d’ here 48 hours thus you for the financial affair prepare at the same time! Pastor AKRE

I replied

We stand ready and able to make the transfer upon receiving the photographs. I thank you for your cooperation. We are fellow workers in the harvest of our Lord’s people.

I got nothing. On the day I was meant to receive the files I sent this email.

Brother pastor Akre,
I look forward to receiving the anticipated photos today. Our accounts department stands ready to proceed with payment on the moment that we receive your email containing the photographs.

He replied. Finally.

Brother as a Christ,

Still much FORGIVENESS for this once go all lacked reception of the photographs.

But will know that it is not here our fault because us even, need this money which you will make come as of reception for the rehabilitation from our building which shelters us as well as other things to be made going in the direction and the way of God!

Prayer to forgive us once again for the appointment missed while adding that you will receive them in these times as soon as the breakdowns of our apparatuses here are arranged because we let us have of old apparatuses which causes us enough trouble.

God protects you dear brother!

Pastor AKRE

Stalling. Stalling and more stalling.

Brother Akre,
Do you have any idea when we will receive the files. We can not make payment until we them.
In Christ,



Thank you for your confidence and also be without fear, because we have just rented apparatuses with credit which will enable us to make you the forwarding of the documents say the photographs before the semi-day of Thursday, therefore to count on us and our confidence as we do it in your connection brother!

Be in the blessing of the Saint Spirit!

Pastor AKRE


Pastor Akre,
I am glad to hear you have secured the technology – as we have no wish to inconvenience you financially please add the cost of the apparatus hire to our final bill.
We will pay for this and for the work produced.
Thank you for your willing service my brother. I look forward to seeing the pictures.
I will tell our designer to await delivery of the files on Thursday.
In Christ.



I come by the present letter to mean you all the happiness which we have to undertake a sincere collaboration, frank, honest and profitable with you!

Also, did not fear, you will receive the photographs in time and we could continue this collaboration while investing on another field still which will seem to you positive to grow this collaboration.

Also would it be possible to physically meet you at the convenient period?

Could we have the kindness to be to invite by your structure over there in your country of origin?

In waiting of a favorable continuation, receive the peace of the saint spirit!

Pastor AKRE


I’m sure we can arrange to invite a delegation from your church to meet us for the launch of this calendar in which you are collaborators and partners.
We will continue to keep in touch after receiving the files as agreed.
Also, further to this project, do you have any issues that our church can be praying for for you at this time? We would like to add your church to our prayer list.
In Christ,


Pastor Akre,
I was disappointed not to receive the files you promised.
Please can you get them to me by Sunday or we will have to cancel our arrangement and look to other churches for support in this matter and ongoing partnership.


Pastor Akre,
Has something happened? I was expecting to receive these photographs last Thursday. Please let us know what is going on. If we don’t receive them in the next few days it’s going to make getting the calendar produced on time a very difficult task.
You and your church are in our prayers.
In Christ,


Pastor Akre,
Assuming you are able to produce the photos in time (by Wednesday this week) we would like to invite you, and representatives from your church, to join us in Sydney for the launch. I have attached the invitation as a JPG or as a PDF.
We will confirm the booking of flights as soon as we receive the files.
We are happy to organise your travel or to organise for payment to be made to your airline supplier of choice.
Please contact our accounts manager – Bob Bennett (bob.j.bennett@gmail.com) to confirm details for the transfers. I have CC’d Bob into this email so that you can send your reply to both of us.
I repeat – bookings will only be made once the images have been received, and payment has been made to you for the photos.


My Bruce Brother,

First of all thank you for the confidence placed in us because it is a thing rare to find in these times hard of the people like you!

Also concerning, the photographs, you will have them without problem, but what blocks is all simply that I had you to know that because of our defective and old apparatuses of I do not know how long! We had to make rent apparatuses elsewhere and causes it for which, you did not receive these photographs yet is very simple, it is that in made, the accountancy of on our premises while leaving to rent these apparatuses, do not have state to me that we were with court of finance and the data-processing structure at which, the apparatuses were rented with make sign a pledge with the accountant and in the presence of an usher!

Then on the pledge, having been registered that in 72 Hours, the structure having to enter in possession of which had sound, the accountant also me ace not informed because I was in displacement for a seminar here in Ivory Coast!

Thus behind me, this usher came to make a seizure of the apparatuses in hiring in our buildings, all that because of an initial amount of $ 765 Dollars for all the complete one of the apparatuses, causes for which you did not receive the photographs in time and we spent all the weekend making go and come between the police station, the office of the usher and our mission to regulate that, but currently our accountant who signed this document is under police custody for abuse of power, therefore, it is asked to us to pay the amount of the hiring plus $ 500 Dollars to release the accountant but at the same time to have access to the apparatuses to finish the forwarding of the photographs!

Then is it possible on your side to make us in the Saint Name of the Very Powerful Jesus Christ this advance so that we regulated this history here and to forward to you in the hours which follow all the photographs?

Also we would like to know, on the side of the invitation letter, it is possible to move me with how much people of the ministry for your country, say Sydney?

How the peace of the powerful whole is with you!

Also receive with your approval if it is possible to make us a transfer as of now, the additional details with a Western Union transaction as of this moment:

God bless you sir!

Pastor AKRE

This next one was just plain confusing.

Hello in the name of Christ brother!

I am with the fact Pastor AKRE, of the Ivory Coast, say West Africa!

We are of total coordination with the Bruce brother who gave us your contact, then having to address an email to you, with you and with the Bruce brother, we would like to know your opinion on this fact but will know that you will receive the photographs in desired times and it would be necessary that you can refer to our last note!

Also for all knowledge, tomorrow being Tuesday, we have forward to you a message a message in this day of Monday, therefore that you think about it!

Now we are entitled to how much people in our ministry for the ceremony of launching of the calendar! Make us the knowledge, because having explained you in our preceding message what we live ourselves, it would be necessary to be lenient and listened to the Powerful Whole so that we can make leave our accountant the police custody with the police force currently while listening to the assertion of the bailiff and this with which we obtained this material in hiring!

God protects you brother!

Pastor AKRE


Pastor Akre,
I have received your email.
Unfortunately our payment policy is clear. We must receive the goods before making the payment.
I pray that you will speedily find a solution to these issues because unless we receive the photographs by the end of the week. Feel free to add any costs to your final bill.
There will be close to 10,000 people at the Sunday service where we will launch this calendar. If you could put together a choir to perform some African songs of praise we could make some time in the program for you.
Please inform Bob Bennett of the number of people you would like to bring to Sydney. Once you have sent the photos we will transfer money to you so that you can purchase the flights.
In Christ,

Then I sent him an email from Bob Bennett, Accounts Manager.

Pastor Akre,
I believe my colleague Bruce has responded to you on this matter.
I feel I can add to the discussion.
We are unable to make any payment without receiving the photographs as promised. Our purchasing policy is clear – and we are unable to breach it in any matter – though we wish to see this problem resolved speedily.
We can, if you choose to do so, pay an increased amount on the final invoice. Please feel free to fold the costs of your legal problems into your final costs – which will be met the moment we receive the commissioned work.
We are happy to bring a choir of 20 members of your church to our launch of the calendar. We would see this as a valuable chance to continue partnering in this ministry. We would also like to make sure that any of your models – the people used in the calendar – are amongst those invited.
The final decision about how many people we bring rests on the photos submitted and their use. If you delay further we will be forced to use other people’s photographs in most of the slots we have allocated to your church. The number of people we are then prepared to bring to Australia will then have to shrink dramatically – and it may be that we only bring yourself and one or two others.
Please Brother Akre – this matter should be resolved urgently. Do all that is in your power to overcome this outrageous circumstance where the police are troubling a fellowship of believers.
We will pray for you, my brother, as the church prayed for the Apostle Peter when he was arrested in Acts 12.
In Christ,

Now I’m waiting for the photos.

Search for a Nigerian Supermodel

While I haven’t posted a scambaiting post for a while I’ve been busily trying to secure my bible verse photo with quiet determination.

I’d like to introduce Hanan, and her able assistant, Nurse Mary.

Calavary Greeting’s
Dearest In The Lord

May the peace of almighty God be with you and your family,dear one I am Mrs Hanan Solomon from Isreal but now  undergoing medical treatment in the cocody hospital in capital city here in abidjan. am married to late Dr Jackson Solomon , who worked with Isreal Embassy for Eleven years before he died in the year 2004,after a brief illness that lasted for only one month and two week’s.
We were married for Eighteen years without any child. After the death of my husband i vowed to use our wealth for the poor and the less privileged in our society. Recently, My Doctor told me that I may not last for the next three week’s due to cancer problem that disturb me most, and Haven known my condition i decided to Serve God with our wealth.
When my late husband was alive we kept the sum of ($2.800.000.00 Million)Two million eight hundred thousand dorllars with one Bank, now Having known my condition I decided to Give out this fund to an pastor or better still a God fearing person who will utilize this fund the way I am going to instruct herein. I want an individual that will use this  fund to provide help to the community’s need and christian poor and indigent persons, orphanages, widows like maround him and Schools etc.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact where the money was deposited also issue you the documents that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. Any delay in your reply will give me room in  sourcing for an individual for this same purpose, always be prayerful all through your life.   Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hope to receive your reply soon. Because i have come to find out that wealth Acquisition without Christ is Vanity upon vanity,Thank’s you and may the Almighty God bless you.
yurs sister in christ
Mrs Hanan Solomon.

Pretty standard fair really. But I’m particularly interested in wasting the time of scammers who use Christianity as a disguise.

So I replied…

Dear Hanan,
I hope you are feeling well today.
I will help you. Please tell me what I must do.

She wrote back… all formatting in these emails is hers/his…

Dearest Bruce Johnson,

May the peace be unto you in the name of our lord and Savior jesus christ. I am very happy to receive your mail this after noon concerning your interest over the work of God and orphanage. for this fund which i wan’t to entrusting in your hand for the propagation of the word of God too.

Really to meet you towards this divine entrustment was my often prayers for God to provide me someone who will not betray or disappoint me in this vow which i made to him also i haerd what you said i am asure you that you are not going to spend any money untill the money transfer to you.

I am muchly impressed over your informations and your commitments in advancing the kingdom of God and orphanange home. I have carefully read your mail and could understand it properly which i prayed and asked God to lead me to a person who will use this fund according to my late husband’s wish.but i wan’t to let you know that my condition will not pamite me to send the money the way you wan’t it now because i will like you to recomfirm your informations again.

The bible made us to know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and for those who are called according to his purpose. "His ways and thoughts are not the same as ours”, and he most assuredly works in mysterious ways.

I concluded by myself that my contact with you is God’s doing and is nothing short of His miraculous blessing. I want you to understand that this my contact with you is not by my power or might but of God after my fasten and praying to God for his direction.

Without visiting a prophet i am welconvinced that you will act accordingly.

My motivation of making this decision to donate this fund for the propagation of the word of God is because of the predicament which i found myself into and the hummiliations after many years of marriage without any issue which i decided to take all i have in this devilish world to honour God as i know that every soul shall give an account of his life at the last day in the pressence of God and after death judgment follows.

I only want you to give me every assurance that you will not disappoint me to fulfill this vow to the glory of God.

Base on your mail, i am well convinced that you were sent by God to fulfill this promise to his glory, so what i want you to do is to try your best to make sure that you assisted me which my health condition could not permit me to do anything by myself, regards to that i beg you to move out in faith to assist me so that you will use the fund to do the work of God as i concluded with my spirit.

Remember what is in the bible conjunction in the book of mathew chapt 18 vs 6,that shall be our physical convenant that will bind both of us in this transaction.

I want you to furnish me with your contact informations to enable me swear inn an affidavit on your name from the Federal Ministry of Justice to declare whole heartedly that i have made you the beneficiary to my inheritance.

So that even if i am no more you shall continue from there to request the transfer of the fund to you from the Bank without any confrontation from any body.

I will want you to re-comfirm your information to me so that it will enable me procure the documents that will back you up to this fund.

                  The informations are as follows,

1.Your full name……..  2.Your contact and country

address ……….

3.Your age………….   4.Your phone number………. 5.Occupation………………………..

Immediately i receive these informations the certificate of deposit issued to my late husband on the first day of deposit money with the affidavit shall be forwarded to you for you to contact the Bank to the existence of this fund and you as the new beneficiary appointed by me.

Bear in mind that you will not receive any communication from me incase if the  nurse sister who devoted her time to help me in typing this messages to you is in her off duty.

Please,remember to put me in your daily prayers for God’s healing.Thanks and God bless you.

my regards

Madam Hanan Solomon

I decided that Hillsong is the only Australian church with sufficient penetration globally and financially to be producing a calendar of the calibre I am producing…

I would be happy to help you. And thank you for the trust you have shown me.
I am in desperate need of some assistance myself.
I have been charged to put together a 2010 calendar for Hillsong United – http://youth.hillsong.com. My deadline is rapidly approaching and I badly need a few more photos.
The calendar is to feature photos of Christians from around the world holding signs with their favourite Bible verses. You can decorate the sign however you like. I currently need about 10 photos. So if you have friends who could help we would greatly appreciate that.
The photos need to be of printable quality – and Hanan, the best bit is that we will pay you for the ongoing commercial use of the photos. The calendar will be sold at our annual conference and through our church plants around the globe.
We will pay you $1000 per photo upon receiving suitable files, and cover any expenses you might have in securing them upon confirmation that the photos are of suitable quality for reproduction.
Can you help me? I’m not sure I will be able to devote my attention to assisting you until this matter is settled.
Here are the answers to your questions:
1. Bruce Mark Johnson
2. 4 Horseshoe Bay Road, Magnetic Island, Queensland, Australia
3. 42.
4. +61 407 174 734
5. Freelance Designer and Producer for Christian Ministries in Australia

This is where Hanan’s nurse, Sister Mary, took over proceedings…

Dearest  Bruce Johnson,  
May peace of our lord be with you and your family and thanks for your reply and informations inculding your expression towards how the money will be use i want to let you know that i am the nursing sister who has been taking care of Madam Hanan Solomon in ward 34 An Oesophageal cancer patient our hospital ci cote d’ivoire. As a matter of fact she will be undergoing a cardiac surgery any time from now and she is not in position of your request that is why i am sending you her present condition in hospital at the moment which i attach here in.I am writing to inform you that because of her illness she is unable to write. Further to the transaction with her Madam Hanan Solomon directed me to help you make sure that every process regarding this transaction is legitimate.
now you should make sure that you try and help see into this transaction as she said,follow my instructions accordingly as soon as you receive this fund. The reason why i am asking you this for the second time is because you can not cheat God and go free, for that reason I want you to search your heart and be open to your self so that you will not fall as a victim in the sight of God.
Do contact the Bank immediately and call them and tell them that you was directed from Mrs Hanan Solomon that you want to know what they need to transfer the money that the sick woman want to donate to the poor people and charitys also church. so that this transaction shall be conclude within a short time as her present health condition is not good according to my doctor but in her heart she believed she will be alive to witness the end of this transaction that is my prayer to God.and you will see the deposit slip that her late husband use when depositing the money in the Bankis also attach with this mail

01 BP 1479 PLATEAU
Tele-+225-674 96 682 fax-+225- 744 22-37

Dr Edward Konni. Gestionnaire
Mobil +225-674 96 682

Thanks and God bless your effort towards the transition and secondly i will like to see your picture to know you more. and if there is anything that i will do for you don’t hesitate to let me know.secondly madam said that you should try and send her your picture
my regards 
Yours Sister Mary the Nurse on behalf of Madam Hanan Solomon.

Right. She wants a picture. I can’t really help out… but since we’re talking “pictures” I’m going to start pushing a little harder…

Dear Sister Mary,
I am sorry to hear about Madam Hanan’s condition.
Are you able to help me on her behalf? In my last email I mentioned the trouble I am having with my work. I need some photos for a calendar we are producing that will be sold in churches around the world.
We are paying people $1000 a photo. Perhaps you would be interested in passing this opportunity on to your friends, I can assure you, in Christ, that this is a genuine offer and a matter of some urgency.

With two emails, just so they can tell how much I need this…

Dear Sister Mary,
I am desperately seeking these photographs – if the price offered is a problem could you please let me know as there is some room to negotiate.
So that you know I am trustworthy please visit my Business Week profile from my previous career (before I felt called into ministry).

Ahh, a bite…

Dearest  Bruce Johnson,

Thanks for your mail and also i heard what you said.as well i have meet some of my follow staff here in our hospital and told them about this at least many of them are intrested for that but question is how will you want it down you want them to send you there pictures and how do you want to pay them and accounding to them they said befor releasing of their pictures that you have to send them some part of the money.that you should try to understand what they saying.so i have try to get at least ten girls who agreed so is left for you to tell the us the way it will work out.thanks and waiting to hear from you



No doubt they just want to take my deposit and do a runner. I know how these things work…

I decided at this point to switch denominations – just to see if they’d notice. Bruce is now Catholic…

Unfortunately I will need to run payment details through my accounts department. That shouldn’t be a big problem – but we’ll need to work pretty quickly.
How would you, and the ten girls, prefer to receive this deposit? Western Union is a fast money transfer system – do they have that in your country?
Please let me know.
Also, could you send me a sample photo for me to run by our printing department to make sure that the quality will be adequate. Just a generic photo with a Bible verse like "John 3:16" on it will be suitable.
Thank you so much for getting this group together. This is very exciting and will make my life at work so much easier.
In Christ,
Bruce Johnson
Catholic Church Diocese of Brisbane

She replied by sending me a bunch of random photos, sans signs. That will not do. Then she asked me for money…

Dear Bruce Johnson

Thanks for your mail hope all is well with you? infact i heard all you said but you have seen my picture any other picture’s is line that and also i told the girls as you request they said no that they will not release they photo untill they see the part payment that as soon as you send the money all of them will bring there picture and i will send it for you immediately secondly if you want to send the money just send it through wester union transfer through our department secertary

Ezzy Amaeshi

Rul 15  Bp Triechille

Abidjan Cote D’ Ivoire

and i want to know if you needed the picture on tradition way or english weare so just let me know but as soon as i hear from you with the deposit belive me all the pictures will send down to you immediately ok.also i will like you to show me the type you want just for to know in other to get you what you want thanks and waiting to hear from you

my regards


I replied.

Dear Mary,
Thanks. Was the picture you sent taken with the camera you are planning to use for the other photos? I’m afraid the quality was not good enough. You may need to find a slightly better camera or play with the settings.
Please do this and resend me an image in the highest available quality with a sign – I will then provide you feedback on your production. I need to make sure the photos are going to be suitable if we are going to move forward.
What I can do is provide an MTCN for a Western Union transfer in a different name and I will change it to the name indicated when I see the quality of your work.
I need to meet certain requirements for the sake of my church office and accounts department. I will send the MTCN through shortly.
I would prefer the signs to be written in both (your traditional language and then an english translation underneath).
Could you send me a sample so that we can be sure we’re on the same page.
In Christ,

Fortunately another scammed had sent me a valid MTCN, and I was to pay him to change the name. I used this to my advantage…

MTCN Number: 0507414918
Transfer (fake) Name: Lina Dee

I will change the name when I receive the first sample photo and your nurses can claim my deposit.
In Christ,

She wasn’t happy.

Dear Bruce Johnson

Thanks for your mail but i dont understand how you see me is like you dont live what i was telling ok this is the of the girls picture but she did not know that i sent it to you and the you are talking the girls are geting to see you as you are not sincer with your self by sending mtc number with fake name.any way if make them to change their mind then is for you but now just have a look at this one and you can sent me the type that you need with the full information the money that your sending if not please forget about all also with your personal phone contact so here is the attach of the now.thanks and waiting to hear from you as well and God bless you

my regards


It’s clear I need to placate her…

Mary, Mary, Mary,
You’re quite the contrary one. I had to send the MTCN with the fake name to demonstrate that the money had been made available subject to you meeting my terms.
The photo you have sent me is still of a lower than acceptable quality. You need to make sure the camera is set to the best possible settings.
I will go to Western Union and change the details. The Western Union in Brisbane is a little bit slow when it comes to sending money to African nations because of all the scams that trick people.
I will email you a copy of the receipt. It will take three days for the transfer to take place. I need these photos in two. Can you trust me in the name of Jesus Christ who in Matthew 5 said let your yes be yes and your no be no?

I sent a follow up…

Dear Mary,
I spent many hours this afternoon trying to explain this arrangement to my superiors and talking to the clerk at Western Union’s Brisbane branch.
I have come up with this solution.
I have made a payment via a transfer from the Catholic Church marketing department’s bank account – this transfer will not clear for three days. The accounts department is very clear about this. They have asked the Western Union agency not to make the MTCN live for three days. It will not work online.
I have attached the receipt from Western Union. And a sample photo from my new friend Paul in Senegal. This is a sample only. English wasn’t his first language but he wrote his sign with charcoal and in English. The letters need to be legible.
I have also attached my drivers licence so that you can verify the details in the Western Union receipt.
Now, the reason for the three day delay is because my superior insists on receiving the photos before releasing these funds. When we have all ten photos we will pay the balance of $9,000. We need the photos within two days and this deposit will be released to you, followed by the next amount.
I’m sorry Mary, I know your nurses were keen to receive a down payment – but my bosses would not allow that and in this matter I must act honourably and obey them.
Please, call me on my phone for more details if needed – but I trust that you will be able to send me those photos and we can bring this matter to a conclusion.
I am not great with computers so please excuse me if the details on that photo or receipt are too difficult to read.

With these photos attached (including a photoshop rendition of an appropriate “sign”).

She sent me this email, along with another 5 random pictures of African women.

Dear Bruce Johnson

thanks for your mail that i just receive and i do understand you well but listing Johnson

am send all this pictures to you is just to let you know that i Mary can meet up to you need but let me tell you one thing all the owner of this pictures dont want to release it but they did it just because of me and secondly i can not ask them to took picture with board in their hand so this is the one that they brought to me so if want send they money to them as you promise that you will send they money as soon as they release their pictures to you.and you know am not the one that took them the pictures as your trying to prove your self as man of God and who work for God am now waiting to hear from you.but dont let me down in frount of this laddys please try and do as you said so here is the pictures attach herein thanks and God bless you am waiting for reply soosnest.

my regards


I told her these were not good enough, and got this reply.

Bruce Johnson

please stop disturbing me i am not mother ladys or girls and i dont have any contract regarding to this i am a nurse not photo finder  so keep off writing me or you send this girls money to took the type of photo that you needed please no money no pictures bye for now and with out this stop sending an email to me any more


Rejection. I had to reply.

I’m sorry. There has been some sort of mistake here. I was offering
you the chance to earn some money for performing a valuable service
for the church. I’m sorry if I have caused offence. I can’t send you
money for the other photos. We can’t use them.

And I tried again, with a photoshop mock up of the calendar…

Dear Mary,
Is there an alternative group of people you might know – perhaps your family – who would consider providing the photos I require?
We really do need to secure some photos shortly.
I have been told that I can not give you an advance fee – but in order to secure your cooperation I can offer you $3,000 per photo.
We are holding some slots for you because we’d like  to reward you for your efforts.
I have attached a design sample so that you know we are most serious about this proposition.
In Christ,

She didn’t like that at all…

plz go to hell with ur money and stop disturbing me i will send your contact to FBI in your country ok

Ouch. The FBI.

I don’t understand. Why won’t you help me?
What will you say to the FBI? That I was trying to give you a job? That’s not a crime in my country. Women are allowed to work.
If you would reconsider I have two days to secure these photos.

Ethical Dilemma

I have an ethical dilemma. It turns out scambaiters harvest their emails from message boards that are visited by a scout who writes “m u g u ”  “g u y m e n” without the spaces somewhere to mark them for picking.

I found one such message board, I left my email address – and I couldn’t help noticing that there were a whole lot of would be scammers out there leaving their email addresses…

So it occured to me I could have quite a bit of fun scamming the scambaiters…

Oh yeah, and if you’re looking to receive bucket loads of scam emails find a message board like that. It works. I’m currently qualifying about 15 potential scammers.

The Doctor

I must find out what sort of doctor Dr Paul is. Especially since now I’M GOING TO VISIT HIM IN GHANA. Yes. That’s right people. That’s worthy of a "shout" I think…

Actually, I should spell out – I am not stupid. There is no way known to man that I will be visiting Ghana any time soon. Dr Paul thinks differently. Because I made him… Evidently the wild goose chase I’m sending him on – back and forth to the Western Union office – is taking its toll.

Thank you very much for your mail. my friend am go to western union now if i came back i will get back to you. my friend if i have any problem i will let you no because since last night am so worry about this problem. my friend i want to go now and meet the man in western union if i come back i will let you no. Am looking forward to hear from you soon.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul

Western Union didn’t come through with the goods – so he called me again – and then sent me this email…


Thank you very much for your mail . my friend am not happy for all this that going on now. my friend since that time i call you on phone i want to western union to meet the man after the check again the told me that the money is not there.

please my friend this type i never see it before that some one  send me money i did not see. my friend am please you in the name of God come back to that  western union you send this money collect this money back and send it to any order western union again and send me the information please because this one you send i have try all i can do to see that i pick this money but no way please.

my friend this can of ward i never see it before since i have being in this office. my friend please try do very thing today so by tomorrow diplomat can come and deliver this fund to you.  my friend as am sending this mail to you am so worry about this problem that come out now. since morning here the custom there calling me to burn the money i told them will have big now by collect the money.

once again my friend because of the way i love you makes me being run round since last night for you to collect you fund. my friend as i told you try do it this way it help you and me so all this problem will do fast. i want very thing been round up this week so you can feel happy. Am loking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr paul

Something is wrong. All the details I sent him were correct…It’s time for me to sort this out, in person.

Dr Paul,
I have been to see Western Union – they say the money has definitely been sent. And their records show it has been collected in Ghana.
Now you are claiming that you did not receive the money and asking me to send it again. I am concerned. The lady at Western Union said I should be careful because she has seen people tricked out of money by people from Ghana before.
I told her that you are my good friend. And that I trust you to be truthful to me because you are a Christian brother.
Dr Paul, I hope this is true. I will not be sending money again by Western Union. If you have not received the money that I have sent then I think I must arrange a trip to Ghana to sort this out.
I will book flights in the next few days. Will you be able to meet me at the airport and arrange accommodation for me – I must stay in a hotel with at least a 4 star rating and a reliable internet connection.
Please can you book this for me. I will send you through my flight details shortly. I will come to your country for 5 days. That should be enough to sort out this matter. I will also bring a significant sum of money to ensure any problems with this situation can be ironed out.
Please let me know as soon as possible if the money has turned up – if I don’t hear from you in the next 12 hours I will book these flights.

Apparently it’s all Western Union’s fault and I should now use MoneyGram instead. Dr Paul is calling me every 20 minutes today – and I’ve ignored most of his calls.


Thank you very much for our phone discuss. my friend am not happy for all this problem but my God grace all this problem will done very well my friend. about to come to Ghana am not advice you for that because it will collect you much money so what you will now go to money gram and send it money please. my friend try to do it now please. my friend what makes me  i told you not to  come ghana i done want you to have problem i will use my hand here do very thing for you . This is the information you will use to send it on money gram now onbelow



Am looking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr paul

What? He doesn’t want me to come… I thought kidnapping and extortion would be more lucrative… I best give him a carrot…

My dear Dr Paul,
I am a wealthy man. Paying to visit your part of the world, my friend, would not concern me. I have not been there. Perhaps there are business opportunities I can explore.
I am concerned. I am wealthy because I do not take being ripped off kindly. I will no doubt be able to sue Western Union for lots of money – including my travel costs – if I get to Ghana and find they have stolen my money.
My friend, I think that I will come to Ghana rather than pay more money to Money Gram. I will book my flights and let you know the details.
The only thing that will stop my arrival is if you receive the Western Union money in the next few hours. Perhaps there has been some delay in the transfer clearing from Australia.
Please let me know if my travel is unnecessary for this reason. I will not invest a second sum of money until I know what has happened to the first.
Kind regards brother,

Now I need to give him $500 to smooth the way for my trip…


Thank you very much for your mail once again. my friend as you told me that you will come to ghana no problem is good. As i told you on phone about this $500 please go now and send it so my morning time here i will go and collect the money and get this document for you. This is the information you will use it to send it through western union money transfer onbelow;



Am looking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend
Dr paul

That sounds odd. What is this $500 for?

Dr Paul,
What exactly is this money for?
I will not trust Western Union with my money again until I have been to Ghana to sort out this problem.
In fact, I don’t feel comfortable wiring money via any service until I get to the bottom of things.
I will bring the $500 with me, and further funds to cover emergencies.

He replied…


Thank you very once again. my friend i no you are not happy what western union do before. but i want to assure you that you will not going to have any problem again. please try send this money so i will go and burn this document and send to you before you come to ghana.

my friend this documnet i want to use this money it is very important . so my friend if you can not send it to western union please go to money gram and send this money fast because this $500 is very important so i will get this document and send to you because this document you will show them in airport because you come in. Am loking forward to hear from you today

Yours Friend

Dr paul

He needs to burn some documents? How droll. Now, I want my photo. The promise of significant funds might be enough…

Dr Paul,
I can not answer more phone calls today. My colleagues are already suspicious. My friend, I do not want people to know about this deal they will want money from me.
Dr Paul – it worries me that this money has disappeared – perhaps you should try Western Union again just in case – I have spoken again to the local lady, I don’t think she has any idea what she is doing.
My Friend, please, can you go to Western Union and explain the situation and ask what could possibly have happened to my money.
I will not send more to your country without delivering it in person. The lady at Western Union, she said that it’s probably a scam. That you have taken my money and want me to send it again so that you can take more.
I don’t believe her – but you remember we had some problems earlier where I believed you to be a criminal. Dr Paul, I think, before I invest more money in a trip overseas, or send you more money by wire, I think you need to at last, take a step to demonstrate good faith.
I need you to send me a photo to reassure me that you are who you say you are. I need this Dr Paul, or the deal is off. I have already spent $850 for nothing. When you are as rich as me that is not a lot of money in the big picture, but you don’t get rich like me without being careful with your money. And I am a prudent and careful man.
You must do this. Send me a photo holding a sign like I asked to begin with, or the deal is off. As a Christian brother I ask that you hold a sign with your favourite verse from the Bible.
Please Dr Paul. I can not tell you how important this photo is to securing this deal and my travel to Ghana.

Dr Paul – Resurrected

Yesterday’s Dr Paul post got me feeling a little bit nostalgic. I miss our late night phone calls. I decided to see if I could redeem our relationship – and pursue the conclusion of our transaction. I ate humble pie. I apologised.

Dr Paul,
I wonder if you have had a chance to reconsider this arrangement.
I would like you to consider continuing with this transaction under the terms dictated previously.
As a sign of good faith I will be transferring a portion of the payment to Emmanuel via Western Union when I receive your reply.

And he took the bait.


Thank you very much for your mail. how are you today my friend. my friend before you make my main to feel bad but now i no that you main have come down. so my friend since that time you fund is in airport waiting for you but because of the way you make my main fee bad make me that i did not contact you again. my friend that last time i try all i can do to see that i help you but you do want to understand me. but if you have come down just go and send it money today and get back to me fast so diplomat will live first tomorrow morning.

My friend as am sending you this mail all arrangement have make to deliver this fund to you this very week.  but friend just belive me that i will help you got you fund this week if you follow my word, but am happy now you main have come down because i did not like if am telling somebody truth it will hear me. so my friend please as you getting this mail now go and send this money fast. Am looking forward to hear a good new from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

Now, I’ve been doing a little bit of reading up on the whole scambaiting thing – Gilbert from scambuster419.co.uk – is the master. He has devised a number of ways to pay the scammers, without forking out any actual money. I decided to take this game to a new level… enter, the Western Union receipt.

Dear Dr Paul.
I went to the local Western Union agent to do the transfer – attached is a poorly scanned copy of the receipt. The post office I visited to conduct this transfer had very old equipment.
I will send you a better quality version when I can.
Good day sir.

Right. That’s official looking. I’ve paid my dues. It’s time for Dr Paul to come through with the goods.

Sadly, Western Union have an online facility for verifying the details of these things…


My friend i have big problem now in western union the paper you send to me for the payment ,the MTCN number is not ok. my friend please go back to western union now fast and go am collect the information again because this one you send to me the MTCN number have mistake.

my friend please try do it fast now am in western union waiting for you. so by tomorrow diplomat will start coming to deliver you fund to you. my friend as i want to western to pick up this money the western union the find this mistake. please as i told you go now and collect the correct information please. my friend please try do very thing fast now so i will run down to airport and give them this money.Am looking forward to hear from you now.

Yours Friend

Dr paul

His request came outside of office hours – how could I possibly acquiesce – besides, the details are right. I’m sure of it…

Dr Paul, 

I am sure the details are correct – I also had to give the clerk a security question – they said these are mandatory for transactions to your country.

The question – was "what’s your favourite bible verse" – the answer is Exodus 20:15.

I got into Western Union’s local agency prior to their closing for the day – that receipt is exactly what they provided me.

You may need to work this out with the clerk on your side.

This is when the phone calls started. I’m not ready to talk to him again just yet. I suspect he stole my money.


Thank you very much for your mail once again my good friend. my friend am not lair to you am telling you the truth please. my good friend i can collect this money and told you that i did not collect. my friend the code i try it by my hand in western union web site the code is not OK. my friend am please you to go back to that western union you send this money and please them to check it for you again so the will give you correct code please.

my friend since that time am standing in western union in fact not happy will them the time the check it and tell me the code is not correct. my friend let you main come down, try go now to western union send this and tell them to give you the correct code please. my friend since morning here am run round in airport to see that diplomat will move today. my friend i can lair to you am child of God. please take it easy very thing will being ok.

my friend please take my word i will not lair to you because i take you as my good friend. my friend how can i lair to my good friend i want to help.  my friend do it fast so i will take the payment to airport now.Am looking forward today

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

Indeed. Computers. Who can trust them. The Western Union system must be down… I have a few ideas of what might be causing the hold up (other than that I didn’t actually send any money of course…).

Perhaps the payment won’t clear for a day or two – I did pay by cheque. You might need to try again tomorrow or the next day. I will confirm that the details are correct – what number did you try?

They also said you’d have to go in person – not on the website – because you are in Ghana. There are special rules dictating transfers from Australia to some African nations.

That must surely be it…


Thank you once again my friend. my good friend since am in this office i never see this before.  my friend please have you contact  the western union where you send this money since this problem come out?

please my friend if you did not contact them please try contact them so very thing will be clear fast. my friend by now diplomat have to live Ghana today but because of this problem is in airport waiting for me to come back and do the payment before he live Ghana will this fund. my friend this is transfer control number:8561629001  i see in that paper you send to me. my friend i will never lair to you in my life.

my friend am Man of 56year , i have three sons so  for me to lair to you can not help me. so my friend take my word very thing will be nice. my friend since today am never have Rest because of you try help me as am helping you here. Am looking forward to hear from you today.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

Hmm. He’s never seen this before. Well, it must be a Western Union problem. The scent of payment got him pretty excited. I missed 6 calls from him last night. So this morning I sent him these two emails.

Dr Paul, 

Has the money arrived? I trust that this has all been sorted overnight and we can now proceed with the transaction.

Let me know what must be done in order for the diplomat’s trip to be a success.

Dr Paul,

That number is definitely correct. I have spoken to the lady at Western Union here – she said there are some computer issues that have prevented the transaction being registered with the Internet service – and said you need to go into the Western Union branch nearest to you to claim the funds.
The funds have definitely been transferred and cleared.

Gripping conclusion: Dr Paul and Miss Anna Mensah

Short of things to write about (well other than the queue of things that will fill the RSS feed and Curiosities column in coming days) – I thought I’d give you the conclusion of the Dr Paul saga – from the email point of view – you’ve heard the final phone call already…

After that phone call he sent me one last email, or so he thought…


Thank you very much for our phone discuss today. my friend am try to let you no my explantion but you are go head talking too much.. but my friend all this you are doing will not help you our. my friend just do what i told you very thing will being ok. but if you done want to do that will can stop this deliver.


Dr Paul”

He’s still so polite, and after I’d been so rude. But I could tell he wasn’t going to send me a photo – so it was time to play hardball… This response is perhaps “truth with love” – tough love…

It’s too late Dr Paul. You are a criminal. You are trying to catch me in a Western Union Advance Fee Fraud. I am not stupid. Your unwillingness to provide a simple request proves that you are not to be trusted. 

I have told you the conditions under which I will continue the transaction. The ball is in your court.

If you’re not willing to do this then you are a scammer. A criminal. A thief.

You know what my favourite bible verse really is. Exodus 20:15. Though shall not steal.

You are not a very good scammer. Is this your first time? Has anybody ever given you money before? You are low. You are lower than a snake. I can’t believe anyone would be convinced by you – you can’t even get your name straight.

I will be putting your name all over the internet and approaching Yahoo to close your account – I hope I have wasted much of your time and prevent you stealing money from other victims.

A good scammer would have provided the small piece of evidence requested by their target.

You know what you really need. Jesus. Read the Bible. Leave your life of stealing money from innocent people and get a real job. Stop your deceit. Stop your stealing. Repent. You know what waits for unrepentant sinners – the eternal fires of hell.

Jesus loves you – he died for you. Even though you’re a thief and a liar who has no doubt stolen money from many innocent people with your little act.

Probably not the best piece of relational evangelism ever – and that’s when he rang me to call me stupid (the final phone call)…

Perhaps strangest of all was some sort of tag team strategy that Dr Paul began at that time. The “incompetent boss strategy”…

Welcome Ms Anna Mensah, Dr Paul’s much maligned secretary:

“Dear.Mr.Nathan Campbell

It is my pressure to contact you base on the information I got on your fund in Bank Of Ghana. I am Ms. Anna Mensah a personal secretary to Dr. PAUL ACQUAH Governor of the Bank of Ghana. I saw your file on my boss desk, is among three beneficiaries their fund have been

approved as part payment of US$15.7 million in this second quarter of this fiscal year 2009.

However, in your file you have 1% of the total amount of your money, a bill of KNOW YOUR CUSTOMER (KYC) to pay before your fund will be credited into your nominated account. I know too well that for the sake of what you have passed through in the hands of impostors and some corrupt bank officials in the course of getting your long overdue payment, you will not

like to pay any other money upfront.

To this effect Sir, I will like to introduce to you a financier who is very close to Bank of Ghana that will see the release of your fund and pay all the outstanding bill that have been with-holding the release of your fund and he will take 20% of the total money.

Sir, this information is between you and I, if you accept this offer your long overdue fund will hit your nominated account in less than a week pending on how fast you and financier are working out things. I will be waiting to hear your urgent response.

Yours sincerely
Ms. Anna Mensa”

Well, at this stage Nathaniel McIntosh Campbell was on his Christian high horse, and had had enough of this Dr Paul character who wouldn’t provide the photo he was asked for…

“Hi Miss Anna Mensah, 

You need to go back to secretarial school – you can’t even spell your own name.

Unfortunately your boss is a liar and a criminal. I hope he pays you – he won’t pay me, and he certainly won’t provide me with the proof that I have asked for the legitimacy of this deal.

I have no reason to believe that this is not a bunch of lies that you two are spinning in order to steal my 1% payment of the money I won’t ever receive. You ask me to trust you with a payment but you won’t trust me with a photo.

Unrepentant liars go to hell Ms Mensa(h). Remember that. I hope you don’t often steal money from innocent people. “

Yeah. Cop that. After the final phone call I wrote to Anna again, with a bit more carrot, and a bit less stick…

Dear Ms Anna,
I would like to make a formal complaint about the conduct of your superior – Dr Paul Acquah – he has been quite rude to me, he has hurt my feelings, and his customer service was extremely poor. Could you direct me to another employee who can take on my case and pass my feedback on to his boss?
I really think international clients should be treated with more respect. He was abrasive, he did not listen to me and he refused to comply with my requests.
I trust you will act discretely on this matter.
Nathaniel McIntosh Campbell

Perhaps Ms Anna will be the one to come through for me…

I acknowledge the receipt of your mail. I have noted your words and believe that you will stand on it. how are you my good friend. my friend all you have to do now that you have send me all this infromation so will can start this transfer. my friend i done like the way you talk to me on frist email you sent to me before, but because of love i have on you i will help you.This is the information onbelow you have to send it down fast.
I am waiting for your responde.
Yours Sincerely
Ms Anna Mensah

Now, I’m not stupid. Some people are worried that these guys are dangerous – and with good reason. I’m unlikely to give them my address or any copies of my ID unless I can be certain that they’re legit. Like the guy in Flight of the Conchords… Sadly, Miss Anna’s love is unrequited.

Dear Miss Mensah, 

I will not be providing any of these details until I am sure you are not criminals. You must do several things for me before I provide those details:

1. Advise what action will be taken against Dr Paul.

2. Provide me a piece of identification – and a separate photograph to collaborate your identity – this photo must be produced to prove to me that you are not either Dr Paul in disguise or a criminal scammer. I would like you to send me a photo of you holding a sign that says "Exodus 20:15".

3. Provide me a written apology from Dr Paul for delaying this transaction through incompetence and being unwilling to meet the set parameters.

Once you have done these things I will send you my address.

Dr Paul has my mobile number – as you have my file on my desk this shouldn’t be a problem.

I live in Cairns, Queensland, Australia.

I will not send you my identification until I can be sure you are who you say you are. You are requesting me to send you money – the onus is on you to prove your identity not on me to prove mine.

Once you have established that trust we can do business.

I told them I’m in Cairns. They need the boost in international tourism that will come from a squad of angry African scammers…

I haven’t heard back from either of them since.

I do have a couple of other scammers on the go – I’ve had to start up a second email account though just to be on the safe side.

Phone phonies

Hopefully there’ll be an MP3 player there I had to embed this as a YouTube video – if there’s not, here’s a link to download the phone call that ended my relationship with Dr Paul.

He called me twice more last night, the calls were equally funny and will be posted here soon.

The Dr Paul saga

This is a very long post about Dr Paul, my new friend from Ghana. It’s over 3,000 words long.

Feel free to skip it. You have been warned.

Dr Paul is my new friend from Ghana. We have spoken on the phone a number of times. He has a thick African accent and he talks very fast. He tries to reassure me that I have nothing to worry about. Because he will look after everything and make sure I get my money.

Being the less than gullible person that I am I have had to demand some evidence to back up his claims. He has been less than forthcoming.

It might be time for me to try to turn the tables a little. Here are some email highlights…



From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the Government of Ghana your name and company was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding contractors who have not received their payments. I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter.

Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is US$15.7 million dollars (Fifteen Million Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollar Please re-confirm to me if this is inline with what you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings:

1) Your full name.

2) Phone, Fax and Mobile #.

3) Company name, Position and Address.

4) Profession, age and marital status.

5) Any kind of identification

I don’t recall doing any work for the Government of Ghana. This is curious. I also changed my name slightly – you never know what sort of nastiness these people might be capable.

Hi Paul,

Thanks for contacting me. I am confused – are you suggesting that I owe you $15.7 million? That can not be correct.


Nathaniel McIntosh Campbell

He didn’t respond to clarify the situation so I let him know I was no dummy… I may have embelished some details further to continue to further obfuscate my identity.

Dr Paul,

I have reread the wording of your original email. I now understand that you will be paying me $15.7 million.

I am very excited.

Can you advise what steps need to be undertaken for me to claim this money.

The answers, as best I can, to your questions, are as follows:

1) Nathan McIntosh Campbell

2) I don’t have a fax or landline – my mobile number is (my actual number).

3) Company Name: McIntosh Communications, position Director

4) Communications Professional, 42, Married.

5) Unfortunately my wallet was stolen in a home invasion three days ago – I will forward my identification to you when I receive new cards.

Obviously I sound impressive, because Dr Paul wished to continue with this transaction in order to deliver me my money. He seemed nice. He has not, at this point, demanded a share of the money owed to me…

Att: Nathan McIntosh Campbell

Thanks for the mail. We have noted the contents of your mail and we want to inform you that all arrangements have been concluded to deliver the fund to you.

Do note that it is absolutely necessary for you to send to me the nearest airport to your destination any your form of identification to enable the diplomat knows the person he is delivering to. Also the reason we need your nearest airport is to enable the us get freight clearance from Kotoka International Airport Ghana as well as for the Ghana Customs Excise and Preventive Services on your behalf.

This is very important.

Furthermore, you have to note that as soon as the diplomat arrives the nearest airport to your destination, he will call you and then advice you on the exact time he will be coming to your address for the delivery.

Finally, I will advice you to keep this process secret and confidential till the delivery has been made to you to avoid you loosing your funds. I will furnish you with the opening code number of the box because the diplomat will not have access to it except you.

Further information shall be given to you as soon as I hear from you.

Cordially yours,

Dr. Paul Acquah

Governor Bank Of Ghana Accra


That is his phone number. Feel free to call. I haven’t yet – he’s called me a few times. We’ve spoken for about 20 minutes in total. If he calls me again I’ll try to record the conversation. I am obviously very keen to receive this outstanding money – but I am cautious.

Dr Paul,

Thank you for your email. You understand I must approach deals like this with caution.

In my line of work I can not be embroiled in scandalous business dealings. I will need proof of your identity, and it must be demonstrably current.

Are you able to supply a photo of yourself taken today to demonstrate your bonafides? I would suggest holding a piece of paper with a phrase chosen by myself would be an appropriate measure. Could you please produce same – with my favourite Bible verse – John 3:16 – written on a piece of paper – not the verse, just the words “John 3:16” will do.

I will then supply you with the information required to complete the transaction.



I am hopeful that Dr Paul will be the first person to supply me with this photo as requested. He responded with a passport – note it’s not the same one as the version included at the top of this post… but we’ll get to the reason for that shortly…

My dear you have to understand me that i dont want to make you not to get you fund. so my good friend please as you ask me my id you can see it attach to show you that am not telling you liar.Am looking forward to hearing form you soon. Cordially yours,

Dr. Paul Acquah

This was simply not good enough for a cautious guy like me… Particularly because the name on the passport is different to Dr Paul’s name. Something doesn’t seem right…

I chose not to notice the discrepency at this stage – because this was when I got my first long phone call.

Dr Paul,

Thank you for your phone call. Though it was very late at night in my country (and I was asleep) – it put my mind at ease somewhat.

My problem is this, my great uncle was once caught up in an international transaction where things were not as they seemed. Our family has learned from this incident.

I believe you to be true to your word – but I must insist that you provide me with an undoctored photo holding a piece of paper with the words I requested (John 3:16) written on them.

If you are who you say you are I can’t see why this would be a problem. Anybody can scan and send a passport photo or doctor it to make it look legitimate. Very few people could fake the photo I’ve asked you to produce in such short notice.

I am ready, and willing, to proceed with our deal once I get the photo.

Dr Paul obviously decided that this was the time for him to strike – and he asked me for $850 via Western Union.

Thanks for the mail and the information that you supplied.

Please note that I have been able to secure the Ghana Customs Excise and Preventive Services Clearance for your consignment examination and confirmation for freight to you from the Kotoka International Airport Ghana.

They said that you are required to pay the sum of $850 only being cost of freight of the consignment before the diplomat can come over to Australia for the delivery. all you have to do to try you best do send this money because diplomat is waiting for you before he will come to you door.

This money can be sent through western union money transfer or money gram to: NAME;Mr. Emmanuel Onyekwere

ADDRESS;Accra Ghana

As soon as you send the money do send the Western Union details to me via email so that we can take the payment information to the Airport to enable them collect the money. my good friend one thing i want to assure you that i will not let you down. Remember that the diplomat will travel from Ghana to Australia to deliver the fund to you the moment this payment is received.

I will be waiting to hear from you today. i wish you nice day.

Cordially yours,

Dr. Paul Acquah

We spoke on the phone and I asked if it was possible for this $850 to be taken out of the amount he apparently owes me. For some reason it was not. I started to get a little agitated.

Hi Dr Paul,

I’m thrilled that you’ve got the documentation. I really am. But do you think I’m stupid?

You’re treating me like an idiot. I have asked for one piece of proof – and you have refused to provide it.

I can’t understand why you’re finding it so difficult to provide a photo. I will not be transferring the money without it – but once I have it I will make the transfer.

Has the diplomat booked his flights yet? Do we have a deadline?

I expect your photo to arrive as soon as is practical. If you wish to call me to discuss please do so at a time appropriate for fitting in with my schedule – and not at an unearthly hour in the morning.



He tried to calm me down…


Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my good friend i want to assure that the photo i send to you is my photo which my inter nation passport. mygood friend i don’t no how i can explain my self to you again. all i want to assure that i will never let you down by deliver this fund to you, because i see you that you are good person that makes me being try my best all this days to see that i get all document for you.

my good friend don’t worry just go and do the payment before end of this week you fund will touch you hand. my good friend this money that coming will help you so much include you family, just be liver me that i will do it for you. Am looking forward to hearing form you soon.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul

But I was not having any of that…

Dr Paul,

Thank you for calling again last night. I assume the call I missed an hour later was also from you – I’m sorry, I was asleep and didn’t hear my phone.

Please understand that while my tone on the phone can be harsh – I require an element of trust before entering into any business arrangement.

I do understand the urgency involved in this transaction and your need for a firm commitment.

I believe that the passport is your passport – all I require is a secondary piece of confirmation featuring your photo, but one that could not possible be faked.

This is why I have asked you to produce a photo holding my favourite bible verse. If you can not do this then I can not trust you.

It is that simple.

Don’t bother calling me again if you can’t meet my conditions.

I would have thought this task rather simple when considered in the context of a multimillion dollar transaction.

Rest assured, I will look after my end of the deal once the transaction gets underway.

But I must have this photo immediately.

You will then receive your $850 transfer.

I look forward to your response.

He sought to clarify exactly why he needs this money…


Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far.how are you today. my good friend i have explain to you my self time to time but you did not understand me, my dear you are not give me this money to eat but i want to use to help you for your fund. once again am not eat you money. you $850 is not in my side but one thing i want to assure you that if you want to collect you fund you do what i told you to do, but if you go head send me saying many things it will not helping you to collect this fund. my good friend is not only you the person that will have send there fund since this week. but because of love i have on you makes me live all am doing in my office help you..

my dear all this thing you are saying it will not help. my dear am not use you money to do any thing if you like send the money if you did not like don’t not send that is only business because i have explain my self to you but you do want to understand me. as am talking to you now very arrangement have do to deliver this fund to you but you have make very thing to be prolong. so my dear try to understand that am help you am not come to scam you money or eat you money but if you go head say many thing it will not help you.

Am looking forward to hearing form you soon.

yours Friend

Dr Paul

This is getting nowhere. Where is my photo… and who eats money anyway?

Dr Paul,

Until you provide me the proof I have asked for I will not believe you. These are just words you are using to persuade me.

I don’t think I ever suggested you would “eat” the money. I will not send you the money until you send me a second photo, with the sign I have requested.

You are either not understanding what I am saying – or not listening.

Produce a photo or I will not believe that you are who you say you are.

We had a pretty heated phone call after this – where I demanded the proof. I told him to put up or shut up. And I played my trump card. He claimed to be Dr Paul Acquah – and yet he sent me a passport for an Emmanuel Onyekwere as his proof – and asked me to send money to the same name.

I smelt a rat. After the phone call he sent me this email:


Thank you very once again. my dear you are not understand me too. my dear i live all am doing in my office try my best to help you but you do want to understand me. my dear i have proof my self to you but you do want to understand me. my dear don’t no what i will do for you again.. if you like i can send me the photo of you fund you can see you by you self. my dear you are make very thing to be prolong just do what i told you to do and live all this you are saying because it will not help you out by get this fund. i have explain my self to you but you do want to understand me. my dear if you did not want this fund just tell me because i have many people like you i live all their fund and look only your but you don’t want to understand me.my friend try follow my word you will not going to have any problem.Am looking forward to hearing form you soon.

Yours Friend

Dr Paul”

And I sent him this one… I heard nothing from him for a number of days afterwards…

Dr Paul.

Here are the facts. I will not be sending you the money for this transfer until you clear up the following and provide the proof I have asked for.

1. You have sent me a passport for Mr Emmanuel Onyekwere.

2. You have asked me to transfer money to the same person.

3. You have phoned me three times claiming to be Dr Paul Acquah.

4. You have sent me no identification to back up your claim to be Dr Paul Acquah.

5. I have asked repeatedly for a photo of you, holding a sign, as evidence of your legitimacy.

You have refused to provide it. On these basis I can only assume that you are either: 1. A terrible, terrible con man who has no idea how to run your own business.

2. Stupid.

3. Confused.

4. Trying to cover up your real identity with a cover story because of the dangers involved in assisting me to access my money.

5. Someone with multiple personality disorder.

6. I might be mistaken.

If it is option 4 – then I must assure you that I will not reveal the details of our transaction to anybody – but I must insist that you provide me with the photograph before we go any further.

You are sailing dangerously close to missing out on the 30% share of the funds that I was going to provide you – and I certainly won’t be transferring this money to you until you provide a photograph as requested.

He finally replied.

Thank you for your mail and sorry for my late response. I want you to understand that the identification for Emmanuel happens to be what I felt you requested for, based on the fact that he is the one to receive the money.

But nevertheless, I will be sending you my own personal identification as soon as I get to my office, as am writing this from the house at this moment due to the week end.

Still the same, I want you to understand that this transaction is legally binded and have absolutely nothing to do with what you might be thinking, so do have such though deleted from your mind. Thank you for your understanding.


I started to wonder if the barrier to getting my photo might be the Bible reference – so I asked him for something else.

“Hi Dr Paul,

I trust you had a good weekend – I look forward to receiving both your passport and a second photo corroborating your passport – a photo of you holding a piece of paper with the words “Robot in Disguise” would be suitable.

I saw Transformers 2 last night. I enjoyed it.



And he sent me the passport photo included at the top of this post. I’m still waiting for my photo. He’s still waiting for his money. We are at an impasse.

Who wants to be a millionaire

I mentioned my impending economic influx the other day. I have, in the last three days – won a Chinese Lottery (courtesy of Toyota), been approached by a man from Ghana (who I’ve since spoken to on the phone a couple of times) to take care of some mysterious money, and been offered a share of $15 million from a merchant banker in the UK.

Good times.

I am determined to get my John 3:16 photo by any means – so I also created a new email account and went back to one of the scammers with an offer to take part in a global photography shoot for a Christian organisation.

Here’s what I sent to the British banker…

1st Email

Thankyou for your email dated Monday 29/06/2009.

Unfortunately, at this time, I am unable to help out with your transaction.

I am far too busy with my business to be able to help at this time.

I am busy with a major global contract – and you may actually be able to assist me. I have been contracted to find appropriate modelling talent from around the world to take part in a photo shoot for a major Christian coalition. The budget is large and models will be paid 10,000 GBP for the ongoing rights to the photos.

I am looking for people from countries around the world to participate – would you know any suitable talent in Scotland?

Please ask them to contact me directly. They do not have to be traditional "model" type people – we want, wherever possible, to feature normal people.
Please advise if you may know of anybody.


2nd Email

Hi Steven, I just wanted to touch base with you after the email I sent you a couple of days ago. As I mentioned, I am looking for people to appear in a photo shoot I am conducting around the globe. I may not have been completely clear with my instructions or details.

We want to produce a montage of images featuring faces of people from around the globe holding placards featuring popular bible verses. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe the Bible – we just want a mix of nationalities and demographics.

We are paying 10,000 pounds to each model for the image rights and ongoing commercial reproduction of these images. If you are interested could you send a sample photo to this address including yourself holding such a placard.

Feel free to pass it on to your friends and family. We are looking for many models so your assistance would be appreciated. We would be happy to consider a finders fee.



I’ve engaged with correspondence with him from a new email account I set up for that very purpose. He has responded there, but not to my requests. Curious.

The Toyota deal comes with a free car – but I also have to set up a bank account in China – this will no doubt be where I have to fork out dollars.

The UN also contacted me about some sort of payment – but the account belonging to the UN staff member has since been closed. He did, however, ask me to contact a Reverend. So I did.

Dear Reverend Hedges,
Greetings in the name of the Lord.
Our friend Captain James Williams has contacted me regarding the release of funds owing in my name.
He has asked me to contact you with some odd details. I trust that you, as an ordained minister of the Lord, will be able to allay my concerns when it comes to the details requested.
Why do you require information about my home equity situation, why is a PO Box not acceptable? These seem like strange requests.
I am confident that representatives of the UN will always act in good faith.
I look forward to hearing from you so that I can conclude this transaction as soon as possible.
The money will be most welcome by the Christian charities I intend to support.
I trust, brother, that you will respond promptly.

I will share my adventures with my “phone-a-friend” – Dr Paul – upon their conclusion. I’ve wasted about 15 minutes of his time and hopefully cost him some telephone credit in the process. I have asked him to provide a John 3:16 photo.

But my friend Mr Chan has to provide something slightly different.

Thank you for your email. Things are much clearer now. I look forward to receiving the funds – what makes you think that having received the totality of the funds I will pay you your share?

That seems very trusting.

Do we need to enter some sort of contractual agreement to ensure I don’t keep all of it?

I would like to receive some sort of evidence that you are "on the level" – perhaps a photo of you holding a note to me would be appropriate, along with a copy of some identification. I believe this is the best way to approach "proof".

Two photos that corroborate your identity along with something that proves you are responding to my request (the note) seems like the easiest way to prove your identity.
It needs to be a photo that you won’t be able to find readily on the Internet. So the note should contain something that would only have been produced at my request.

I watched Transformers 2 last night. Perhaps you could hold a sign that says "Robot in Disguise".

I look forward to receiving your next correspondence. Please forward through the requirements for setting up an account with a private bank.

I’m hopeful the Transformers theme will be easier to accommodate for these unbelieving heathen.

All good things…

Sadly it appears the game is up. Michel Robert is not playing my games any longer. Or so it would seem.

He sent me an obscure email – with the subject line YES A JOKER.

I told him in no uncertain terms that I was not. And he responded:


I responded, unwilling to give up, requesting the photo…

How can I send you the money?

I need your photo.

Get back to me with the details for the transfer and the photo as soon
as possible.

He wasn’t receptive to my response…


I smelled a rat. Perhaps his uncles had caught up with him. I had to be sure…

You need to get me the photo. As soon as possible. And I will send you the money – you are acting strangely. Prove to me that you are for real. I have $10,000 to wire you to get you out of the country and into safety. BUT I MUST SEE THAT YOU ARE OK. That your uncles haven’t taken over your account. AND THAT YOU ARE PREPARED TO FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS.

His response took me by surprise…


12 BP 4010 ABIDJAN 12



He had done no such thing. So I called him out on this lie…

“No you didn’t. I’ve checked my emails – I have no record of that request.

I don’t think you are Michel.

I think you are his uncles – and I think you’ve killed him. I am going
to go to the police without proof that you are really Michel. I
understand you are under stress and might not be keeping track of the
emails you send.

I will send you 10,000 when I get the photo. Not before. Otherwise I
will go to the police, and the lawyer, and the security company and
inform them that Michel Robert has been murdered by his uncles. Run
away uncles. While you have the chance.

I will come for you – you have killed my Michel.”

And he brushed me off…

” which instruction do you want me to follow?. I told you how important it is for me to leave here but you are asking me to send you photo. in the first place, i have started wondering if you are telling me the truth because it seems you are lying to me or you may want to play with me. i do not have money to snap the picture and dont ever ask me to send you the picture again because i have no means to snap the photo. if you dont want to help me, please go with you $10,000 and i dont need it. not intrested in your games”

Keeping the dream alive

Those of you worried about my safety while I play with the heart and mind of a vulnerable young man in Cote D’Ivoire who is trying to steal all my money should take some solace from this websiteor this one

This is my goal people. To one day receive a larger than life Commodore 64 Keyboard in the mail. In this case I’ll settle for a John 3:16 photo and a good chance to reprimand the toerag for trying to steal my money (while also coming clean that I’m not a 57 year old businessman)… that seems the ethically appropriate thing to do.

My African friend has withdrawn a little since I told him that I would have difficulty raising funds without his cooperation. But I’ll keep you posted.

Choose your own adventure

This whole scambaiting thing is amusing – but I’d like to throw it open to the rest of you for some input.

This whole thing feels a bit like a Choose Your Own Adventure book – I used to skip to the end, find the ending I wanted, and work my way backwards – but that’s cheating.

I have a few ideas for how I can try to go about this business (once I get my John 3:16 picture) – and I’d live votes from you, my audience, and perhaps suggestions… here are my options.

a) Get indignant with Michel and point out that his actions are not consistent with his doctrine.
b) Try to engage further in a theological discussion on baptism – pointing out that baptism does not in fact save Michel, only repentance and trusting in Jesus will do that – and repentance does not look like swindling foreigners out of their money.
c) Continue stringing Michel along for as long as possible asking outrageous questions in the hope he’ll continue to provide comedic gold.
d) Try to turn the owner of the Secure Deposit Company corrupt – Michel insisted I not mention the money hidden in his secure deposit box – perhaps I should.
e) Tell the lawyer I think Michel is trying to swindle me and ask for advice about how to end the transaction.
f) Actually pay the money – or pretend to, and have it stolen by pirates…
g) Slowly but surely catch on that this is a scam and act hurt that Michel has betrayed his “daddy Campbell”…

Any other ideas? Any other questions you’d like Michel to answer?

Rubber and roads

There comes a time in any transaction where you come across “the rub” – the point of friction – the place where everything starts to make sense. Where you have to put up, or shut up. I plan to do neither. Michel has other plans. Lets see who wins out…

“Dearest Daddy Campbell,

Yes I am baptised so my sin are been forgiven. Sir, the lawyer called me now that he has verified the cost of the legal documents needed to change of ownership of the consignment in your name. The lawyer said that they required us to pay a total of €2500 before the legal documents can be issued in your name as my apointed foreign trustee. Please I do not have the money and it becoming source of my worries. please I am pleading to you to help me pay the money to the lawyer so that the lawyer will get the documents today and the security company will process the change of ownership by tomorrow and the consignment will released immediately. 


I do plan to point out the flaw in Michel’s hyper-baptist position – but first I have to weasel out of paying him his €2500…

That is a lot of money Michel. Enough for me to be a little worried. It will take me some time to gather that – the exchange rate between our countries currency and British Pound is not so good.

I am glad to hear you are baptised – it comforts me that should things go wrong you will be safe in the Heavenly Father’s arms. We will meet in heaven if not here on earth…

I will do my best to secure the money – it is complex because my accountant watches every penny. I will need to take on a degree of risk. You promised me this would not be a risky transaction.

I really do need some sign of good faith – proof that you are not trying to swindle me. I feel compelled to trust you. I really do. But I need to know that the face at the other side of the camera is a trustworthy one – and that you are a real person. I really must insist that you provide that photo with the John 3:16 sign – how else will I know that you are who you say you are if you can not provide me with this.

Yours in Christ.

The three esthes…

Are of course “Security, Security, Security…”, which takes on new meaning when you’re dealing with dangerous international pirates. 

The security company has contacted me to help facilitate the transfer of the safety deposit box (stashed with secret cash) into my possession. Their email is all in caps – and it pretty much makes your eyes bleed. It started like this:





Then, I was to contact some lawyer who suffers from a clear case of nominal determinism…

16 BP 532 ABIDJAN 16 


 EMAIL: huissier_de_justice1@rocketmail.com



What a name. Oh well. I wrote back to the security company.

Whoa Dr Duke, ease up on the caps lock. It makes your correspondence difficult to read.

I am very happy you responded to me. I wonder if you can do me a favour, as we are about to enter into this significant transaction.

Would it be possible for me, as executor and legal owner of this deposit, to arrange for my ward – Michel Robert – to have some personal time with the container. He has some personal items to place in the container, and some to remove. He must have access to the box in complete private before it is released to my care.

I have copied Michel in to this email so that he knows you have my authorisation to allow him to access the box.

Please write to me when this has been completed so I will stop worrying about this transaction.

In the meantime I will contact this lawyer.

The nearest airport to me is the Brisbane International Airport in Australia.

Yours Faithfully,

And then to the Lawyer, where I planted a seed for potentially trying to turn him against himself (in the guise of Michel).

Dr Mr Huissier De Justice,

Wow, that’s a great name for a lawyer. Did you change it by deed poll? Can I change mine too…

Actually, that is an entirely unrelated matter to my email.

I am about to remove a safety deposit box from your country and have it transferred to mine. I am told I need some paperwork from you in order to facilitate this.

You’re a lawyer, so I’ll be honest with you, I have some concerns about this transaction. Is it normal in Cote D’Ivor for a man’s uncles to be trying to kill him? My poor ward Michel Robert is terrified by these men who are clearly dangerous. I worry about his safety. Can you reassure me that he will be ok. He wants me to act quickly – and I’m afraid that some of my business commitments in Australia prevent me from engaging in this transaction as quickly as he requires.

In the meantime – I need to secure a change of ownership authority as I am taking ownership of the consignment from my friend Michel’s deceased father.

I trust you will act with discretion on this matter. Can I trust you? I would hope that I can and ask that you keep my concerns to yourself and do not mention them to the Security company.

Yours faithfully,

Jonathan “Nathan” Campbell