Author: Nathan Campbell

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the pastor of City South Presbyterian Church, a church in Brisbane, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus. If you'd like to support his writing financially you can do that by giving to his church.

Comic Sans fights back in an expletive laced tirade

Comic Sans, the world’s most maligned typeface, has come out swinging via this imagined monologue from McSweeny’s Mike Lacher. A sample (the language is a little blue).

“You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the **** what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the **** up for once.

People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in m********* spring.”

Penn and telling: An atheist magician on Christianity

Penn Jillette, half of Penn & Teller, is a famous illusionist who once even guest starred on the West Wing. He’s a pretty outspoken atheist, though he also reserves some praise for Christians who act in a way consistent with their beliefs. I posted a video from YouTube where he praised Christians who hand him Bibles a while ago, here it is again:

He was recently named the most influential performer in Las Vegas by one of the casino state’s media outlets – and in the interview he had this to say about why Penn and Teller don’t go after Islam like they do Christianity (and why they respect Christians for the way they take a verbal beating).

Are there any groups you won’t go after? We haven’t tackled Scientology because Showtime doesn’t want us to. Maybe they have deals with individual Scientologists—I’m not sure. And we haven’t tacked Islam because we have families.

Meaning, you won’t attack Islam because you’re afraid it’ll attack back … Right, and I think the worst thing you can say about a group in a free society is that you’re afraid to talk about it—I can’t think of anything more horrific.

You do go after Christians, though … Teller and I have been brutal to Christians, and their response shows that they’re good f***ing Americans who believe in freedom of speech. We attack them all the time, and we still get letters that say, “We appreciate your passion. Sincerely yours, in Christ.” Christians come to our show at the Rio and give us Bibles all the time. They’re incredibly kind to us. Sure, there are a couple of them who live in garages, give themselves titles and send out death threats to me and Bill Maher and Trey Parker. But the vast majority are polite, open-minded people, and I respect them for that.

This seems true of almost every atheist blog or book I read – Christianity is an easy target, mostly because “turn the other cheek” is a lower risk than “kill the infidels”…

Penn does believe that reading the Bible (or Koran, or any other “Holy Book”) will lead to atheism:

“…if you read the Bible or the Koran or the Torah cover-to-cover I believe you will emerge from that as an atheist. I mean, you can read “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins, you can read “God Is Not Great” by Hitchens… but the Bible itself, will turn you atheist faster than anything.

Question: Why would reading the Bible make you an atheist?

Penn Jillette: I think because what we get told about the Bible is a lot of picking and choosing, when you see, you know, Lot’s daughter gang raped and beaten, and the Lord being okay with that; when you actually read about Abraham being willing to kill his son, when you actually read that; when you read the insanity of the talking snake; when you read the hostility towards homosexuals, towards women, the celebration of slavery; when you read in context, that “thou shalt not kill” means only in your own tribe—I mean, there’s no hint that it means humanity in general; that there’s no sense of a shared humanity, it’s all tribal; when you see a God that is jealous and insecure; when you see that there’s contradictions that show that it was clearly written hundreds of years after the supposed fact and full of contradictions. I think that anybody… you know, it’s like reading The Constitution of the United States of America. It’s been… it’s in English. You know, you don’t need someone to hold your hand. Just pick it up and read it. Just read what the First Amendment says and then read what the Bible says. Going back to the source material is always the best.”

It’s a shame that such a well thought out guy couldn’t engage with the notion of reading the Bible as a unified work rather than cherry picking stories he didn’t agree with and stories like the one of Lot’s daughter as though God was ok with it because it wasn’t the focus of the narrative… it’s like saying the author of a crime novel is ok with the crimes he describes…

How Should Jesus Smell? Scent branding church

Scent branding fascinates me. It seems so obvious. Appealing to all the senses – especially when taste is so related to smell. It’s like nailing two senses with one blow. I went to a tourism marketing seminar with Tom O’Toole, the owner of the Beechworth Bakery. One of the first things he did when turning the bakery into a landmark tourist attraction and nationally renowned bakery was to pump the smells from the kitchen out onto the street. I read elsewhere that fast food joints use similar strategies (which is why they always smell so good).

Smells effect us all. They trigger memories, comfort us, stimulate us, warn us off dodgy food… Jasmine is apparently as effective as valium. Smells are chemically complex – the aroma of your freshly ground pile of coffee can be formed by as many as 800 different aromatic compounds. Smell is powerful stuff – and besides food chains and deodorant manufacturers its been a pretty underutilised element of branding. Sure, we describe new purchases by their scent (cars, leather etc) – but this seems more a marker of quality than a factor in the purchase decision (though you wouldn’t buy a stinky new car). Scent marketers Air Aroma cite research that suggests that 75% of our daily emotions are triggered by smell.

The practice of creating artificial smells is pretty controversial (unless you’re a celebrity launching a perfume brand – ala Bruce Willis… because smelling like a sweaty male action figure is awesome.

Hotels have trademarked fragrances that get pumped into their lobbies and rooms take this little anecdote for example:

Since Le Méridien was founded in 1972 by Air France, Penot and Roschi took a very old copy of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s Le Petit Prince—the author was a pilot—and had the rich smell of the book’s pages analyzed. (Capturing the scents of familiar objects is quite standard in this industry, though presumably the choice of this particular old book for the testing was more whimsical then determinative.) They used the results to create a scent, which they took to Ziegler. She decided it would be Le Méridien’s signature fragrance, its olfactory logo.

Scent branding isn’t new, the article above dates its use in travel to the 1970s – it even has a name for the part of your brain that the method targets: “Singapore Airlines has a branded scent… used in all of its planes, a light sweet scent like pure steam from fresh rice. If you’re booking a flight…you’ll find it that much harder to go with the competition because the Singapore scent builds the brand in the limbic system.”

The future of the hotel industry will apparently involve us selecting a scent for our room at check in, and the room smelling of roses (or whatever we choose) by the time we get to the door. Some people see this practice as a form of subliminal manipulation, or have problems with the ethics of the perfume industry.

Natalie Dee, a designer, very usefully put together this periodic table of smellements – a grading of smells we find pleasant or noxious.

And, incidentally, it’s now possible, through the availability of precise scientific measuring tools like mass-spectrometers (made famous by NCIS), to analyse a person’s “scent print”…

“Florida International University chemist Kenneth Furton studies the smells that might be of greatest use in a crime investigation. These, he says, are the ones that come from the hands. (Murderers rarely wield weapons in their underarms.) For the last five years, Furton has been cataloging the many chemicals that compose hand scent, including odoriferous acids, alcohols, aldehydes, hydrocarbons, esters, ketones, and nitrogen-containing compounds.”

Robyn tells me that using aromatic oils in the classroom also helped moderate behaviour – lavender calmed the kids down, lemon and eucalyptus perked them up.

Which all adds up to a compelling case for harnessing smells in branding – but is this an area churches should be playing in? Should we install ventilation systems dedicated to pumping the odour of a well read bible through the auditorium at reading time? Should we be pumping the smell of morning tea onto the street to entice people in on a Sunday? What smell do you think captures, or enhances the church experience? What did Jesus smell like? A mix of sawdust, dirt, and after his anointing a liberal dash of perfume. Was that the first case of scent branding?

Kitchen Mythbusters

A scientist has put common kitchen myths to the test, finding many wanting. Like these:

  1. Searing meat seals in the juices
  2. A box of baking soda in the fridge or freezer absorbs odors
  3. When you add alcohol to a recipe it all evaporates during cooking so there is none in the final dish
  4. Avoid aluminum cookware because of Alzheimer’s disease
  5. Microwave cooking destroys nutrients more than other cooking methods

Why smart people fail

Apparently there are at least these 20 reasons that smart people fail. If you want to look into why dumb people are overconfident (or the Dunning-Kruger effect),

1. Lack of motivation.
2. Lack of impulse control.
3. Lack of perserverance and perseveration.
4. Using the wrong abilities.
5. Inability to translate thought into action.
6. Lack of product orientation.
7. Inability to complete tasks.
8. Failure to initiate.
9. Fear of failure.
10. Procrastination.
11. Misattribution of blame.
12. Excessive self-pity.
13. Excessive dependency.
14. Wallowing in personal difficulties.
15. Distractibility and lack of concentration.
16. Spreading oneself too think or too thick.
17. Inability to delay gratification.
18. Inability to see the forest for the trees.
19. Lack of balance between critical, analytical thinking and creative, synthetic thinking.
20. Too little or too much self-confidence.

I wonder how many of these factors must be present before intelligence must be questioned.

The design

I have, unless you notice any major dramas dear reader, finished playing with my design.

It should look a little something like this:

If it doesn’t, could you let me know (and tell me what browser you’re using too…) Could you also let me know if you really hate it? Or like it. That would be great.

How to turn coffee cherries into coffee beans: Step 3

I was all set to roast the beans at the end of step two (which followed step one).

And doing so would probably have proved disastrous. The husks were still on. That would have thrown out all my roasting calculations and I probably would have set the beans on fire in my roaster. This DPI article was useful. Although it suggested storing the dry beans in a sack for two weeks before continuing with the hulling process (which may have saved me significant time).

Removing the husks proved to be the most time consuming process to date – and the most mechanised. Even with the help of modern technology (a food processor) the process require sorting through every bean by hand and often removing either flakes of husk or the whole husk – depending on how effectively the food processor had worked on the individual bean.

I started shelling the beans by hand – as though they were peanuts.

Before turning to the food processor. The plastic blades (recommended by the DPI) took too long – and the beans probably did more damage to the blades than the blades did to the beans. So I switched to the metal ones. This process was very loud. I started at about 11.30pm, and then decided our neighbours might not appreciate the machine gun like sound.

I enlisted some help, and even with these three dedicated shellers the process took about two hours.

These beans (approx 430gm worth) are now roast ready, but they’ll lose another 20% of their weight in the roast – so I’m going to end up with around 350gm of roasted coffee for my troubles.

Microanalysing the World Cup

It turns out world cup success does not depend on the ability of the players a team fields – but rather the presence of a particular parasite within their home country. This parasite, Toxoplasma Gondii (which sounds like the name of a footballer), may influence the natural dopamine levels of those infected. This diagram (from wikipedia) shows its life cycle, though it omits the bit where it helps win a World Cup for its host.

From Slate:

If we set aside the qualifying rounds (in which teams can play to a draw) and focus on matches with a clear winner, the results are very compelling. In the knockout round of this year’s tournament, eight out of eight winners so far have been the teams whose countries had higher rates of Toxo infection. If we go back to the 2006 World Cup, seven out of eight knockout-round winners could be predicted by higher Toxo rates. The one exception to the rule was Brazil’s defeat of Ghana, a match between two nations that each have very high rates. (Aside from having the winningest team in World Cup history, Brazil has quite a few cases of Toxo: Two out of three Brazilians are infected.)

It gets better. Rank the top 25 FIFA team countries by Toxo rate and you get, in order from the top: Brazil (67 percent), Argentina (52 percent), France (45 percent), Spain (44 percent), and Germany (43 percent). Collectively, these are the teams responsible for eight of the last 10 World Cup overall winners. Spain, the only one of the group never to have won a cup, is no subpar outlier—the Spaniards have the most World Cup victories of any perpetual runner-up. “

Coincidence? Perhaps. But I wish I’d read this before tipping a World Cup winner.

What’s right with this camp? Bacon. Lots of bacon.

I’ve been on some pretty awesome camps in my life. Mid Year Camps and National Training Events were the highlights of my time at university. They were life changing events. But I’d probably swap half of one of those experiences for a trip to Camp Bacon. Activities include bacon bingo, bacon trivia, sharing bacon recipes, and all you can eat bacon.


The camp is run by a guy with serious bacon credentials – the author of the Zingerman’s Guide to Better Bacon.

The Washington Post covered the first event

One family travelled 21 hours to be there. That’s dedication. The group shared bacon recipes, bacon making tips, and bacon poetry:

The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon.
Let others say his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.

Harry Potter and the Penguin Classic

M.S Corley, a freelance cover designer, redrew the covers of all the Harry Potter novels as Penguin Classics. They’re pretty cool.

Here are the rest.

The Nike Curse: Unwriting the future

Have you seen Nike’s “Write the Future” advert during the World Cup? It was brilliant. A viral masterpiece. It was everything Adidas’ involvement with the World Cup was not (they made the Jabulani ball) – popular, successful, brand-building. And then this curse struck. Every player in the ad campaign has been bundled out, somewhat unceremoniously. Even Roger Federer, who made a cameo in the ad, was knocked out of Wimbledon prematurely.

“Because Write the Future was so well-executed, and because it became so popular so quickly, it effectively functioned as an inspiring prelude to the kickoff. And when that decisive moment came for Rooney (or Ronaldo, Ribéry, Cannavaro, et al) and they crumpled exactly as they had done in Nike’s vision, the entire meaning of the ad shifted away from “just do it” and toward a prognostication of doom.”

From Slate.

Maybe this is what got Tiger Woods.

Kim Jong Ill with Bieber fever?

Rule One for running competitions online in the 4 Chan era must surely be “though shalt not run competitions that allow unsolicited responses…”

Teen “sensation” Justin Bieber ran a web competition for fans to choose his next tour destination. 4Chan got wind of it. Justin Bieber, if he honours the competition, is now going to North Korea.

The BBC reported the story with unwarranted seriousness.

“Given the fact that almost all citizens of North Korea are denied internet access and there are restrictive controls over all media, it is unlikely that any of the votes have actually come from within the country.”

Really?

Via BoingBoing.

Bacon Odyssey seeks the best of the pig

GeekDad has launched a great bacon odyssey aiming to try as many bacon flavoured products and bacon recipes as they can lay their hands on. It’s been a heady ride filled with porky goodness. This burger looks sensational.

The series is worth watching.

Football and communism

Foxtel’s Football commentator Simon Hill, in a piece assessing Luis Suarez’s goal line handball, suggests that the “communist” mechanism by which we assess and participate in sport is at the root of our misunderstanding of the game, and our failure to embrace it. Seems a little heavy handed really… I reckon our failure to embrace the game is linked to our failure to master it.

Many in Australia loathe football’s unpredictable nature – it plays havoc with their established order. In their sports – more communist by nature – only the strongest win by imposing their power on the weak. Sportsmen like Suarez wouldn’t get near their team – he is too small, too renegade, too individual.

In their communist world, draft picks and salary caps ensure everyone remains equal. Even bottom place on the ladder is rewarded by the party comrades, and of course, there is no promotion or relegation….everything must stay the same.

To them, toughness is a mantra. An indoctrination akin to political brainwashing, where the ability to give (or take) a punch is the sole measure of manliness. Not individual thought, nor creativity – just sheer brute force. It’s how communist regimes work.

How to turn coffee cherries into coffee beans: Step 2

To continue where we left off

I soaked the beans in water for about 48 hours – changing the water a few times, discarding about 30 floating (second rate or dead) beans.

Getting them dry presented a bit of a problem. I tried putting them outside on a couple of trays in the sun – but only the top dried.

They were still a little slimy, and the guide I read said they should be coarse. So I put them back in cold water and rinsed them a few more times before bundling them up in paper towel.

Like a coffee bean sausage.

This happened last night – so the sun wasn’t out. I improvised using a heat lamp we have for our turtles.

Which worked. I have dry coffee beans.

Dry coffee beans which weigh almost half what they weighed soaking wet…

I’m anticipating about 400gm of roasted coffee from 2kg of fruit and about 5 hours of work. Ouch.