I read this somewhere the other day. I thought it was prescient and worth recording for posterity…
The problem with the modern church’s understanding of worship is they see it as a noun not a verb.
Brilliant.
I read this somewhere the other day. I thought it was prescient and worth recording for posterity…
The problem with the modern church’s understanding of worship is they see it as a noun not a verb.
Brilliant.
I’m getting a bit bored with Dr Paul. I don’t think he’s going to come to the party for me and I’m struggling to get him off script.
Let’s take a wander through a week of correspondence… I really am about to give up on this turkey. I have plenty of other opportunities to pursue. Well I was, but then an interesting development occured…
Dr Paul.
I am going to spell out very clearly what I require.
1. Your photo – not a photo of the boxes – I want a photo of you, or Emmanuel, holding a sign, to show that you are who you said you are. The sign should have either “John 3:16” or your favourite bible verse on it.
2. A booking form for a hotel as detailed – at this stage I will be arriving in Ghana on the 5th of August. And departing on the 10th. Please send me a confirmed, and paid for, booking at a hotel – I will reimburse you when I arrive.Until I have those things I WILL NOT be booking my flights.
I also WILL NOT be sending any further money until I have verified your identity or you find the $850 I sent already.
I will not send money to any service – I do not trust you, your country or these companies.
Please get these things done and get back to me or the deal is off – I will be calling my embassy in Ghana and starting legal processes to recover the money if I do not hear from you.
If you ring or respond without having addressed these points – the DEAL IS OFF.
Understand?
Dear.
Thank you for the mail. my friend i done like the way you do want to understand my word. for this you told me to do i can not do that because am telling you that i did collect any money you told me that you send but you feel that i collect the money am eat it.
Dr Paul,
I understand you completely.
You don’t understand me. Let me spell it out.MY MONEY IS MISSING. IT IS GONE. I TRANSFERRED IT TO THE PERSON YOU SAID TO.
Maybe you can’t trust this Emmanuel Onyekwere. Perhaps he is a thief.
You should look into this.
DO WHAT I SAY OR THE DEAL IS OFF.
Dear.
Thank you very much once again. my friend you have to try understand me and understand where amn going. please my friend am advice you to beliver me i will help you get you fund.
once again my friend will use Emmanuel onyekwere before but at last will have problem, i want to give you different name now so will can not have any problem again.
so if you want me to give you any order name i can do it.my friend please take it easy very thing will been ok. i take you as my good friend i will not like if me and you start having problem because for this business now will have go far . please try understand very thing will be nice. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul
Dr Paul. You have one more chance. Send me a new name, I’d for this new staff member of yours and a photo of him holding a sign with your favourite bible verse. Then and only then will I try sending the money again. Understand.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend this my person the id have problem. try understand me because am try to make you good friend to me. my friend try hear my advice very thing will go well . this is name of the person onbelow;
1.NAME:PAUL MOUGOR
2. ADDRESS; ACCRA GHANA
Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr paul
Here’s the ID he sent…
Dr Paul,
If this person has an ID problem I will not deal with him. I am not stupid. I am being careful.
Find someone who won’t eat my money, who doesn’t have an ID problem. And I will deal with them.
Send me their ID, a photo of them holding a sign as requested, and their transfer details and then we will talk. I will not be sending money to anybody with an ID problem.
I think my lack of trust is understandable given what happened to the last $850 I sent.
Get this sorted Dr Paul, or the deal is off.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanation. my friend please try understand me. please i want to inform you that you will not going to have any problem from this person. my friend don’t worry go head send this money if will have any problem i will take care of it. this person i give you now is Child God it can not eat you money OK.so my friend believe me. all this problem will have before will can not have it again. my friend this person is one of staff in my office since Ten days now he is working will me i never see any bad thing do to me. my friend don’t fear am will you . so my friend what make me doing all this for you that i do want you to loose this fund because you have try so much . Am looking forward to hear from you soon.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
Dear Dr Paul,
I think I’ve made myself pretty clear.
I’ll write on separate lines so there’s no chance for you to misunderstand.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I don’t care if this person is your staff member, or a child of God… I want you to prove to me, beyond a doubt, that his identity is true.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I want you to do this BY SENDING ME THE PHOTO I have asked for.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
Failure to comply on this matter will finish our arrangement. I will then launch legal proceedings and contact the police in Ghana to recover my money.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
Give me the photo I have asked for. If this guy is on your staff and you work for the Reserve Bank of Ghana then finding a camera should not be a problem.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I don’t think I can be clearer than this.
DO THIS OR I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY TO YOU.
I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY MORE OF YOUR CALLS OR EMAILS WITHOUT THIS PHOTO.
Best regards,Nathaniel.
Dear.
Thank youn very much for your mail. my friend am try to make you to understand me but you do want to hear me. my friend i take you as my good friend but why you are doing me all this.i do no any order way i will explain my self to you.
Dr Paul.
You are being a fool, or expecting me to be a fool. I will not put up with this any longer. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
You don’t ever seem to actually read the things I say to you. So I will keep this short.
I already sent you money. The fact that it was stolen by someone in your country makes me nervous. I will not send more without further proof. It’s that simple.
I have shown, with the first transfer, that I am willing to do business with you. I am doing all I can to help you clear these funds from your accounts.
We have agreed that I will provide you a percentage of these funds. I am a man of my word.
If you can not provide me the proof that I ask for then I have serious doubts that you are “my good friend”.
I have understood everything you have said. I am not stupid.
He’s still not getting it. A simple photo. That’s all it would take.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend that thing you do me to do please i can not do that please. if you want to send this money send it but if you go head talk to much it will not help you. my friend all i want to advice you that all this you are doing can not help you just go and send this money today your fund will deliver to you. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
I will not throw good money after bad. Until I know what happened to the last money I sent I will trust nobody.
That includes you.
Produce the photograph I have asked for or stop emailing me.
Produce the photograph and I will wire the next installment of funds and purchase my tickets to Ghana.
Good day.
He replied again. Without a photo… it didn’t say anything interesting. And his reticence is really starting to annoy me. I was all set to give up on him when he threw an interesting twist into the mix. Enter Interpol Ghana. Clearly things aren’t progressing quickly enough for Dr Paul’s liking…
INTERPOL GHANA
I am Mr David Kofi, Director of Ghana’s Criminal Investigations Department, We here inform you that we have been able to recover the sum of $15.7 Million United states dollars belonging to you, from team of fraud stars / imposter’s.
This money was recovered during our last unawares operation which took place on the 7th day of Aug. 2009 at the imposter’s hideout/arena.The investigation carried out so far, stated that you are the real beneficiary of this fund according to one of the imposter’s.We therefore ask you with out any further delay to reconfirm to us if this is the exact amount you have lost in the hands of this criminals. And you are hereby to contact us as soon as you receive this message for more details.
David Kofi,
Director of Ghana’s Criminal
Investigations Department
So, I sent this to Dr Paul to see what he’d make of it – if it wasn’t actually from him it would certainly throw an interesting complexion on things.
Dr Paul,
I am worried. I just got an email from Interpol Ghana – about a scam they had busted in Ghana related to $15.7 million that belongs to me.I trust this was not you, and that our transaction is proceeding.
I am very worried.
He sent me the same old scripted rubbish…
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail and explanations so far. my friend i think you see now how am telling you since to send this money so you fund will deliver to you very fast. my friend one advice am giving you as a friend that if you follow those people that send you that you will going to have problem . so my friend don’t follow does people because the will Miss lead you. all i want to inform you now as child of that no Interpol take you fund.
please once again don’t follow those people as i told you. my friend this is what am please you since to send this money since i think you see it now. so my friend if you will follow my word now go today send this money i told you since so you fund will deliver to you this weekend, but if go head talking to much it will not help. Am looking forward to hear from you today.
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
Stupid Dr Paul. Just stupid… I tell him I need photographic proof and he tells me that he can send me the same old passport photo again…
Dear.
Thank you very much for your mail. my friend i do no how i can explain my self to you again. you ask me id i give you again you ask me passport i give you i do no what i will do for you again. my friend am man of my word i will never let you down in all my word am telling you since. my friend if you want to send this money try send it and live very thing for you see that you fund will deliver to you fast. but if you go head doing this way it can help you out. Am looking forward to hear from you today..
Yours Friend
Dr Paul
I’ve had enough with this idiot. I am going to turn him in to “Interpol”… so much for trust and fidelity…
Dr Paul,
I have never asked you for your passport or your ID. I’ve only ever asked you for a photo with a Bible verse. ID is too easy to forge.
Thanks for your time. I hope Interpol don’t arrest you. But I am going to tell them that you also have my $850.
If you had produced the photo I would have paid the money. Now, you will get no share of my funds. Interpol will sort this situation out for me.
I’m going to see how long Interpol will email me for. In the meantime, I’m getting rid of Dr Paul. He’s a drain on resources. I tried to mix hard gospel truths, the knowledge of how the scamming system works and any other manipulative tools I could pull out in one last bid for that photo…
Dr Paul,
I am no longer trusting you. You are a criminal. A dirty internet scammer. I was right the first time and now I have lost $850.
I am going to give Interpol Ghana all the information I have about you. Dirty scammer. God hates thieves. Repent. Trust in Jesus and be saved. You are not a Christian man. You are a thieving little boy in an internet cafe somewhere. I am glad Interpol have contacted me, because now I will get my money and you will get in trouble.
Sadly for you, all you needed to do to prove your identity was send me the photo I asked for in our first email exchange. We’ve sent more than 100 emails since. Surely a better use of your time would have been to send me the photo. You are a stupid maga. You will not get any of this money. Interpol are going to send it all to me and throw you in a dirty jail cell where you belong. And I’m going to help them.
You are not the esteemed Dr Paul Acquah – you’re some teenage yahoo with an internet connection. Interpol will find you, you stupid, stupid man.
You’ll go to jail, then you’ll probably go to hell – if you don’t give up your thieving ways, go to church and trust in Jesus.
If I’m wrong about all of this – just send me the photo I asked for. I know you won’t. Because you can’t. Because you’re a lying, thieving man incapable of thinking past your pre-arranged little script. You won’t go far in your little scamming guild. They’ll probably shoot you for being useless. I bet you get less money than all your scamming friends. Because you are a retard. That means you’re stupid. An idiot. A fool. A halfwit. So, before interpol catch you, or your gang shoots you, you should definitely go to your local church and confess to being a horrible sinner and a terrible criminal. Terrible not because being a criminal is bad – but terrible because you’re so bad at it.
I will personally see to it that you pay for your stupidity. And I will get all the money that’s sitting in those boxes. Because Interpol have promised it. How do you like that? Your maga is not going to pay you mugu. You are stupid.
Goodbye. I hope you turn to Jesus before worms eat your face while you lie dead in the ground.
I’ll keep you posted. Stay tuned for stories of marriage proposals, church building fundraisers, and my new initiative to collect bible verses from all over the globe…
I’ve been a little bit lax in my blogging this weekend. I spent yesteday being a husband, a spectator and a friend. I went shopping with my wife, went to the NQ Fury’s A-League debut, and then hung out with a friend as part of his bucks day.
I also did a bit of sermon tweaking. Here’s the resulting wordle from today’s sermon effort. I did use a few seconds of the binocular soccer video in my talk.

I think I was better this time than last time, though perhaps not as good as my best time. I was repetitive but with a little more creativity in my repetition…
Here’s how the video tied in (for the curious)…
The Pharisees are just like these Japanese soccer players – they’re running around trying to keep everything in equal focus. The big things and the small things. They’ve got no perspective. They’re swinging, and they’re missing. They’re keeping all the rules – but they can’t get the bigger part of the game right. They can’t hit the ball. They aren’t scoring any goals. They’re losing.
But they’re worse than the Japanese soccer players in that video. These guys are running the game. They’re the coaches and they’re strapping binoculars on everyone else. It ruins the game for everybody.
The heading, despite being an obvious reference to the graphical content of this post, refers to what I think is one of the great fallacies of modern evangelism. The idea of preaching solely by actions is nice, but fundamentally wrong.
There’s a great article on the Washington Post website about the inner workings of the typical Nigerian Scammers mind – featuring quotes from actual scammers.
In good months, Banjo said, he has made $60,000.
But in these tough times, the scammers said, they are relying more on a crucial tool: voodoo. At times, Banjo said, he has traveled six hours to the forest, where a magician sells scam-boosters. A $300 powder supposedly helps scammers “speak with authority” when demanding payment. A powder, rubbed on the face, reportedly makes victims viewing the scammer through webcams powerless to say no.
“No matter what, they will pay,” said Olumide, a college student, adding that he is boosting his romance scams by wearing a magical, live tortoise hanging from a cord around his neck.
I have a couple of new scambaiting posts up – and a couple more to come… check them out…
I should probably have googled the name I made up for my scambaiting account. It turns out there’s quite a high profile business man sharing the same name… and its the amalgam of two former “romance scammers” (actually two identities used by the same person) – somewhat fitting. And a moment of pure synchronicity or serendipity.
I wonder if I can use both to my advantage.
Like little sister number two – see post below – I haven’t read Twilight or watched the movies. But people I respect have. And their opinions on the matter seem divided.
One thing I can’t understand. And I am a completely heterosexual male so this might be a case of perspective… but one thing I just don’t get – is how the guy from the Twilight movies is considered remotely good looking. Let alone the officially recognised “Sexiest Man in the World”…
I think my friend Benny put it best when he asked when the disheveled homeless look came in. Robert whatever his name is always looks like he’s spent the last week sleeping on the street. And perhaps he has. Derelict was a Zoolander satire – it wasn’t a prophecy.
I have an ethical dilemma. It turns out scambaiters harvest their emails from message boards that are visited by a scout who writes “m u g u ” “g u y m e n” without the spaces somewhere to mark them for picking.
I found one such message board, I left my email address – and I couldn’t help noticing that there were a whole lot of would be scammers out there leaving their email addresses…
So it occured to me I could have quite a bit of fun scamming the scambaiters…
Oh yeah, and if you’re looking to receive bucket loads of scam emails find a message board like that. It works. I’m currently qualifying about 15 potential scammers.
There are people out there who aren’t blessed with a Bob Hawke head drink dispenser.

But don’t despair. You can have a great Australian summer party with your very own watermelon drink dispenser…
What you’ll need:
I will hire out the Bob Hawke head for Labour Parties… or anything else. I bought it for 25c at a garage sale on my second weekend in Townsville.
Getting lighting just right in photos is very important.

The West Wing is the best television show ever made. Without question. The Godfather trilogy is the best movie trilogy ever made. Also without question. So when one references the other… you sit up and pay attention…
TOBY
So we’ve got to do it for him. We’ll keep it away from this office but we’ve got to get real
now. Leo, Ann Stark’s a war time consigliere. That’s why she was bumped up.LEO
I’m a wartime consigliere too, Toby. I was just hoping it’d be peace time a little longer.
I’ve posted a lot about the West Wing in the last couple of days. I’ve been watching a lot of it. It’s just as good third time round. We’re up to season 2 already.
The best news, is that the scripts from every episode are up online. Here.
I’ve been toying with some lengthier posts on the intersection of faith and politics in the West Wing – but I suspect that only really interests me. It really is the seminal political text of this generation.
So Robyn has had her Mac for a while now. She was very excited when it arrived.
Well, today mine arrived…
It’s beautiful.


It’s very nice.
Right, so I (Bruce) now have ten new friends. And many new opportunities.
First, let me introduce you to Terry Donald – who I affectionately call Tezza.
He offered me 10% of $5 million.
The fund in question is a total of $5,000,000 (Five Million United States Dollars) in $100 bills and stashed in Two trunk boxes and was shipped out of Liberia through a diplomatic means by a security company and they are not aware of the real content of the boxes for security reasons.
That seemed very low. So I negotiated.
Thank you for your email. I am interested in pursuing this opportunity. I believe 10% is not generous enough – I propose 20%. But I am negotiable.
The reply came in all capitals. He obviously had a lot to shout about…
I THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAIL AND YOUR WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST US IN THIS
TRANSACTION. I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR HEALTH BUT I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE ONE THING THAT GOD HAS A REASON FOR STILL KEEPING YOU ALIVE AND HAS AREASON FOR EVEYTHING THAT HAPPENS ARROUND US.
…
WE HAVE SET ASIDE 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM TO REWARD YOU IN THIS TRANSACTION AND YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID
15%? I said 20%…
Please don’t use all capitals when emailing me – it is very hard to read, and I want to be sure I know exactly what I am agreeing to.
A life changing transaction would be great. My life is pretty terrible. I do believe that God has his reasons for everything.
How did you know I have health problems?
I must again point out that 15% is not a fair share given that without my help you will not be able to conclude this transaction. I have reconsidered my offer – I will do this for no less than 30% of the deal.
So, I got a little greedy. But that’s the idea right?
Thanks for your email and after much discausions with the family member we have concluded in offering you the 30%.
These families I represent are seriously under financial mess like wise my self I have not been paid for almost 1 year now and my own direct family is also suffering. This is the main reason why the family has decided to go for this money that we have with the security company there in America and also the reason why they have set aside 15% of the total money for you because there must be expenses made by you but not too sure how much, which you have to find out your self from the security company.I know you may find this transaction unbelievable but my dear, I want you to look around you what set of people will you find? You see the rich and the poor, do you sometimes ask your self how the rich people make there money? It’s just by taking bold steps. I have worked with my Client (Mr. Charles Taylor) the former Head of state of Liberia , I have been in power and know what and how money is made, so my dear please do not let this opportunity pass us by.
Success. But he tugged at my heart strings. That tale of woe was too much to bear. I can’t steal money from these people. I enjoyed his little lecture about embracing risk too…
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I appreciate your generosity in times of economic misfortune with your family.
Having heard about your circumstances I am willing to take just 20% of the final amount.
This offer does sound "unbelievable" – but I’m not one to let that prevent me exploring opportunities.
I will contact the security company. I often do look at the people around me – and I tend to see not rich and poor – but honest and dishonest. I am honest. I will keep my word to you in all things – and expect you to do so as well.
There’s a Latin phrase – Carpe Diem – which means "seize the day". I intend to do so with this transaction.
Terry, there comes a time in every relationship where both parties must demonstrate good faith. I believe I have started to do so by responding, and I will continue to do so by providing full cooperation with your requests.
I must ask that you also demonstrate good faith to me – in the first instance – I would like reassurance that you are a legitimate person, and not somebody out to take me into a confidence scam (also called a con job).
Could you please send me a copy of a photo of yourself and some identification. I will then, at a later date, ask for a further photograph to confirm your identity. I believe one must be careful when dealing with people over the Internet.
From this point Tezza has been passing me off to this security company. And a Mr Mani Kerry.
I contacted the security company, as requested. And Terry started getting a little impatient, and petulant.
He sent me a grumpy email. So I responded.
I’m not sure you understand the difference in time between two countries – I am highly unlikely to send you a response in the early hours of the morning.
I am a business man and need my sleep.
Chillax my foreign brother.
This is the soonest I could possibly reply to your missive.
Here are my details:
Name: Bruce Mark Johnson
Address: 6 Horseshoe Bay Road, Horseshoe Bay, Magnetic Island, Queensland, Australia
Do you require any further details or identification? I will send my documentation to the security company today.
I await your passport.
Best regards,
Bruce.
Tezza hadn’t come through with the documents I required.
He asked me to let the security company know there had been some delay. I’m pretty sure Tezza is the lawyers… so I got all passive aggressive.
Dear Mani,
My lawyers are pretty slack and haven’t sent me the papers yet. I will have them to you by tomorrow at the latest.
I may have to fire the retards.
Thanks for your patience.
Yeah. That sure showed him.
Mani is from a very professional security company. They even have an awesome gif that they include in their emails.
I’d hate to keep him waiting.
Tezza finally sent me the papers…
My Dear Brother, in as much as God is on our side, we must definitely get there. Please, it is very important and urgent you contact them now and let me know. Bear in mind that the SECURITY COMPANY does not know what is in the consignment it was declared as personal effects and artifacts for security reasons.
I know that, our Good Almighty God will definitely see us through. Remember that with God, all things are possible as we wait upon his divine favor. I promised you that you would never be disappointed at the end of this transaction.
Ah, a fellow Christian brother. He needs to pass my Shibboleth test…
Thank you so much for your perseverance in securing these documents.
I must thank you, and reward you, for your efforts on this matter. I will pass the certificates on to the security company with due haste.
I am glad to hear that you trust in God – what church do you go to? What is your favourite Bible verse?
I look forward to hearing from you soon my brother from another mother.
So, now Mani wants me to pay to receive my consignment…
Please this is your invoice to commence the delivery of your consignment. We accept 60% downpayment and upon the satisfactory delivery of your consignment we get our balance.This are the rules abiding with the security house
Demurrages———————————–$2330
DeliveryCharges——————————-$610
HandlingCharges——————————$1240
AdministrativeCharge————————–$170
Insurance——————————————-$350
Total————————————————–$4700Note: funds should be sent through money transfer preferably MONEY GRAM to our payment receiver office in New York. For safety of your payments receiver’s names are changed periodically.
Receiver’s name- DONALD ROGER
Address- 154th street New York NY,Amount- $4700
Please get in touch with us by email with the payment information and for any confirmation or enquiries. Also remember to confirm to us your address and full names where the delivery will have to take place
But sending money over the internets is so dangerous. I must have some reassurance…
Many thanks for this. I appreciate your prompt reply. My full postal address is on the Drivers License attached to this email.
I have some criteria that must be met before I transfer this money to you, I have a policy that requires 100 points of ID before wiring money internationally:
1. Photographic ID – Drivers License, Passport – scanned copies are accepatble (40 points).
2. Valid Credit Card in your name – these details will be tested but no charges will be made on the card (20 points).
3. Any work or student Identification issued by an official institution – (20 points).
4. A recent photograph to corroborate the photographic ID supplied – this photograph must be produced on request as a kind of "proof of life" as evidence. The photo should contain a point of reference to this discussion to demonstrate that it is a genuine attempt to prove your identity. (60 points)
5. A phone call – to +61 407 174 734 – during Australian Business Hours – (10 points)
With regards to point 4 – I have spent the morning working with some clients on a new project they are building for their church. It’s called the Exodus 20:15 project – if you choose to provide a photograph then "Exodus 20:15" would be an appropriate reference (it just has to be written on a piece of paper, nothing fancy).
Thank you Mani. I look forward to receiving your information and identity verification before proceeding with this transfer. I have had the appropriate amount (the full fee) transferred to my operations account in order to proceed with payment. I will transfer the full amount at once to waive transaction fees – and because I trust you.
I await his reply.