Author: Nathan Campbell

Nathan runs St Eutychus. He loves Jesus. His wife. His daughter. His son. His other daughter. His dog. Coffee. And the Internet. He is the pastor of City South Presbyterian Church, a church in Brisbane, a graduate of Queensland Theological College (M. Div) and the Queensland University of Technology (B. Journ). He spent a significant portion of his pre-ministry-as-a-full-time-job life working in Public Relations, and now loves promoting Jesus in Brisbane and online. He can't believe how great it is that people pay him to talk and think about Jesus. If you'd like to support his writing financially you can do that by giving to his church.

Economies of scale

You may have missed it… but friend Izaac and I have been arguing the merit or otherwise of Sydney’s oversupply of evangelical churches and full time ministry workers back at this post of links – where I threw in a little comment that a densely populated map of Anglican churches in Sydney was a cause for concern not celebration.

This is what I said…

To me, this pretty much sums up the problems with the Sydney Anglicans – so many churches in such a small geographical space. It’d be interesting to plot the number of evangelical churches around the rest of the country in comparison.

It has sparked an interesting discussion. I think. Check out the discussion (and join in) here… Should church planting and/or evangelism be considered in the framework of economics? I think so…

May 28, 2009

Choose your own adventure

This whole scambaiting thing is amusing – but I’d like to throw it open to the rest of you for some input.

This whole thing feels a bit like a Choose Your Own Adventure book – I used to skip to the end, find the ending I wanted, and work my way backwards – but that’s cheating.

I have a few ideas for how I can try to go about this business (once I get my John 3:16 picture) – and I’d live votes from you, my audience, and perhaps suggestions… here are my options.

a) Get indignant with Michel and point out that his actions are not consistent with his doctrine.
b) Try to engage further in a theological discussion on baptism – pointing out that baptism does not in fact save Michel, only repentance and trusting in Jesus will do that – and repentance does not look like swindling foreigners out of their money.
c) Continue stringing Michel along for as long as possible asking outrageous questions in the hope he’ll continue to provide comedic gold.
d) Try to turn the owner of the Secure Deposit Company corrupt – Michel insisted I not mention the money hidden in his secure deposit box – perhaps I should.
e) Tell the lawyer I think Michel is trying to swindle me and ask for advice about how to end the transaction.
f) Actually pay the money – or pretend to, and have it stolen by pirates…
g) Slowly but surely catch on that this is a scam and act hurt that Michel has betrayed his “daddy Campbell”…

Any other ideas? Any other questions you’d like Michel to answer?

May 28, 2009

Rubber and roads

There comes a time in any transaction where you come across “the rub” – the point of friction – the place where everything starts to make sense. Where you have to put up, or shut up. I plan to do neither. Michel has other plans. Lets see who wins out…

“Dearest Daddy Campbell,

Yes I am baptised so my sin are been forgiven. Sir, the lawyer called me now that he has verified the cost of the legal documents needed to change of ownership of the consignment in your name. The lawyer said that they required us to pay a total of €2500 before the legal documents can be issued in your name as my apointed foreign trustee. Please I do not have the money and it becoming source of my worries. please I am pleading to you to help me pay the money to the lawyer so that the lawyer will get the documents today and the security company will process the change of ownership by tomorrow and the consignment will released immediately. 

Michel”

I do plan to point out the flaw in Michel’s hyper-baptist position – but first I have to weasel out of paying him his €2500…

That is a lot of money Michel. Enough for me to be a little worried. It will take me some time to gather that – the exchange rate between our countries currency and British Pound is not so good.

I am glad to hear you are baptised – it comforts me that should things go wrong you will be safe in the Heavenly Father’s arms. We will meet in heaven if not here on earth…

I will do my best to secure the money – it is complex because my accountant watches every penny. I will need to take on a degree of risk. You promised me this would not be a risky transaction.

I really do need some sign of good faith – proof that you are not trying to swindle me. I feel compelled to trust you. I really do. But I need to know that the face at the other side of the camera is a trustworthy one – and that you are a real person. I really must insist that you provide that photo with the John 3:16 sign – how else will I know that you are who you say you are if you can not provide me with this.

Yours in Christ.
J

May 28, 2009

A bunch of links – May 28, 2009

May 28, 2009

The three esthes…

Are of course “Security, Security, Security…”, which takes on new meaning when you’re dealing with dangerous international pirates. 

The security company has contacted me to help facilitate the transfer of the safety deposit box (stashed with secret cash) into my possession. Their email is all in caps – and it pretty much makes your eyes bleed. It started like this:

“ATTN: MR. JONATHAN CAMPBELL,

WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF THE INFORMATION FORWARDED TO US IN RESPECT TO THE RELEASE AND DELIVERY OF A DEPOSIT MADE BY MR BENJAMIN ROBERT WITH REFERENCE NUMBER (ASV/XXX/ZVXW/AAM56KN) TO YOU AS THE APPOINTED RECEIVER AS CONTAINED IN THE RELEASE APPLICATION FORM SUBMITTED BY MICHEL ROBERT (MR)..

WE HAD ALSO RECEIVED AN APPLICATION RELEASE FORM FROM MICHEL ROBERT (MR)TOO IN REGARDS TO YOUR LETTER AS MENTIONED ABOVE.WE ARE HONOURED TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS DEPOSIT IS INTACT AND SAFE IN OUR SECURITY COMPANY AND READY FOR FURTHER DELIVERY ACTIONS .

WE ARE AWARE OF THE QUEST TO DELIVER THE CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR RESIDENT ADDRESS AND THUS IT IS REQUIRED BY LAW TO SATISFY THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENTS TO LEGALLY AUTHORISE THE RELEASE OF THIS DEPOSIT TO YOU AS THE BENEFICIARY.”

Then, I was to contact some lawyer who suffers from a clear case of nominal determinism…

YOU ARE DIRECTED TO CONTACT OUR ACCREDITTED LAWYER SINCE YOU ARE NON RESIDENT HERE FOR THE PURPOSE OF SECURING THIS PAPERWORK IN YOUR FAVOUR AND TO ENSURE THAT EVERYTHING IS DONE LEGALLY. THE LAWYER’S CONTACT DETAILS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
HUISSIER DE JUSTICE.
16 BP 532 ABIDJAN 16 

RUE BOULEVARD DU GABON
ABIDJAN COTE D’IVOIRE.

 EMAIL: huissier_de_justice1@rocketmail.com

DIRECT TELEPHONE +22507292581

PRINCIPAL ATTORNEY (OUMAR SANOGOGO ESQ)

What a name. Oh well. I wrote back to the security company.

Whoa Dr Duke, ease up on the caps lock. It makes your correspondence difficult to read.

I am very happy you responded to me. I wonder if you can do me a favour, as we are about to enter into this significant transaction.

Would it be possible for me, as executor and legal owner of this deposit, to arrange for my ward – Michel Robert – to have some personal time with the container. He has some personal items to place in the container, and some to remove. He must have access to the box in complete private before it is released to my care.

I have copied Michel in to this email so that he knows you have my authorisation to allow him to access the box.

Please write to me when this has been completed so I will stop worrying about this transaction.

In the meantime I will contact this lawyer.

The nearest airport to me is the Brisbane International Airport in Australia.

Yours Faithfully,
JNC

And then to the Lawyer, where I planted a seed for potentially trying to turn him against himself (in the guise of Michel).

Dr Mr Huissier De Justice,

Wow, that’s a great name for a lawyer. Did you change it by deed poll? Can I change mine too…

Actually, that is an entirely unrelated matter to my email.

I am about to remove a safety deposit box from your country and have it transferred to mine. I am told I need some paperwork from you in order to facilitate this.

You’re a lawyer, so I’ll be honest with you, I have some concerns about this transaction. Is it normal in Cote D’Ivor for a man’s uncles to be trying to kill him? My poor ward Michel Robert is terrified by these men who are clearly dangerous. I worry about his safety. Can you reassure me that he will be ok. He wants me to act quickly – and I’m afraid that some of my business commitments in Australia prevent me from engaging in this transaction as quickly as he requires.

In the meantime – I need to secure a change of ownership authority as I am taking ownership of the consignment from my friend Michel’s deceased father.

I trust you will act with discretion on this matter. Can I trust you? I would hope that I can and ask that you keep my concerns to yourself and do not mention them to the Security company.

Yours faithfully,

Jonathan “Nathan” Campbell

May 28, 2009

An answer on baptism

Anyone following my current scammer saga will know I’ve been pressing friend Michel on his position on baptism. Today he answered, but it wasn’t enough. I am seeking clarification for your edification. Here is his response:

Dearest Daddy Nathan,
 
How are you doing today. I am still really dont understand what you mean by baptism but I beleive baptism is a sign of forgiveness of sin. Everything I told you about me and my inheritance is truth and nothing but the truth, god is my witness. As I said earlier, I do not have any money with me now and that was why I am very worried to make sure we claim the consignment from the security company so that you will send me some money immediately you receive the consignment and deposit the money into your account. I will provide you the pictures holding a card bearing the words “John 3:16 as a sign of my trust and confidence in you but that should be when you receive the consignment and send me some money because at the moment, I dont have money to pay a photographer considering the fact my present situation here. Please be rest assured that the consignment will delivered to you as soon as the change of ownership are made in your name as my foreign trustee.

No money to pay a photographer. This is unacceptable to me. I am very concerned. Perhaps friend Michel is trying to, how do you say, “take me for a ride…”

Michel, 

Thankyou for responding. I was starting to worry. So much that I did a little research on the internet after my friend’s warnings. 
I am a little concerned. I would hate to be caught up in some sort of plot to steal my money. But I believe that you, a Christian, and my son in Christ Jesus, would not lie to me. This is why I ask for this photo. If I know that you are prepared to find a photographer to produce a photo on my request I will know that you are legitimate. 
Thank you for answering my question about baptism – I’m sorry it confused you. I was asking about your view on whether children should be baptised – I believe this is a key theological issue. It will be easier for me to trust you if I know you are a true believer. So can you tell me what you think on that matter? And can you also tell me what is your favourite verse from the Bible. 
I know you’ve said you don’t have any money at the moment – but I have an idea. I will write to the security company to organise a viewing for you of the box (on my behalf). When you are there you should be able to remove some cash. 
My accountant monitors my spendings closely and I do not think I can send you any spare money at this stage. I will need to find some excuse to withdraw a significant amount to help you out. 
I will contact the security company – who have also asked me to contact a lawyer – and wait for your answers and the photo. I can’t stress how important this photo is to me. I don’t want to leave you in danger – but equally I don’t want to be caught out in some sort of international fraud. I need this photo.
Now, I must go, I have a letter to write to the security company.

May 28, 2009

Mixed metaphors

May 28, 2009

ClosedID

Ok, I have heard your feedback (or lack thereof) and turned off the OpenID plugin. I assume that’s what’s stopping all of you commenting. Go crazy. Go nuts. Go crazygonuts. Comment away. To your heart’s content. All barriers to you sharing your feedback (except my scathing critical wit) have been removed.

May 28, 2009

Common sense prevails

The ISP filter has been scaled back from any black listed items to just Refused Classification content – which some people have argued was their policy all along (particularly one debate on Craig’s blog. It may well have been – but that was poorly communicated. Here’s the SMH story.

“Communications Minister Stephen Conroy has long said his policy would introduce compulsory ISP-level filters of the Australian Communications and Media Authority’s blacklist of prohibited websites.

But he has since backtracked, saying the mandatory filters would only block content that has been “refused classification” (RC) – a subset of the ACMA blacklist – amid widespread concerns that ACMA’s list contains a slew of R18+ and X18+ sites, such as regular gay and straight pornography and other legal content.”

I’m a lot less worried about that – it seems to be much more transparent than the previously stated policy. I’m sure my freedom loving friends will still have problems, as do the Australian Christian Lobby. Nice work guys…

“The lobby’s managing director, Jim Wallace, wants the Government to introduce legislation forcing internet providers to block adult and pornography material on a mandatory basis, in addition to illegal content. Australians would then have to opt in to receive legal adult material.”

That sounds nice. It really does. Pornography is a blight on society. And it would be nice to protect vulnerable people (particularly vulnerable Christians) from its insidiousness. But. It isn’t really up to Christians to make the laws in a country where we are in the minority (despite the number of people ticking the Christian box on the census). Why should we expect those given over to sinful desires (which is surely how the Bible describes the state of non-Christians) to conform to a Christian standard of living?

May 28, 2009

Daddy-O

Friend Michel wrote a second email overnight – advising me that I am to contact the security company that holds his secret stash. So secret that even his potential killers – apparently his uncles – do not know about it.

Dearest Daddy Campbell,

Please I want you to know that the consignment is still with the security company where my late father deposited it. The security company does not know that the box contains money because when my late father was depositing the trunk box that contains the money with Security Company, he makes it look like the trunk box contains Art Craft / Family Valuables. He did this to protect the money from his greedy business partners and wicked relatives in case anything happens to him. Now they have sucided to poison him to death, I become an orphan and since the sudden death of my father, my uncles have seized all my father’s properties including my father’s only personal account where I get money for my daily upbringings.

Lying to a bank? That can only end in tears. But his uncles do sound nasty. He also wants me to visit him in his home country.

I would also want to know if you will be available to come here in my country cote d’ivoire to meet me in person so that both of us will go to the ministry to get the legal documents and submit to the security company for processing of the change of ownership in your name for easy delivery of the consignment to you. Pls If your work will not permit you to come here, I will negotiate with an attorney to know how we can get those documents on our behalf and submit them to the security company.

But first, I must contact the security company and introduce myself – but by no means should I reveal the box contains money.

I think maybe, just maybe, I will let that little tidbit slip, and then try to cut a deal with the banker for a 20% cut of the contents.

Anyway, I wrote to Mr Duke, the security company manager.

Dear Mr Duke,

I am writing to inform you that I am the legal guardian of an account holder within your institution.

Michel has urged me to call you on the telephone – unfortunately I would prefer my dealings with him, and you, to be treated under the strictest confidence. As I’m sure you understand. I will not be calling you by phone. This is not possible. But please understand that I am who I say I am.

I have attached a copy of the deposit certificate for a collection of family trinkets you have in your secure deposit facility. The item is a metal trunk. I will be organising the withdrawal of this deposit box on behalf of my son, Michel.

Please, can you advise me what documents I must fill in in order to change the ownership of this deposit from the name of my charge to my name.

May 28, 2009

My new son?

Things are progressing nicely with my friend Michel. In his latest missive he has adopted me as a surrogate father. He writes:

Dearest Daddy,

Word alone cannot tell how happy I am to hear that you are born again christian and I am proud to call you daddy. According to your mail, I was born and brought out from a christian family and my late father was one the founders of Catholic Charismatic Renewal Ministry Cocody and it was due to how good my late father are to his people that made his business partners to poisoned him to death.

A Catholic Charismatic? Shock horror. We are doctrinally incompatible. However will we overcome this barrier – we are as two star crossed lovers destined ne’er to meet due to our bitter family feud… if there’s one thing I learned from Shakespeare in highschool (and through having his entire library of works on my iPhone – how cool is that) it’s that insurmountable odds can be overcome, but they often end in death. The next passage gave rise to new hope.

Please be rest assured that the money is my inheritance from my late father because my late father made his money in my country cote d’Ivoire as an exporter / import of Cocoa / caffee and it was out of wickedness and jealousyness his business associates poisoned him to death, I become an orphan, helpless at this age. Please I want you to know that I contact you to help me because I beleive you are capable to assist me live the type of live my late parents earlier planned for me and I want you to know that I never contact you to help me in other to put you in any kind of troubles

His father was a coffee trader. We are joined forever by the fellowship of the bean. I may try to purchase his family’s coffee interests with my generous 15% share of the deal. Which is currently valued at $7.5 million.

He signed out in a manner which was no doubt designed to establish his spiritual bona fides.

Thanks and god bless you for your kind and sincere promises to help me. May our almighty god in heaven reward you and your family aboundantly for the help you are rendering to an orphan like me.

He possibly wasn’t expecting my response:

Thank you for your email – I am glad to hear your father was a believer – that surely makes his passing an easier burden for you to bear.

I hope that you too are a believer – it pays to be right with our maker, especially if there are dangerous people trying to kill you!

I do notice that you haven’t answered my question about baptism. My friends, who are much better with technology, are advising me that you may be trying to commit an act of fraud against me. I tell them that that is not true. I have not given them any information about our transaction. I have simply told them that I will not be available during this week as I seek to conclude our business. I trust you – I believe that you are in all honesty a God fearing man who knows that to act dishonestly will lead to God’s fiery judgment.

My children have made me slightly concerned – what sort of father would I be were I not to listen to my friends – I hope to soon count you as a friend too.

Could you, my son, do three things to verify that you are indeed who you say you are – could you provide a picture of yourself holding a card bearing the words “John 3:16”. Which I think will be an appropriate proof that you are who you say you are – both as a person, and as a Christian.

Could you also tell me what you believe about baptism. This is more important to me than you will understand at your age. When you get to an age like mine you will understand that some issues become important and defining.

And can you tell me what your favourite part of the Bible is – this will, indeed, help to develop the trust between us.

Any photo will of course be shared here.

May 28, 2009

A bunch of links – May 27, 2009

May 27, 2009

Humble pie co

I subscribed to an atheist blog recently – just to see how the other side thinks. It’s called “the friendly atheist” and if this guy and his commenters are the “friendly” side of atheism I’m not looking forward to the unfriendly side. They’re generally sneeringly intolerant and arrogant – probably just what they say about most “Christians” (I put that in inverted commas because I’m talking about anybody who calls themselves a Christian)…

But this post is all about “questions which stump atheists” – the answer, from about 70 comments is “not much, we know everything”… and “Christians are dumb”… my favourite bit is where one commenter suggests his fellows eat some humble pie.

So, atheists (and I know at least two of you read), do you ever have doubts? I’m humble enough to admit that I don’t and can’t know everything. Are you?

May 27, 2009

Nobody framed Roger Rabbit

Movies go too long. About 90 minutes too long in some cases. At least according to this site – which condenses movies into four frames. Unfortunately there’s no framing of Roger Rabbit there – which is a shame, because it would have worked nicely with my heading. Oh well. Here’s four movies in 16 frames.



Any guesses on the movies featured here? First one to get all four gets a great intangible prize.

May 27, 2009

Advanced Origami

This is quite incredible – a series of pictures essentially folded into sheets of paper.

May 27, 2009